ted roosevelt

“...Ted... something occurred to me.”

Ted the Animator: “Eh? About what?”

Carl the Animator: “Your name.”

Ted the Animator: “…this is a setup for some elaborate awful pun, isn’t it.”

Carl the Animator: “No, no! See, like, you’re named Ted and all….”

Ted the Animator: “Yes. I am. And have been, ever since you first met me.” 

Carl the Animator: “Well… yeah.”

Ted the Animator: “Rumor has it it’ll be my name tomorrow, too.”

Carl the Animator: “Ok, ok, I know… today I realized somethin’ about it, though. Somethin’ new.”

Ted the Animator: “It’s three letters long, what’s there to realize?”

Carl the Animator: “Well, doesn’t it mean your real name is Theodore?

Ted the Animator: “…you do realize Ted is short for a lot of names, right?”

Carl the Animator: “…wait, what?!

Ted the Animator: “Yeah. Just look it up.”

Carl the Animator: “I d–… wait, please tell me your name isn’t Edwina.”

Ted the Animator: “Fortunately, ‘tis not the case. ”

Carl the Animator: “Ok, that’s a big relief, at least.”

Ted the Animator: “Seriously though, why did you think I’d have to be named Theodore of all things?”

Carl the Animator: “It’s the only name that makes sense! I didn’t know society had chosen extra names to randomly also shorten into ‘Ted.’”

Ted the Animator: “Learn somethin’ new every day, huh?”

Carl the Animator: “Like, ‘Edmund’ and ‘Edward’ don’t even have a ‘T’ in them! That’s totally nickname cheating.”

Ted the Animator: “…out of curiosity, which name would you expect to be mine?”

Carl the Animator: “I dunno… but deep down, I’m still really hoping for Theodore. It would suit you.”

Ted the Animator: “I would hope not! As names go, it sounds quite pompous and stuffy… like an uncle that collects foreign soaps or something.”

Carl the Animator: “History has plenty of great people named Theodore! Like, there’s that dinosaur from the ‘90s movie with Whoopi Goldberg.”

Ted the Animator: “…wait, that’s the positive Theodore example you decided to go with?”

Carl the Animator: “Why not?”

Ted the Animator: “…wait, you think of Theodore Rex before you think of Theodore Roosevelt?!

Carl the Animator: “Look, if the 26th U.S. president had been an anthropomorphic talking dinosaur detective, he’d get much higher priority in my brain.”

juno; starter sentences.

  • “I think I’m in love with you.”
  • “Cause you’re, like, the coolest person I’ve ever met, and you don’t even have to try, you know…”
  • “I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?”
  • “I’m just like losing my faith with humanity.”
  • “I just wonder if like, two people can ever stay together for good.”
  • “Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass.”
  • “Wow, your shorts are like, especially gold today.”
  • “I’m at suicide risk.”
  • “No, it’s Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?”
  • “It’s probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?”
  • “How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests?”
  • “I still have your underwear.”
  • “I still have your virginity.”
  • “I always think you’re cute. I think you’re beautiful.”
  • “I could sell you some of my Adderall if you want.”
  • “I never realize how much I like being home unless I’ve been somewhere really different for a while.”
  • “So what’s the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus?”
  • “That ain’t no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can’t be un-did, Homeskillet.”
  • “Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream…”
  • “…and the receptianist tried to get me to take these condoms that looked like grape suckers and was just babbling away about her freaking boyfriend’s pie balls!”
  • “Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby’s claws could scratch your vag on the way out?”
  • “You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.”
  • “You should’ve gone to China, you know, ‘cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.”
  • “You’s a dick! I love it!”
  • “So… Let’s talk about how we’re going to do this thing.”
  • “I named my guitar 'Roosevelt’-not Ted, Franklin. You know, the hot one, with polio.”
  • “Yeah, I came as soon as I got that ultrasound goo off my pelvis.”
  • “This is the most magnificent discarded living room set I’ve ever seen.”
  • “Uhhh, I hate it when adults use the term 'sexually active.’ What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?”
  • “Wow, someone’s been actually doing her geometry homework for once!”
  • “I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign so I remain unconvinced.”
  • “Silencio, old man!”
  • “Wow, I actually feel like less of a fat dork now.”
  • “I’m not crying, I’m just allergic to fine home furnishing.”
  • “Yeah, I’m a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.”
  • “Hi, I’m calling to procure a hasty abortion…”
  • “You should try talking to it. 'Cause, like, supposedly they can hear you even though it’s all, like, ten-thousand leagues under the sea.”
  • “Why does everyone think yellow is gender neutral? I never knew a guy with a yellow room.”
  • “It started with a chair.”
  • “'93. I’m telling you that was the best time for rock and roll.”
  • “So, I’ve been spending a lot of time listening to that weird CD you made me.”
  • “Shut your freakin’ gob!”
  • “I could so go for like a huge cookie right now, with like, a lamb kabob simultaneously.”
  • “Yum, this pretzel tastes like a freaking DONUT!
  • “Can we make out now?”
  • “Can I use the facilities? Because being pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit!”
  • “Would you like a free condom? They’re boysenberry.”
  • “I’m gonna stop wearing underwear. Raise my sperm count.”
  • “Oh and you know what? I bought another Sonic Youth album and it sucked… it’s just noise.”

