te stuff

thoughts on the Elder Scrolls races


  •  V I K I N G S
  • probably eat nails for breakfast
  • without milk
  • seriously though these guys have some issues with people drinking milk
  • their fashion sense is basically strapping as many dead animals to themselves as they can
  • punch each other for funsies
  • resolve polictical conflict by via shouting contest


  • commonly called high elves because they’re so fucking tall
  • fab
  • superiority complex
  • do not engage in magical combat with them because you will lose
  • will not rest until they have complained about everything


  • smol
  • chillest of the elven races
  • outdoor enthusiasts
  • archery skills to rival legolas
  • won’t eat their vegetables


  • furry
  • Khajiit likes to speak about themselves in 3rd person
  • nomads
  • it’s not breaking the law if no one sees you doing it
  • their hands are their weapons. no seriously they got claws
  • their king is chosen by the moons. I’m serious


  • like building empires
  • not very good at running empires
  • rich bitches
  • still sad because they lost sir patrick steward and his son sean bean
  • slapfights with the altmer 24/7
  • longing for the day when they will get their shit together


  • Edgelords™
  • their eyes are red their skin is blue they’ll probably set fire to you
  • ghost whisperer(s)
  • their gods tend to hold grudges
  • seriously dont piss of their gods they will fuck you over
  • kind of in a bad place after most of their homeland literally exploded


  • politics
  • will sell you for one cornchip
  • kind of the elves’ unwanted bastard child
  • secretly really good at magic
  • don’t like their rural cousins in the Reach very much


  • will knock you on your butt
  • P I R A T E S
  • What’s that? You wanna invade their homeland? I’m sorry your authority isn’t recognized in Fort Kickass
  • wanna see a magic trick?
  • no
  • no they don’t


  • lizard
  • can breathe underwater
  • history of getting fucked over by the dunmer
  • tree huggers
  • i still dont understand why their women got tiddies. but they do
  • maids: lusty


  • mean green killing machines
  • literally trained from birth to hand your ass to you
  • isolate themselves a ot
  • not that they have to try because they get shit from literally everyone
  • master smiths
  • their god may be a bit of a dick sometimes but he looks out for his people
  • resting bitchface
some TES lore stuff you should know about

dragons are actually gendered! and, barring Alduin ofc, the male dragons aren’t SHIT compared to the Jills: female dragons tasked with keeping Tamriel’s time and timeline intact. if you’ve ever wondered why someone couldn’t travel back in time with magic to prevent shit like baar dau falling in morrowind or finding a way to stop dagon without having martin sacrifice himself, it’s probably because a Jill ate them.

TES is actually post-apocalypse! tamriel’s mannish society reached their height sometime in the 2nd era with actual fucking astron- excuse me, “mananauts” and spaceships and technology. elven culture peaked in the Merethic Era. everything from the 3rd era to 4th era circa skyrim is basically a huuuuge dark age for society as a whole. it fucking skyrockets to abstract star wars shit by the 5th era, so everything’s alright

every culture in TES has a tower: the altmer have Crystal-like-Law, the orcs with Orichalc, humans with White-Gold, bosmer with Green-Sap, etc. the khajiit’s tower is a literal tower of khajiits stacking on top of each other to reach the moons like a bunch of furry dorks

Lorkhan is not an Aedra (as, by definition, he did not give to Mundus), not a Daedra (no, Nirn is NOT his realm in Oblivion), not a Magna-Ge (duh), and not an Ada (as he was fundamentally changed after viewing the Aurbis on its side). What IS he, then? /shrug

Alduin isn’t the first son of Akatosh so much as he’s the first son of Aka-Tusk/AKA, but skyrim doesn’t mention this because it would confuse the fuck outta casuals, so Akatosh is the closest to what Aka-Tusk was.

SPEAKING OF: Auri-El, Akatosh, Tall Papa, Alduin, and such and such are all shards of an oversoul of the OG god of time Aka-Tusk. Why are they all separate now? Blame Marukh and his Selectives.

Hey there, I really love your blog! Makes me smile whenever I read one (especially during a hard time like now, my dad’s passed away last week) Anyway, can I have a scenario where Sabo/Mihawk/Zoro/Law’s s/o is attacked and they rush in to save them, being like “don’t you touch my woman!”?        

