I hate it when people ask me to describe what the book I’m reading is about because I know you mean you want me to give you a short, basic description but I can’t do that, no, either you get the whole life story of the book or you read the goddamn back
It’s not that he doesn’t love
Lydia. Of course he loves Lydia. He’s always loved her; been infatuated with
her; fascinated with the idea of her. That never really went away. It just
changed; grew deeper and more complex with everything that they had experienced.
It’s just that after she drives
him to college and leaves him with a lingering kiss and a promise that she’d
see him soon, things feel different.
So much has happened since that
night he dragged Scott into the woods to look for the body of Laura Hale. So
much has happened that he doesn’t really feel like he fits into his own life.
He tries to ignore it; to pretend that everything is okay; but after the Ghost
Riders, he realises he can’t pretend anymore.
It might be the fact that he was
stuck waiting in the train station with Peter Hale but he’s been thinking about
Derek. He’s been thinking about Derek a
lot, thinking that if anyone understands what it’s like to feel like you
don’t fit into your own life, it would be Derek.
One night, after a few too many
beers, he texts Derek. He doesn’t expect a response, sure that Derek has
changed his number many, many times since he left Beacon Hills without so much
as a goodbye. Hell, who knows if Derek even has a phone anymore? It’s not like
he was good at texting even when he had some semblance of a pack, of people
that maybe, sort of cared about him.
I don’t feel like I’m me anymore. Feels like I’m trying really hard to
be the same but it just seems hollow.
He doesn’t get a response but it
doesn’t really bother him. He wasn’t expecting one anyway. He’s stopped
expecting things from people. He’s stopped expecting a lot of things. That
voice in the back of his head tells him that he stopped expecting things from
Derek when he left without saying goodbye, like hours in a pool meant
absolutely nothing, like Stiles meant
So yeah, he wasn’t expecting a
reply. He just wanted to say the words.
After that, it kind of becomes a
It doesn’t happen all the time.
During the day, Stiles manages just fine. He has classes and assignments and
even a couple of tentative friends who he’ll grab a coffee with every now and
It’s a different story at night
though. He tosses and turns for hours, terrified that if he falls asleep, he’ll
disappear again and that no one will bring him back. Those endless days in the
train station plague his thoughts and he just can’t seem to escape them. It
feels like he’s running through those tunnels again, only to end up exactly
where he started.
So he tells Derek everything. He
pours out the whole story, explains the terror he felt when he knew that he
would be taken; when people looked him dead in the eye and had no idea who he
was. He explains the frustration he felt when Peter was the only one he could
rely on; the bitter disappointment when Peter left and he was all alone. He
tells Derek everything and it feels like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff,
just screaming into the empty nothingness. The words are out there and even if
Derek never replies, it’s better to have written them than to have done
nothing. It’s ever so slightly relieved the feeling of slowly choking on the
He ends his text message like
this: sometimes I think I’ll disappear
again and no one will come looking.
And then his phone beeps.
That’s it. Two words and Stiles
feels like he can breathe again. Someone would come looking for him.
It’s not like those two words
opened a floodgate of communication but Derek does occasionally reply.
When I do sleep, I see Allison dying. I wonder if Scott blames me. I
If I had been a better Alpha, Erica and Boyd would have stayed. No one
blamed me for that, just like no one blames you for Allison.
Do you think I’ll ever stop blaming myself?
I’m not the right person to ask about blame.
Found handcuffs in my roommate’s closet.
Think he uses them for community safety on full moons or he’s just really into
50 Shades of Grey?
Stiles, it’s far more likely that your roommate is an aspiring Mr. Grey
than a werewolf. Put them back where you found them. It’s rude to snoop.
Omfg I can’t believe you know what 50 Shades of Grey is!
Everyone knows what
50 Shades of Grey is.
You aren’t everyone
though! I didn’t know that you read books. Or watched movies. Or had any
knowledge of pop culture.
Derek doesn’t text back. Instead,
he gets sent a photo of a bookshelf. It’s so full that Stiles is genuinely
impressed; it doesn’t look like even one more title could be added to that
collection. He doesn’t know why but he finds himself feeling kind of sad that
he didn’t know this about Derek whilst he was living in Beacon Hills. Stiles
tries not to dwell on the feeling but he knows himself well enough to know that
he’s feeling guilty.
He knows what it’s like to wonder
if anyone would care enough to come looking if he disappeared. He imagines
that’s how Derek felt after his family died and Stiles didn’t do anything to
make him think otherwise.
