The trailer opens with Eggsy (Taron Egerton) having plenty of fun in a spy car — complete with missiles. But soon things turn south, as the Kingsman learns they are up against an an underworld organization whose members are unidentifiable — finger prints are removed and teeth are filed smooth.
When the Kingsman’s mansion is blown up, Eggsy and Merlin (Mark Strong) travel to Kentucky for some backup. There they meet Tatum’s character, some sort of southern spy operative who has plenty of gadgets of his own (among them: a lasso that can cut a man in two).
There’s also a look at Harry (Colin Firth), who returns wearing an eye patch.
I recently read one of these “humans are weird” posts that mentioned that humans are not apex predators. We’re a 2.2 on a scale of 5. We’re not even the middle of the food chain. Level 3 is carnivores that eat herbivores. Level 4 is carnivores that eat other carnivores. Level 5 is the “apex predator”, which is any carnivore that has nothing that preys on it. We manage to be space orcs despite our low rank, which is impressive enough.
But given how heavily people modify their bodies with the technology we have now, with piercings and tattoos and even filing their teeth and getting horns grafted on, and given that we already can sometimes use the hearts of other animals when our hearts stop working, and given that science is already working on human/animal hybrids… what if we made ourselves a 5?
It wasn’t common, before we made first contact. There were humans who grafted on animal ears or tails for cosmetic reasons, and animal eyes were a popular ‘upgrade’. It wasn’t until we were exposed to the vastness of space and the staggering variety of deadly predators on other planets that invasive cross-species body-modification became a 'thing’.
The most common recipients of such procedures were explorers funded by a group seeking new planets to colonize; a full overhaul of your body didn’t come cheap, after all. But when you’re trying to prepare for a totally new environment, the best tool you can have is your own body.
At first glance, he didn’t look that different from most humans. His head was hairless, and appeared scaly, but it was assumed that it was one of those “tattoos” humans were fond of. He always wore clothing that covered him from neck to toe, even gloves, but that was also not unheard-of among humans. Germophobes and people who simply find themselves cold often tended to cover up like that.
So it wasn’t until several days into the expedition that the extent of his mods became apparent. He was leading the party through a trail in the strange, red-vine-choked jungle, when, without warning, a scaled, six-legged thing leapt from the underbrush, latching onto his shoulders with its forepaws and raking his torso with the other four paws.
For one horrible moment, the aliens were certain that they were all going to die. Then he balled his hands together and swung them up into the creature’s gut, flinging it off him. Tattered fabric fell from his shoulders, revealing that the scales on his head covered his entire torso, and it was immediately apparent that they were no mere tattoos.
Claws ripped through the fabric of his gloves as he rushed the winded beast, smashing his forehead against its muzzle. The blood that sprayed from the impact was not his.
When the forest was quiet, and the thing lay dead, one of the aliens plucked hesitantly at the sleeve of another of the humans in the expedition. "Human-Tess…" It paused a moment, trying to phrase the question politely despite the alarm ringing in its mind. "We were under the impression that humans were the only sapient species on your planet.“
Tess laughed. "Oh, he’s human. The company just sprung to give him a little extra, y'know?”
A little extra? Human+? Horror beyond description.
A quick sketch of Pel from DS9, filing her teeth. No idea who this is? Don’t worry, she appears in only one episode and is never seen or mentioned again. I’m not crying about this. I just have… Some sand in my eye.
~Here’s the second part to a series of shorts I may publish! Hope you enjoy!~
Xylion stood in front of the Cabin section, the four humans standing behind him. Zellnor had tasked him with showing them around. While not his favorite task, he guessed it’d go to him. He was one of Zellnor’s good friends, but still, he was nervous around the humans. Who knew what’d they do to him if given the choice?
“So your name is Xylion?” HUman Jennifer asked, moving into his path.
Xylion felt his spines stand on end. “Y-yes!” He stuttered, his whole body standing on end.
Human Jennifer bared the white bones once more. “That’s a really nice name!”
Xylion felt embarrassment fill him. If he was the same species as Zellnor, he probably would’ve been yellow or pink. He was glad he wasn’t, though. “Thank you, Human Jennifer.”
