teenage mutant misanthropic lycanthropes

hoactzins  asked:

If you don't mind me asking, what's your current opinion of teen wolf?

I will not lie to you, I had to look at this ask several times before it stopped reading, “Wanna kick the wasp nest??” Having figured out what it actually says, I actually think kicking a wasp nest might be LESS dangerous, but whatever, I LIVE ON THE EDGE. (This is a joke. Please do not kick anything that might contain wasps, or even, like, just the one wasp, it’s fine, it’s only one, how bad could it be, really? Really bad, is the answer. Do not kick the thing. Wasps will fuck your shit up.)

Er, right. My current opinion of Teen Wolf: I used to tell people, “Yeah, Teen Wolf — I know it sounds like a ridiculous MTV show about teen werewolves and, let me be clear, that’s really what it is. But it’s very self-aware about that, and the writing is sharp if not necessarily brilliant, and I like the visuals and the music choices. It’s not, you know, the best show on tv or anything, but it’s engaging, and capable of wresting a surprising amount of emotion from you, and you’ll laugh at least once an episode. It’s worthwhile, so long as you don’t go in expecting too much.” 

Now I don’t tell people anything about Teen Wolf, because I don’t want anyone to know that I watch Teen Wolf. I think that sums up my feelings on the current season pretty nicely. 

TEEN WOLF: SOME THOUGHTS

a. what’s in kate argent’s grave if not kate argent? a bird? a plane? did she crawl her way up outta there without anyone noticing somehow because, like??? she was buried?? there was a scene?? in which we viewed that?? remember??? season two??? the golden haze of yesteryear?? when hair was shorter and things were simpler and no matter what time it was, it was lacrosse time?? SOMEBODY STOP ISAAC BEFORE HE SWANS OFF TO FRANCE WITH CHRIS ARGENT AND ASK HIM WHAT’S UP WITH KATE ARGENT’S GRAVE, oKAY? DID HE DIG A TUNNEL IN THE SIDE RATHER THAN ACCEPT DEREK’S HAND UP THAT NIGHT OR WHAT.

b.  i’m Team Argent Women Are Incapable Of Death, do you hear it, that sound in the distance, it’s victoria argent not being dead, it’s allison argent not being dead, YOU CAN’T KEEP A GOOD ARGENT DOWN, we train our sons to be soldiers and our daughters to sacrifice little bits of themselves to ancient gods every year on their birthdays so in the event of a death they just pop right back up again, KATE’S ALIVE SO THEY’RE ALL ALIVE, IMMORTAL ARGENT LADIES OR BUST 

c. derek’s really bummed about kate being back because trauma and everything, family murderings etcetera, but also because he can just tell there’s going to be less time now for his side job: walking up and down the streets of beacon hills wearing a sandwich board that reads SCOTT MCCALL FOR MAYOR & PRESIDENT & KING OF THE UNIVERSE on one side and BEACON HILLS <3 SCOTT MCCALL on the other. and it really sucks because scott was coming around, derek could tell, he only said “stop doing that thing with the sandwich board, dude, it freaks people out, i’m not even running for anything,” once last week, and now kate’s here, screwing it all up. 

d. how can you have a dream after a thing happens that confirms for you while the thing is happening that the thing that happened was real? like, i come from inception fandom, jeff, okay, i get it, dreams are complicated, WE HAVE TO GO DEEPER, but this is just a basic logic issue, you get it? you feel me? TENSES. LINEAR PROGRESSION OF TIME. I DON’T CARE HOW MANY FINGERS STILES HAS???? UNLESS HAVING EXTRA FINGERS MAKES YOU TIME TRAVEL???? why do i watch this show.

e. EVERY DANNY THOUGHT I THINK OF MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN THE LAST ONE, danny the vampire, danny the shapeshifter, danny the modern-day reincarnation of the god apollo, danny who transferred from a school in the lost city of atlantis, danny who is completely human in every way but has a notebook under his pillow that has “someday i’m going to write the most ridiculous screenplay ever and still get to say ‘based on a true story’” written on the cover, danny who’s cousin is a gryphon, DANNY <3

f. i will neither forgive nor forget this season, teen wolf, but i have to say, that cover of bad moon rising was fucking awesome. 

I hate you all (and blame /Report).