He doesn’t text back.
It’s the night of the full moon and Stiles feels strange, like something is
missing. He was invited to a party or two but declined, pretending that he had
an assignment he really needed to finish. He’s weeks ahead of his course work
but he doesn’t want to go out tonight. He knows his friends back in Beacon
Hills are going to be okay without him; knows that it’s a good thing that he
hasn’t heard from them; but it stings a little.
He doesn’t like feeling so
He sends Lydia a text message,
asking how everything is going. He doesn’t want them to be in danger; doesn’t
want them to struggle without him; but it would be nice if they noticed his
absence. He’s hoping that Lydia will tell him that they’re okay but that they
She doesn’t reply straight away
and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
He can see the moon out of his
dorm room window. He snaps a picture and sends it to Derek without thinking. Never thought I’d miss chaining Scott to a
radiator, he captions the photo. He thinks he means for it to be a joke but
even to his own eyes, the words seem flat on his screen. He sends them anyway.
It’s not like he’s been censoring himself recently, not around Derek anyway.
On my first full moon alone, I howled at the moon, hoping that someone
would answer. It’s lonely without pack.
I’m not really pack though, he responds. It’s easier than
acknowledging the fact that Derek’s family burned to death in their family
home; that crazy Uncle Peter tore his sister into pieces; that his only
remaining family are either certifiably insane or residing with a pack in South
It’s okay to miss being needed.
I don’t know if they ever really needed me.
Derek texts back a photo of a
A quick internet search confirms
that it’s just a stock photo from Google but his heart races anyway. He
remembers diving into the pool and holding Derek afloat; how terrified he had
been that they would both drown; that his dad would find his body and drink
himself into an early grave.
He hadn’t cared about Derek then,
not really, not the way he cared about him now. He had held Derek afloat
because it was the right thing to do and because he was selfish. He knew that
if he and his friends had any chance of surviving this, they would need Derek.
Near death experiences don’t count as being needed.
This time Derek is the one who
doesn’t reply. It’s fair enough, really. Stiles wouldn’t really know what to
say to that either.
When he wakes up in the morning, he has three unread messages.
Lydia tells him that all is well in Beacon Hills and tells him to check his email because she’s edited his latest essay. He tells Lydia thanks
and tries to ignore the flicker of disappointment in his chest.
It counts as being needed. You weren’t just kept around because you
were better than nothing. You’re an asset, Stiles. You’re smart, yet somehow
stupid enough to throw yourself into danger without thinking twice. Underneath
that unrelenting sarcasm and attitude, you care a hell of a lot. If it wasn’t
for Scott, his attitude towards me and some of his questionable decisions, I’d
have asked you to join my pack.
A second message, sent about an hour later, reads tell anyone and I’ll rip your throat out
with my teeth.
He can’t help but laugh.
Lydia asks Stiles if he’s coming
back to Beacon Hills for break. It had always been his plan to spend break at home,
to fall back into things like he had never really left. He goes to reply, to
tell Lydia that he’ll leave after his last classon Thursday, but he finds
Sorry Lydia, totally broke. Can’t afford flights and I don’t think the
Jeep would survive the drive. Maybe you could come here instead?
I can’t. It’s all hands on
She doesn’t elaborate. More
noticeably, she doesn’t offer any financial assistance. Whilst he would turn it
down, the Martins are one of the richest families in Beacon Hills and Lydia is
generous with her money. If she cares about someone, she shows it with material
gestures. He hasn’t seen Lydia in months; since she drove up to college with
him. Shouldn’t she want to see him? Shouldn’t he be moving mountains to see
her? This is Lydia, after all. He’s
been in love with her for as long as he can remember.
All he knows is that something
doesn’t feel right here. There’s a gentle hum of disappointment under his skin
but when he examines it, he finds that it seems to be related to the fact that
he didn’t know Beacon Hills was facing another threat. It doesn’t seem to have
anything to do with the fact that he’s not going to be seeing Lydia this break.
He doesn’t know much about relationships but he knows that she’s supposed to
offer and he’s supposed to care.
His fingers hover uncertainly
over his phone, not quite sure what to say. He can’t actually remember the last
time he properly spoke to Lydia. They text a few times a week, when he has time
between class and she’s not busy with pack business. He scrolls back through
the conversation and he’s struck by how superficial it seems. He can’t even
remember the last time that they spoke on the phone. They agreed to have weekly
Face Time calls but after their plans fell through three times in a row, they
stopped making arrangements.