A few episodes ago showed Ted boring his friends about facts he learned about president Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt after reading his biography. Teddy Roosevelt’s first wife was a girl he met while he went to Harvard named Alice Hathaway Lee(pictured middle left) They were only married four years when she died two days after giving birth to their only child, a daughter, also named Alice. That night(Valentine’s Day) in his diary a distraught Roosevelt wrote a large ‘X’ on the page and then, “The light has gone out of my life.”(pictured middle right) He would hardly bear to speak of his first wife again even to their daughter. Two years later Teddy was remarried to a woman named Edith Carrow. Edith had lived next door to him growing up and was a close friend throughout his childhood and teenage years and she even attended his wedding to Alice. Teddy and Edith would go on to have five children together(bottom picture, daughter Alice standing center) and were married for 30 years until Teddy’s death.

anonymous asked:

what are the last 5 or 10 books you have read? what are you reading now. do you have any opinions on the best books of 2017 so far?

Currently, I’m reading Wrestling With His Angel: The Political Life of Abraham Lincoln, Volume II, 1849-1856 (BOOK | KINDLE). It’s the second volume of what is planned to be a four-volume biography of Abraham Lincoln by Sidney Blumenthal, a longtime Bill and Hillary Clinton loyalist who has been a lightning rod for conservatives for the past quarter-century. Despite the level of disdain that most Republicans have long felt towards Blumenthal, they would be doing themselves a disservice if they skip this biographical series because of it. Quite frankly, Blumenthal’s first two volumes in The Political Life of Abraham Lincoln have the makings of a masterpiece of political biography. The first volume, A Self-Made Man: The Political Life of Abraham Lincoln, Volume I, 1809-1849 (BOOK | KINDLE), was released in May 2016, and Wrestling With His Angel was released last week. I’m planning on writing a full review of the book as soon as I finish reading it, but don’t miss out on this series just because you might not share Blumenthal’s own political outlook. This is purely history, and it’s REALLY good history. I admittedly had a difficult time picking up Karl Rove’s 2015 book, The Triumph of William McKinley: Why the Election of 1896 Still Matters (BOOK | KINDLE), and reading it with an open mind, but I’m glad I did because it was a solid history book by a guy who I just happened to strongly disagree with when it came to his own political ideology.

Wrestling With His Angel is definitely a contender for the best book that I’ve read in 2017 so far, but I think that Michael Finkel’s The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit (BOOK | KINDLE) is at the top of my list right now. “I couldn’t put the book down” is an overused description, but I really did read Finkel’s book – about a man who retreated from normal life and lived in the woods of Maine, without any other human contact, for 27 years – in one sitting. And the book had a powerful effect on me that I can’t really describe. It just has stayed with me for the past three or four months since I read it. It’s absolutely fascinating.

