teggy

dan and phil play my horse prince #3: a summary

two seconds in and already a questionable horse impression okay time to strap in for another weird one 

“i knew you were going to start clopping" 

clopping??? klopping???? clopping looks better so i’m going with that 

"cloppity clop when will we stop…. is the question many of you have been asking” aw they saw my tweets 

dan licked his lips as he looked over to phil SAME 

he is wearing the ladybird jumper so i agree 

remember the ladybird jumper selfie??? let’s take a moment 

okay back to the video 

it was a nice moment of remembrance though right 

anyway 

“i like a good divisive series" 

"this is our great youtube controversy, phil" 

those people that are uncomfortable, it’s legit the same level of sexual tension dnp have on a regular basis just in the form of a girl and horse like,,, it’s 2017 the hat/cherry/lung/milk/kitten/whatever else fic exists there are more disturbing things out there

they’re validating those of you though, good for you i’m happy for your notices

"it’s not literal bestiality” // “it’s just a lol” “a nice little lol… just a casual lol" 

"i think we should do this one and see how we feel” i mean finally putting that positions book to good use 

there’s not much eye contact so far are they okay 

i think recently we’ve been spoilt with eye contact and now we’re feeling like something’s wrong because they’re not gawking at each other 

“so whether you want to or not, strap yourselves in for ten minutes of erotic equine roleplay”

phil demonstrating that sweet sweet hand porn 

“i don’t think we should’ve encouraged you with the fanart” story of your life innit lads 

congrats to those phanartists that got noticed!! you’re very talented and i appreciate you!!! 

i appreciate the last one which highlights the shaved sides i liked that a lot ty

“the less we talk about that the better” legit the phandom about 2012 

dan’s reaction to the fanart,,, get those screenshots 

“keep it coming…. or don’t, it’s up to you” phil pls you’re making it too easy for me 

“do you need to do that though?” // “i do, it’s a thing now” living for the little domestic i feel deprived 

“dog. dog has a moustache." 

"phil that makes no sense” as if u never make any mistakes howell phil’s waiting to call you out like the absolute savage that he is 

remember the thomas the tank engine fuck-up, phil was right on that 

phil’s laugh my ears are blessed 

they have two very different reactions to a horse making breakfast 

i found another of dan’s kinks who’s keeping tabs on them all we’ve got another to add to the list 

“what’s a good… lad? one that makes breakfast, the morning after” is that a subtle wink wink nudge nudge, daniel 

“i’m hyped. this, this is, this is a soap.” dan is so excited he’s tripping on his words 

he’s staring at phil okay world order has been restored 

“you know you love it, stop lying to yourself” // “you love it. just thumbs it up anyway, if you don’t like it" 

i love the detailed hair angles we get when they both look down on the screen i appreciate it a lot 

do you think phil will ever ditch the straighteners 

"that’s really posh” phil the savage already getting his revenge

congrats hp stans for phil dropping that reference 

did they just compare all of our mums to a horse 

“anyone that exudes glitter and makes sure that you’re resting on the weekend… that’s who you need in your life" 

"maybe susankun’s on the crunchy nut like us” i bet you both are 

maybe see a doctor about that 

i’m not sorry 

“am i the dog? i think i’m the dog” phil says after barking and effectively claiming the role of the dog 

“you just frickin volunteered” dan the savage 

“that was some good borks” so any excuse to compliment phil huh

“what is this video” me every time i read these summaries before posting them, i relate phil 

“some good pottery" 

"unless this is a magnetic knife, how is the horse holding it? with that horse thumb he’s just gonna grow?" 

dan demonstrates the claw technique 

look at that hand movement fluidity this ain’t his first rodeo 

dan… are u ok…. you’ve just been in this position for four seconds… 

turned into seven seconds, the longest seven seconds of my life…. is it one of the new 7sc they tweeted out for

“can i stroke him?” // “i’ll give him a stroke”

lanky emo lads fawn over hairbrush functions

that sounded like a weird porn didn’t it oh god no

“look at this roleplay, we nintendogs now”

“oh yeah, feel my brush” 

dan gives that side-eye, he doesn’t like phil saying that to anyone else

the singing quota for this video has been filled

thought they were going to give us a sweet harmony for don’t speak and do no doubt proud but nope dan decides to parody it

this is not the harmony i wanted stop singing a weird cult theme or whatever the fuck it is

leek or spring onion will we ever know

phil is intent on killing simulations recently is he ok

“sorry guys” dan is on hand to comfort us

may need to rethink some comfort fic prompts i have

“is it okay? is anything about this okay?” if the existential crisis branding was still relevant he’d be on the floor rn