So I may have started writing Teen Wolf fic. Which two weeks ago was my current Line. You know the line I mean. The You Shall Not Pass line. The If You Can Read This, You’re Too Close line.

Yeah, it’s back there, somewhere. *waves over shoulder*

Keep reading

lavndrmenace  asked:

allison/lydia, spn-style monster hunters

“We’re here with the FBI, agents Winehouse and Germanotta,” Lydia and Allison flick out their badges simultaneously, smiling courteous, professional, just-this-side-of-dangerous smiles.

The park ranger furrows his eyebrows, checks their badges, and lets them through the police line. Later, when they’re in the middle of hunting down the goddamn wendigo, he looks back and forth between them and says, none too politely, “Can I call your supervisor?”

They give each other pointed looks, what did you do wrong, and that’s gonna get fought out later in the car, but in the moment, Lydia just hands over the card. They still smile at each other as Stiles answers the phone with a, “Yello, this is Agent Carson speaking. Have my agents been giving you trouble?”

(Okay, so this turned out kinda long. Also way less Lydia/Allison-y than it should have been. Oops.)

but wait, what if the murders actually don’t have anything to do with virginity, and the fact that all the victims thus far were virgins is a total coincidence that stiles only latched onto because he spends so much time thinking about his own virginity that it’s his theory for everything? like, what if this isn’t even the first time. what if he’s spent all summer being like “A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT, HUH, DAD? ARE YOU SURE? WERE THEY VIRGINS?” while the sheriff made concerned faces and tried to figure out how to ask melissa if scott ever suggested that the reason the pizza place got their order wrong was VIRGINITY GONE AWRY. what if poor scott, who only wants to be the best person he can be and not let anybody get killed, is still dealing with this in six months? “no, stiles, we solved those murders. they weren’t even about sex at all, remember? could you please – please stop asking people whether or not their cherries have been popped, bro. it’s super weird. nobody likes it at all." 

gyzym: i would LOVE to find out that peter is, himself, a werecoyote
gyzym: and that’s why his alpha was so fucked up and weird
fiveyearmission: oh shit
fiveyearmission: that would be awesome
gyzym: right? ALWAYS A COYOTE, NEVER A WOLF, talia used to say to him
gyzym: and peter thought, one day i will murder everyone you love
fiveyearmission: INTO IT
gyzym: i mean, he got beaten to the punch on the murder thing, BUT STILL, HE GOT TO SOME OF THEM
gyzym: and lydia could catch him in a coyote trap!
fiveyearmission: jaksdflas i am pro this idea
fiveyearmission: very much so
fiveyearmission: unfortunately i feel like it would have required too much forward thinking, going way back
gyzym: this is teen wolf. what does the canon matter?
fiveyearmission: TRUE

limonmelon  asked:

Danny Mahealani's Epic Quest to At Least Try to Sleep With Someone Who's Not a Douche.

Poor Danny, man. I have more sympathy for him than pretty much anyone else on this show (Scott’s got superpowers, Isaac’s got superpowers, Boyd’s got superpowers, Stiles goes looking for trouble, Allison’s had training, Peter’s an asshole, Derek’s got a death wish, Lydia at least knows what the hell is going on now), and I eagerly await the day when he gets to have sex with Stiles be happy. It’s really important to me that Danny get to have sex with Stiles be happy. I mean he should at the very least have sex with Stiles be told about werewolves; what is it about the characters on this show and their continual default setting of “Let’s not explain to our friend who is banging or thinking of banging a dangerous supernatural creature that the person they are banging or thinking about banging is a dangerous supernatural creature?“ I mean, I feel like that’s pertinent information, characters on Teen Wolf. I would want to know if my crush was a murder lizard. I would want to know if I was dating one half of a freaky werewolf Doublemint commercial. 

(Semi-related: back when I was writing Teen Wolf fic I wrote like 8K of canon-based slow build Danny/Stiles that I stalled out on when I stalled out on Teen Wolf and which is now hiiiiiideously jossed. I’m toying with the idea of putting it on the internet as-is, since I can’t finish it now that it’s completely and utterly non-canon compliant, but I sort of feel like that’s a dick move, idk. I’d definitely consider taking some Danny/Stiles ficlet prompts if anyone felt like leaving them, though — Danny should get to have sex with Stiles nice things :D)