The Complete Beginner’s Guide to Supernatural:

1.  This is Dean.  

He hunts monsters.

He’s completely straight. 

And always extremely manly.

And also very dominant. 

2.  This is Sam.

He’s Dean’s brother/monster hunting partner.  They’re both very mature together.

He’s completely normal.  Never soulless or possessed or anything.

No emotional scarring or psychological trauma going on here.  Nope.

3.  This is Castiel.  

He’s an angel of the lord. 

As such, he’s obviously very intimidating.  

Very mighty.  

All fear this terrifying, fell creature. 

4.  There is absolutely no homoerotic sexual tension in Supernatural. 

5.  Its villains are mostly demons and other unholy creatures, so of course, no one likes them.

Except for this guy.  Everyone LOVES him.  

6.  Its fans are very calm, sane, rational people who are completely accepting of opinions that differ from their own. 

7.  And of course, you will absolutely be able to maintain your sanity after watching it!

You will NOT be plunged into an existential depression over the well-being of fictional characters. 

And when you’ve run out of episodes to watch, you’ll totally be able to return to reality, no questions asked!  

The Rules of Team Free Will:

1.  Must look good in plaid. 

2.  Must *vaguely* resemble some kind of animal.

3.  Must be able to look ridiculously attractive in literally any situation.

4.  Must struggle with feelings of paternal abandonment.

5.  Must have an addictive personality and/or alcoholism.

(Don’t look so innocent, Sammy.  We know about the demon blood.)

6.  And probably PTSD.

7.  Must be the object of at least one supernatural being’s affection.

8.  Must be a master of dramatic eye-rolls. 

9.  And bitch face.

10. And finally, must be able to die a lot yet remain oddly unaffected.  

The new Supernatural promo:  A complete and eloquently worded summary.

THE FUCK IS THIS.

THE FUCK IS THAT.

NO.

YES!

LOL, I don’t know who that is, but it ain’t Cas.  OH SHIT, THAT’S NOT CAS. 

What.

WHO IS THAT.  WHAT’S GOING ON. 

AMARA, NO.  Just, NO. If this were a fanfic, the content warnings would include incest and dubious consent.

WHO THE FUCK HURT HIM.

WHO THE FUCK HURT HIM.

It’s Team Free Will, but I’m too upset to get exited about it right now.