tc thoughts

I want to know...

- what his bedhead looks like
- what he looks like when he’s painting
- how his voice sounds when he’s sleepy
- what his favorite song is and why
- what he looks like when he cries
- what his kiss feels like
- how it feels to fall asleep with him holding me
- what his hugs feel like
- what he looks like with glasses on
- how his first heartbreak felt like
- who his first crush was
- who he currently loves and cherishes
- what he looks like in a suit and tie


Don’t stare at me because it gives me hope.
Don’t give me hope because it makes me happy.
Don’t make me happy because it makes me fall.
Don’t make me fall because it hurts.
Don’t hurt me because I can’t hate you for it.
Don’t make me not hate you because I should.

Don’t stare because it make me think you feel the same, even the smallest things give me hope.

—  Pathetic girl in love
Imagine them. Imagine every single detail.

Imagine sitting on his couch.
Look around.
What can you see?
Is it a small cozy place? Or is it a nice modern flat?
Is it a bit messy? Or is it fully tidied and clean?
And what about the colours on the walls? What about the furniture?

Imagine every little detail. Got it? Great, let’s continue.

Now think about your look.
What are you wearing?
Is it one of his tshirts? Or is it your own cozy tshirt?
What about your hair? Do you have them in a ponytail? Or a messy bun, maybe even a braid?
And what about makeup? Are you wearing any or are you keepin it natural?

Imagine it. Think about how you feel comfortable the most.

Now look around again.
Where is he?
Is he sitting next to you? Or is he working behind his desk? Or maybe even cooking some meal in the kitchen?
If he’s sitting next to you, what are you two doing? Are you watching TV, maybe reading books? Or are you just chilling and talking?
If he’s behind his desk, what is he doing? Is he working on something? Or is he just checking his emails?
If he’s in the kitchen, what is he cooking? Is it something healthy? Maybe some vegetables? Or is he more into those fast food kind of meals?
Or maybe he just wants to surprise with some delicious pasta.

Imagine it. Imagine what he’s doing.

Focus on his look now.
What is he wearing?
Is it that favorite outfit of yours? Or is it something comfy? Or maybe he’s topless, trying to impress you with his gorgeous body?
What about his hair? Is it messy or perfectly still?
And what does he smell like?
Can you smell cologne? Or maybe his aftershave? Or can you smell his shampoo and shower gel?

Do you like that smell? I’m sure you do.

Finally, we’re getting to the touchy part.
Imagine his hands. Oh god, imagine them. He wants to touch you.
Where does he touch you? Does he just place his hand over your knee or thigh? Does he place his arm around your waist? Or does he touch your face?

Imagine the heat of his hand when he touches you. Is it comfortable? Well, of course it is.

He’s moving closer, his lips are closer to yours.
Can you see them well? Are they thin or full?
He probably wants to kiss you.
Where does he kiss you? Is it on the neck first? Or does he go straight for your lips
And how does he kiss you?
Does he kiss you slowly at first? Or does he kiss you hard?
Can you feel the desire behind?

That’s right. You’re kissing. Imagine it.

Now what about his lips?
Are they dry or prefectly smooth?
What do they taste like?
Do they taste like coffee? Or maybe tea? Or do they taste like cigarettes?

Focus on your heartbeat now. Is your heart beating faster? Because it should.

Now it’s your turn.
You want to touch him as well, of course.
What are you doing with your arms?
Are you moving them slowly around his back? Are you touching his perfectly shaped stomach? Or are you holding their face, maybe pulling his hair a little?
Does he like it?

You would like it.

That’s why you’re imagining it.

You’re welcome.

It’s the way he smiles after he’s made a joke

It’s the way his eyes light up when he’s talking about something he’s interested in.

It’s the face he makes when he knows he said something wrong.

Its the way he can’t hold in his laugh after someone makes a joke.

It’s the way he acts like a child, even though he’s an adult.

It’s the face he makes when I make fun of him.

It’s just him.

I hate myself for loving you so much and i wish i could tattoo the feeling of your lips on my skin. I can’t see myself ever not loving you but you and i will always be unfinished business and maybe somethings are better left unfinished. You’re in my bones, my heart and your voice echoes in my veins. I’ll have to rip myself open to let go of you, but thank you for reminding me what butterflies feel like
—  L.S.
Deep breath. “It was you that I chose as we met eyes for the first time, but I never noticed until talking about you made me confused, my heart would scream, and the thought of you gave me hope that maybe I did have a heart, that love was really real no matter how many times I would tell my friends that I would rather be alone, but they would never know that I’d rather just be with you then to be all alone. Even if it’s crazy, even when I know I can’t have you or you could never feel the same I still hold out hope that my heart, for the first time isn’t lying to me because the only honesty I am giving myself is that I know what my feelings are and I am no longer a child and that telling you how I feel is a risk…I like you.” He never said anything, and she left the rest unsaid as she left the room, continuing in her head; But in reality, I’m going to ask you to break my heart and to turn me away because I need to be let go even when you never had me to begin with. I feed myself hope and pretty soon I will walk out that door and never see you again but first, let me go, I need to be let go… “Don’t go.” Deep breath.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write // 3