It is quite unbelievable that there will be people that I will love unconditionally that I have not met yet.
Somewhere out there, in a supermarket or singing in the shower, there are souls that have not touched mine yet but will, eventually.
And maybe I didn’t realize
I was in love with you before
because it is something
as natural as breathing;
you do it completely subconsciously
but once you start thinking about it,
that you’ve been doing it all along.
Imagine (by that I mean it's literally a dream I had but I'm taking out names and stuff)
You, some friends and a couple of teachers run the schools “Equality Alliance” it’s a small group dedicated to tackling LGBTQ+ issues within the school and today was a big day.
A trip to pride.
It had taken almost the entire year to beg your school to let you go but it all paid off.
You were on the train, on the way to the start of the parade. You were sat next to your TC. Everyone was in uniform but had accessories with your pride flag colours on it.
Everyone was so excited. Your friends and the teachers were chatting away, really hyper about the parade. But you were being quiet, mostly because your nervous. It wasn’t your first parade but it was the first time you were going without your parents.
“Hey Y/N,” TC nudged you slightly, bringing your attention away from the window, “are you ok?”
You looked to them with a small smile, “yeah, I’m just… Nervous?”
They gave you a nod, “same… It’s my first time at a pride event.”
You’re not sure why but that surprised you.
They went back to talking to the others once you made it clear that you were ok.
Once you were off the train and had rushed to the starting point, you had just about caught the start of the parade. You marched along, for a minute before the crowds of people who were there to watch the parade became visible.
The music being played was different from each direction but every song was fun to dance to. You had started to dance a little and sing when you suddenly heard another voice join in from beside you. It was TC, they gave you a big grin and just raised their voice. You rolled your eyes and joined in with them.
Your not quite sure how it happened but somehow you and TC had ended up dancing together. Their arm around you as you haphazardly swayed to Beyonce songs. This went on for basically the full hour of marching.
When the parade ended you went down to look at some stalls and charity things that were all pitched in the near by park. TC stayed with you and your friends stayed with the other teachers. As you wandered around and got a lot of free things, you took off your school blazer because it was really warm (you half blame it on the weather but also half on your TC).
Near the end of the stalls there was this group of people who were asking couples to take photos of themselves with a little frame that said something about all love being equal… One of the people stood in front of you and TC and asked if you’d take a photo with the love frame.
Before you could say no or anything to salvage the situation TC spoke up.
“Sure! We’d love to, right?” They nudged you softly with a small smile and laugh.
You held one side of the frame and TC held the other. The both of you squished together to fit both of you in the frame. You were blushing like crazy and just as the picture was about to be taken, TC tapped your shoulder. You quickly looked over to them only to be met with their lips crashing onto yours.
The kiss was short, soft and sweet.
There was an “awww” from the photographer and TC pulled away.
You just stood there, staring at your teacher as they gave the frame back, laughing to themselves.
“Would you like those printed?” The photographer asked, doing something behind the table.
“Definitely.” TC smiled, putting their arm around you to pull you over to the small printer. “Can we get a copy each? We don’t live together.”
The photographer just nodded and in less than a minute you had your photos.
You were just looking through the photos. You had a few each. One of you both smiling, one of the shoulder tap, one of you turning around surprised, one of the kiss and one of you with your hand over your mouth and blushing so hard it looked unhealthy.
((And that is where I woke up))
Falling in love with you
was like starting a TV-series
of which you know
that there will only be one season.
Watching episode after episode,
pouring your heart into the characters,
getting drawn into the story,
that it will come to an end all to soon,
perhabs even with a major cliffhanger,
without any chance of a happy ending.
// and yet, you just cannot deny that it is worth the pain j.d.m.
Imagine having an ordinary relationship with your TC. Living day to day without anything Extra happening. They don’t fuck you on their desk. In fact you’re hardly ever in their classroom because you’re of legal age to date a teacher.
Imagine coming home from college classes/work with them just being there. Cooking a meal for you both, quietly discussing your days. You watch some TV. You do your homework, they grade their papers. Maybe you kiss and cuddle five times, but really it’s just nice to be in their company.
When you go to bed, you don’t have passionate sex, because you’re both too damn tired. You kiss once or twice, you fall asleep next to each other, able to take each other’s love for granted.
I was sitting in class. The bell had just rang and I had no where to go. R told me to leave, but in response I said, “why should I leave if I have no where to go?”
His face showed pure shock. He packed up his things to get ready to go home. After he was done, he ushered me out and told me to follow him. We were going to his car.
R had a nice car. It was a family car, even though it was only him and his wife. The inside was leather seats. Good for any type of mess that needed to be cleaned off the seats.
We pulled away from school, and R started talking to me.
“Why don’t you have a place to go?” He asked in a calm, deep voice.
“My mom… She kicked me out.”
He gave me another look of shock for the day and looked back at the road.
“She looked through my phone and found a my Tumblr accounts.” I looked down at my hands, shyly. It was the truth, I just was hoping he wouldn’t ask about my accounts. I got exactly that.
“What’s so bad about Tumblr? Were you looking at porn or writing about your fantasies or something?”
I bit my lip and looked out the window next to me. I heard a small “oh” come from him. He tried to suggest that it couldn’t be that bad. Little did he know…
“I post about a person that I’m madly in love with. It’s wrong on so many levels. That’s why my mom kicked me out.” I could feel butterflies pool in my stomach.
