technical parts of it are hard for me

stuck on you. (m) | 01

“I want you to take my virginity.”
“What the fuck did you just ask me, Kim Taehyung?”

or, alternatively:

you’re not actually supposed to take your bestfriend’s virginity when he asks, right?

pairing: kim taehyung x reader 
genre: attempt at crack, eventual smut, college au
warnings: sexual jokes (like a cringe-worthy amount)
words: 9,582k
part: [¼]

out of context quote:
[9:52 am] Taehyung:  ___\o/___ me drowning in ur pussy lol 




“I want you to take my virginity.”



You’ve just taken a gulp of your pulp-included orange juice when Taehyung says this. He’s sitting across from you in the cafeteria of the University you both attend - have attended for the past two years.



His brown coffee coated eyes are staring directly into yours - a serious expression written across his features that tells you what he’s just spoken was said in nothing but pure seriousness.



And he says it so nonchalantly - so earnestly, that you do the only thing you can think of.



A perfectly reasonable reaction after hearing that your best friend, the boy you’ve been in love with for over two years - wants you to take his virginity.



You spit your orange juice out all over him.


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Entitled aunt unknowingly ended her own financial support.

Warning: long post. This actually happened at Christmas last year but the effects are now being felt full force.

My older sister, let’s call her Ria, and our mom have always had a very difficult relationship ever since I could remember. Ria has always been headstrong and not afraid to ask questions. My mom was a very traditional devout Christian who put family above everything first. Bit of a background - my mom was the second eldest of 9 children and moved from the Philippines to the US. She grew up dirt poor in a small province and experienced first-hand the hardship that comes with taking care of a big family. She was the first of her family to graduate college and has always valued education as a means to get out of poverty. She has paid for 4 of her siblings to go to college (only 2 actually completed and went on to find jobs) and has also paid for several of her sibling’s children to go to good schools in the Philippines.

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Ok this is gonna be long you ready? Imma gonna tell ya what I been working on, to clear it for you and probably me too 😂

1. Video
I’m making a animatic, And for the animatic I have to use genderbend Creepypasta, or it be weird 😂 The picture up there as you can see lol, but it’s super long, it got like 7 min, it’s crazy but I have to, it’s awesome!! so I have no idea when can I upload it 😥 we will just have to wait and see ( ;∀;)

2. Wendell’s story
Yes! I finally get myself to start typing it, it only took me, lets see… Around four freaking months (#・∀・)

3. Ordinary (Creepypasta VN)
Yes I am gonna make it but like you can tell it’s hard to get myself start typing 😂 good thing is Wendell is like quite a big part of that VN (It’s mine vn of course I can put whoever I like 😎), so technically working on his back story count working on this as well lol. Btw, I saw a lot of you guys thought I already published the VN, well no, not really, that one is like.. my super dark history, and it’s buggy, so DON’T PLAY IT PLEASE, I want to delete it but I have to keep that there so I can remind myself to start working on the new one!!

Oh boy so many stuff 😥 , anyways, I think that’s it, thank you for reading and have a nice dayyy!! Also thank u guys so much for 70k on YouTube!! 😆

Happy New Years!!! 
Have a tipsy Ardyn sitting on a rooftop because he wasn’t included in the festivities :( 

I know I’m late, being stuck at work makes it hard to do anything but luckily it was dead enough for me to sketch something out and then come home and fix it up :) Psst: it’s still technically New Years Day

I might have cheated on the background, sue me

The Reason

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Anon Requested: “Could you do a fic with Bucky and reader based off the song The Reason by hoobastank? Maybe like she was a winter soldier victim and after he recovered they became close and started a friendship, then relationship? Thank youuuu ❤️”

A/N: I don’t think I have much to say about this one, the request sums it up nicely. There’s some angst but mostly fluff. I hope you enjoy! 

Having Bucky join the team was not something I was on board with. I had always trusted Steve’s decisions, but in this instance, I felt that Steve was letting his personal emotions jeopardize the team. It was also the first time I ever agreed with Tony on something, which was painful in and of itself. It made sense though, Tony and I had similar experiences with Bucky, well technically The Winter Soldier, in our pasts and it was a hard thing to come back from.

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4

Abandoned L train subway station, Chicago. This stop hasn’t been used for around 10 years. It’s hard to see, but there are escalators behind those iron gates. This part of the platform is partially blocked off by the barriers shown in the first photo, but it’s still technically accessible because it’s in between existing stops. Photos taken by me 5/27/17.

