tell me someone else thought this

The Art of Loneliness | 01

Originally posted by sugagifs

Pairing: Reader x Yoongi

Word Count: 6.6k

Genre: Angst, Mentions of suicide and torture

A/n: Inspired by The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas and Life by Rap Monster. The world is very different from what I’ve written before, so please tell me how you feel about it, both the positive and negative. Thank you!   

Description: In the world there are two types of people, them and Carriers. You’re a Carrier, one of the people that have been selected the bear the sadness of the world. You thought that was how you would live and die–at least you did, before tonight. 

        April 1st             

        I always wonder why I write if I’m the only one that will ever read it. But even if someone else did, would it matter? It’s not like they could ever understand, at least not the average person. I wonder, if they read what I had to say, listened to my thoughts and experiences, if they would feel guilty. Or maybe they’d fool themselves into thinking it’s not their fault, telling themselves that there isn’t anything they could do about it, so why care, right?

        For a long time, I wondered, why? Why me? At times I even ask, “Why couldn’t it be someone else?” but then I realize that despite everything they’ve put me through, I would never wish it on another person.

        I hear them talk about people like me sometimes, like if I’m not there, which I guess further solidifies their act. Yesterday I overheard some boy say something like “It can’t be that bad. It’s not she’s bleeding and dying on the floor. It could be worse.”

          He’s lucky enough that he’ll never have to find out that there are things that hurt more than physical pain, things that stir something so deep and disgusting in your heart that it makes you want to tear into your chest and rip it out, hoping that maybe if you hugged your own heart, you would finally have company.

          I wonder if anyone else wakes up every day wishing they were dead.

Keep reading

Last night I went out with a boy who opened the car door for me and held my hand in front of his friends and was too nervous to give me a good night kiss but couldn’t wait to tell me how beautiful he thought it was so he texted me while still in my drive way.

A month ago I was crying over a boy who left me for someone else, after months of being unsure of where we stood and never knowing how he felt or what he wanted and barely being able to get a text back.

Give it time.

“You told me that if you love someone, you should be happy to know that they’re happy, even if it’s not with you.” I tell my bestfriend. “So I convinced myself that whenever he finds someone else, as long as he’s happy, I will be happy for him too.”

I wipe a tear that secretly falls from my eyes.

“But I couldn’t. I couldn’t be happy for him. I couldn’t help myself from thinking, ‘why can’t I make him happy?’”

Tears started rolling down my cheeks, but I didn’t bother to wipe them this time.

I let him see how broken I am.

I let him see my vulnerability.

—  37 out of a thousand entries I’ll be writing about you.
  • Yurio [after he heard about Yuuri wanting to end things with Victor after the GPF]: It's his loss. There are a ton of guys out there that would be lucky to have you.
  • Victor: I'll make sure to tell them my protege said so.
  • Yurio: I'm serious. You know someone once told me that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else.
  • Victor: ...
  • Yurio: I just realized what that meant! I-I thought it was more philosophical, you know get to know them... not get under them.
Possessive/Controlling Starters

Trigger warning for emotional abuse.

“I don’t want you spending time with them.”

“Where have you been?”

“Why are you wearing that?”

“I didn’t say you could leave the house today.”

“I thought I told you to stay there!”

“Don’t move.”

“You’ll do what I tell you to do, no questions asked.”

“Only speak when spoken to.”

“Who were you on the phone with?”

“Why are you wearing perfume/cologne?”

“You’ve been seeing someone else. Tell me who.”

“I’ll let you come out when you start behaving!”

“You can sleep when I say so.”

“Do I have to put you on a leash?”

“I don’t care if they’re your family, you are not talk to them.”

“Be on your best behavior and I might even buy you a gift.”

“Who was that?”

“You’re not seeing your friends today.”

“I want to know about this person you’ve been talking to.”

More starter sentences.

This time with a more formal language style.

