tea with ink

You have been here to try and keep me sane-
Whatever sanity I still have left, anyway.
Right when I want to go insane,
You tell me, save it, for better days.

You let me lose my crazy mind
Only so that I can find it, one more time.
You tell me to think things through
Before I let my emotions stick like glue.

You keep me with my feet on the ground
While helping me rise up higher than I thought.
You brush my doubts away with a blown kiss
Like they are leaves, lost in a breeze.

You tell me to breathe, making me feel at ease;
It’s like I can feel my mind- finally settling down.
You tell me to let out all that’s in my beating heart;
And you pick up my broken pieces, working to put them back.

This isn’t a love poem-
And yet, 
It is.

————————–

@teacup13…because a mere thank you, just would not do.

Everyone is always going on and on about how unobservant Harry is.

But I like to think it was a product of growing up neglected; learning to be noticed as little as possible, and spending basically his entire life in the wizarding world facing off against evil.  So its not entirely that at his core he was unobservant but that he had learned it, because he had learned growing up to take up as little space as possible, both emotionally and physically.

So to Harry it became second nature to not notice things because god he didn’t want anyone noticing anything about him.

Except after the war, when he returns for 8th year he starts to notice all kinds of things; the way Dean and Seamus sit oh so close and gosh did they always do that, the way Ron and Hermione both tense up when the other one isn’t in the room but relax as soon as they’re near each other, the way people seem hopeful and scared all at once, or even small things like the way the wind sounds blowing against the window when he can’t sleep.

And the more he notices, the more he finds that maybe he wouldn’t quite mind if someone else noticed him.

Which is exactly how he starts to notice Malfoy.  Because now that he has started noticing all kinds of things he recognizes what these things mean too…and he definitely recognizes the slump of Malfoy’s shoulders, or the way his head turns up whenever someone new enters a room, or the way he finds every corner to sit in as soon as entering a room, and especially the way he’s always alone.  Because Harry knows exactly what it looks like when you don’t want people to notice you. 

And the more Harry looks the more he can’t stop looking, and he wonders how he could have spent so many years obsessed with Malfoy but never actually noticing things about him; like the way he cradles his tea as if absorbing its warmth before drinking it, the way he licks his lips when he reads, the way his face looks flushed and healthy only when he sneaks back into the castle after a secret broom ride (except its not so secret because Harry is pretty much always watching him), or the way he reads muggle novels in the library when he thinks no one can see.

Until one day, when Harry has his head buried in a book studying, and someone sits down beside him and he doesn’t even need to look up to know who it is because he recognizes the sounds Malfoy makes when he pulls out a chair and the way he holds his breath when he’s nervous and especially the way he smells; like fresh air and too strong tea and ink - he smells like hope Harry thinks, holding his breath too as Malfoy slides down into the seat beside him.

“So…” Malfoy whispers.

”So,” Harry answers back, still staring at the book in front of him, almost afraid to look at Malfoy as if he might spook him.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d be here,” Malfoy finally says after several minutes of silence which should be awkward but instead just feel charged with anticipation.

“I’m always here on Saturdays,” Harry says, finally turning to look at Malfoy.  He wonders why he looks so nervous. 

“I know,” Malfoy huffs, finally making eye contact with Harry and the look in his eyes makes something deep and tight in Harry’s chest uncurl because oh…oh.  Maybe he hasn’t been the only one noticing things.

“Did you want-”

“Yes,” Malfoy blurts out.

“I didn’t even finish asking you.  What if I asked if you wanted to go jump in the lake naked and look for the giant squid,” Harry says, his face breaking out into a smile that seems to make Malfoy relax.

“Still would’ve said Yes,” Malfoy says, no hint of sarcasm.

“Oh.  Well aright then.”  And Harry does something which feels a bit brave and a bit stupid and reaches over to lay his hand on Malfoy’s knee.  Only instead of yelling at him or pushing him away Malfoy smiles, for what Harry thinks must be the first time that whole year, and lays his own hand over Harry’s.

“Alright,” Malfoy says, linking their fingers.

And Harry smiles again, because yeah things really are alright.