“shall we have a chat? a little horsey chinwag?” yes phil come back to your northern roots i’ve missed you

“a really long-faced chinwag” you tried dan but you will always be a southerner you can’t pull off chinwag

“is a carrot a fruit?” mister university asking the real question

is dan actually googling it

“AHA it was to catch us out for being an idiot!” i mean, you googled it so…. aren’t you still an idiot

phil is an orange kinda guy, dan is a grapefruit kinda guy…… explains a lot if you think about it

“he hates me again!” // “i can’t believe he hates me again, straight away…” pretty sure i’ve read that exact line of dialogue in a fic before

“what can i say? i’m more in tune with my inner…. horse… man”

casual head scratch as he silently prays for nobody to pick up on that quote

“deep fry anything, and that’s a winner”

“the choices hurt me so bad”

trying to justify this game just falls flat

no amount of meaningful speeches are rectifying it dan

but it’s not stopping him trying

oh he’s stopped now

“i think we should get our things back”

“this is our life” enjoy u demons

“great. i love my life” phil i just don’t even know what to say stop looking like you’re showing a lemon a good time 

take out the lemon and stare at your wavy haired companion

if i used that line in a fic would you disown me

what kind of accent did dan just try to say field in because he sounded like me

“a horse can’t go on rollercoasters is what i’m thinking” // “can a horse go to the cinema?” “no, he’s going to get in the way of everyone’s screen” wow dan and phil, damperers of horse dreams since their corresponding years of birth

“yes, dan’s credit card is about to spend more money on this horse app” of course it’s dan that volunteers his card, phil would never 

he’s the voice of emo goose he only spends money on luxury apps

mister moneybags high brands stan has no problem forking it out tho good for you son get some

“i am this entire developer’s number one supporter” me when dapg was announced

the frenzy time music is something special

“phil you’re doing the impossible quiz again and that is like ten out of ten banned” younger kirsten is crying

phil’s real laugh comes out to play again welcome back old friend i love you

“is she falling in love with the dog? is that what we’re asking?”

phil’s voice is like monotone throughout all of these videos he couldn’t give less of a shit

he’s just humouring dan’s kink(s)

dan stop criticising phil’s horse voice you can’t have it all for yourself all of the time we need as much of it as you do

“i am ready for this” me whenever they upload on a day that’s not the same day i’m posting a fic

there are very different theories about the multitude of onions

again phil’s includes death

i’m beginning to expect it

“oh he’s gone a bit sassy”

“passive aggressive…. okay” dan we feel the same way when we found out phil’s sent a dm

“i feel it coming…. i feel it coming… are you ready? am i ready?”

“that’s just dreamy. i’m in love with that” // “that is dreamy. i’d like that as a poster in my bathroom” 

“that is the thickest spring onion i have ever seen in my entire life” // “it’d take a lot of gnashing” phil demonstrates said gnashing thank you for showing those teggies

“look at the girth on that one” you know what you did dan don’t blame us when the fics come rolling in

the onion fic

“how do you not love this? people, i mean come on, this is better than the current season of the walking dead”

uncomfortable fidgeting as dan realises he’s pissed off hundreds of thousands of people

staring at phil again yes i’m living

“this is better than the wire” phil doesn’t want to leave dan all alone in the opinion firing line

“it’s turning into that cake outtake from tatinof” HOW DARE YOU.

feeling less guilty having watched it now u fuckers

“it’s literally the cake situation”

seriously i’m going to watch it again just to spite you both

“imagine a horse pushing you against a wall and force-feeding you spring onions” dan i love you but i’m going to have to reject this prompt

the game turns sinister and they both look the most excited they’ve looked for the entire video

“this is fulfilling every kink that our audience might have” in which dan tries to push his weird kinks onto us out of fear phil will judge him

“is the next one set in the afterlife?”

“i feel like i went to a place i didn’t think i was going to”

“so real talk, let’s get real” phil i like that you’re trying to get close to the camera but you’re still too far away it’s not doing what you think it’s doing

“if you don’t want us to do this ever again…” “what’s wrong with you” honestly dan same

they’re literally encouraging thumbs down??? how long have they been in the youtube game???

“tell us your opinions down there” oh dear god they’re encouraging the fanfiction

“if you want the horse, we want to give you the horse. you know what we’re saying?” 

it’s hard to quote when they’re both talking at the same time BE POLITE AND LET EACH OTHER SPEAK 

“this is a two way relationship…” why did phil’s smile grow when dan said that

“slice our subscribe button like a spring onion” // “please don’t stab your laptop and/or mobile device” // “trot over to our other channels”

danisnotchoking (but he wants to be)

AmazingSpringOnion