Things My Math Teacher has Said and Done

-”Now I’ll take attendance in the order in which I don’t like you”

-Made us say ‘may I use the potty?’ in a British accent when we need to use the washroom 

-”Good morning, how’s my favourite class doing-they just left you would’ve passed them in the hallway”

-Had names for all of the variables: a is for apple pie, b is for brownie, c is for cookie, and D IS FOR DOUGHNUT

-”This is beautiful. Just like if you were in front of a mirror-with me standing in front of you”

-He spent like 10 minutes making sure we understood the difference between cannoli and cannelloni

- “You should join the geek protection squad, we would beat up kids like you”

-On the first day of class he drew an x in the corner of the whiteboard with a box around it and it???? somehow stayed there???? all year?????

-”you should all take French just in case you meet a pretty French lady on a plane like I did”

-We had this closet in the corner of the room, and then it just became a thing to talk about the body in the closet (especially when people not in the class would come in)

-Answered the phone in one of two ways “greetings human” or “Pizza Pizza”

-While we’re talking about phones if someone was being looked for he’d tell them that they were out in the smoking area handing out anti-smoking pamphlets

-”You guys are so loud! People would think you’re Italian or something”

-Once turned the lights on using ‘the force’, a.k.a a lightsaber he kept on his desk, and a student standing under the light switch

-”BIG LIKE HOUSE”

-He told us this story about how a few years ago if a kid was particularly annoying/disruptive he’d send them to a certain teacher to ask for a ‘long stand’ that teacher would take a loooong time looking for this item before sending the kid along to the next teacher (I think there were 4?) anyway, once the kid would get back and be like ‘there is no long stand’ he’d say ‘well weren’t you standing for a long time?’

-There was a girl who had a broken arm, who got moved out of the class when her schedule got rearranged. During attendance he’d call ‘broken arm girl’ first, and she would come into the room before we got there to write stuff like ‘broken arm girl was here’ on the board

-The day before christmas break we just talked about star wars the whole class

-called us all sunshine and when one girl asked why he called her stormy clouds for the rest of the year

-If someone came to borrow something, before he’d give it to them he’d ask if they would like to know where they could get one, and then the whole class would all be like ‘staples’ ‘best buy’ ‘dollar store’ etc

The first hint that something might be different this time came the morning after the shootings, from a Douglas High School sophomore named Sarah Chadwick, who informed the President of the United States, via his favorite medium, in words that quickly went viral, “I don’t want your condolences you fucking piece of shit, my friends and teachers were shot.”

Their grief was raw, their rage palpable. Emma Gonzalez, a senior at Douglas, had the most searing indictment:

“The people in the government who were voted into power are lying to us. And us kids seem to be the only ones who notice and are prepared to call B.S.

“Companies, trying to make caricatures of the teen-agers nowadays, saying that all we are are self-involved and trend-obsessed and they hush us into submissions when our message doesn’t reach the ears of the nation, we are prepared to call B.S.

“Politicians who sit in their gilded House and Senate seats funded by the N.R.A., telling us nothing could ever be done to prevent this: we call B.S.

“They say that tougher gun laws do not prevent gun violence: we call B.S.”

The crowd was now joining in.

“They say a good guy with a gun stops a bad guy with a gun: we call B.S.

“They say guns are just tools, like knives, and are as dangerous as cars: we call B.S.

“They say that no laws would have been able to prevent the hundreds of senseless tragedies that occur: we call B.S.

“That us kids don’t know what we’re talking about, that we’re too young to understand how the government works.” The crowd was now in a frenzy of anger and sadness, the people around me were tearing up as they yelled, “We call B.S.”

And then, in unison, the people gathered began to chant, “Vote them out, vote them out, vote them out.”

– Emily Witt, The New Yorker

“My Teacher Is Weird” Tweets

The fall semester is in full swing, and Jimmy Fallon has decided to celebrate it. For the hashtag segment on The Tonight Show, Fallon has asked people to tweet the craziest things about their teachers. Here are some of those tweets.