4

season 5 bellarke crumbs   / /  (65 / ?)  

a.k.a. 5x06 Exit Wounds? more like 5x06 Just A Metric Shitton Of Blarke Parallels For Abby To Gif

a.a.k.a. this whole scene is a huge fuckin blarke mount weather massacre callback and it won’t fit in one gifset no matter how hard i try so be patient and don’t @ me part 1/4 

7

Edens Garden Add-on Set; Part I.

Hi Everyone!

As promised (despite some personal setbacks today😓) here is the 1st part of my large ‘Edens Garden Add-on Set’. Let me tell you… white is NOT a easy color😅. Technically it’s not even a color… that’s probably why it was so hard to create nice and pretty white recolors. 5 plants with 21 swatches total! EA gave us a variety shades of green in the Backyard StuffPack. I wanted to keep this feature.

It doesn’t look/sound like much but trust me; this will do wonders in your sims gardens! The game really lacks neutral colors in the botanical department.

Some (technical) info:

  • I don’t use Adfly, nor will I ever use this.
  • These are Add-ons (not standalone); if you don’t own the SP they won’t show up in-game.
  • Once installed they are sorted at the end of the line BG swatches. therefore; at first not recognizable. Once you’ve clicked on the bush/flower and look at the swatches they will show up.
  • They were made with Sims4Studio Jackpot.
  • Download the merged or the separate package files, not both!
  • The last screenshot is a unedited screenshot of the bushes/flowers.

I should not have to ask this but please… respect my TOU; don’t re-upload these items. The TOU-page will be added hopefully tomorrow.

And last but not least… let my know if you guys like them!☺️ Enjoy!

Love, Renora.


Download (Simsfileshare – no Adfly) 

anonymous asked:

jade recovering from being sick, with help from nurse roxy, after finding out the hard way that being part dog means no more chocolate. Also, jane giving some peanut butter cookies (for later of course).

Anon why must you hurt me like this,,,, poor Jade just let her have the chocolate :(

8

War Council + Mitsutada’s Snacks Part 1

Better Than The Alternative (Universe)

Technically late, but this is the Sterek fic I promised for day 2 of my Last 30 of 30 original content spree. It went and grew multiple POVs, so this is part 1 of 2, with part 2 to be posted tomorrow! Dedicated to @artemis69 and @dancinkatie who gave me the “Sheriff and Derek are BFFs/Sheriff Ships It” feelings (and said super lovely things to me and generally made me smile a whole bunch) 

****

Stiles isn’t sure how it happened, but he’s pretty sure he’s being replaced.

He’d only been at school for a couple weeks when Derek had returned to Beacon Hills, and as hard as it was to acknowledge that he’d once again missed a chance to turn their something into something more, the weirdest part was that out of all the dramatic and admittedly ridiculous alternate universes that he imagined being reunited with Derek in, he never imagined it would be in his own kitchen.

And that possibility was looking more and more likely.

Every time Stiles spoke to his dad these days, a significant amount of time was spent with John recounting his latest home improvement adventure with Derek. Or the ball game he and Derek watched. Or how Derek has really “settled into himself” now. And as much as Stiles really wanted to know all these things, it stung a little that his dad had so easily put another person in what used to be his place in his dad’s life.

It hurt even more that he was only hearing these stories from John. In all of the Big Reunion scenarios Stiles let himself imagine, Derek was always just as breathlessly  happy to see Stiles as Stiles was to see him. And now, a little over six weeks into his first semester and a month after Derek’s return home, Stiles has barely heard a peep beyond the first “Back in BH. I heard you were enjoying college, you deserve it” text.

The silence was driving him crazy, and he’s pretty sure his dad knows now, because he may have snapped a little when John mentioned Derek on their last phone call. He could only hope that he was imagining the “Derek Hale is my BFF” vibe his dad was giving off, and that by the time he went to visit at the end of the month everything would be back to normal.

Or at least what passes for normal in Beacon Hills.

****

John took a deep sip from his mug and sighed happily, surveying the newly painted walls with a satisfied smirk. “You were right about this color, son. It really brightens up the place,” he takes another sip and ignores the soft, pleased smile Derek still gets at the endearment. “You’re right about this fancy coffee, too. You’ve ruined me for store brand though.”

“As much of the stuff as you drink, you deserve the good stuff. Plus, I figured Stiles would appreciate knowing you’re safe from an ulcer from that glorified burnt acid you have at the station.”

