teenage mutant misanthropic lycanthropes

teen wolf coffee orders!

Scott: Mocha frappucino. Scott does not give a fuck whether people interpret that as “masculine enough” or not; a mocha frappuccino is a gigantic coffee chocolate milkshake covered in whipped cream and, usually, sprinkles, since any coffee place he goes to regularly has established him as a favorite customer and will pull out the stops for him. Why the hell WOULDN’T he order it? (When it’s his mom buying the coffee, he orders whatever the cheapest thing on the menu is and exclaims over it like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. Melissa is not really fooled, but she appreciates the effort.)  

Derek: Black with three creams and four sugars, unless anyone’s watching him order. Then just black. (He’s got a sweet tooth, but he’s trying to pretend otherwise.)

Stiles: Just black, unless anyone’s watching him order. Then he gets whatever random concoction he can come up with, peppermint raspberry mochas and double cinnamon pumpkin spice lattes. (He likes cop coffee, the bitterer the better, but has spent so long lying to his dad about drinking it that it’s become habit with everyone else). 

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I hate you all (and blame /Report).

So I may have started writing Teen Wolf fic. Which two weeks ago was my current Line. You know the line I mean. The You Shall Not Pass line. The If You Can Read This, You’re Too Close line.

Yeah, it’s back there, somewhere. *waves over shoulder*

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Do you know what I think we don’t talk enough about?

How Danny just knew about everything that was happening in Beacon Hills.

Like yeah, okay, he’s smart - but how did he come to the correct conclusions? I want to know more, please.

Did he spy on some of the pack? Was it all just acute guesswork? 

Really though, I’d love for Jeff Davis to expand on this some more, whether it’s in the show, or a panel or whatever.

It’s just really bloody interesting to me.

asorryah  asked:

started thinking about teen wolf and unlikely drift compatibility things and what if stiles and boyd and stiles is terrified at first because he doesnt really know boyd but he knows hes annoying and he knows boyd is huge and what if boyd gets mad at him OH NO but then boyd has endless patience and just lets him ramble and be fidgety and ridiculous and i dont even know where im going with this and also deaton and scott and its a little weird but then they end up being the best at everything

yes yes yes O I AM PUBLISHING THIS. but also, in a more likely: allison and lydia in a jaeger. and scott and stiles and isaac. 

why i want bisexual stiles (in 4,000 words or less)

Right, so, standard disclaimer (and especially for this post, oh man): hi, I’m gyzym, this post is full of my opinions on stuff! They’re just my opinions on stuff; it’s okay if they’re not your opinions on stuff, and I don’t expect them to be your opinions on stuff. I write a blog on the internet about my thoughts and feelings, from a place of personal bias, and do not claim to be doing anything else. So when I say things, below, like, “we should or should not do whatever,” I mean that I, personally, think that we should or should not do whatever. I don’t mean that WE MUST DO OR NOT DO WHATEVER or that EVERYONE MUST AGREE WITH ME or that DISAGREEING WITH ME IS WRONG. At all! If you read this post and agree with me, sweet; if you read this post and disagree with me, sweet; if you read this post and don’t know what I’m talking about, or don’t feel like you’ve got enough information to agree or disagree with me, I hugely encourage you to take some of the words I am using and stick them into google and inform yourself, whether you use that information to agree/disagree with me or not! Honestly, I care a lot more about people googling stuff than I do about people agreeing with me. Like, a lot more. A whole lot more.  

With that established: let’s talk about Stiles, and bisexuality, and the possibility (however likely or unlikely you think it may be) of canonically bisexual Stiles. 

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everything i've ever let go of had claw marks on it (you're in a car with a beautiful boy) | derek/stiles

The Jeep shrieks around the corner, blue as it’s ever been, bumps a curb and misses a cone. It skids to a stop an inch from Derek’s left boot, and that’s on purpose–it always has been, after all. 

“Get in,” says Stiles, and Derek does. 

Stiles drives like he talks like he fights like he lives: reckless. He throws the gearshift like it’s the winning shot in one of those lacrosse games he never quite managed to play, and Derek keeps his eyes on the road. If he looks to his right, the countryside will stream by fast enough to make him dwell on the word fleeting; if he looks to his left, he’ll have to stare at the way Stiles’ fingers tighten and release on the steering wheel. They’re old habit, run in, the two of them in this bone-tired machine, and Derek knows there’s value in that. Derek knows that breaking patterns leads to chaos. Derek knows he doesn’t know very much.