  • “You do not own me. I am not your property.”
  • “How do I know you have not lied to me?”
  • “You will always regret your inactions the most.”
  • “The choice to do nothing is still a choice.”
  • “I cannot take your pain away, but I can help ease it.”
  • “Tell me what you need from me. I’ll give you anything.”
  • “War is Hell, and it never ends.”
  • “Soldiers don’t want to kill anyone, but they have to.”
  • “You love someone else, don’t you?”
  • “I never thought we’d ever have to say goodbye to one another.”
  • “Of all the people in my life, I loved you most.”
  • “Is it really acceptable to torture, maim or kill in the name of the greater good? Or does that make us like our enemies?”
  • “I do not fear death. I made my peace with mortality a long time ago.”
  • “You do not fear death. You would welcome it. I see it in your eyes, when you think no-one is looking. You’re waiting for it to catch up with you.”
  • “There are no (men/women/people) like me.”
  • “Tell me something interesting.”

as i sit here alone,
staring at the sky,
i think of all the possibilities;
us — you and i.


maybe we could be something,
more than just friends,
but you’re in love with her,
so i’ll just pretend;


pretend like i don’t love you,
like you don’t mean the world to me,
i’ll tell myself ‘its okay,’
‘there are plenty of fish in the sea.’


but you’re not a fish in the sea,
you’re different — you’re you.
will i ever find someone else?
god, i wish i knew.


love me back,
is it that difficult to do so?
we’ve stuck through thick and thin,
why can’t i just let you go?

—  you’ve stolen my heart (give it back please) // {l.c}
Tell me, how am I meant to forget
when I can’t accept anyone else’s arms
to protect me, when the thought of being
engulfed in someone else’s pulse
steals my breath away?
How was it so easy for you to leave
when I was begging you to stay?
—  // westward questions // S.K.K. // February 13, 2017 //
8

I remember in middle school and high school being so concerned with what everybody else thought. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. I wish I could’ve just let it slide and not cared about it. I think I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. If someone doesn’t like you, you don’t have to be mean to them. Whatever people tell you, don’t take it to heart. Just be the bigger person, let it slide, and find something every day that makes you happy.

I am sick and tired of people telling me
that I need to move on
from the boy I am in love with
because I am hurting over the fact
that he doesn’t love me back,
that he is just a friend,
that I am wasting away my life,
that I am not enjoying it to the fullest,
that I am not giving myself or someone else a chance,
but how do I explain
that yes it hurts to not be loved back,
yes it hurts to just be friends
with someone you are so madly in love with
but I am not wasting away my life,
I do whatever I am supposed to do,
I do whatever I want to do,
I am not always this depressed over him,
I do have friends,
I do have a life which is boring
but at the same time exciting and good
and that trying to be good enough for him
even when I am not and won’t be
has made me a better person
—  Isn’t love about trying to be your best self for someone even when you are the only one in love, even when the love is only one person’s, even when they don’t love you back // JustScribbledWords
Lucas's Christmas Gift

Lucaya fanfiction

Words: 674

Rating: Teen for some cursing and mildly adult themes

Hope you enjoy! MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎁

I hope you’ll read this and tell me what you think @snowingharts

Maya never told Riley that she got Lucas for Secret Santa.

Riley knowing would only cause Maya to chicken out and never know the truth. As she fiddled with the gift in her pocket, she kept thinking one thought over and over again:

This was so selfish.

But Maya had to know. She never felt like things had been resolved between her and Lucas since she’d shoved down all of her feelings at the ski lodge.

And Josh. Moronic Josh. She’d sensed his fumbling ego at the idea that she finally liked someone else. She didn’t let go of Lucas for him. It was all for Riley.

Everything was for Riley.

But she supposed one thing could be for her as well.

She reached up from where she paced outside of Lucas’s bedroom window and tapped on it.

A tired looking Lucas answered. He’d just gotten back from Texas, it was a few days after Christmas and he was probably about to go to bed when she came.

“Hey Huckleberry.” She greeted him happily, a grin automatically gracing her lips.

“Hey Clutterbucket.” He responding grabbing her wrist and pulling her gently into the room. He wore jeans and a dark blue sweatshirt.