A/N: I am so sorry about loss, I wish you the best. If you need someone to talk to, you can always message me! When I read your request, I wanted to do it right away, but it took a bit longer. I hope this puts a smile on your face. Thank you for requesting! (Also, humandrill are the monkeys on mihawks island + The zoro one is fictional, please don’t drink too much and especially don’t go someone alone while drunk! 🌺🌺🌺🌺 )


S/O is in danger and they come and save them


“I hope she likes pineapples…”

The blonde man nervously went through his hair. He could practically hear koala laugh in his head, “You’re so whipped for her!” But it was true, he knew it. Sabo was completely wrapped around your little finger, just one glance from you or one smile and he turned into jelly. It was the first time he had ever felt like this, he never knew something like this even existed, but like his brown haired friend told him, “You’re in love with Y/N!”, and he was. Head over heels in love with you.

The revolutionary walks along the busy streets of the market, through the shouting voices of people trying to get him to buy their vegetables and turns around every two seconds, searching for you. You both had to get some fruits and vegetables, dragon insisted that you could go alone, but Sabo had thought of every excuse his brain could think of, only to come with you. He remembers perfectly how you had bitten your lip and stared at the ground, avoiding his gaze. He wishes he could have taken your chin in his hand, push your face up and kissed you right on your lips, like in those romantic movies you and koala always watched, but sadly, he couldn’t.

He plays with the pineapple in his left hand and frowns. He wanted to walk with you, but you were so stubborn.

“Sabo, I can walk alone.”, he remembers your sweet voice. “I’m not going to get attacked by someone while I buy tomatoes!” He still feels his heart beating faster at the thought of your laugh.

“Y/N… your leg is still injured from the training with Ivank-”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not strong enough to defend myself!”, you said. Your features turned softer. “If I see someone trying to kill me with a banana, I will call for you. I promise.” And so he had agreed to let you go alone. He had a bad feeling though, he couldn’t say why, but something just did not feel right in his heart.

“Handsome boy!”, an elderly woman called out to him. “This fruit will change your life! Come on, come on! Take one bite, you’ll love it!” Somehow, he got interested. He stopped at her basket and tasted fruits, fruits he never even heard of. The woman looked at him in such a friendly way, Sabo almost forget about his worries. But just almost.

He rummaged through his pocket, searching for the money to pay the woman with, when his ears caught your sweet voice, screaming out for him in pure horror. Instantly, he let go of everything and turned around, eyes searching for your familiar face. He couldn’t find you at first, there were too many people, too many voices. Heads were turning in every way, searching for the person who just screamed, making it harder for Sabo to find you.

Your scream echoed once again and this time Sabo knew where you were. He jumped over the heads of other people in a heartbeat, you the only on his mind. He didn’t even notice in which direction he was running. At the very end of the street, everything turned quiet. The street was almost empty and Sabo wondered, is this really where you were? Suddenly, your scream cut through the silence. Then, he saw you.

You stood in the very corner of the street, fruit baskets and their content swimming around your feet, eyes wide open in fear. In front of you were three men, all dressed in black, cornering you with no way out. “Y/N!”, the blonde man called.

“Sabo!”, you screamed back, feeling relief washing over you at his sight. You were just minding your own business, picking out the ripest fruit for your blond friend, when someone had grabbed your shoulder and pushed you against the shelves. All of the content toppled onto the ground, you turned around angrily, ready to tell the person off, when you turned around however, you saw three men, who were double the size of you.  Normally, you could have fought them, but not with your injured leg.

“If we bring her to the marines, we will get so much berry!”, one of them had said. They stared at you in such an animalistic way, you got sick. You had glanced around you, but no one else was close and all three of them easily block your way. So you had taken a deep breath and called out for one of your best friends; Sabo.

“Do not touch her.” Sabo said, voice trembling with anger. He had to get you out of there as quickly as he could. His hands suddenly started to burn, dangerous red flames erupted in between his fingers. “I’m warning you only once; let her go now or you will regret it. ”

“Isn’t that the Sabo kid? Today is our lucky day!”, the man on the very left said. “If we bring him to the marines too, we will drown in berry!”

