idk man the thing that sucks about not being really pretty is that no matter what you tell yourself and what your friends might say, you sort of always know that you’re just not. and i’m not talking about being stubborn and fishing for compliments, it’s just knowing that you’re not conventionally attractive, that people on the street won’t double-take when you pass by them, that people won’t be flustered trying to talk to you. and i know looks aren’t everything but damn it sure feels like it when you aren’t absolutely gorgeous
I… don’t know what to say honestly. Life is just sooo stressful right now. I won’t bore you with the details, but lets just say I’m glad I’m at work instead of at home dealing with that. And I hate being at work. So yea…
i’m really uncomfortable with bi/pan people describing their sexuality as “i don’t fall in love with genitals, i fall in love with people” or “hearts not parts”. because it’s contributed to:
1. cis bi and cis pan people attempting to distance themselves from their transphobia (always pinning transphobia on cishets or blaming all intracommunity transphobia on cis gay people).
2. cis bi and cis pan people ignoring.. hetero trans and gay trans people? do they also fetishize and fall in love with only genitals?
3. cis bi and cis pan people implying that, in comparison, hetero and gay people fetishize genitalia and are therefore incapable of loving a trans person who’s gender doesn’t match what society labels their genitalia.
4. this toxic, deeply embedded idea in my head (and probably other trans people’s heads) that bi and pan people are the only ones who will ever truly look past my genitalia and love me as a human being, convincing myself that cishets and cis gay people will never find my body appealing let alone acceptable.
look, a hetero girl is just as capable of loving me as a bi/pan girl. a gay boy is just as capable of loving me as a bi/pan boy. please stop telling me otherwise.
Lauren is theorising again. Duck for cover people this will not end well. But I was having some Thoughts about the mystery sixth queen. I think the biggest theory for this so far is that she’s Feyre’s mother and I just…Can’t quite get on board with that, there’s something about it that bothers me. SO. Here is an alternative:
‘I said, “Where is Father?” It felt like the only safe thing to
say. “In Neva,” Nesta
said, naming one of the largest cities on the continent. “Trading with some
merchants from the other half of the world. And attending a summit about the
threat above the wall. A threat I wonder if you’ve come back to warn us about.”
This is what Nesta says about her father’s absence when Feyre returns to her sisters in ACOMAF. But later on Feyre says this:
“My father is away on business—and attending a meeting in Neva
about the threat of Prythian.” “Prythian?”
Cassian said, twisting toward us. “Not Hybern?” “It’s possible my
sisters were mistaken—your lands are foreign to them. They merely said ‘above
the wall.’ I assumed they thought it was Prythian.”
“Where is the sixth?”
The ancient queen,
her blue gown heavy and rich, merely said, “She is unwell, and could not make
In the letter the golden queen leaves for Rhys and the others she says this:
‘Do not trust the others. The
sixth queen was not ill.’
This is obviously what sparked the speculation but I don’t think the queen is Feyre’s mother and secretly stayed away for that. I think she was at that convention in Neva. And I think it was about the threat of Prythian. Not Hybern. Why bring that up again if not to hint at that idea? I think even then the queens were working with Hybern and Jurian.
“Because the King of Hybern is indeed
about to launch a war, and he wants to resurrect Jurian to do it.”
warrior whose soul Amarantha had imprisoned within that hideous ring as
punishment for killing her sister. The ring that contained his eye …
Mor groaned, “Why
would the king want to resurrect Jurian? He was so odious. All he liked to do was
talk about himself.”
Why indeed did the king want to resurrect Jurian? The answer was that he became an emissary to the queens.
“You made a very big mistake,” the king said to Rhysand, my mate’s
arms banded around me, “the day you went after the Book. I had no need of it. I
was content to let it lie hidden. But the moment your forces started sniffing
around … I decided who better than to be my liaison to the human realm than my
newly reborn friend, Jurian? He’d just finished all those months of recovering
from the process, and longed to see what his former home had become, so he was
more than happy to visit the continent for an extended visit.”
Indeed the queens
smiled at him—bowed their heads. Rhys’s arms tightened in silent warning.
cunning Jurian, who suffered so badly at the end of theWar—now
my ally. Here to help me convince these queens to aid in my cause. For a price
of his own, of course, but it has no bearing here. And wiser to work with me,
my men, than to allow you monsters in the Night Court to rule and attack.
Jurian was right to warn their Majesties that you’d try to take the Book—that
you would feed them lies of love and goodness, when he had seen what the High Lord of the
Night Court was capable of. The hero of the human forces, reborn as a gesture
to the human world of my good faith. I do not wish to invade the continent—but
to work with them.
I feel like this all but proves this theory. We know that there is a summit happening in Neva, on the continent, that Feyre’s father attended to consider the threat that Prythian presents. We know that the Sixth Queen was missing during this time as well. We know that Jurian was sent as an emissary to the queens and that he visited the continent for an extended period of time. He was with the sixth mortal queen and those on the continent convincing them to ally with Hybern and go to war against Prythian.
TL;DR: The queens were always working for Hybern and the Sixth was away not due to illness but because she was on the continent working to turn those people against Prythian and have them ally with Hybern.
(I’m definitely making another post about Jurian because that….Is going to be relevant in ACOWAR and no-one is really talking about it that much but it scares me.)
I’ve been sitting on this for like. weeks. because it was a present for a friend, but it just arrived and now I can post it!! I solemnly swear to never draw another feather in my entire goddamn life ever again.