In the end, he sends back a simple good luck. He needs more time to analyse before he says anything
He manages to fall asleep before 3am, which is no small feat these days. He
dreams of his mum, of her body on the kitchen floor and his tears marking her
face as he cries down the phone, begging for an ambulance. He dreams of her
body on a cool metal table in the morgue, of his father having to identify the
body because his mum was sick and Stiles couldn’t get the ambulance quick
enough to save her.
He dreams of Peter offering him
the bite but this time he accepts it, sick and tired of being the weak, defenseless human. He can feel the pain, can feel fire coursing through his
veins, and he knows that the bite isn’t taking. He isn’t strong enough to
survive the bite so he’s going to die, all alone on the cold, hard concrete.
He dreams of the pool, of Derek
growing heavier and heavier. “It’s okay”, Derek whispers, as Stiles has no
choice but to let go. He watches Derek’s paralysed body sinking to the bottom
of the pool, his lungs burning as they fill with water, and he cannot do
He sees Erica standing on his
front porch, smiling at him. He relaxes. Maybe this is a nice dream. Erica is
alive and happy, which is how things should be. He tentatively smiles back,
lifts a hand in greeting. Her smile grows wider, showing bloody teeth, and he
reels back. Blood keeps dripping, gushing out of her mouth, until she keels
over on his welcome mat. He doubles over and vomits on his front lawn.
He dreams of Gerard. He manages
to get free, trips as he tries to run up the stairs and escape the basement.
Gerald just laughs as he slowly walks up the stairs and takes hold of his leg.
He screams as Gerard drags him back down the stairs, knowing exactly what fate
awaits him there.
He dreams of motel car parks and
road flares, of Scott going up in flames because Stiles isn’t enough to save
him; because Stiles has never been enough. He says all the right words but
Scott just scoffs and tells him that he wishes he had never met him, that his
life would have been so much better without Stiles, that it was Stiles’ fault
they were in the woods that night. Scott tells him that everything has always
been his fault, then drops the road flare and the whole car park burns a fierce
He dreams of the Nogitsune, of
the darkness. He pushes the blade into Allison’s stomach, hears Lydia’s screams
reverberating off the tunnel walls. He wants to take it back, to do something,
to save the girl his best friend loved; to save the girl he once considered a
friend. He can’t do anything though; he’s not strong enough to fight the
He dreams of the Ghost Riders, of
endless days and nights waiting for someone to remember him, of thinking that
maybe it would be better for everyone if he didn’t come back. Easier, maybe. He
dreams that he comes back and his dad’s face contorts into something unrecognisable,
twisted by anger and grief; the regret of choosing to remember his son at the
cost of losing his wife all over again.
He awakes suddenly, covered in
sweat and gasping for air. He doesn’t think, just grabs his phone and dials the
only person he thinks will understand.
It doesn’t matter that it’s nearly 4am. Derek answers the phone after the
second ring and god, Stiles has missed his voice. He didn’t realise just how
much until he hears it again.
Months ago, Derek texted I would and Stiles felt like he could
breathe again. Now, Derek has said his name and he feels grounded again, like
his feet are back on the ground.
“Bad dream”, he answers. “Sorry
for waking you”. He knows Derek wasn’t asleep but it’s the polite thing to say.
Derek doesn’t say anything. Years
ago, back when they first met, Stiles interpreted the silence as frustration,
like Derek was purposely not fulfilling his role in the conversation so that
Stiles would get the hint and shut up. After a while, Stiles started to think
that Derek was silent because he was socially awkward and just didn’t really
know how to participate in a conversation. After all, he had been alone for a
Derek’s silence seems different
now, though, like he’s giving Stiles a chance to process his thoughts and
decide where he needs to begin.
“Why did you leave without saying
goodbye?” he asks, acknowledging for the first time that he was bothered by it.
“I didn’t think anyone would
really care”, Derek says, like it’s that simple. In Derek’s eyes, it probably
was that simple.
“I did”. He pauses and the
silence stretches between them for a few more seconds as Derek allows Stiles to
collect his thoughts. “I was the one who realised you were gone. I went to the
loft after school and the place was empty. I don’t have werewolf senses so I
couldn’t just track you down… I drove around for hours looking for you. I was
fucking terrified that you had been taken by someone or something but then I
found Peter at that stupid abandoned train cart you used to live in. He told me
that you had gone and that you didn’t want to be found. That fucking stung, by
the way. You said goodbye to Peter but
not to me”.
