No idea if this was already done but it’s a crime that we haven’t once gotten to see all the Space players rocking the pinnacle of Space fashion with what’s unanimously Homestuck’s most important dress.
u know what would be cool as hell a fuckin roller durby homestuck au??? vriska smashing rose against a wall. nepetas so tiny she can glide right between everyone else. feferi doesnt care abt winning she thinks shes an ice skater and starts doin lil twirls and shit and gets knocked the fuck out by beefy as shit jade who didnt come to play around. terezi cannot fucking skate and hangs onto the rails the whole time. roxy doin some crazy acrobatic shit jumpin over everyone else. everyone completely forgets aradias even there til shes like two feet from the finish on the final lap. kanaya was kicked out after breaking out a chainsaw five seconds in. jane keeps falling on her ass but she is trying her best and havin a good time and everyone keeps helping her back up regardless of which team theyre on. calliope wins. no one even knew she was on a team. she probably wasnt but she didnt wanna be left out.
I’ve said quite a bit of this already, but now that we have a canon appearance by alt!Calliope, I feel like it’s worth going over again.
Jade encountered alt!Calliope, as many of us expected. Also as many had guessed, she was different.
JADE: no wonder she was so… JADE: well JADE: no offense to her, but you are much friendlier :)
Alt!Calliope is serious, distant, and cold. She does enjoy telling stories, though. From Jade’s description and emphasis on her rhetorical flourishes, it sounds like she enjoys the tales for the telling. She tells Jade why LOWAS exploded, but she seems more interested in it as an anecdote than anything else.
JADE: she told me she was not human, and had no frame of reference for empathizing with my feelings
Alt!Calliope could see no reason why you might be sorry that your brother died. She doesn’t know what it is to have a friend. Shattered planets are part of a courtship ritual for her species. Individual loss is meaningless to someone meant to live an eternity alone. People, with all their sorrows and joys, are just chess pieces to her.
Calliope admires her fanfics and art and thinks about her favorite characters… she means friends!! It’s a slip, but she catches herself. Alt!Calliope doesn’t. That’s all they are to her. Anecdotes. Pawns. Alt!Calliope is team Skaia. (I would not be surprised if she ends up setting part of that system in motion, somehow.) If the world has to be built on the backs of dead children, so be it. Those are the rules.
‘Our’ Calliope (I’ll just call her Calliope) is not like that. In the alpha timeline, she had the benefit of communication. She pretended to be a troll, but she learned to be human. She learned empathy, friendship, cooperation, teamwork. That planted the seeds of her defeat, since it softened her approach to her brother, but those are important skills to have. And along the way, she also learned how to cheat.
It looks like your sister told the human her name? That is a clear and egregious violation of the rules. She must have been getting really desperate.
Cherubs are bound by a bunch of ridiculous, complex rules limiting their behavior. The human-socialized Calliope is willing to break them, and the only way to win may be to break the system - to defy the blood-soaked and callous rules of paradox space, SBURB, and Skaia for good. After all, she promised that they would escape
and that sounds like a pretty egregious violation too. (The 'octet’ is pretty concerning though. I would prefer a higher number of survivors.)
The point is, as I said before, alt!Calliope can’t help us. I mean, I’m sure she can, and she probably will, in some weird and roundabout already here kind of way. But she won’t be the most important one. She can’t be, not when she can’t understand or empathize what these kids have gone through. Teamwork and friendship are the might Excalibur every hero should have in their scabbard, and alt!Calliope does not know the meaning of either. Calliope was right about her existence, but she was wrong about who she had to find.
UU: i mUst go in search of myself.
It was always her. We’re going full Wizard of Oz, after all. You have the heart, the brain, the courage, the way back home. You just have to believe in yourself. Because as any good Hope player will tell you, believing is all the magic you need.
This was going really well in terms of space conservation… until I got carried away with Reyna. I love her omg. But I feel like I have been watching too much Kill La Kill because she looks a little Lady Satsuki-ish to me??
Anyway, I really had to jam Annabeth in there and then Frank got neglected. Sorry Frank. I’ll do one just of you bby.