Finding Carol

For my part in the tag clean up… here’s my levity for tonight.. :) 

He was really trying to hide it.. how much it hurt. Because he hadn’t really realized until then just how far she’d gotten under his skin.  Just how much he’d gotten used to her around. Just how much the feeling had grown in him. Maybe until he picked up that scarf off the floor near T-Dogs body. 

She was gone.  And boy did it sting. 

But you have to carry on.  And he did for a while, Concentrating on keeping things together while Rick was falling apart.There really wasn’t any time to think on it too much. The baby needed formula. And someone needed to keep a level head.   

But it was kind of hard..

(gifs by pasdendence)

He can barely look at a cutout of a child’s handprint, with the name Sophia on it.  Its a painful reminder not only of Carol but of his failure to save her daughter. Something he carries with him as well.  

As much Daryl is trying to not feel it here, he is feeling it. It can’t be helped. Once that door opens inside you its extremely hard to shut it.  So he finds his own time. Away from everyone else, to mourn the loos of someone he was just really starting to get to know. 

Someone did change his life for the better.  He even took the time to find a Cherookee Rose for her grave. Something special between them and them alone. 

While comforting Carl over the loss of his mother,(and example of Daryl opening up and talking to people, if you were paying attention Daryl tells a story of his own loss. Of his mother dying in a fire. And how she was ‘just gone’  And how some said it was ‘better that way”  

Carol was ‘just gone’ too. Vanished in thin air. Nothing left. Sometimes that is actually worse, not better. No closure. Nothing at all.   

And when he finds her knife in the tombs it just hits home in a personal way. 

It’s something tangible.. something real.. and the pain sets in.  To this day it affects me to see him sitting there with Carol’s knife like this..  t

Bent over, stabbing it into the floor, realizing what might behind that door waiting for him. So he stabs it repeatedly, painfully, angrily. Getting himself prepared emotionally for what he might find. 8 painful stabs and then one in the wall. . pushing away the pain, the grief even though he knows full well…

that this is fucking gonna hurt..

When he yanks that door open, knife raised, ready to take care of it, like they always promised each other they would,  And sure enough, she is in there. And while I don’t have a gif or pic for the initial expression on his face, it’s one of surprise when he sees those blue eyes, tired but alive, right in front of him. And he has to touch her, just to make sure she’s real.  

You realized in that moment just how much he’d accepted her being gone. How much he’d resigned himself to having to put her down. The gentle touch under her chin and the relief on her face speaks volumes. She wasn’t gone, he had her back. 

And of course he now has to take care of her. 

taking her gently and carefully away from harm. Fully focused on this task at hand, protecting and looking after her. Its something good. For the first time in a long time, something worked out. A miracle happened. 

Daryl had his girl back.. that beautiful, sassy Carol who had always believed in him was back in his world, (and in this case in his arms, squee) and there was relief for once. 

And that lovely Carol sass…

that he can’t live without, and deep down he knows it.  

Daryl without Carol is not a happy guy. He can front a little for a bit, but he’s not. To me on a subconcious level, I think I think he became pretty aware of how important she was to him when faced with a real possibility of losing her for good. There was no reason to believe at that point that she’d survived the attack so at point he may have known just how closed she’d gotten to him. Just how far under his skin she was. 

He REALLY misses her when she’s gone from his life. And the next time he lost her, well, we saw how he reacted to getting her back.  He loves this woman and this scene convinced me back then, and I’ve held it to ever since. Daryl loves Carol so much that losing her physically hurts him. 

 She had him then and she still has him now, and no one will convince me otherwise.