“He’s family”. Again, his words
are spoken like it’s just that simple.
“Blood isn’t always thicker than
water, Derek! Peter is a fucking lunatic, alright? He killed Laura! That’s unforgivable! I know I’m just some stupid, spastic teenager and that you’d
happily rip my throat out with your teeth if it wouldn’t stain your upholstery
but I deserved a fucking goodbye”.
It’s not until he says the words
aloud that he realises how angry he is. He cares
about Derek. He has done for a long time now. He trusts Derek in a way that
he doesn’t trust anyone else and that’s not a recent thing. The reason he feels
comfortable enough texting Derek all his deepest, darkest thoughts isn’t just
because he thinks Derek will understand. It’s because he trusts Derek. Quiet, angry, hurting Derek who proved himself time
and time again; who proved that despite all his faults, he would show up when
it counted; would save and protect Stiles no matter what. He thought that
maybe, just maybe, Derek trusted him too; that maybe Derek cared just a little
bit; but then he left without so much as a goodbye or a forwarding address.
Stiles doesn’t know what else to
say so he hangs up.
I should have said goodbye.
I wanted to but I wasn’t sure you would care.
Actually, that’s a lie. I think I knew that you, out of all people,
would understand why I was leaving. I think I was just trying to avoid an
honest conversation that I wasn’t ready for.
He doesn’t text Derek for about a
week. He tells himself that it’s because he needs to invest more time into his
studies and into his relationship with Lydia but he knows that’s a lie borne
out of self-preservation.
In all honesty, he’s scared.
He hasn’t been scared of Derek for a long time. He’s been
scared for Derek and whilst around Derek, both of which are common
feelings considering Derek seems to have an annoyingly persistent habit of getting
into life threatening danger.
He’s scared now though because
Derek can be awfully perceptive when he wants to be. Derek also happens to
understand him more than most other people these days, which is why Stiles has
been messaging him in the first place. If Derek was really listening – and Stiles
thinks that he was – then he’s revealed just a little bit too much about his
Stiles has always found Derek
attractive. Even when Derek was threatening to rip his throat out or pushing
his head into a steering wheel, he’s been very aware that Derek is more
attractive than most people in Beacon Hills combined. Stiles has eyes after all. He’s sure that Derek is
aware of it; that he’s smelt the arousal that seems to follow Stiles everywhere
he goes, particularly where Derek is involved. Derek, to his credit, has
politely ignored the attraction rather than acknowledging it and causing never
Somewhere along the way, things
shifted. The more time Stiles spent around Derek, the more he realised that
Derek wasn’t just a pretty face. He had been through hell and somehow still
survived but it was more than that. Weaker men would have crumbled if they had
gone through half as much pain as Derek but he came through it all and somehow,
he still cared about people. He turned Isaac, Erica and Boyd because he was
lonely but also because he thought he was giving them a better life. He showed
up, time and time again, even when he didn’t have to. Even though he said that
he didn’t, he knew that Derek trusted him.
Derek’s actions spoke far louder than his words and somewhere along the way, Stiles
had proven himself to Derek. The threats and the violence had been replaced
with an understanding that they had each other’s backs.
When he went to Derek’s apartment
and found it empty, he had realised. Things had just clicked into place and he
knew that his physical attraction to Derek had grown into something deeper and
stronger. It was a secret that Stiles had intended to take to his grave. He had
shoved it into the far corners of his mind and pretended that he wasn’t
bothered by Derek’s absence; he had dated Malia and then Lydia and acted like everything
He had never talked about it so
when those words tumbled out of his mouth, the anger and the frustration and
the hurt feelings were still so fresh. Derek is smart enough to put the pieces
together and realise that there’s something more there, at least on Stiles’
So yeah, he’s scared. He’s not
scared that Derek won’t reciprocate his feelings because he already knows that
Derek doesn’t feel the same. He’s terrified that he’ll lose Derek completely
and he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to handle it.
It’s pathetic but he’s felt more
human over the last few months than he has since Derek left. He isn’t ready to
He and Lydia break up during the week that he’s ignoring Derek.
They manage to have a Face Time
conversation and about three minutes in, she tells him he looks like complete
crap. He tells her that he’s struggling with the distance, that after
everything, he just isn’t ready to come back to Beacon Hills and she’s far too
valuable to travel to him and leave the town unprotected.