John chuckles and doesn’t miss the wistful look Derek gets when he mentions Stiles. “Probably right about that, too.” After a beat of silence, he decides to start the conversation he and Derek have been avoiding at every shared meal, every trip to Home Depot and subsequent project, and especially every time Derek politely busies himself whenever he’s there when Stiles calls. It’s been an unspoken arrangement of their friendship, but after his conversation with Stiles earlier that day, and Derek’s umpteenth curious but restrained “How’s he doing?” it was time to bring it up.

“Have you talked to him, yet?”

Derek looks down at the mug he has cradled in his hands and takes a deep breath before meeting John’s eyes, a pensive crease on his brow. “I, uh. I’m not sure that that’s a good idea, John.”

John tilts his head slightly, waiting. In the time they’ve been spending together, he’s learned that often Derek needs the quiet to settle around him before he can fill it. A moment later, he does.

“Leaving Beacon Hills was the best decision I could have made at the time, but… But leaving Stiles-leaving all of them, was not easy. With Stiles there was always something there. I mean,” Derek looks away, back down at his now lukewarm coffee and rolls the mug between his palms. He huffs and shakes his head, looking up from under his lashes, head angled, “This is a hell of a thing to be talking about with you, you know,” and John waves it off, looking at him expectantly.

Derek laughs, light and humorlessly. “There was always something between us. We never really even talked about it, and I swear we never- there was no. I mean, he’s five years younger and he was a mi-”

“Derek,” John interrupts, “Slow down, son, jeeze. I believe you, alright? You sure did pick up a few things from Stiles,” he adds with a brief teasing grin.

“I. Maybe.” Derek rubs the back of his neck and gives up on his coffee, pushing it toward the center of the table. “We never talked about it, but it was always there. That whole thing in Mexico, and when I left with Braeden, it was close to the surface then, but it felt wrong to say anything about it then; it felt unfair. But it was… louder. My only regret leaving was that I had to leave him behind. Now, he’s out, even if it’s not as crazy here as it was, I don’t need to drag him back into this place and it’s craziness.”

John is hit by a new wave of fondness for the man across from him, and is surprised to find himself thinking of ways to get Derek and Stiles’ something to be less theoretical.

“Plus, I’m not sure if he still wants to talk to me. Not after I left him. I tried to stay in touch, but it always felt like there was more and more that I couldn’t say, and then I just. Stopped. And he stopped. I don’t know if that’s fixable. If he’d want to, even.”

John sighs, long and long-suffering, and rolls his eyes toward the ceiling. These two idiots will be the death of me. “Aw, hell, son. The two of you deserve each other! Neither one of you can manage to not ask about the other, but you run away from the conversation so fast after you could give a guy whiplash.” A pink flush rushes across Derek’s face and settles in his ears, and John feels strangely accomplished. Under the clear embarrassment, Derek looks hopeful, and John is reminded that even though they’re friends, Derek is also still mostly a kid; a kid who didn’t get much time to be one.

“Listen, Derek. I’m a pretty decent detective. Got a badge and everything,” Derek rolls his eyes at that and John thinks There’s another thing he can match Stiles at. “If you think I didn’t know about you and Stiles, that i couldn’t see the way you two always looked at each other, looked after each other, then you’re not as smart as I thought. Neither of you. That you care for each other is plain as day. And if the way he bit my head off earlier when I mentioned you is any indication, that hasn’t gone away. You just gotta decide if you’re going to make an effort to see what that something might be.”

Why Kristian Kostov should have won

Let’s be real, Kristian Kostov deserved to win the Eurovision more than everyone. I understand that some people like Salvador’s song, but I bet my life that he wouldn’t have won if the pity card wasn’t played. The guy has heart problems, we get it, but it shouldn’t be the reason why some people voted for him. It’s the same reason why I was so angry at russians for sending that girl. Yes, he has a good voice, but the song isn’t that ineresting, just plain boring. Bulgaria’s entry on the other hand, even though the song was in english, was practically ideal. The deep lyrical content had an exceptional powerful bond with the melody to the point where not only the lyrics have meaning behind them, but the general melody can make you think about the world we live today. The way each of the song’s elements interacts with one another and the meaning behind the song it’s astonishing. All that without taking into consideration Kristian’s voice, which let me tell you, is the ideal mix of hardness and softness, like water that at the surface is serene and calm, but holds the hidden power and potential. Honestly, that kid (Why do I keep calling him kid? I’m a year younger than him!) doesn’t get enough credit. Beautiful Mess is a hard song, I wouldn’t be surprised if half of the contestants would have trouble get the technical part down, forget about the emotional background! But Kris not only sang it nearly perfect, he put enough emotion in his song that it honestly tore through all of my defenses. Thanks to it I realised that being a grey aromantic isn’t that bad, that not everything comes down to romantic love, that not being able to fall in love practically at all doesn’t make me a monster. This song, this wonderful human being, pushed me hard enough to make the first step to accepting myself and that’s the reason why Kristian Kostov should’ve won and actually won my heart over.