Crazy Shit My Drawing Teacher Has Said
  • You’re not a noun, you’re a verb
  • I’m on my eight skeleton, isn’t it great?
  • *holds up tiny statue made of spare metal bits* This is the West Kentucky one-eyed flightless bird. *throws it onto the table* See?
  • It’s Zen Friday, take a Zen Page.
  • You don’t own appliances so we have nothing in common.
  • I drank tainted water once and I was crawling around on my knees.  It was amazing.  Don’t ever drink tainted water, it’s not worth it.
  • *using a timer on my phone* wait is that on my phone too?????
  • *sharpening a pencil* isn’t this the most fun thing you’ve ever done
  • You’ve heard of the Secret Drawing Society right?
  • Do you doubt the existence of the can?
  • I have to get my septic pumped out today.  Do you know what a septic is?
  • Have you lost all your popularity on campus because you sequester yourself away to draw? GOOD!!!
  • *holds out pig skull* you want to pet him?
  • Do you have a handkerchief you could sacrifice to the art gods?
  • Hello.  Please come grab a magic drawing rock and show me which rock you picked. Oooooooo, obsidian.  At an antique road show this would cost about five dollars.  Good rock choice.
  • We know the scariest image ever is a stack of pillows.
  • *something hits the ground with a loud bang and he shrugs* gravity is like that.
  • You can go out and practice your cry. Go out into a field and cry as loud as you can.  That way when you need your cry, you have it.
  • *holds up a mirror* this is a perspective correction machine.  It’s battery operated, runs on AAA batteries so you don’t have to plug it in.  It works 100% of the time.
  • I can see perspective being off across the room with one eye tied behind my back.  It’s a curse
  • I never wear sunglasses unless I’m driving across Kansas facing the sun, because they make me look way cooler than I am, and I don’t want that.
  • Mowing is my life.  Of all my priorities, mowing is number one in my life.
  • That’s why we have class anyway, so we can rip each other off.
  • Have you ever gotten to the point where your drawing doesn’t need you anymore? It’s pretty enlightening when it happens. But also really depressing.
  • Whoever says “give 100%” is crazy.  Are you trying to die?  35% is a perfectly acceptable amount of energy at any given time.  I never go above that.
  • But when I was your age, shut up, but when I was your age, shut up, but when I was your age, shut up, but-
  • Do you ever hallucinate?  I hallucinate things a lot.  I’ll see these wisps floating through the studio, and I don’t tell you because I know you won’t believe me, but they’re there.
  • I have a fear of running out of yellow cheese.  I’m from Wisconsin, cheese is in our DNA.
  • *yelling at students* Hey remember me?!?!?! I was your drawing teacher!!!! *addressing us* they try to forget.
  • I’m somewhat of an intense person, have you noticed?
  • A great cry will echo from the drawing lab and across the valley of Murray and the people will hear it and lift up their heads and say “well, Dale’s at it again”
  • I hate being mean twice *gets a student to yell for him*
  • You ever been divided into two people and had a conversation with yourself?  Whenever that happens to me, the way I get out of it … . well I don’t get out of it.  I usually wallow.
  • Life’s not fair.  And then you die.

Getting a bad teacher is always unfortunate, but you can still learn the material & manage to ace the exams! Even if they don’t teach you anything, they still might have resources you can use, and there are plenty of other ways to take your learning into your own hands.

Get resources from the teacher!

  1. Ask for a textbook to take home. If you don’t have a book or something similar, ask for your own book, an online textbook, or another resource that you can learn from.
  2. Get worksheets and practice problems. Teachers usually have really good resources, even if they aren’t good at what they do. Get relevant worksheets, online recommendations, or other resources.
  3. See if you can get help during free time. Ask your teacher if they have any open hours to get help, or ask specifically if you can go in during your lunch, or before or after school for extra assistance.

Learn from textbooks!

  1. Take very comprehensive notes. If you don’t have a good teacher, you’re going to need to get the material from somewhere, so your notes need to be extremely thorough.
  2. Use supplementary books. A lot of subjects– especially AP classes with standardized exams– have books from publishers like Barron’s, Kaplan, and Princeton Review to help you learn the information.
  3. Make flashcards & extra study tools. Since you don’t have the variety of learning methods you might in a good class, learning in every way you can is even more important to ensure that you do well!

Use online resources!

  1. Check YouTube for instructional videos. If you need to know about it, there’s a fantastic chance that YouTube has it. Standbys include Khan Academy, Bozeman Science, and Crash Course.
  2. Make use of masterposts. If someone has already compiled oodles of resources for you, they’re definitely worth checking out! Plus, if they’re student recommended, there’s a better chance that they’ll be helpful.
  3. Find free questions. Exam boards like the College Board publish questions (and answers!) online, and these are super useful for knowing how well you’re doing.

Ask for extra help!

  1. Talk to older students for tips. If they’ve been through the class before, they usually know what the teacher is missing out and also how to do well.
  2. See if your school has a tutoring programme. Some schools have teacher or peer tutoring programmes where you can get one-on-one help without having to pay for a more expensive professional tutor.
  3. Get a friend to help you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help! If your friend is a science genius and your physics teacher is atrocious, it’s always worth a shot to ask.

Good luck! You can still do fantastically, and hopefully you’ll have some better teachers next year.

When a student doesn’t listen to instructions
actual quotes from my freshman year geography teacher
  • “god is dead, provable or disprovable?”
  • “we don’t play soccer because soccer is for communists”
  • “what if i was in the middle of talking to somebody and i just started injecting heroin into my arm?”
  • “i’m the second best teacher at this school” “who’s the first?” “everybody else is tied for first”
  • “this one is called ‘midget in a closet playing trombone’”
  • “fun trick to do on the first date: pretend to poke your eyeball out”
  • “you know how elementary schools do 'quiet coyote’? i hate that. i like 'shut up turtle’ better.”
  • “the deans hate me and that’s why my class is in the basement.”
  • “now you have a one page paper, single spaced, due tomorrow.” “jesus christ” “jesus has nothing to do with this.”
  • “you know how every neighborhood has a set of weird neighbors? if you don’t, i have bad news for you.”
  • “in twenty years i hope the mothership’s already come to take me”