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now you're standing in a big disaster | derek/stiles

For Marie, who had a bad day and wanted a fic to accompany this stunningly gorgeous piece of artwork. This fic is a) going to go up on Ao3 in the near future and b) canon-compliant. As such, warning for underage romantic entanglements. <3

If someone had told Stiles a year ago that his life was soon going to feature heavily in traipsing through the woods after occult creatures in the dead of night…

…well, he probably would have thought that was pretty cool, actually. There’s the decent chance he would have asked a number of probing questions, and maybe had the time to buy one of those water bottle backpacks he keeps meaning to order. Possibly, if whoever had told him had made a convincing enough argument, Stiles would have had the foresight to invest in some comfortable hiking boots. It would have been a good thing, really, if someone had thought to mention it to him before this all started, because lately Stiles is spending so much time actively trying not to let anybody die that some of his plans are falling through the cracks. Usually they’re the plans that deal with his own comfort; that, Stiles thinks, is Not Right. He’s the human, after all. He’s starting to think he may be the only human in the entire goddamn town–his comfort should be paramount, since it’s not like he can heal away blisters and dehydration and his thousandth freaking mosquito bite of the night. 

Grimly, Stiles wonders if he’s going to wake up tomorrow as a weremosquito. It wouldn’t really surprise him.  

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do not watch teen wolf 

do not click upon the first episode and watch it all the way through and come to the end thinking “wow fandom is wrong this show is straight-up grade a GARBAGE CITY”

do not click upon the second episode mostly out of spite to prove to yourself that you are not going to succumb to what is obviously a baseless internet phenomenon

do not watch episodes 3-9 of with a weird combined sense of “well i’m just looking at this so i can understand the fic and everything but it’s not like i’m falling prey to the brain scrambles it seems to be giving people or anything” and what feels like the distant whooshing sensation of something leaving you behind

do not watch all the rest of the episodes only to realizing that what was making that whoosing sensation was THE ABRUPT EXIT OF YOUR GRIP ON REALITY

do not watch teen wolf; do not watch this show

run

save yourself

TEEN WOLF: SOME THOUGHTS

a. what’s in kate argent’s grave if not kate argent? a bird? a plane? did she crawl her way up outta there without anyone noticing somehow because, like??? she was buried?? there was a scene?? in which we viewed that?? remember??? season two??? the golden haze of yesteryear?? when hair was shorter and things were simpler and no matter what time it was, it was lacrosse time?? SOMEBODY STOP ISAAC BEFORE HE SWANS OFF TO FRANCE WITH CHRIS ARGENT AND ASK HIM WHAT’S UP WITH KATE ARGENT’S GRAVE, oKAY? DID HE DIG A TUNNEL IN THE SIDE RATHER THAN ACCEPT DEREK’S HAND UP THAT NIGHT OR WHAT.

b.  i’m Team Argent Women Are Incapable Of Death, do you hear it, that sound in the distance, it’s victoria argent not being dead, it’s allison argent not being dead, YOU CAN’T KEEP A GOOD ARGENT DOWN, we train our sons to be soldiers and our daughters to sacrifice little bits of themselves to ancient gods every year on their birthdays so in the event of a death they just pop right back up again, KATE’S ALIVE SO THEY’RE ALL ALIVE, IMMORTAL ARGENT LADIES OR BUST 

c. derek’s really bummed about kate being back because trauma and everything, family murderings etcetera, but also because he can just tell there’s going to be less time now for his side job: walking up and down the streets of beacon hills wearing a sandwich board that reads SCOTT MCCALL FOR MAYOR & PRESIDENT & KING OF THE UNIVERSE on one side and BEACON HILLS <3 SCOTT MCCALL on the other. and it really sucks because scott was coming around, derek could tell, he only said “stop doing that thing with the sandwich board, dude, it freaks people out, i’m not even running for anything,” once last week, and now kate’s here, screwing it all up. 

d. how can you have a dream after a thing happens that confirms for you while the thing is happening that the thing that happened was real? like, i come from inception fandom, jeff, okay, i get it, dreams are complicated, WE HAVE TO GO DEEPER, but this is just a basic logic issue, you get it? you feel me? TENSES. LINEAR PROGRESSION OF TIME. I DON’T CARE HOW MANY FINGERS STILES HAS???? UNLESS HAVING EXTRA FINGERS MAKES YOU TIME TRAVEL???? why do i watch this show.