Yoongi Scenario: Every Minute, Every Second.

Request: can i get a fluffy scenario where you tell yoongi youre pregnant and later on he comes home often, not like he used to be always in the studio until late at night!^^

Genre: Fluff / Family.


You didn’t know what to think of the papers that you had in your hands. When you noticed your period was late you tried not to think much about it, which was impossible, the probable cause for that became almost your only thought until you decided to take action and go have a blood test, those plastic sticks didn’t convince you, you had to have the real deal in your hands. And now you had it.

The balance of the hormones proved it. The test came out positive, you were pregnant.

Clutching the paper to your chest you inhaled, thinking that you must tell Yoongi about it, the thing was how? It wasn’t like you were scared Yoongi would reject the baby or anything of the sort; you were married and you had spoken about wanting to have children at some point. You didn’t know if he was prepared, if any of you were prepared for a child.

Setting those thoughts aside you smiled at the paper, thinking that you were scared as hell for the future and everything a baby involved but also happy that it had happened. It was ridiculous, since a couple of hours ago if someone had asked you to choose between positive or negative you would have chosen negative. Now the positive that let you know you were indeed pregnant made you feel happy like nothing else.

You thought about what you could do to let Yoongi know that he was going to be a father, even the thought made you smile nervously, you weren’t sure what he would like, but if anything you were certain was that Yoongi would like to know about it as soon as possible.

Right at the moment Yoongi was working as usual and you didn’t think telling him over the phone would be great; you wanted this moment to be special for him and for you, something you would remember dearly and a phone call just wouldn’t do.
So instead you made a little stop at a gift shop where you knew you could find something cute for him, Yoongi was a detail oriented person so you knew he was going to like this kind of thing, although he might hide his blush.

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Fanfic idea goes wrong

Me: So, I have this great idea for a BKDK fanfic. 

Friend: Oh no… Bring it. 

Me: So… Do you remember when Bakacchan told to Izuku to commit suicide? Well, what if he really did so? 

Friend: Technically, he…

Me: Shh, so, Izuku really killed himself and died. 

Friend: Oh, god. 

Me: Years after that, Bakagou meet a little boy who looks exactly like Izuku, just one difference, he has a quirk, a great one, and here comes the bad part… 

Friend: Really? Here? 

Me: Yes, because he don’t wants to be a hero any more. 

Friend:* bored* Really? 

Me: Yes, because he had one day a dream about a hard life and suicide and no hero came to save him, so he believes that heroes are fake. Now, Bakatsuki needs to convince that little kid that he can be a hero and that they are not fake. What do you think? 

Friend: So… It’s a BakuDeku angst fanfic… Do you really heard yourself? 

Me:…* starts to cry* I can’t do this to my babies. 

anonymous asked:

Hi. I wanted to ask you if you ever done a tutorial of how you color your arts, it look so realistic, I need some tips

this could be a really long answer, because it’s a super loaded question! it depends on what specifically you’re having trouble with. i just did a speed paint of a little comic piece i did recently:

but with something like this:

you’ll see it’s a layering process. the canvas is also huge! so to start:

  • i lay in flat base colors that are in the general wheelhouse of what i want to build on top of. everything has a trillion values, but normally there’s one that acts as a baseline for all of them. this includes big shadow values as well. i consider them to be their own beast.
  • i do the most detailed/technically difficult parts first, generally starting with the face. the secret here is, i bounce around with a thousand different colors with a brush with opacity control turned on:

i use solid blocking of color VERY conservatively, so when it is in place, it actually stands out. 

while not classically trained, i’m like 95% sure my style falls under impressionism. so even though it’s not blended, the colors give an optical illusion from afar that it’s realistic. i also don’t use black!

it’s hard to give tips on something that more or less came to me organically as i started doing more and more of what i wanted. i simply discovered i hated the way i did smooth blending, so i tried a different method instead. experimentation can sometimes be the best thing you can do! i’ve also been on youtube studying a lot of other artist’s work, which has been a huge help to me personally in the past year

#800: ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’, dir. George Miller, 2015.