Human Jennifer’s face seemed to turn red. However, it wasn’t in embarrassment, it was in anger. “Call me Jenny.” They choked out, her mouth barely moving and her voice strained.
“Do you need to see the doctor? She’s quite nice. I think you need a check up.” Xylion said, fear filling him.
Human Jennif- Jenny shook their head. “I’m fine. I just don’t really like being called Jennifer. Besides, we’re friends now, you can call me Jenny!”
Xylion was confused. They were…friends? Human Fredrick sighed. “Ignore Jenny, she is pretty social and always trusts everyone.”
Human Jenny glared at him. “Shut up, Freddie.”
Human Fredrick’s fleshy parts on the side of his head seemed to turn red along with his neck. Was he dying too? Xylion wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle this!
“Not you too! Do you need to go to the hospital too, Human Fredrick?” He cried, holding himself back from shaking him violently so he’d tell him.
Human Fredrick’s face only turned red in response. Xylion was about to die. How could he keep a watch on the humans when they were already dying? He was a terrible-!
He stopped when he heard laughing. While not normal for his species, he recognized it well. He turned around and looked at Human Isaac, who was clutching his chest and on the floor, laughter spilling out of his mouth. Xylion stared at him, and saw him choking on air. “I- I can’t breath!” He said, laughing throughout his whole sentence.
Xylion narrowed his eyes at him. “What is causing your laughter, Human Isaac?”
Human Mason sighed as he kicked Human Isaac. Xylion almost screamed. Why would he injure his fellow crew member? “Get up, idiot.”
Human Isaac listened, rubbing the spot Human Mason had kicked him. “Dude, why? I’m sorry that Xylion doesn’t know what blushing is!”
Xylion reeled back. Blushing? What was that? Human Isaac threw his appendage at him. “See? Look at that expression!”
“What is…blushing, did you all it?”
Human Fredrick seemed to have recovered some. He cleared his throat before pushing his goggles up further. “It is something humans do when embarrassed. It’s nothing life threatening, but it certainly can betray your feelings. For example, Zellnor is one of the Charies, correct?”
“Well, Zellnor’s species is known for changing the color of their skin when they are feeling a certain emotion. Red for anger, green for sickness, dark green for jealousy, yellow for embarrassment, pink for love, etcetera. Blushing is kind of like that, humans’ skin turns red when they are embarrassed. It can happen a lot to some people, or hardly at all for others. And, the dark the skin, the less likely you can see the blush. At least, so I’ve heard.” Human Fredrick finished, tapping his chin.
Xylion nodded. “Makes sense, I guess.”
“Anything else you want to ask?” Human Fredrick questioned, corssing his appendages.
“Yes, a few, actually. Why do you wear goggles?”
“You mean my glasses? They help me see. My eyes aren’t as good as the normal for humans, so I have to wear glasses to help me see.”
“And those appendages?”
“Are you talking about our arms and hands?” Human Jenny asked, holding out the appendages.
“So they are called arms…and the smaller ones?”
“Well, all of it together is a hand, but this part here is called the palm, these a fingers, and this is a thumb.” Human Jenny explained, pointing to each part.
“Anything else?” Human Isaac asked, his mouth pulled upwards, but not baring those terrible white things.
“What is inside your mouth?”
“You mean teeth?” Human Isaac scoffed, showing them off.
“Those aren’t teeth.”
“Ours are more filed down.” Human Fredrick said, adjusting his glasses once more. “We don’t tear into the flesh of out food. Not any more, anyways.”
Xylion was slightly scared. “And last but not least, why are there so many different colors of you all?”
Human Mason stiffened. Human Fredrick cast him a worried glance before answering. “Well, the different hemispheres on Earth are hotter or colder. The colder the area, the lighter the skin has to be so it can absorb more Vitamin D. And the darker it is, the less they have to absorb because they always absorb so much.”
“Anything else?” Human Jenny asked, baring her teeth.
“What is that?”
“That thing you keep doing.”
“You mean smiling?”
“That’s what you call it?”
Next part will come out later…hope you enjoyed this part.