controversial opinion: despite liking explicit pornography on his professional twitter account, i don’t agree with the consensus that ted cruz was jacking it on 9/11. masturbating to mediocre porn spam just seems too human for whatever life form cruz is. i believe he just sat there, watching. alone in the dark, unmoving. perhaps occasionally nodding, or loudly exclaiming ‘that’s nice’, in an earnest, but ultimately misguided attempt at mimicking human behavior