It’s hard to believe that this film only came out two years ago. Since then, I’ve probably seen it six or seven times - in cinemas, at home, and once at an outdoor cinema at a winery in Hawke’s Bay. It never fails to amaze me, and while some parts of it still make me twitch when they fall below ‘perfection’ this is Miller at the top of his game. I can’t imagine him improving on this film, either technically or thematically. It really is just that good.

What makes it all the more impressive to me is that this is one of those films where failure to achieve in any one of a host of different areas would immediately reduce this film to the level of ‘very good’. People on the internet have written exhaustively about the film’s narrative development, about its treatment of female characters (turns out having multiple women reduces the burden of representation! Who’da thought?), and about how it treats disability and mental illness as characteristic and baggage-free traits that don’t need to be central aspects of the character. I don’t want to add to the pile of work done by people far more educated and far more directly affected by these portrayals than I am. What I want to talk about is liquid.

It’s hardly surprising that in a film about a desolate and dry world, that water would be a significant object within Fury Road. However, it’s only one of several liquids that are important here. In fact, of the four most critical liquids, water is third in the list, beating only guzzolene in terms of symbolic importance. Ahead of it are Mothers’ milk and blood. Through this one narrative aspect, I think Miller shows exactly how much thought has gone into every part of this work. If this film were just a script, these thematic resonances would still be there.

Guzzolene and water are both directly connected to the masculine nature of the Mad Max films. In Fury Road, water is possessed by Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne) in much the same way as his wives are - a vital asset to be preserved and withheld in a ‘for your own good’ sort of way. Joe teases the gathered survivors with water as a device to control them, but is satisfied to let the water soak into the ground. Even though he knows the water is scarce, he is still stuck in the old ways of consumption. When we see his wives’ quarters, they are sealed behind a vault door and there is a grand piano in there, but these luxuries serve only to reinforce how much he objectifies them.

Like water, guzzolene is constantly wasted in the film, usually in pursuit of macho pandering. The war rigs are kitted out with the necessary sharp bits to keep raiders away, but the flames and the nitrous tanks and the turbochargers are less about functionality and more about performance, in the theatrical sense of the word. They bolster the masculinity of their drivers, which suggests to some degree just how fragile this masculinity is.

Above water, we have Mothers’ milk, which fills one of the tankers of the War Rig that Furiosa (Charlize Theron) is driving. This liquid is particularly potent as a symbol: not only does it tie into themes of motherhood and continuing generations (themes carried on in the group’s interactions with the Vuvalini), it also tied to Julia Kristeva’s concept of the abject. The abject is that which is us but not us - it is disgusting partly because of its familiarity to us. If that sounds like anti-feminist nonsense, consider how disgusting we’re meant to perceive it as when the fully-grown Warboy Rictus samples a bottle of fresh Mothers’ milk. Later in the film, Max (Tom Hardy) uses a pail of Mothers’ milk to wash off the blood from his killing of the Bullet Farmer. It’s perhaps a bit of a stretch to think about this as the milk of women washing away the sins of man, but that was the analogy that occurred to me in the moment, and I think there’s decent thematic support for it in the film.
However, Mothers’ milk is not a sacred liquid, and Immortan Joe and his Warboys are happy to see it wasted in pursuit of Joe’s wives. Their rigs pierce the tanker of Mothers’ milk with grappling hooks in an attempt to slow Furiosa’s rig down, and Miller lingers on several shots of the milk pouring from the tanker. No liquid is worth more to Immortan Joe than his wives are, it seems.

That being said, there are other characters in the film beside Immortan Joe, and here is where the fourth liquid comes into play: blood. Blood and Mothers’ milk are the only liquids to have more than one discrete use in the film. Mothers’ milk is useful for both child-rearing and for washing, it turns out. Max’s blood, though, is useful in three separate scenes: in his early role as a blood bag for Nux (Nicholas Hoult), as a tool for drawing maps in the middle of the film, and as a transfusion partner for Furiosa near the end. This is why Miller hammers home the idea of Max as a universal donor both visually and verbally near the start of the film: we won’t need this information for 100 minutes, but when it turns up we’ll probably remember its significance.
(The idea of Max as a universal donor is true not just medically but psychologically too. He’s a provider of talent and strength on a par with the other characters.)