“We will regret it?”, the man in the middle asked. He was the biggest one from the three, probably the leader. “I hate kids like you, we will show you, how much you will regret!”

The three men glared at the blonde boy, Sabo glared right back.

You blinked once, and then the whole corner erupted into a big fire. You gasped, about to hide somewhere, when a warm hand softly caught yours. Sabo was suddenly by your side and stared at you in between all those flames. You could hear the three men scream in fear, but neither of you cared.  “Can you wait two seconds for me, love?”

You nod once and he let go of your hand. You bend down and grab the food around your feet, trying your best to pull the baskets back up. You faintly register your opponents scream and sounds of faces meeting the wall, too busy to get the vegetables back into their basket. Suddenly, a cold hand grabs your arm. “There you are!”, one of the men screams into your face. “Now be a good girl and come with me!”

He starts to pull you towards him but you try your best to stay where you are. He suddenly grabs your shirt, pulls in such a brutal way, that the fabric tears. You kick him right in the face and clench your teeth at the pain that shoots through your leg.

“You little-”, the man screams and is about to hit you, when a hand grabs his tightly. “What-”

Sabo stands behind him, eyes as dark as the night from anger. He is breathing heavily, not because he’s exhausted, no, because he is trying his best to get his flames under control from his emotions. His voice is the biggest contrast to his flames, you have ever heard.

“Do not touch my woman.”

You gasp. In middle of this mess, you still feel your heart jump at his words.

Sabo grabs the head of the man and smashes it against the the wall next to you. He falls onto the floor and lays there, unconscious. Now you realize, that everything turned quiet and the flames start to disappear slowly. You’re about to stand up, when you register your shirt being completely ripped, exposing your skin in more ways you’re comfortable with. So you stay put on the ground, shamefully hugging your legs to your chest.

“Here,” Sabo whispers to you, voice back to normal. He sounds like the cute, kind and friendly blonde boy again. You look up to him and see his jacket in his hand, offering it to you. “Just wear this.”

You thank him quietly and glance at him in shame. He frowns at first, but understands. His back is turned to you, while you put his blue jacket on.

“Can you walk?”, he asks you softly. You glance down on your leg and nod, but the boy is already crouching down in front of you. You smile shyly and crawl onto his back.

He grabs your bag of vegetables with his one hand and holds your leg softly with his other. That’s how you both get back to Dragon and the others.

You can’t help but thank Sabo for three days straight, feeling bad that he had to come and save you, but he just smiles. When you leave again, Koala runs towards her blonde friend and smirks.

“Look at you smiling. What a hero you are. Now you just gotta confess!” He grins and turns around, yeah, he thinks. Now he just has to confess.


The faint smell of wet leaves surround your figure comfortably. Sighing, you hug your arms closer to your body and keep walking into the forest. You can’t help but kick a pinecone on your way, you never were the kind of person to be so dramatic, really. But today? Today was not your day.

For some reason, you had started a fight with your lover, Mihawk. You knew he hated unnecessary drama, you knew it, but yet you could not help yourself when you threw word after word at him.

You were being a pain in the ass, even yourself noticed that, but you didn’t stop. Mihawk had stood by the window, white shirt open and his typical neutral expression mustering you in silence. That made you even angrier, how dare he just stare at you in silence? The fight was rather one sided and at the end you just left with, “Alright then! I will leave!” And that’s what you did. Completely consumed by your own anger, you had left the castle and walked into the forest, without a jacket, without a light, without any weapon, but a head full with regrets.

You can hear an owl scream next to you, making you almost trip from surprise. “Stupid thing…”, you mumble, not knowing if you mean yourself or the animal.

The moon was giving you a bit of light, but the way in middle of the forest was still too dark to make something out. You couldn’t even see two metres in front of you. A sigh leaves your lips another time and you stop walking. The fresh air was giving you enough strenght to realize, you had to go back and apologize. You turn around and take one step. Suddenly, you feel something weird around you, so you squint your eyes in concentration and try to make out what it is, your blood freezing in your veins at the sight that confronts you.

