Let me tell you something about Katy Perry. Her and Taylor Swift were best friends. I know, right? I bet it’s so embarrassing. I don’t even…Whatever. So then Taylor started going out with a guy named John Mayer who was totally gorgeous and Katy was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if she would blow her off to hang out with John, Katy would be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And Taylor would be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then, for Taylor’s birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, Taylor was like, “Katy, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a lesbian.” I mean she couldn’t have a lesbian at her party. There were gonna be girls there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then Katy’s producer called Taylor’s producer and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she stopped writing songs because no one would talk to her, and then she came back in the spring with her new album, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she’s on crack.