Unlike the other liquids, though, Max’s blood is never wasted - it always has a practical purpose whenever it’s employed. As weird as it sounds, this is the principal difference between Max and Immortan Joe: their relationship to others is defined by the concept of waste. Max and Joe both wind up prizing the wives, but Max doesn’t see them as objects by the end of the film. They display their individual talents and characters and both Max and Furiosa delegate tasks to them as needed. This idea of waste, though, is a true mark of difference. It indicates that Max is ideologically more closely-aligned with Furiosa and the wives than he is with Immortan Joe. It’s this that makes him a hopeful protagonist, rather than the antagonist some criticism framed Max as.

This whole theme is tied inextricably to a bunch of other elements of this film - editing, scripting, gender politics, the depiction of emotion as it relates to masculinity, all of it. This is why I think one misstep would seriously damage the film’s effectiveness overall.
Mad Max: Fury Road is not quite a perfect film - the final quarter is a bit more muddy than it could be, but never so much so that it makes the end result any less impressive. To have put so much thought into every major theme of your work, and to make all that work while managing amazing stuntwork, stellar character development and a colour palette and score to die for… that’s just good filmmaking. In fact, it’s a pretty good candidate for the best thing on the list.

anonymous asked:

Don't Be a Fool

I found this in my inbox and I planned the imagine in my head, but right before I started writing it I realized that this was actually an ask in regards to the Shawn Mendes question set. I had gotten the same question twice so I answered one and left the other one in my inbox. So technically this wasn’t requested, but I felt like writing a super angsty blurb and it turned into something a little longer than a blurb, so here ya go :)

~~~

As Shawn’s lips detach from yours, you stand back on your heels since you had been standing on your tippy toes to kiss him. This is always the hard part. This is the goodbye part. 

“Don’t wait for me, y/n.” Shawn tells you, and it feels like it’s coming out of nowhere. You’re standing in front of your house with your boyfriend of nearly a year. You’re about to leave for University, which is why you’re here saying goodbye to him. It isn’t the first time you’ve said goodbye to him though. His career as a singer is just taking off, and lately it’s seemed like you’ve been spending more and more time apart. You’ve both thought about your futures, with you going to University and him inevitably spending less and less time at home because of his career, but you thought you two could make it work.  

“What?” You ask him, almost not believing you heard right. Or if you did hear the right words, he couldn’t possibly mean what it sounds like he’s hinting at. 

He looks at you, and you stare back into his eyes that seem to hold so much hurt in this moment. You knew saying goodbye to him would be hard, it’s always hard, but suddenly it seems like this goodbye isn’t the same as all the others. “I don’t want to hold you back anymore, y/n.” He says softly, looking away from you. 

“You’re not holding me back, I love you.” You tell him passionately. 

“I love you too, y/n. But it’s selfish of me to keep asking you to wait for me.” he says, and you can tell he’s been thinking about this for a long time. 

Your mom comes out of the house at this moment, unknowingly interrupting and saying, “Y/n, we have to leave soon, or you’ll be late for orientation.” You blink back the tears, and don’t even bother turning around to see her standing in the doorway behind you. 

“Just give us a second,” You tell her, swallowing hard to keep yourself from breaking down in sobs.

She must be able to tell by the sound of your voice that this isn’t a simple goodbye because you hear her say, “Okay, take your time.” Before you hear the door close again. 

“So that’s it, you’re breaking up with me?” You ask him, point blank. He hesitates, but that’s enough of an answer for you. “That’s it then?” You ask, feeling the anger rise, how could he do this to you? “All of this meant nothing to you?”

“No, y/n. I really like you, but I know that I’m not the best for you right now. I’m a mess, I’m all over the place, and I can’t be there for you like you deserve.” He swallows hard as tears fall down your face. You don’t respond so he continues. “You’ll find someone who can be there for you the way I can’t. Sometimes love is letting go. I can’t ask you to wait for me anymore.” He practically whispers the last part.

You turn your back to him so he doesn’t see you cry any more. 

“Y/n, I think I’ll always love you, and I don’t know if you’ll ever understand, but this is for the best.” He tells you. 

Somewhere deep in your heart you know he might be right. And you might never understand why he didn’t fight harder for you, for your relationship, but even after everything that happened in the last few minutes, you know you can’t let him walk away like this. If you don’t turn around he’s going to leave because he thinks that’s whats best. He thinks that’s what you’ll want from him now. He didn’t mean to hurt you, but he knows that he did. 