Lydia doesn’t even look surprised
and she’s polite enough not to call him on his bullshit.
“It’s better that we end it now.
I’ve received an early acceptance to the University of Cambridge so in the near
future, we’ll be on different continents”, she says in agreement.
There’s a lot left unsaid. They’re
both aware that Stiles is no longer the same person he was in third grade, when
he decided that he was going to be in love with Lydia Martin forever. They’ve
both lost people and gone through more trauma than most people see in a
lifetime. Rather than growing together, they grew apart. Stiles knows that a
lot of the responsibility for that rests on his shoulders; that he should have
worked through his issues with Lydia,
that he should have trusted her with the burden he was carrying.
He was just so in love with the
idea of Lydia; so desperate to have the perfect relationship that he had been dreaming
of for years that he refused to share his darkness out of fear that it would
He ignores the voice telling him
that Derek Hale has already seen him at his worst and seems to tolerate him
For someone who once thought that Lydia Martin shined brighter than the sun, he’s
remarkably okay with their breakup.
Scott texts him for the first
time in weeks, a simple
news. Hope you’re okay.
He replies with a smiley face. He
doesn’t think there’s much else to say. He and Scott will always be brothers
but they’re living different lives now.
After a particularly sleepless
night, he texts Derek. He figures that if Derek was going to make a scene over
Stiles’ little crush, he would have done it already.
Would your arm have grown back?
Do you think about that a lot?
I’ve done a lot of research and can’t seem
to find the answer.
We aren’t related to starfish. I’m 99% sure I’d have ended up with a
He gets to know Derek a lot better over text.
Breaking Bad or Walking Dead?
Is that even a question, bitch?
Summer or winter?
Winter. I remember learning how to snowboard when I was younger. My
family had a lodge.
Favourite Harry Potter character?
George Weasley or Sirius Black. Ten minutes later, his iPhone
indicates that Derek is still typing a message. It’s worth the wait when Derek
practically sends an essay about why he likes each character. That leads to a
three hour phone call about why Severus Snape is a bad person. Stiles falls
asleep while Derek is ranting about the scene in the movie where Severus steps
over James Potter’s dead body to see Lily.
The fact that Derek’s a secret
Harry Potter fanatic makes him way happier than he should be.
Late at night, their text messages grow more serious.
I don’t think I’ve had any truly terrible relationships. I haven’t
really been heartbroken or betrayed. I think I’ve been a bad boyfriend though.
Both Lydia and Malia deserve better.
You weren’t heartbroken over Lydia?
Not really. I was more in love with the idea of her.
That’s how I feel about Kate.
He doesn’t reply; chooses to call
Derek instead. It’s 2am and for the first time ever, Derek tells another person
what happened with Kate Argent. Stiles had put most of the pieces together a
long time ago but hearing Derek tell the story is the most horrific thing
Stiles has ever heard. The police reports had noted that Derek, Laura and Peter
were the only survivors; that Derek’s mother and father, his grandmother, three
younger siblings, and four cousins of various ages had all perished in the
Derek’s voice doesn’t waver as he
tells Stiles that Kate had seduced him; that he had told Kate all about his
family; that he had mentioned a family gathering that he wanted her to attend.
He tells Stiles that he came home from lacrosse practice to see his family home
burning to the ground.
Stiles only utters four words
that night but repeats them like a mantra until Derek’s breathing evens out and
he drifts off to sleep.
It wasn’t your fault.
Did you love Jennifer?
No. I think I could have in time but we both know how that ended.
Why did you believe me when I told you she was evil?
Because it’s you. You’re one of the only people that hasn’t lied to me.
That earned you a little bit of faith.
Did you love Brayden?
No. I think I wanted to show the world that I had survived Kate and
Jennifer and didn’t have any emotional wounds. I think most people would call
that a rebound relationship.
Do you think you could fall in love again?
Stiles waits for an excruciating
seven minutes before Derek replies.
I tried to tell my dad that I was bisexual
once. I think he thought I was joking.
I never got to tell any of my family that I’m bisexual. After the fire,
Laura and I moved to New York. I wanted to tell her but I couldn’t find the
words. I couldn’t find the words about Kate either. I like to think that she
knew anyway and loved me regardless.
I’m sorry I accused you of her murder. That was really fucked up.
I was never really going to rip out your throat with my teeth.
It was easier to just be angrier all the time. Anger is easier to
manage than grief.
Was easier? Are you not angry anymore?
I’m still angry but it’s not the only thing I feel anymore. These
messages help. So does therapy.