As for the last five or ten books that I read, here are some of them, in no particular order (and I’m probably forgetting some):
Sam Shepard: A Life (BOOK | KINDLE) by John J. Winters
Return of the King: LeBron James, the Cleveland Cavaliers, and the Greatest Comeback in NBA History (BOOK | KINDLE) by Brian Windhorst and Dave McMenamin
Last Hope Island: Britain, Occupied Europe, and the Brotherhood That Helped Turn the Tide of the War (BOOK | KINDLE) by Lynne Olson
Raven Rock: The Story of the U.S. Government’s Secret Plan to Save Itself – While the Rest of Us Die (BOOK | KINDLE) by Garrett M. Graff
Apollo 8: The Thrilling Story of the First Mission to the Moon (BOOK | KINDLE) by Jeffrey Kluger
The Gatekeepers: How the White House Chiefs of Staff Define Every Presidency (BOOK | KINDLE) by Chris Whipple
Prince Charles: The Passions and Paradoxes of an Improbable Life (BOOK | KINDLE) by Sally Bedell Smith
The American Spirit: Who We Are and What We Stand For (BOOK | KINDLE) by David McCullough
His Father’s Son: The Life of General Ted Roosevelt, Jr. (BOOK | KINDLE) by Tim Brady
The Prisoner in His Palace: Saddam Hussein, His American Guards, and What History Leaves Unsaid (BOOK | KINDLE) by Will Bardenwerper [Available on June 6th]

anonymous asked:

If Dwight Eisenhower were a politician today do you think he would still be a Republican?

I think the better question is if Dwight Eisenhower and Herbert Hoover and Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford were in politics today, would they have allowed batshit crazy extremists who have NO chance of ever winning a national election to hijack the Republican Party? 

No, they would not have allowed that.  Because Eisenhower, Hoover, Nixon, and Ford were leaders.  And the GOP doesn’t have any leaders right now.  That’s why hey have to have a 15-person Royal Rumble every four years to decide on their Presidential nominee.  That’s why they haven’t elected a President not named “Bush” since 1984 – 1984!  If JFK hadn’t been assassinated, he would have been 67 years old in 1984 – the same age Hillary Clinton will be this year.  That’s the last time the Republicans nominated someone not named “Bush” who could win a Presidential election.  And the most reasonable of the rumored 2016 GOP contenders is the guy with that same last name, too.

The question isn’t if so-and-so would be a Republican if they were around today; it is who does the Republican Party belong to?  What does it stand for?  What country does it really believe it represents?  Where is Lincoln’s Republican Party?  Where is Theodore Roosevelt’s Republican Party?  Eisenhower’s Republican Party?  Hell, where is NIXON’s Republican Party?  Because I don’t know many people who today’s GOP represents, and I’m certainly not close with anybody who represents today’s Republican Party because those aren’t the type of people I surround myself with.  The GOP had an identity that I might not have agreed with, but I respected it and Republicans could be proud of it.  They were the party which helped make Civil Rights a reality – not just with Lincoln, but by delivering the votes that LBJ needed in 1964 and 1965 to offset the Southern Democrats.  Today, if the GOP has an identity – and they don’t, I don’t know what they truly stand for, I just know what they are adamantly opposed to – it’s that they are the dysfunctional family that thinks Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Rick Perry, Scott Walker, and Rick Santorum are viable contenders for the Presidency.

So, this is a long way of saying, yes, Dwight Eisenhower would be a Republican if he were active in politics today.  Why?  Because Dwight Eisenhower was a warrior and a true leader.  Dwight Eisenhower believed in himself, in his ideals, and in this country and the American people.  And if Dwight Eisenhower were around today, he’d take charge of the Republican Party, clear out the crazies, stand his ground, and say, “I am a Republican.  This is what the Republican Party represents.  And you – Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Rick Perry, Scott Walker, Rick Santorum, Jim DeMint, Mike Lee, Cory Gardner, Raul Labrador, Dan Burton, David Vitter, Michele Bachmann, Tim Scott, Eric Cantor, etc, etc, etc – are NOT Republicans. Give us back our party so we can make our country work again.”

anonymous asked:

why didn't theodore roosevelt jr (tr's son) ever do anything important like his father?

Ted Roosevelt was never elected President, but it’s not even close to fair to say that he never did anything important. He served in various political positions – New York State Assemblyman, Governor of Puerto Rico, Governor-General of the Philippines, and Assistant Secretary of the Navy (like his father and his cousin, FDR) in the Harding Administration.