You turn, rushing him. He’s caught by surprise as your arms wrap around him and your tear stained cheeks brush against his t-shirt. Surprised as he is, he still wraps his arms around you. After a few minutes of him holding you in silence, you loosen your grip. “Goodbye Shawn.” You tell him, your voice cracking at the end as the tears come quicker. 

He lets go of you and takes two steps back. “Y/n, I’ve only ever wanted the best for you because you deserve it, and I know it isn’t me anymore.” He looks like he’s about to start crying too, but he forces a smile, “Go kill it at Uni, okay?” You just nod, and he gets into his Jeep. He turns the engine on, and you’re still standing in your driveway, tears rolling down your cheeks. He looks up at you as he puts the car in drive. You wipe your tears and hold one hand up to wave. He waves back, and then you stand frozen and watch until his car turns at the end of your street and you can’t see him anymore. 

3

Just a trio of mini-doodles I’ve been working on for the last two or three days XD Idk I got in the mood to draw some shippings so I picked a handful of my current faves

Of course, Scaramouche X Demongo is a no-brainer. Hell, half of you follow me specifically for that shipping lol (took a while to get the “laced fingers” pose to look decent)

Devil X Dice is a new one for me, I’m still new to the Cuphead fandom and this is the first time I ever attempted to draw the Devil or King Dice (tbh getting them to look like themselves was the easy part - the hard part was getting the pose to look right)

And lastly, Chara X Asriel - I don’t care if they’re siblings. They’re not blood-related so technically it’s not gross… Just a little weird I admit lmao (if it irks you too much, just pretend it’s Frisk - they look the same and the pic is uncolored so you can’t tell anyways)

Also I’ve decided to try Tartakovsky style with my Undertale fanart, it’s easier to draw and it looks better than my own style so I might stick with it from now on but we’ll see how that goes

Anywho, these are obviously still WIPs but I hope you enjoy them for now ^^

Samurai Jack © Genndy Tartakovsky

Cuphead © Studio MDHR

Undertale © Tobyfox

These drawn by Melinoe Kelapsi

DO NOT REUPLOAD, TRACE, COLOR/RECOLOR, OR USE IN ANY WAY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!

anonymous asked:

Hiya! Have any of the mods experiences a similar situation? Recently, my mother has been denying my trans-ness(?) by saying my autism clouds what gender truly is and my trauma makes me want to "reject being a girl" since i'm ftm. I don't know what to say to convince her otherwise, so if any of the mods could share their experiences/help me make a script for talking with her that would be so helpful <3 (Can this please be tagged as TrashRat?)

My mother does not know about my trans status, but she does know about me being queer.

-Cogs


I’ve actually been thinking about this for myself, whether feeling uncomfortable identifying as / being called a woman may be related to autism and / or trauma for me, but I have only told two people so far and both people have been amazingly laid-back and supportive. So unlike anon I don’t have anyone denying my experience / gender, and the potential link between my autism and trauma and my gender identity is rather something I’ve been considering for myself, as a part of self-reflection.

(I’m not sure in how far I’m qualified / allowed to speak on this though? I am technically non-binary so I do feel the “what is my gender linked to” thing (also, it doesn’t really matter? the result is the same, trauma or autism or no), but I don’t ID as trans?)

-Kath


This is a thing that I’ve found hard to figure out as well. I have pretty strong alexithymia and so it’s a toss up on whether or not me going into shutdown when I’m referred to as a woman is because I can’t cope with the shift to woman from girl, or that it’s fatphobic comments that have been made in the past or it’s dysphoria?? (Spoiler: I’m pretty sure it’s all of these)

As I mentioned in my intro post though, I definitely think that being autistic affects the way I perceive my gender. I haven’t told anyone about questioning my gender but I do identify as trans and it is a very real fear for me to end up in a similar situation with doctors if I decide I do want HRT at some point.

I think though that even if anon’s gender is affected by being autistic and trauma, that doesn’t make their being ftm any less valid. It’s still who they are at this point.

-Wren


Long Post. For which I apologize. This is, however, my expertise. It is also something that I have experienced, after a fashion - or as Mod Rage said at our conference, “How I autism affects how I gender. How I gender affects how I autism.”

Okay, so, Mod Rage and I just got back from Gender Infinity, which is a gender conference largely for professionals, including medical doctors, therapists, psychologists, etc. Basically, anyone who has anything to do with gender.

I was there as a speaker speaking on this exact subject. This is what I study. This is what I am published in, this is what I write on, this what I speak on, this is my life. The experts in gender were there to learn from me and my team, which spanned activism, psychology, sociology, and biochemistry. I feel absolutely confident claiming that I am an expert in this intersection.

Autism very often does cloud our perception of gender. It does not cloud our judgement of gender. Quite the opposite, because of the effort that we put into to existing in the world around us, we often have a better judgement of our judgement than most people.