“Who’s the lucky guy?” He started to smirk, shock gone from his face.
“It doesn’t matter. He’ll never love me back, anyways.” I sighed, putting my arm on the middle console.
“You never know… Maybe he likes you, too.” R had a hopeful look in his eyes. I had never seen it before. I wondered if he loved me as much as I loved him.
I smiled and looked at him. “It would be a miracle if he even liked me the slightest. Last time I checked, if we were to get together, he’d be arrested.”
“It’d be worth the jail time, though. I mean, have you met yourself? Any guy would be so lucky to have you.”
We pulled into a drive way. The house in front of us was beautiful. There were flowers in a little garden, a big oak tree in the middle of the yard… It was the perfect house.
“My wife isn’t home, yet. She’ll be pretty upset seeing as I brought one of my students home.” He unlocked the door and we walked inside.
“Yeah, probably more upset when she sees that I’m a girl.” I looked over at R, who was laughing to himself.
“I’m gonna have to agree with you on that one.”
After setting his stuff down, he grabbed his tablet and sat down in what I presumed as a living room. He waved me over to sit next to him.
“Here, log on to your Tumblr. I wanna see your blog.”
I was shaking my head, no. I was NOT gonna let him see my blog that was about him.
“Why should I? I mean, it’s pretty bad. I probably wouldn’t even be able to stay here.”
“Nonsense. Now log in.”
I took the tablet. Tumblr was already pulled up on it. I typed in all of my information. Taking the deepest breath, I logged in. My three blogs came up. My main one, my DDlg one, and the one about him. As soon as he saw me logged in, he took the tablet. I got up off the couch and walked around. This was gonna be bad.
“So, I’m looking at your main blog. Nothing bad. Except for who you follow and what you’ve liked. Now, I’m looking at another one of your blogs. It’s cute. A bunch of Disney stuff and stuffed animals. Oh, now I’m on the third one. Okay, now I see what you’re talking about. Hmm. This all looks pretty familiar. Oh…? OH!! Can you please come in here and stop hiding?” The entire time he was talking, he seemed calm. Like it was what he was expecting. He didn’t even seem to care that I was talking about him.
I walked into the living room. Immediately, I covered my face due to the blush in my cheeks. I got over to him, refusing to sit next to him because of my embarrassment. I was standing in front of him. He pulled my waist to him, making me fall on his lap. It only made me blush more.
R moved my hands away from my face. I looked at him and saw the biggest smile on his face.
“So I’m the guy you’re madly in love with, huh. It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. If anything, I’m kind of relieved.”
I smiled a little to myself. I was fiddling with my fingers in my lap, or our laps since I was sitting on him. He reached behind me and pulled me closer to hug me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him. I had uncomfortably moved closer in his lap. I was trying not to sit on something that would make everything bad.
R had muscular arms. They wrapped about my waist so perfectly. His chest was also muscular, but it still had a softness to it that I had never felt in any guy I had been with. He smelled like old spice mixed with sweat, but the perfect ratio of them both. He was everything that I had wanted in a guy.
We heard a car pull into the driveway. It was his wife. I leaned back in his lap and looked at him. He slightly touched my face and picked me up. I was carried into the kitchen and put in a stool. R moved to the fridge to get us something to drink. By the time he had gotten both of us a glass, his wife walked in. She looked right at me and stopped.
“And you are…?” She seemed to not like the idea of me being there.
Before I could speak, R told her everything she needed to know.
She scoffed and walked out. R turned to me and rolled his eyes. A glass of what I assumed was tea was scooted in my direction. I took a sip then sat it down. Hydration was the least of my worries right now. What I was worried about? Being told to leave then not having a place to go.
R and I walked back into the living room. He got out a notepad and wrote down something. After passing it to me, I read it.
‘I like you, too.’
I couldn’t help but smile. The man that I had spent the entire school year fantasizing about actually likes me. R looked at me and smiled back.
His wife suddenly walked through with keys in hand and a purse.
“I’m going to a friend’s. I’m too stressed to deal with anything right now.” And with that, she was out the door.
R pulled back into his lap, only this time I was sitting right where I wanted to avoid. We locked eyes, his hands were on my hips and mine were around his neck, he was leaning towards me slowly, and all I could think of was kissing him. Soon enough, his lips were on mine for a quick yet slow kiss. He backed away and looked at me. The only thing he saw was me with my lips parted and my eyes closed. I was too deep in thought to look at him.
“Open your eyes, please.”
I opened my eyes and looked at R. He was biting his lip. It was obvious that he wanted to kiss me again, and who was I to complain?
‘Home…’, she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.
'It’s a funny word, isn’t it? Something so well known to anyone and still so utterly different in its subjective definition.’
'What does it mean to you?’, I asked and her gaze wandered off into distance. She did not say a single word for several seconds and when she looked at me again, a frown was wrinkling her forehead.
Her lips said 'I don’t know, what about you?’ but her eyes gave away what she did not want to speak out loud; that her home was on the road, at a different apartment each night, constantly under an ever changing sky.
So how would I have been able to tell her that I, undeniably, undoubtedly, had found home in the wrinkles when she laughed and that colour when she blushed?