A humandrill was standing in front of you, mustering you curiously. You swallow down a gasp and take a step back, only for you to trip over a root and fall down. The animal starts to come closer, you slowly crawling back on the ground with every step it takes.

Shit, you think. You didn’t even notice how far you were going and now you were already too far away from the castle, so far, the humandrill were slowly starting to surround you. Mihawk had warned you about them, even though they would never come too close to the castle. He still warned you about going too close to them. And look at you, running into the arms of the only thing that could potentionally hurt you on this island.

You notice more and more eyes appearing around you, making your own eyes water with fear. You could never, never fight one of them, let alone all of them together. Suddenly, the animal in front of you starts to make a loud noise and runs towards you, a sword raised high and aiming at you.

You shield your eyes with your arms and scream. You were so stupid, so freaking stupid!

You wait for the pain to shoot through your body. A tear escapes your eye, a sob following close by. Now you could never laugh with Perona over stupid things again, never smell the beautiful forest that was so scary but so interesting, and the worst, you could never see Mihawk again. Never lay in his arms again, never stare into the beautiful eyes of your lover again, simply because you were too stupid.

You wait and wait… and wait, but nothing happens. Instead, you hear not very human- like gasps surround you and screams of fear swimming in your ears. Your arms slowly lower, you peeking.

Instead of the animal, Mihawk stands in front of you, black sword raised in warning. You don’t see his face, but from the way he stands in front of you, he seems to be mad, furious even.

“Don’t touch my woman.”, he says lowly and even you feel the goosebumps spread on your body. The animal looks terrified, takes a few slow steps back and sprints into the darkness. You hear loud noises around you, a mess of heavy footsteps echoing around you.

Mihawk turns around and musters you shortly, then he crouches down. He puts an arm under your legs and the other one under your back, raising you up from the dirty ground into his warm chest.

“I’m sorry…”, you mumble and sniffle. He doesn’t say anything, instead, he pushes you closer towards him and walks the both of you back to the castle.

Mihawk only lets you down in your shared bedroom, where he takes your head in his hand and stares into your eyes for a long second. “The next time you want to run away, stay in the castle. It’s big enough and I will let you have your space if needed. I don’t want you to get hurt, not now and not later.” You nod shamefully and feel the tears burn in your eyes again.

“I’m sorry, it’s my fault, I don’t even know why I acted the way I did.”, you stare at the ground and lightly touch his hand on your face. “I’m really sorry.”

Your lover nods once and plants a soft kiss on your forehead. “Let’s sleep, my dear.”


“What are you sayin’, ” Zoro mumbled, glancing at you. “I never drink too much, you can never drink too much! ”

The green haired man laughed wholeheartedly at his statement and threw an arm around you, spilling some of the content in his glass on the table. You sipped at your own glass of sake and rolled your eyes in amusement.

The strawhat crew had just arrived at your island, where they were only supposed to get some food and new medication. The local at the island, however, fell in love with them as soon as they sat a foot on their ground. The mayor of the island even invited them over and thus, a big, loud banquet happened. You had to be honest too; when you saw the crew for the first time, you were amazed. They looked so strong, so unique and so interesting. The swordsman with the green hair was your favourite; you were already swept away from your feet at first glance. Those muscles, that smirk and all in all… your ideal type.

You couldn’t help yourself and so, you had gotten some sake, sat down next to him and flirted as much as you possibly could. You were scared at first, but the more alcohol you drowned, the better it suddenly got. You weren’t so sure, but you guessed, the swordsman cared more about his drink than about you. At first, he didn’t really care about you at all, but you wouldn’t let that pass. You bugged more and more, trying to find out more and more about him. His name was Zoro and he liked to drink. You guessed, you were fine with those information for now.

The more time passed, the more you guys started to enjoy each others company. After a few hours, the sun started to set and a few minutes later, it got dark. The lights turned on, one by one, shining brightly into everyone’s happy face, laughing and drinking- celebrating the new build friendship.

After some time and a lot bottles alcohol, heads were thrown back in laughter, bodys were pressed against each other and cheeks were burning red; either from the alcohol or from the person next to you.

“I think I’ll get something to drink for us.” You say and stare at your empty glass. Zoro nods and stares at his own almost empty one. Then, he smirks at you.