Derek Hale in therapy? I never thought I’d see the day! In all
seriousness, I’ve thought about therapy a lot. I went after my mum died and it helped
a little bit. I just don’t know where I’d find a therapist who knows about the
Derek texts him a phone number
for a counsellor about fifteen minutes off campus. He doesn’t ask Derek how he
knew what college he was at.
Peter offered me the bite once.
I didn’t know. I’m glad you didn’t take it?
Because I’d be a terrible werewolf?
Because no one should be connected to Peter in that way. I think you’d
make an excellent werewolf. Far better than Scott.
Have you seen the latest episode of Game
He calls Derek and they talk for
hours. He almost hangs up the phone when Derek tells him that he doesn’t
understand the appeal of Jon Snow but he likes the sound of Derek’s voice far
On April 8th, he gets sent a photo of a cheesy card wishing him many
Happy 18th birthday, Stiles.
He sends Derek a photo of his
face with his widest grin. He didn’t even know that Derek knew his birthday.
When’s your birthday?
And how old are you going to be? I vaguely remember starting at Beacon
Hills high as you were getting to graduate but then when we saw you in the
woods, you looked like you were 80.
I’m only four years older than you, Stiles. I’ll be turning 22 but I
haven’t celebrated in years.
But if someone wanted to hypothetically post you a card and a present,
where would they send it?
Derek sends him an address in New
York City. Stiles doesn’t need to ask; he instinctively knows that this is the
apartment that Derek and Laura lived in before her death.
Do you think you’ll ever go back to
Not unless it’s an emergency. I was supposed to go back with Laura when
we heard about the killings in our territory but I told her that I wasn’t
ready. I made her go alone.
It wasn’t your fault.
Stiles can’t sleep. He Face Times Derek and pesters him until he finally agrees
to start watching Parks and Recreation.
Stiles has the same episode
playing on his laptop but he finds himself paying more attention to Derek’s
face than the episode. He’s never seen Derek laugh before and the sight of him
chuckling is mesmerizing.
It becomes a regular thing. Derek
watches something on Netflix; Stiles watches Derek.
I hope you fall in love with someone who
loves you as much as I do.
Stiles should not be allowed
access to his phone while under the influence of alcohol. He texts Derek that
exact sentiment the next morning but Derek doesn’t respond.
He doesn’t hear from Derek again.
I’m really sorry, Derek.
I shouldn’t have made things awkward between us.
Your friendship is more than enough, I swear. I’m not going to push for
something that you don’t want.
None of his messages elicit a reply and god, it hurts like a fucking bitch. He
thinks he finally knows what it’s like to have a broken heart.
He receives a text from Lydia.
A little bird told me that Derek Hale is
currently moping in New York City.
I didn’t realise you were in contact with Cora. Hell, I didn’t realise
that Cora was in contact with Derek.
Of course I’m in contact with
Cora. She’s a useful contact. As for her contact with Derek, that’s only a
recent development. Their pack bond still exists in some form; she reached out
when she realised that something didn’t feel right.
What am I supposed to do about Derek moping? It’s kind of his thing.
Check your email.
There’s an email from Lydia. It’s
a forward from a travel agent, confirming that a flight for a Mr. M. Stilinski
has been booked for this Saturday.
He doesn’t know what to say. It
turns out he was right about Lydia Martin – when she cares about someone, she
shows it in materialistic gestures. This might be the greatest gesture that she’s
Stiles can barely sit still during the flight to New York City. He’s terrified
that Derek will slam the door in his face but he knows that if he doesn’t try, he’ll
The cab ride to Derek’s apartment
takes an eternity. He almost forgets to grab his bag in his rush to get out of
the cab and forces himself to take a deep breath; to slow down just a little.
He mentions to get into the
building without buzzing, darting through an open door as one of the tenants leave
the building. Before he got on the flight, Lydia had texted him the apartment
number, and his hands shake as he knocks on the door.
“Stiles?” Derek’s voice sounds
even better in person. “What are you doing here?”
“You didn’t reply to my texts”,
he says like it’s just that simple. In his eyes, it is.
It seems like it might be just
that simple to Derek too because he grabs him and pulls him close. Before
Stiles can protest about being manhandled, Derek’s lips are against his and the
words die on his tongue.
“Why didn’t you reply?” he asks a
few hours later. He and Derek had eventually made it to the bedroom and it was
everything Stiles had imagined and more. It was worth forgoing the conversation
but Stiles couldn’t ignore the obvious for much longer.
