Today, I was asked, “why do you want to travel so badly?” And at the moment, my answer was “I don’t know, it just seems fun, I guess.” I honestly didn’t know why my desire to explore the world was so strong, but that got me thinking.
Why do I want to travel so much? I couldn’t think of anything in particular that I wanted to see or that I wanted to do; not a single thing came into my head. And then it hit me.
I do not want to travel to do anything or to be anywhere; I want to travel to be everywhere, everywhere except here.
I want there to be traces of me across the world. I want my fingerprints left on the foggy windows of taxi cabs in New York, I want the wrapper of my candy that was accidentally taken by the wind blowing across the streets of Rome, I want hints of my natural scent to linger in hotel rooms in Brazil, I want the foreign money that I’ve handled to travel across the country, I want people to say my name and think of me in their memories from when I visited the place they call home. I want to be everywhere.
The one place that I do not want to exist is here, my home town in my home state. I’m tired of looking around this tiny, terrible place and seeing nothing but empty people and meaningless things. I do not want to be here anymore. I cannot stand the sight of my home. I look out my window and I see a road, a big, fat, ugly line of cars going past. As much as I hate the sight from my bedroom window, I want to be in one of those cars.
I want to hop into one of those many vehicles and drive away from here. I’d drive to the airport, to the beach, to the park. I’d even drive to the gas station, just to escape from this hell of a home for a little while. I would go anywhere else.
In my home, I do not live, I simply exist. I am an unimportant being on this planet and I always will be, unless I get out and do something. I want to go. I want to go literally anywhere. I don’t give a shit about where I end up. Just take me away from here. Please.
So, why do I want to travel so much?
I fell the strongest urge to travel for one simple reason: I do not feel at home when I am in my home. My home will be somewhere, I am not quite sure where yet, but it will not be here. I will exist boldly in my home, my heart will no longer feel heavy and saddened each day, I will be light and free and I will be strong enough and kind enough to do anything. I will travel the world, I will find my home. I will, I will, I will.