There is at least a tenfold increase in clinical gender dysphoria among autistics, but my professional opinion is that this is absolutely a low estimate because of flaws in the studies - namely, most of the studies rely on binary identification of male and female gender and/or they rely on identification by parents, guardians, or caretakers.

Some gender clinics are reporting up to a 30% increase in autistic diagnoses in their client bases than are expected in the general population. One of the panels I attended was hosted by a psychologist speaking, in part, about these specific concerns. They went so far as to suggest that we should consider whether or not autism should be screened for as a matter of course in gender clinics.

This idea that autistics cannot judge gender comes from the idea that we inherently lack “theory of mind” - but whose theory of mind? I am sitting here, typing this up right now. I am aware of the complexities and nuance of gender and autism - so much so that others consider me an expert (particularly where the sociological aspects are concerned).

Like, I personally have a clinical diagnosis for both gender dysphoria and for autism spectrum disorder, the latter of which came from one the directors of a major autism clinic. Clearly, I have some level of what is going on.

Gender is, in part, an internalized sense of self. Having any sense of gender at all completely undermines the very theory that is used to discredit us.

Autism absolutely affects how feel our gender, but it does not prevent us from judging our gender. At the end of the day, you are the only expert on your autism, and you are the only expert on your gender.

At the end of our panel, we were asked a very probing questions by one of the psychologists. Should we be viewing treatment of Gender Dysphoria as a treatment for autism. And the answer is yes, it is a secondary path to treatment. This is the information that the psychologists and psychiatrists and therapists are taking back to their gender clinics.

I want to be absolutely clear, we are advocating for these ideas. We are offering personal and community insight to these ideas. And we are studying these ideas.

There was a (allistic) psychologist at the conference who does already have the Ph.D. behind her name and she was presenting the very same ideas we were from a clinical perspective - it actually worked out that she shared case studies, introduced these topics, asked questions to get other professionals to reconsider their perspectives, and then by either excellent coincidence or brilliant planning, our panel followed and answered many of those questions and challenged those professionals to examine how exactly this kind of gatekeeping arises because of misperceptions of autism.

From a clinical perspective there is something else that is exceptionally important to consider. The DSM does not shy away from stating when and why comorbid diagnoses cannot occur (like how Selective Mutism is not a comorbid diagnosis). Gender Dysphoria is not excluded from autism, and autism is not excluded by dysphoria. More to the point, under autism it specifically says to diagnose other comorbidities if the criteria fit.

What is entailed with gender dysphoria as a diagnosis? Well, you only need two of the criteria to make the diagnosis, and these are the two easiest criteria to make:

  • A strong desire to be some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender.
  • A strong desire to be treated as some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender.

That is it. Just, I want be a different gender, I want to be treated like a different gender. This, by the way, is the criteria for gender dysphoria that was met in the case study of a significantly non-verbal autistic presented by a psychologist in the workshop before ours. This autistic spoke two sentences and only when people called him “her” or “she” or another feminine pronoun.

“I am he. Call me he.”

Within nine months of treatment for gender dysphoria, he was holding conversations both inside and outside clinical settings. When we say that treating gender dysphoria is paramount to autistic health and mental health, we mean in big ways. This. Stuff. Matters.

So the big question is, well, how do you address this with your mother? I’m not sure. The only thing I can tell you is the science, and why people treat us this way. My experience tells me that someone that is going to use that to dismiss your experiences is going to continue to do so for the most part, and that the best way to handle it is it is safe to do so is just to be persistent.

If she is someone that responds to scientific articles, there are a few that can help but they can be pretty heavy (send me an ask to @candidlyautistic​ if you would like those).

In the meantime, here is a report from Specturm, which is the news outlet for an autism research group. You might find some useful articles here. Articles are listed from newest to oldest. The first two are specifica articles about autism and gender identity, while the last is a general portfolio of autism and sex/gender stuff that will have a lot of stuff that isn’t helpful.

https://spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/living-between-genders/

https://spectrumnews.org/news/new-clinical-guidelines-address-gender-dysphoria-autism/

https://spectrumnews.org/features/special-reports/sexgender-in-autism/

I hope that you find an approach that works well for talking to your mother.

- Sam