She was glad to be inside, it had been snowing her whole way there and she had snowflakes all over her hair and outfit.

“I came to give you your Christmas present.” She told him. His face lit up.

“You were my Secret Santa. That’s great. I was Riley’s and I got her gift in Texas.”

Maya’s interest peaked. “What’d you get her?”

He grinned, pulling out a small velvet box. “I haven’t wrapped it yet.”

Maya opened it and her breath hitched.

It was a beautiful vintage locket with a picture of Riley and her on the first day of high school.

“It’s gorgeous.” She answered truthfully.

“I know how you guys like to share things. And how you got a locket with your family’s picture in it. It’s personal so I decided I wanted to get her something equally as thoughtful. It just so happens that I wanted the picture to be Riley with her favorite person in the world. And I know that’s not me by a long shot.”

Maya was speechless. “You made the right call.”

“So what’d you get me?” Lucas said, snapping her out of the emotional state she had temporarily placed herself in.

Oh no. Riley.

But she couldn’t back down. She had to know.

With all the courage she could muster, Maya pulled mistletoe out of her pocket.

Lucas’s eyes widened. With a shaking hand Maya raised the mistletoe in the space between them.

“Just once. I have to know what it’s like to kiss you.”

“Maya… this is cheating.”

Maya felt sick to her stomach. “I have to know.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Maya started. “It’s complete bullshit that everyone decided to go with this idea that I turned into Riley to protect her feelings. Maybe that is the reason I started scoping you out in the first place, but I do actually have feelings for you now. They’re real. And I don’t have Riley’s feelings for you, I’m certain of that.”

“But how will this effect both of our relationships with Riley?”

“I know it’s completely selfish.” She admitted. “But so was her forcing the identity crisis on me. Our friendship isn’t perfect, and sometimes our individual selves have to come first.”

She paused. “So are you going to kiss me or—” she was cut of by Lucas’s lips on hers.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers into his hair. Lucas played with her hair, brushing the snow off before his arms started encircling her waist, pulling her as close to him as possible. His tongue slipped into her mouth as he gently pushed her back into the wall. She was about to respond with equal force when a gasp from the open window sounded.

Zay’s face peered at them, jaw dropped.

“Oh, you guys are in some deep shit…”

6

“I’ve been thinking about what Chris would have wanted me to say today. The advice he’d give me, which’d be something like, ‘Know what, babe? Fuck it. These guys know all about me. Tell them about someone else.’ So I thought I’d tell you about a hero of Chris’s, a man called Captain Joe Kittinger. In 1960, climbing into a foil balloon, Captain Joe ascended 32 kilometers into the stratosphere. And then, armed with only a parachute, he jumped out. He fell for four minutes and thirty-six seconds, reaching seven hundred and forty miles per hour before opening his parachute five kilometers above the Earth. It had never been done before, and it’s never been done since. He did it just because he could. And that’s why Chris loved him - because the thing about Chris was, he said yes. He said yes to everything. He loved everyone. And he was the bravest boy - man - I knew. And that was - he flung himself out of a foil balloon every day. Because he could. Because he was. And that’s why - and that’s why we, we loved him.”

So tell me, was it easier to leave me last year, or last week. I should blame myself, I mean I was the one that thought it would be different. 

What a fool. I should have known I was simply a safe place to stay until you found a new home. 

You get so caught up in new people, the freshly polished ones, the ones that haven’t been around to know about the darkness you hide.

Maybe you want to be someone else. Maybe I know to much, which means you can never to pretend to be happy around me. Maybe you would rather pretend to be happy then let me try to help you become happy. 

I hope these new distractions treat you better than the last ones did. And I want you to know even though I said I won’t be waiting to pick up the pieces like last time, that I will be. 

I want you to know that despite my efforts, I will never be able to stop caring about you and I will not ever stop being concerned for your happiness. 

So I hope that this works out for you. I hope that they give you happiness I couldn’t. But I will always be your safe house, and I will always leave the door open for you.