e. EVERY DANNY THOUGHT I THINK OF MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN THE LAST ONE, danny the vampire, danny the shapeshifter, danny the modern-day reincarnation of the god apollo, danny who transferred from a school in the lost city of atlantis, danny who is completely human in every way but has a notebook under his pillow that has “someday i’m going to write the most ridiculous screenplay ever and still get to say ‘based on a true story’” written on the cover, danny who’s cousin is a gryphon, DANNY <3

f. i will neither forgive nor forget this season, teen wolf, but i have to say, that cover of bad moon rising was fucking awesome. 

if anyone asks, this is tyler hoechlin's fault:

Nat: HOW DO YOU SURVIVE, DEREK

Nat: WHERE DO YOU LIVE

Nat: WHERE DOES YOUR MONEY COME FROM

Nat: WHO CUTS YOUR HAIR BECAUSE IT ISN’T YOU

gyzym: I SAW AN INTERVIEW WITH HOECH WHERE HE WAS LIKE

gyzym: NO LOOK DEREK’S HOUSE WAS BURNED DOWN AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY WAS KILLED–BETWEEN HOUSE AND LIFE INSURANCE, HE MUST HAVE CASH. HE DRIVES A NICE CAR! I THINK HE’S JUST BEING SMART AND INVESTING

gyzym: AND NOW I WANT THE FIC WHERE DEREK IS SECRETLY LIKE, A BAJILLIONARE

gyzym: AND STILES FINDS OUT AND IS LIKE

gyzym: *WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE IN A TRAIN*

gyzym: AND DEREK IS LIKE, DON’T INTERFERE WITH MY STOCK FUTURES STILES

gyzym: I MEAN BECAUSE THAT’S BLOOD MONEY

gyzym: THAT’S WHAT I MEANT

Nat: AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

gyzym: NOT AT ALL ANYTHING ABOUT–STILES PUT THE COMPUTER DOWN!!!

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OKAY FINE HERE ARE SOME TEEN WOLF/AVENGERS CROSSOVER FEELS:

in no particular order. 

  • the circumstances that lead what i’m going to choose to call the hale pack to spend an extended amount of time in avengers tower revolve around the fact that danny is secretly a terrifyingly competent hacker and tony has been trying to recruit him for stark industries since that thing when he was thirteen. (who do you think got those charges dropped?) 
  • tony and stiles hate each other within ten minutes of meeting; this is because scott meets tony first. tony finds scott’s good cheer, total incomprehension of whatever tony’s talking about but complete willingness to allow him to continue talking, and apparent appreciation of tony’s sense of humor gratifying; scott is mostly succeeding in hiding his WILD CHILDHOOD FANBOYING of iron man. stiles, naturally, is jealous both of the fact that scott likes tony and the fact that tony likes scott, although he won’t admit to either one of those emotions–tony, not that he’s emotionally aware enough to know why, just has trouble looking at the babbling kid with the big eyes and more brain than he knows what to do with. there is a lot of pithy snark. 

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but wait, what if the murders actually don’t have anything to do with virginity, and the fact that all the victims thus far were virgins is a total coincidence that stiles only latched onto because he spends so much time thinking about his own virginity that it’s his theory for everything? like, what if this isn’t even the first time. what if he’s spent all summer being like “A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT, HUH, DAD? ARE YOU SURE? WERE THEY VIRGINS?” while the sheriff made concerned faces and tried to figure out how to ask melissa if scott ever suggested that the reason the pizza place got their order wrong was VIRGINITY GONE AWRY. what if poor scott, who only wants to be the best person he can be and not let anybody get killed, is still dealing with this in six months? “no, stiles, we solved those murders. they weren’t even about sex at all, remember? could you please – please stop asking people whether or not their cherries have been popped, bro. it’s super weird. nobody likes it at all." 

stiles/derek, domesticity style:

big spoon/little spoon:

that depends on what they’re doing. if they’re watching a movie (or, uh, hacked security footage of the minotaur attack that went down at macy’s last night, either way) on the couch, derek’s the big spoon, because stiles moves around too much to function in that capacity–he still elbows derek in the stomach sometimes while he reaches for the remote/popcorn/laptop/beer, but derek’s a werewolf, he’ll heal. in bed, stiles is almost always big spoon, at his own insistance; neither one of them will admit it, but they both know it’s to saves derek the embarrassment of having to re-negotiate their positions after a bad dream. 

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: 

well, it’s definitely not vanquishing evil, but since that’s pretty much all they ever have TIME to do, it’s hard to know. they can’t go out to movies together, because derek hates movies theaters (big dark room with no vantage points and few exits crowded full of humans and the cloying-sweet smell of soda and candy: no); they can’t do theater, because neither one of them really sees the point. they’ve tried going out to fancy dinners, but inevitably they end up arguing because it feels weird to sit across from each other with a white tablecloth between them while there’s a rogue gorgon somewhere in beacon hills. they hike, sometimes. they like baseball. every once in awhile they go on a roadtrip, just the two of them, and take turns driving. 

