“‘I don’t give a fu - flipping hamster who he is,’ Phichit ranted, just stopping himself from colouring the air any further and Yuuri sniffled against him. Phichit felt so angry, though he knew Yuuri should be coming first. He kissed Yuuri again, resting his cheek against Yuuri’s head. ‘Next time I see him, I’m going to punch him. Or at least hit him with my skates, or something.’
‘He’s like two feet taller than you,’ Yuuri said, breaking away to rub at his wet nose and cheeks. Phichit scoffed.
‘I’ll use a stool,’ he suggested and Yuuri laughed again.”
cool, dank ways to get jake and rosa out of prison
gina runs hawkins over with a bus, consequently exposing all of hawkins’ crimes
charles keeps begging the prison guards to let him stay in jail too because he can’t let his best friend be in there all by himself! he gets so annoying that jake and rosa get a retrial and are free
amy and jake’s love is so deep and pure everyone in prison feels bad that they ever have to be separated ever and after hearing that crap like that happens to them on practically a seasonal basis all the prisoners revolt so jake can live happily with his one true love
rosa is so drop-dead gorgeous that the American Legal System feels ashamed for throwing her in jail; she’s too beautiful to be made to suffer so they release her
arlo and cheddar work together as a rag tag team of adorable dogs to free jake and rosa; they’re so cute crime stops permanently and there’s no longer a need for jail
jake’s beard that he mysteriously starts growing in jail turns out to have magical powers that assist him in breaking out of prison– like Jack and the Beanstalk he’s Jake and the Patchy Beard
What about UMFB Phichit and TBE Phichit swapping places?
@victorsporosya And I decided that umfb!Phichit and tbe!Phichit would definitely bond over drinks if they met.
If they swapped places and met the respective Yuuris it would probably go something like this:
tbe!Phichit - oh thank god, you’re still a skater! This universe must be so much easier! Oh wait no, I spoke too soon
umfb!Phichit: Yuuri, in every universe the source of your problems can be traced back to either Viktor Nikiforov being a dick or Viktor Nikiforov’s dick
And if they met each other it would go something like:
TBE!Phichit: ‘Look, I’m not saying you have it easy. But at least your Yuuri still skates.
‘UMFB!Phichit: ‘Why? What does your Yuuri do?
TBE!Phichit bangs his head on the table.
And then he would tell Phichit because the only person he trusts with Yuuri’s secret is himself and they would drink together and commiserate over their idiot best friends and the massive complication in their lives that is Viktor Nikiforov
i weeped all of the old year out of me and now the sticks and stones are my friends. maybe it can be well with my soul and also a fight to get up in the morning. maybe i can celebrate living and still ask, how do i move my bones again? i always say that i am incredibly human and i have felt the definition in every prayer of these months. all of heaven has too. all of us have too.
to be held like that, to be seen by them. all wings, all perfect, all worship. to stand at the rope and have nothing to show for myself other than a bloody survival and to be revered. an undoing ending but at least i’d be finished.
i have sat in the same room every time the sad eats me whole, vodka down my throat type of goodbye, bells ringing as the new moons wake up and all i can do is miss the old ones
that hurt me a little too long. i guess every thing ends except for the longing. even our wounds get tired of working, rehashing so much we can’t remember how they started and we end up stuck, here, always in the same boats with the same ghosts, same hates, same loves.
and isn’t that what we’re afraid of the most? 5 years down and still asking how to move our bones. what if we make a habit out of weeping off our old days, to never bother saving them in a jar, to live for the wounds
Ok so we got canon and btds victuuri meeting umfb victuuri, but what about tbe victuuri meeting umfb victuuri. Wow never thought I see the day where I would type victuuri a lot in one sentence.
So I’ve discussed this with @victorsporosya and we have both agreed that
umfb!Viktuuri and tbe!Viktuuri world collision would be the worst thing that
could possibly happen. So here you have ‘the worst universe meeting ever’
courtesy of Adele and I ;)
Let’s say that either the Yuuris or the Viktors swap so that
umfb!Yuuri meets tbe!Viktor and tbe!Yuuri meets umfb!Viktor. The problem here
is neither would notice the difference. Not for a while at least. Because
tbe!Yuuri is confident, just like umfb!Viktor thinks his Yuuri is, and
tbe!Viktor is still the top skater just like umfb!Viktor and so on the outside
it looks like there’s no difference. Which would create the worst possible
Since both the couples have a longstanding history of
inadvisable sexual encounters you can guess where they would inevitably end up.
Tbe!Yuuri would go in assuming that Viktor was still wanting to be his client
regardless of how complicated his own feelings were becoming. And umfb!Viktor by
this point is used to Yuuri propositioning him seemingly randomly so he
wouldn’t notice anything different at all. Not until afterwards, when Yuuri
mentions that they could discuss payment later at least. To which his response
would be something along the lines of ‘??????? what?’
Viktor would inevitably say something stupid out of surprise
and lack of understanding at what the hell was going on. Tbe!Yuuri would be so
upset at Victor, hearing something like that from someone he likes so much and
admires so highly, thinking he was looking down on his profession and would end
up lashing out out of hurt. Then when Victor tries to backtrack, Yuuri wouldn’t
believe it. He’d probably say something about how Victor can keep his medals,
his money and his time- as Yuuri would never imagine spending any more of his
on someone so shallow. He’d probably tell Victor that all those gossip rags
he’d ever read were right. Victor Nikiforov, alone for a reason. Which would break umfb!Viktor, especially after being told by Chris that he was clinging
to what little he had with Yuuri because he was lonely and thought that he
would never have love.
On the other hand, you have umfb!Yuuri and tbe!Viktor.
Again, neither of them would notice the difference until afterwards when Viktor
mentioned paying Yuuri for his services. And since umfb!Yuuri isn’t a
professional escort and didn’t go into this expecting it to be a business deal
or understand the tbe arrangement, the implication of what Viktor was saying he
was to Viktor would be awful for him.
Tbe!Victor would probably figure out that Yuuri is not his
Yuuri pretty quickly after Yuuri’s (very, very upset) reaction to the implied
payment. And after the full story came out, his heart would be broken to learn
that had things been different, had he and Yuuri known each other from the
start, Yuuri would hate him. Because tbe!Victor likes to think that had he
known Yuuri before he quit skating, things would be different. It would crush
him to find himself in another universe where he did know Yuuri as a skater-
they’re still not together. That would break TBE Victor’s fantasy rather
severely. And as for umfb!Yuuri, he would think that his Viktor was definitely
just using him for sex and nothing more considering in another world Viktor pays him for sex and nothing more (or so he would think).
Meanwhile umfb!Viktor would be confronted by a world where
he thinks that Yuuri is literally just using him for his money and nothing else
(again, at least so he would think). Which would not be pretty considering he’s
surrounded by people trying to convince him that his own Yuuri is just using
him to get medals, even if that isn’t true.
It would essentially do a lot of damage to both of their
relationships, but the umfb couple more than tbe one. Umfb!Viktuuri are in love
with each other, even if Yuuri can’t quite admit it yet, while tbe!Viktuuri are
still figuring things out. It would hurt them a lot, but not as much terrible
damage as it would put into umfb!Viktuuri’s relationship.
y'all are so concerned about discovery but like guys it’s simple we’ll do what we’ve always done we’ll take the good bits and twist what we can all around to fit our optimal enjoyment and throw the rest in the garbage