More impressively, he was a war hero – in BOTH World Wars. He died during World War II as a Brigadier General. He didn’t die in battle, but he was so ill that he had to beg for permission to take part in the D-Day landings and died of his heart condition in France shortly after D-Day. He was the oldest soldier who landed in the first wave of the invasion on D-Day. He was the only General who landed in the first wave of the invasion on D-Day. Not only that, but he actually needed to use a cane just to get around – and STILL landed on Utah Beach on D-Day. He was awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions on D-Day. It wasn’t an honorary award; he deserved it. It’s ridiculous to say that Ted Roosevelt didn’t do anything important.

And that’s just the end of his life. Literally! He died a month after the invasion. He also probably deserved a Medal of Honor for his service during World War I. Ted was a brilliant commander and beloved by his soldiers. At one point, he bought new boots for all of the troops in his battalion. He was wounded in action and suffered a gas attack with his battalion. During his military career – in both World Wars – he ended up earning the Medal of Honor, a Silver Star, the Distinguished Service Cross, a Purple Heart, and, from France, the Legion of Honour and Croix de Guerre. After WWI, he even helped found the American Legion.

Ted Roosevelt’s political life wasn’t as impressive as his father’s or his cousin’s, but he was a remarkable man. 

Even Teddy Roosevelt's son was a BAMF.

In February 1944, Roosevelt was assigned to England to help lead the Normandy invasion. He was assigned to the staff of the U.S. 4th Infantry Division. After several verbal requests to the division’s commanding officer, Maj. General "Tubby" Barton, were denied, Roosevelt sent a written petition.

Barton approved this letter with much misgiving, stating that he did not expect Roosevelt to return alive.

Roosevelt would be the only general on D-Day to land by sea with the first wave of troops. At 56, he would be the oldest man in the invasion, and the only man to serve with his son on D-Day at Normandy (Captain Quentin Roosevelt II was among the first wave of soldiers to land at Omaha beach while his father commanded at Utah beach).

Ted Roosevelt was one of the first soldiers, along with Capt. Leonard T. Schroeder Jr., off his landing craft as he led the U.S. 4th Infantry Division's 8th Infantry Regiment and 70th Tank Battalion landing at Utah Beach. Roosevelt was soon informed that the landing craft had drifted more than a mile south of their objective, and the first wave was a mile off course. Walking with the aid of a cane and carrying a pistol, he personally made a reconnaissance of the area immediately to the rear of the beach to locate the causeways that were to be used for the advance inland. He then returned to the point of landing and contacted the commanders of the two battalions, Lt. Cols. Conrad C. Simmons and Carlton O. MacNeely, and coordinated the attack on the enemy positions confronting them. Roosevelt’s famous words in these circumstances were, “We’ll start the war from right here!”. These impromptu plans worked with complete success and little confusion. With artillery landing close by, each follow-on regiment was personally welcomed on the beach by a cool, calm, and collected Roosevelt, who inspired all with humor and confidence, reciting poetry and telling anecdotes of his father to steady the nerves of his men. Ted pointed almost every regiment to its changed objective. Sometimes he worked under fire as a self-appointed traffic cop, untangling traffic jams of trucks and tanks all struggling to get inland and off the beach.

When General Barton, the CG of the 4th Division, came ashore, he met Roosevelt not far from the beach. He later wrote that

while I was mentally framing [orders], Ted Roosevelt came up. He had landed with the first wave, had put my troops across the beach, and had a perfect picture (just as Roosevelt had earlier promised if allowed to go ashore with the first wave) of the entire situation. I loved Ted. When I finally agreed to his landing with the first wave, I felt sure he would be killed. When I had bade him goodbye, I never expected to see him alive. You can imagine then the emotion with which I greeted him when he came out to meet me [near La Grande Dune]. He was bursting with information.

With his division’s original plan modified on the beach, the division was able to achieve its mission objectives by simply coming ashore and attacking north behind the beach toward its original objective. Years later, General Omar Bradley was asked to name the single most heroic action he had ever seen in combat, and he replied, “Ted Roosevelt on Utah Beach.” Originally recommended for the Distinguished Service Cross by General Barton, the award was upgraded at higher headquarters to the Medal of Honor.

He died in France just over a month later of a heart attack.

The manliest gene pool to have ever existed. ]