—  I might see you again someday.
I am sick and tired of people telling me
that I need to move on
from the boy I am in love with
because I am hurting over the fact
that he doesn’t love me back,
that he is just a friend,
that I am wasting away my life, 
that I am not enjoying it to the fullest,
that I am not giving myself or someone else a chance,
but how do I explain
that yes it hurts to not be loved back,
yes it hurts to just be friends
with someone you are so madly in love with
but I am not wasting away my life,
I do whatever I am supposed to do,
I do whatever I want to do,
I am not always this depressed over him,
I do have friends,
I do have a life which is boring
but at the same time exciting and good
and that trying to be good enough for him
even when I am not and won’t be
has made me a better person
—  Isn’t love about trying to be your best self for someone even when you are the only one in love, even when the love is only one person’s, even when they don’t love you back // JustScribbledWords
4

“I spent the next few days reading the letter over and over again, trying to fit everything into my head.

Satomi wrote that she’d missed her last two periods and that matched up with the last time we’d been together; the night before she moved. She’d moved on since then and was dating someone else, but the baby couldn’t possibly have been his if she was at least two months along.

Her letter also said she didn’t want anything from me. She didn’t want to get back together, she didn’t want money, she wouldn’t force me to be a part of the child’s life if I didn’t want to be; her partner was happy to tell everyone he was the father if that was the case. All she wanted was for me to know; she thought telling me was the right thing to do.  

Naturally that isn’t how my mother saw it. Or my father for that matter, because of course she’d told him before I got home. So those few days were also spent listening to them plan out my life with Satomi and our child.

We’d get married of course, because it was ‘the right thing to do’. Satomi would move back to Windenburg and move in with my family, because my child would need to be with family. We would both give up our studies; Satomi would stay at home and look after our child because ‘that’s what good mothers do’, whereas I would switch from studying writing to get a business degree and go on to work for my father because I had a family to support now.

What Satomi and I wanted was irrelevant. Our happiness meant nothing any more and my father had no issues telling me just that. My future was no longer my own to make because, as my mother so kindly put it, I had messed everything up and I couldn’t be trusted to plan things for myself any more. Just like Aaliyah.

In those few days I also watched my baby sister more closely than I ever had before. Piper was just two years old then and I’d never noticed before but my mother had a lot of control over how Aaliyah was raising her. She rarely left Aaliyah alone with her own daughter, like she didn’t trust her not to screw up Piper’s life as much as she had her own. I couldn’t believe I had been so self-involved that I didn’t realise my own sister was so unhappy. It broke my heart to think she was going through that alone.

I was mad at my parents before for trying to force me into a future I didn’t want but after finally noticing how unhappy Aaliyah was and realising that was my future if I did things their way? I was absolutely furious.”

SnK 89 Thoughts

“Someone once asked me if I had learned anything from it all. So let me tell you what I learned. I learned… everyone dies alone.

But if you meant something to someone… if you helped someone… or loved someone… If even a single person remembers you… then maybe you never really die.

And maybe this isn’t the end at all.”

Keep reading

“Well, I’m going back to sleep.”

I’ve though a lot about this line and I think it means much more than I thought. For most of the musical, Eliza has been completely all right with going along with what other people tell or suggest her to do and if she’s not doing that, she is fixated on someone else’s actions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that that is all Eliza is capable of, she just seems very accepting and selfless for everyone else. 

Take the first time we see her, she is following Angelica’s example and being excited about the revolution. Her solo part is simply reiterating something Angelica already sang. Then she meets Alexander, and yes, she loves him, but from that point on her appearances show her caring for Alexander and their children. When the Reynolds Pamphlet happens, she sings all about how Alexander has hurt her.

But this line from ‘Best of Wives and Best of Women’ is the first truly independent line we hear from Eliza. This decision is not based on or in spite of somebody else’s actions. It is after the Reynolds Pamphlet happens, after Philip dies, after all her heartbreak that Eliza finally does something purely for her. From that point on, she decides to do so many things, that are not all for other people.