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things what have just occurred to me:

i apologize if i am late to this thought, but has the theory been floated yet that scott named stiles ‘stiles’? 

i mean. canonically stiles’ actual first name was his mother’s pick and is hard to pronounce, right, but “stiles” is clearly a bastardization of “stilinski,” and it’s not like his parents would have come up with that. like, speaking as someone who was called variations on her last name by friends for years, last-name based nicknames are generally not something started by people with the same last name as you. shit gets confusing. even if stiles’ parents didn’t want to call him by his first name for hard-to-pronounce reasons, it wouldn’t have been “stiles” they called him–it would’ve been kiddo, buddy, junior, a shortening of that first name, a middle name, etc etc etc. something ELSE. something other than “stiles." 

and yeah, there’s the possibility that stiles decided to name HIMSELF stiles but like. i’m sorry, but i can’t help but find it more likely that the kid he’s been friends with for years, the kid who has been his only friend for years, came up with it. i can’t help but think that maybe wee bb!stiles told people to call him by his last name and wee bb!scott couldn’t pronounce it right, like maybe wee bb!scott called him "stiles-ski” because what the fuck kind of name is stilinski to drop on an unsuspecting second grader, and then that became stiles. or maybe wee bb!scott just STARTED CALLING HIM STILES OF HIS OWN ACCORD, like just decided it would be awesome one day and stuck with it. maybe it was stiles’ code name when they played spy games. MAYBE A MILLION THINGS, I DON’T KNOW. 

but my point is, it is now my headcanon that scott came up with “stiles,” and stiles has been making everyone call him that for years, has turned it into the name even his father uses, the name even his father tells other people he likes to be called, because when it first happened it was a nickname a friend gave him. it was his first nickname, from his first friend, and that made it cool automatically, because anything scott thought was cool stiles did too. THAT’S MY HEADCANON AND I’M STICKING TO IT; THAT’S ALL I WANTED TO SAY, DONE NOW. 

our feels go both ways:

gyzym: ahahahahahaha i am so tempted
gyzym: on such a regular basis
gyzym: to write a fic called
gyzym: ‘five times stiles was bisexual and one time he was still bisexual’
gyzym: that’s just
gyzym: five totally non-sexual vignettes
postcard: sdhfjkshfkshdjfkhksdf
gyzym: like, stiles goes to the store and buys an energy drink!
gyzym: and then stiles drives somewhere!
postcard: oh my god yes
postcard: stiles eats a meal!
postcard: stiles goes to sleep!

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eventually the birds must land [derek/stiles]

Late September a dozen years later and Derek runs until his lungs give out, until even the whipcracking twigs under his feet sound like only gunfire. He’s not running from anything, not these days, not anymore, but old habits like old grudges die hard; there’s a picnic table at the edge of the property line and a storm on the edge of the horizon, pushing on to greener pastures with wreckage in its wake. Derek watches the forest watch him with its wounded eyes, branches hanging loose and ragged in the thin wind. He doesn’t blame it for its reticence, for the way, today, it refuses to warm to him–he scares the birds and badgers back into their hidey-holes, wishes he could thank them for comparing him to thunder. 

It is autumn like autumn has never come before, autumn like a first run or a last stand. Later, tomorrow, the forest will sing; just now, Derek is its only sound. 

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better than rocketship underpants:

amazonziti: ugh i would love like a chilly winter story

amazonziti: in which scott comes over like early on a sunday

amazonziti: and stiles is in bed in like MAJOR layered pajamas

amazonziti: and scott kicks off his shoes and POUNCES

amazonziti: like hobbes

amazonziti: because scott is hobbes

gyzym: YESSSSSSSSSS

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shut up and grill:

nat: oh man, of course the sheriff reverts to bachelorhood as soon as stiles leaves the nest

gyzym: LITERALLY THE MINUTE HE LEFT

nat: YESSS ALL THE HUNGRY MAN MICROWAVE MEALS I CAN EAT

gyzym: I CAN LEAVE BEER CANS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

gyzym: EVERYWHERE DO YOU HEAR ME!!!!

nat: I CAN LEAVE FISHING TACKLE OUT AND STILES WILL NOT STAB HIMSELF ON THE HOOKS

nat: TRULY THIS IS A PARADISE

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