“You know how to make me happy.”, he slurs and you giggle. You stand up, your head suddenly spinning at the alcohol in your veins. “Are you okay? Sure you can go alone?”, he asks again and laughs. You nod heavily.

“Of course!”, you call out, louder than expected and leave the table. Your vision turns a bit blurry and you’re not sure if you’re really walking towards the bar, but your feet can’t stop anymore. You keep walking and after some time, you’re standing in between bushes, no orientation to where you are.

“Oh no,” you mumble to yourself and try to turn around, when a hand on your shoulder stops you. Your drunk mind barely registers the strong smell of liquid, stronger than everyone’s you have met so far, hitting you, so you curiously turn around and muster the person behind you.

In front of you stands an elder man, smiling wickedly at your face. His face is covered in dirt and you can see boughs sticking out from his messy hair, making you frown. You should probably leave…

“Do you want to come with me, cutie?”, he asks and takes a step closer. His breath hits you face and you can’t help but groan in displeasure. You wanted to leave. Now. “I have a nice and cozy place, just for the both of us.”

“No, I don’t think so.”, you say and try to go back to the others, when he grabs your arm roughly, shoving you against a tree. You notice his pupils grow and gulp nervously.

“Really? That’s too sad.”, the man whispers and comes closer, almost touching your cheek with his nose. “You’re so beautiful.”

You take a deep breath and kick with your foot, almost hitting the man between his legs. He jumps back fast enough and glares at you in anger. You take the chance and turn around, about to run, when you crash into something hard.

You look up and stare into the eye of the green haired swordman; Zoro.

“Y/N, stand behind me.” You do as told and hide behind your previous drinking partner.

“Oi, grandfather, ” he says and pulls his Shusui visibly out of its hiding, making it gleam dangerously at the pervert. “I hope you’re not doing what I think you’re doing.”

“N-no, no! I would never, I-”, the man almost shouts, taking a few steps back. He looks mortified.

But Zoro already took two steps towards him, aiming his sword directly at the face of the old man. “Touch my woman one more time and it will be the last thing you will be touching, ” He glares at the man, making him visibly shiver at his next word. “ever.”

“I’m so sorry!”, the man calls out and runs into the opposite direction, tripping once, leaving you and Zoro alone. You stare at his back for a few seconds, too shocked to proceed what just happened.

“I- thank you…”, the adrenalin completely consumed the alcohol in your body, so much, you were sober again, like a cold splash of water hitting your face.

Zoro lazily turns around and musters you, “No problem. Are you hurt?” You shake your head. “Let’s go back then, I’m getting hungry. ”

The swordsman seems to be not affected by the alcohol at all, simply throws an arm around you and walks back to your table. On your way back, you can’t help but cling a bit to him, feeling safer than you have ever felt in his company.

“How did you even know where I was?”, you ask after a few minutes, now staring at your filled glass of ice cold water on the table, something you should have considered before.

“Hm?”, Zoro asks confused. He scratches his head for a second and shrugs. “I actually wanted to go to the toilet, but somehow I ended up where you were.”

You nod and smile shyly. “I’m glad you  came.”

To your surprise, the swordsman leans down and stares into your eyes, making your heart jump at the closeness.

“I’m glad, too.”


The wind blew through your hair, blocking your vision for a short time. You pay no mind to it and stare at your opponent two meters away from you. The pirate stares right back at you, the tension between you both at maximum.

“Unbelievable how someone as pretty as you is in that filthy crew with that filthy captain.” The man spits out, staring at you like you were something unworthy, like he was above you. “I will give you one last chance; join my crew or die here.”

You laugh dryly at the man’s statement. “You’re the only filthy person here. I will not join you, nor will I die.”

The pirate glares at you and shouts angrily, making the birds on the tree next to you fly away in fear. But you don’t care, instead, you start running towards him. He starts running too,  sword raised high. You both clash together, shouting in adrenaline. He tries his best to catch you with his sword, but you’re too fast; he can’t see you and then you’re behind him, kicking the side of his head so hard, he flies off to the side, crashing into several trees.

A huge cloud of dust erupts around you both, making it harder for you to see.