In my opinion, seeing sweet Eliza do something purely for herself is the best bit of character development in this whole damn musical.

Why would you be in love with me?

Author’s note: Need a reminder of the previous part? It’s right here.

‘Bucky, what is this?’

His eyes widened. He wanted to tell you everything but nervousness and fear set in - he wasn’t ready for this.

Think fast. He thought.

‘It wasn’t for you.’ He lied.
Smooth. His internal dialogue practically gloated.

Your brows furrowed downwards, your facial features hardened.
‘What do you mean?’ You asked.

‘It was meant for someone else’

He saw your features soften, your eyes looked down on the tag in your palm - he knew he’d hurt you.

‘Oh’ You murmured 
'So why didn’t you say something? Instead of letting me make a fool out of myself?’ You said, slightly louder.

Lie to her. Just say anything to throw her off. Bucky’s mind panicked.

'I pitied you.’

And that’s when Bucky knew he had fucked up. Your mouth had dropped slightly, in to the shape of a little 'O’.
It was like a knife to the back. 
You sighed heavily, placing the tag on the lab table 'I guess it makes sense. Why would you be in love with me?’ Bucky went to talk, but you continued 'whoever she is…she’s a lucky girl’ your voice cracked at 'lucky girl’.
You forced the worst smile on your face and stormed past Bucky without a second glance.
You didn’t even make it out the lab door before your tears fell.
But you’d be damned if you let Bucky Barnes see that.

            _______________________________________

You tried avoiding Bucky for a few days, even when you were trapped in the same room; the most interaction you’d offer was grunts and one word answers. You needed the time alone. Bucky had given you that flower because he felt sorry for you; it wasn’t because he felt anything. That realisation hurt you the most.

            _______________________________________

It was early noon and you were sat on a stool by the island, reading up on Tony’s lab work. You felt a presence enter the room; you knew who it was - you just chose to ignore them.

'Hey’ Bucky greeted, walking into the kitchen, starting to make himself coffee. Silence.
'Want a coffee?’ He pursued. 
'No’ you shot back, not looking up. 
He started making you coffee anyways, it was your addiction. 
Silence crept into the kitchen again. 'What are you reading?’ He asked, knowing that you loved to talk tech - but nothing. 
He placed the coffee next to you and tried to converse again.
'Are you doing much today?’ 
'No’ you responded, still looking down. 
'Why do you keep giving me one word answers?’ Bucky asked, frustration seeping into his tone.
You finally looked up. 'Because you might mistake my interest for caring’ you replied, bluntly.
You got off the stool, closing the lab book, tucking it under your arm. You picked up the coffee, Bucky watched your every step. You poured it down the sink and walked off towards your room.
He didn’t see you for the rest of the day.

_____________________________________________________________

He woke at 2AM, he couldn’t sleep again. He’d been plagued with guilt and whenever he closed his eyes, all he saw was the hurt etched on your face. He went to go get a glass of water when he noticed an envelope lodged under his door.
He opened it, out fell his dog tags and a note with your handwriting on:
‘Remember when you gave me these after that bad week?
I wore them all the time.
You told me 'You keep those and I’ll always be with you’
I don’t want you with me anymore’


Clutching the tags in one hand, the note in the other, Bucky sat down behind the door, breaking his heart for the girl who didn’t know how he felt.

This was all his fault.

This time I can see the signs clearly, and their all telling me the same thing.. run. 
Loving you is a bad idea, I think it might destroy me but still, I can’t hold myself back. someone else has the space in your heart occupied and trust me when I tell you, I know how hard it is to get them out, so I say this to you with confidence because I know you could never admit it but to you I will always be second. She will always be first.
And for a little while you were second to me too, I still had the door half open waiting for him to come back, but now its different..
now you you are the only person I want to be here next to me. Your the only one I think about. So maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’ll change but damn, I’ve been in this situation one too many times and although I want to be me and you so bad, i can’t sit here waiting for you to choose me.
Its either you’re here or you’re not.
—  Your hearts not with me and we both know that so why can’t we stop seeing eachother