tell me

I tell my heart
to be patient, that joy returns, 
but it doesn’t want to listen.
It wants to tell me
that the storm comes toward us,
heavy with each named grief,
and slams all the windows
in the empty house.
—  Kim Addonizio, from “Ranchos De Taos, August” in Tell Me
IS IT REALLY THAT HARD FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE ME BACK. TO TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL AND THEY ARE AFRAID TO LOSE ME. TO LOOK AT ME EVERYDAY AND THINK THEY ARE LUCKY. I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN SOMEDAY BUT NOW I FEEL SO HOPELESS AND ALONE. I WANT SOMEONE TO WANT TO KISS ME EVERY CHANCE THEY GET TO WANT TO HOLD ME AND TELL ME EVERYTHING GETS BETTER.  I WOKE UP THINKING I WOULD MEET SOMEONE WHO CAN SHOW ME THE WORLD I ONLY SEE IN BOOKS AND MOVIES. I WOKE UP WONDERING IF IT IS MY TURN YET TO FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL GENTLY RUB THOSE DAMN CIRCLES ON THE PALMS OF MY HAND AND PUSH ME AGAINST A LOCKER AND I WOULD SEE IN THEIR EYES EVERYTHING IM SHOWING IN RETURN. TO BE VULNERABLE TOGETHER AND LAUGH TOGETHER. HOW CAN I POUR MY HEART OUT LIKE THIS AND NOT EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY OF BEING LOVED BACK.

-reasons I stopped believing

INTJ Vs. Incompetence

INTJ while feeling incompetent: This is the worst. I should know this already. If I cannot do this, how will I ever be able to succeed in the future. This is the easy stuff. I am completely worthless if I cannot even do the things that I’m supposed to be good at.

INTJ after overcoming incompetence: That’s better.

  • I really don't like it when you think you have friends, but it turns out you don't. Then you think what about the times we did this together. Did those moments not matter to you as they do to me? Was our whole friendship a lie? Did you fake laugh at my jokes, or was I the joke? What did I do to you to deserve this? Was I not "cool" enough for you? Please tell me.