“I panicked. Over text, it was
easy. I could say whatever I wanted and not worry about the repercussions. The
thought of it becoming something more was terrifying, Stiles. You know my
“And you know that I’m not like
any of them”.
Derek nods in agreement. “You’re
not like them. You’re more than them.
You already mean more. I wanted to be in a better place before giving this a
“That’s why you’re in therapy?”
“Yeah. I’ve been considering it
for a long time but that night when you yelled at me for leaving without
goodbye was the final push I needed”, Derek explains. “I’m still not completely
there. There are still things we need to talk about and things that will
require a lot more therapy but I’m in a place to give this a chance, if you
still want to”.
“If I hadn’t have shown up on
your doorstep, what would have happened?”
Wordlessly, Derek passed Stiles
his phone. The draft messages are illuminated on the screen and Stiles scrolls
through them. There’s countless messages, dating back at least two weeks, and
they’re all different versions of an apology; of an explanation. Even if Stiles
hadn’t shown up on his doorstep; Derek was trying. Derek has proven himself
time and time again; Stiles knows that he would eventually have sent a message
“I still love you and I’m all in”.
Stiles calls the university the next morning and defers his enrolment.
University can wait. Right now,
he and Derek have a lot to work through, both individually and together. Stiles
hopes that if things go well, he can transfer his studies to a university in
the city. Based on the course catalogues he finds in Derek’s study, he thinks
that they’re on the same page.
He has seven missed calls from Scott and twelve text messages, all urging him
to come back to Beacon Hills.
There are three messages from
Malia, stating that he needs to get his ass into gear and help them out.
There’s even a text from Lydia,
saying that she wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t serious.
He looks over at Derek, who looks
more relaxed and happy than he has in a long time. “Shit’s going down in Beacon
Hills. They need me to save their asses”. He wants Derek to come with him but
doesn’t want to ask; doesn’t want to be responsible for Derek’s shoulders
growing tense as he heads back to the town that took everything from him. “I
shouldn’t be gone for more than a week”, he says as he’s packing a duffel bag
and throwing it into the back of Derek’s Camaro.
“That’s what Laura said”.
There is no other explanation;
nothing else that needs to be said. A second duffel bag is tossed into the back
of the Camaro and Derek gets into the passenger seat like he belongs there.
Turns out he didn’t need to ask.
Maybe Derek needs him just as much as he needs Derek. After all this time, it’s
a nice thought. It helps keep the darkness at bay; helps Stiles feel just a
little more grounded than he has done in a long time.
“You didn’t think you were doing
this without me?”
Yeah, it feels pretty damn good that they’re
an ‘us’ now.
Jeff tryna tell me Derek- I - had - my - back - stabbed - several - times - was - taken - advantage - of - as - a - kid - and - is - a - rape victim - who - had - to - take - his - first - loves - life - out - of - mercy - at - 16 - tons - of - people - wanting - me - dead - amongst myself -Hale’s deepest darkest fear is…Jennifer
Here we are. A list in no particular order. Well, in word count order actually. But not in, like, favorite order or whatever. You know what I mean. Also check out our ABO tag for all your Alpha!Derek and Omega!Stiles needs. - Anastasia
(Complete I 3,687 I Sterek I Explicit I Mpreg, Glory Holes)
Stiles, an omega, wants children desperately, and he will go to any length to achieve his dream. He decided a glory hole was the perfect answer for his desires. All he wanted was for an alpha to impregnate him, nothing more.
(Complete I 6,616 I Teen I Sterek I Growing Up Together AU)
Derek is still trying to figure out what to do about this when a woman’s frantic voice comes down the aisle. “Baby, baby, baby—no kick. I’m so sorry. It’s a thing lately.” She waggles a finger at her son. “We don’t kick.”
It’s a popular joke among Alphas: fuck an Omega, get heartbreak on your hands. Omegas are fragile little emotional things, needy and whiny. Stiles refuses to become that, or to believe that he’sanything like that.
Stiles and Derek have been fuckbuddies for a while when Derek loses his memories of the past three years - and them - in an accident. (Also - everyone’s a werewolf, and everyone’s alive.)
