I’m a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious. I don’t like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don’t care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I’m a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else has.
Do not allow him to consume you. If he does not call, go to sleep. If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway. If he acts distant when you are with him and refuses to tell you what is wrong, don’t wait for him, go home and do something you love. If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, spend more time with your friends. If he tries to teach you a lesson through the silent treatment, ignore him completely.
If he plays with your feelings constantly, walk away from him. If he acts like your body is his entitlement when you are not ready, walk away from him. If he says terrible, unforgivable things and threatens to leave you after every argument, walk away from him. If he forbids you from doing anything you love, walk away from him. If he claims ownership of your accomplishments, walk away from him. If he demeans you or disrespects your being a girl and refuses to stop when you tell him it hurts, walk away from him.
I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first. He is a secondary character in the story of your life. Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book.
Nikita Gill, Advice for Teenage Girls Finding Their Way Through Love.
“I don’t know, I suppose it’s because I had a shit day at work and usually I would just want to go home and crawl into bed and cry and order pizza in and watch sad movies but you make me want to talk about my day and what happened and why it was so bad and, for somebody who hates talking about themselves, that’s fucking terrifying, you know? Finding someone you want to talk to, like really talk to, is scary because you don’t know how long they’ll bother listening.”
Have you ever cared for someone so much, that everything they do worries you. Sure it may seem weird and over protective but you just want them to be safe. When you truly care about someone, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. Because if anything ever happened, I would spend every waking moments wishing I could have prevented it.
If you had chosen me we would have been the brightest constellations in the sky, as clear to see as Orion’s belt from my front porch. If you had chosen me we would have been tracing pathways of fire with our fingertips and 7pm wanders in the setting sun and 3am conversations under the moon and 11.30am brunches on rainy days. If you had chosen me we would have been smiling eyes and laughter lines and stars shooting across the sky whenever your shoulder brushed against mine.
Or maybe if you had chosen me we would have been long silences and flinching away from accidental touches and smiles turned upside down and eyes sparkling with tears instead of stars.
Maybe we would have been beautiful. Maybe we would have been a catastrophe. I still just kinda wish you had chosen me.
But it’s probably best that you didn’t, 14/10/2015
I’ve always flexed my stern rules for other people but never for myself. A shelf full of trophies and a folder full of certificates will advocate my ambitious obedience. Relationships go against my ambitions as equally as they go against my cultural and religious beliefs; call me sheltered if you want. I’m proud of the accomplishments I have made because i wasn’t distracted by a lover.
I know too well that humans aren’t designed to live a solitary life. I will catch myself looking for a partner someday maybe not today, not this week, not this year but someday. Until then I will pat myself on the back for having a will power stronger than my hormones.
Not falling in love does not equate to not having a heart. I’ve been coarse on my nafs but I’m proud of where it got me. In a world that treads on teenagers getting drunk on the idea of love, I’ve rebelled by not losing sight of my goals.
“Why are we doing this?” he whispers. His voice is shaking.
His voice never shakes. He never cries.
“You’re leaving,” he tries to reason. “Why are we putting off the inevitable? Why are we giving ourselves even more reasons to break when…” he falters.
The pain in her chest grows a little bit more, just like it has every day since she met him, but her voice is strong. “Because loving you right now, right here, in this moment, is worth it. It’s worth breaking for.”
“Loving you is worth every piece I’ll lose,” she breathes.
For you - you will always be worth it, 16/07/2016
I think it hurts because that day I didn’t just lose the person who I thought was my forever. I lost my best friend.
I didn’t just lose the person who’s kisses were enough to send all the blood rushing to my head and who’s touch sent tremors to my knees. I lost the person who would hold me while I cried and who, brick by painstaking brick, would help me rebuild my world when it came tumbling down on top of me. I didn’t just lose the person who would tangle their fingers in my hair and whisper “I love you’s” to me when we were wrapped up in bedsheets. I lost the person who never failed to put the laugh in my voice and smile on my lips. I didn’t just lose the person who kissed away my tears when they ran races down my cheeks or the person who promised me happiness when I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I lost the person who vowed to never leave my side. I lost the person who would take the brunt of whatever hand life dealt me. I lost the person who would have gladly stepped in front of a gun for me.
But then someone shot the gun and suddenly they weren’t there and I lost the person I fell so hopelessly in love with and my best friend all in the split second it takes to pull a trigger.
German is my native language and I wanted to make a short list with books I enjoyed. Of course, “important”/classic or your favorite ones might be missing because I haven’t read everything and I only wanna recommend books I have read and liked. Reading is important when you learn a language, so this list might help you! Most of the books are rather “modern” ones, so if you don’t like reading older books, this list is perfect for you!
Die Häupter meiner Lieben by Ingrid Noll (crime, fun)
Die wilden Hühner (1-5) by Cornelia Funke (kids)
Die Apothekerin by Ingrid Noll (crime, fun)
Rotkäppchen muss weinen by Beate Teresa Hanika (drama)
Die Physiker by Friedrich Dürrenmatt (classic)
Der Besuch der alten Dame by Friedrich Dürrenmatt (classic)
Ehrenwort by Ingrid Noll (crime, fun)
Schachnovelle by Stefan Zweig (classic)
Halali by Ingrid Noll (crime)
Über Bord by Ingrid Noll (crime, fun)
Plötzlich Shakespeare by David Safier (fun)
Lila, Lila by Martin Suter (love, drama)
Das Parfüm by Patrick Süskind (classic)
Freche Mädchen, Freche Bücher by various authors (teenager)