A few seconds pass, where you’re basically blind, you try your best to scan your surroundings, when you hear footsteps behind you. You turn around smoothly and raise your foot again, about to kick another time- with haki this time, when you stare into your favorite polar bear’s face.

“There you are! Captain will kill you, Y/N!” Bepo screams and pulls your arm, trying his best to get you back to the submarine.

Your crew had stopped at this island a few days ago and today was the day, where you were supposed to leave again, but you had other things in your mind. On your first day, you had noticed other pirates, who were not very fond of your arrival. They had tried to stare you down, made provocative comments and even insulted your captain, your captain! You were furious. On your first day, you were already ready to fight them, but Law had held you back. “They’re just some newbies, we’re not here to fight.” He had said, making you nod. Law was right. But, to your utter disappointment, they didn’t stop. Instead, it got even worse. On one day, your favorite bar on the island got destroyed and no one knew who it was- but you did. You knew it. It couldn’t have been someone else.

“Y/N, we will leave today, let it slide. We are only here to get medicine, not fight.” He had reminded you again, but you were burning with rage. How could you just leave! It would put shame on your crews name, and especially, on your captain. You couldn’t just leave, not today. So you sneaked out as soon as you saw Law being busy, running as fast as you could and confronted the pirates.

Here you were now, on some grass- field, in middle of a fight between the captain and you.

Bepo pulled harder, but you just shook your head. “No, I have to! Bepo, let go!”

“No! This is ridiculous! C'mon now!”, the bear frowned at you. “Or at least let me help!”

“Listen,” you were starting to get annoyed, grabbing onto you own head in irritation. “I can do it alone, I’m strong enough.” But the bear was too stubborn.

“Y/N, if you don’t let me help, I will call for-” Suddenly, the bear let go of you, eyes growing twice the size. “Behind you!”

You turned around, but it was already too late. Your opponent was running towards you in full speed, face dirty from the earlier contact with the ground. His sword was raised high, cutting the skin of your arm in one swift motion.

You hissed and jumped back, making sure to push Bepo away from the man. Blood was slowly dripping out of your arm, only a bit at first, but the more time passed, the more blood rushed out. “Y/N!” You heard the bear scream.

You have no time to cover your injury, because the pirate already aims for the second hit. You jump away, land behind him and turn around. He is slower than you, so you raise your foot in anger and kick, but instead of hitting your opponent, you hit the air five meters away from you.


You almost lose your balance and hold onto the tree next to you. “Law!”, you scream angrily.

Your dark haired lover stands where you stood a second ago and cuts with his sword through the body of your previous opponent. “Shambles.” You hear him mumble and then the body of the man turns into three separate parts.

“What-”, the man screams and stares at his legs flying away right in front of his eyes. “My body!”

Law smirks devilish and takes a step towards the head laying on the ground. He crouches down, still smirking, and grabs the head with his right head. “Don’t touch my woman ever again.” Then he throws the head back and walks towards you. You can hear Bepo cheering loudly in the background, but you’re too mad.

“That was my fight, Law! You’re so mean!”, you cross your arms in front of your chest and try your best to hide your injury, but the doctor already pulls your arm towards him, scanning the skin concentrated.

“Just one time.”, he mumbles. “Listen to me one fucking time.” You can hear how mad he is, but at the same time, you find a bit of amusement in his voice.

“I could have won, but Bepo was in the way!” You defend yourself angrily, earning a loud ‘hey!’ next to you. “The guy called you filthy!”

“Do I look like I care if he calls me filthy? His strength is as high as your level of listening to your captain; not fucking
existing.” Law says and lets your arm go. “You’ll be needing stitches.” He nods towards your arm.

You huff in annoyance and turn around, sassily walking back to the ship. “I told you!”, Bepo calls out laughing, falling silent at the cold glance you give him. “I’m sorry.”

Law slowly walks back behind the two of you, pulling his hat down to shield his smile. They were calling him stupid names, that’s why you fought them. He knew you could kick their asses if you wanted to, but you were his woman after all. As long as he was there, you had no reason to fight.

Deep down, the doctor was relieved that he had someone like you close to him; someone that had his back. Always.