(Complete I 25,370 I Explicit I Sterek I Alternate Universe)
There are times when he feels as if they could fall into bed together, easy as breathing. If Stiles were not highborn, if he were an omega without connections, Derek would be sorely tempted. As it is, he resists. Derek wants, he yearns, but he resists. Still, the sight of Stiles in his cot is enough to test him, even now that it is familiar. At the end of each lambing season, he sleeps for a week, worn down by months of hard work, of relentless struggle. He doesn’t know how he’ll feel by the time Stiles leaves, how he’ll feel after long days and longer nights spent resisting the insistent tug of Stiles’s scent and the inclinations of his own foolish heart.
All Derek wants is to get through the lambing season with his body and spirit intact. He had thought that the blizzards would be the main danger, not a highborn omega with beautiful eyes and a stubborn streak.
(Complete I 39,114 I Explicit I Sterek I Past Mpreg)
The rules. Stiles knows them well. Has them drilled into his head, repeats them to alphas and betas that conveniently are too drunk to remember them on their own, hears Peter shout them out whenever a rule gets broken, reminding the entire bar that they exist and are (generally) enforced.
(7/7 I 70,140 I Explicit I Sterek, Scallison, Jydia, Stydia, Danny/Jackson I Dystopia AU)
AU. Alphas are like royalty and are offered their choice of any age eighteen-and-up virgin Omega for each year’s heat season, as a ‘thank-you’ to all they’ve done for their compounds throughout the year. Derek is an Alpha and…yeah, Stiles. Stiles is an Omega. And still a virgin. In every way. And he’s just turned eighteen. This…is not his day.
“You’re not putting that up your butt,” Scott told him flatly and Stiles couldn’t stop the pissed off whine he made, but his friend continued. “Stiles, you can’t put that up your butt, you know that. Your butt won’t be ready for anything to go in it until-”
“Okay, okay!” he said, flailing his hands to stop his friend’s lecture. “Message received, no butt stuff until I’m pounced on by some freaking animal in the forest and ravished to within an inch of my life. Got it. Thanks, Scotty, I mean heaven forbid I actually try to take control of my life and give myself a fighting chance or anything.”
“Not all alphas are animals,” Scott said quietly.
Maybe he was right, but Stiles wasn’t holding his breath.
(19/19 I 111,412 I Explicit I Sterek, Scisaac I War AU, Mpreg)
War is hell.
Falling in love with enemy solider Derek Hale, secretly mating him, and then accidentally being left behind by him when the war suddenly and violently ends is a special kind of hell apparently reserved for one human omega Stiles Stilinski.
But Stiles is determined to find his mate again, because Derek left more than just Stiles in a war-ravaged and werewolf-hating country - and with danger at every turn and nothing but Derek’s gun and his own wits for protection, hell hath no fury like Stiles now.
(14/14 I 116,637 I Explicit I Sterek, Scallison, Jackson/Danny I DubCon)
Stiles had just accidentally challenged an alpha.
Oh God, and Scott had just stood by and let him do it. He was the worst best friend ever. Stiles was going to kill him. Except, oh right, the alpha was going to kill him first. Like beyond dead, ripped into tiny little pieces dead. So far dead that his dad would not be able to identify him, dead.
(11/11 I 126,412 i Explicit I Sterek, Scira, Cora/Lydia, Jennifer/Derek I Werewolves Are Known)
“Don’t do it,” he mutters. “Don’t do it, please, don’t do it.”
But there it is, a soft pink line appearing right next to the control. Stiles’ legs give out from under him; he sinks to the bathroom floor, hands shaking, his entire body shaking. It’s hard to breathe, his vision blurring around the edges. There’s a knock on the door behind him and then it opens and Scott sits down next to him.
“I’m fucked,” Stiles gasps, tears prickling at his eyes. “I’m fucked!”
Resume: I had an ordinary life, or that’s what I
wanted to believe. I lost myself in the TV series that I listened to forget the
normal boring life. What I didn’t know, however, was that my life would change
myself in 2013 at Beacon Hills County.
be a Stiles x Reader but only further in the story
In this chapter: First day of school! So excited! Too much
excited. I forgot my mission. I change the future again.
Word count: 2632
In the end
I was so stressed, I didn’t close my eyes for the rest of the night. I didn’t
want to fall asleep and make a nightmare again, and the excitement of going to
school the next day kept my eyes wide open until morning. And it was Scott who
knocked at my door to tell me I had to get ready, all while giving me an empty
have to go to the director’s office, he’ll give you your schedule and also the
textbooks you’ll need. The sheriff made it with the school management to have
the same schedule as me. ”
I nodded as
I ran my hand through my hair. I needed a good shower.