tattletales

Customer logic: The “it’s apparently not really stealing (even though it technically is)” edition

I was a cashier at Target, and let me say in preface that nine times out of ten whenever we had to suspend a transaction because a customer left their form of payment at home and were going home to get it, they never came back to get their shit.

Okay, fast forward to this woman and the 3 or 4 kids she had with her. All the kids had 20-oz bottles of Pepsi they had all cracked open and started drinking. After I had rung everything up, this woman realized she didn’t have her checkbook or whatever she was going to pay with, so I told her no problem, I can suspend the transaction and keep her stuff at the register until her husband showed up with her checkbook (or whatever).

Then I noticed that she wasn’t taking the sodas away from her kids, she was letting them head on into the Starbucks with them to wait. So I (politely!) asked her if she had any way to pay for the Pepsi’s since her kids were already drinking them, and … oh boy. At first she just kind of stares at me blankly and asks why she would want to do that; her husband is coming to pay! So I (again, politely, if a bit bewildered because, well, uh, technically you’re allowing your kids to steal, but whatever …) tell her that, well, I just thought since they already opened them and started drinking them, she might just want to go ahead and pay for them … (you know, because technically that’s stealing!)

And this chick loses her shit at me, but not in a yelling sort of way, more in a really quietly offended and victimized sort of way, if that makes sense. Starts going on about why does she need to pay for them, her husband is going to be here soon to pay and all that. So obviously I can tell she’s getting upset, so I back off and tell her, okay, never mind, it’s fine.

So she walks over to the Starbucks in the front of the store by the registers (her kids still drinking the Pepsi’s nobody’s paid for), sits there for like a minute, then comes over to my register and asks me to give her her bags so she can take them to Customer Service and have them hang on to them. Okay, fine. I make sure to watch her to make sure that’s really where she’s going with them (keep in mind this whole time I have a line and am trying to check through the women who were in line behind her), and when she comes back my way she stomps over to me and announces “I told them what happened!” in the tone of voice a five-year-old would use to tell you they just tattled on you and you’re gonna be in trouble! And I’m so shocked by this that I audibly and incredulously said “Told them what?!” Because, like, what? Told them that you’re teaching your shitty little kids that it’s a-okay to steal from stores? I mean, how do you think you’re in the right here?

Anyway, the ladies I was checking through when all this happened couldn’t believe the nerve of this woman, told me not to let this b*tch get to me, and then apparently went up to Customer Service themselves to defend me and tell them I’d done nothing wrong.

“LITTLE TIP FROM SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK- “TRUTH” IS A TATTLETALE WITH NO FRIENDS. “TRUTH” IS YOUR ANNOYING UNCLE WHO SPOILS THE MOVIE. “TRUTH” IS A CONCEPT INVENTED BY POWERFUL LIARS TO GUILT YOU INTO GIVING THEM MORE POWER. DONT FALL FOR THE TRAP. LIE UNTIL WHAT YOU WANT TO BE TRUE BECOMES TRUE. LIE UNTIL YOU CANT REMEMBER WHAT’S A LIE AND WHAT ISN’T. LIE UNTIL YOU AREN’T LYING ANYMORE”

Whipped up another Bill design for my Redbubble shop! You can get him on all sorts of stuff located right here!

  • Nico: (whispering) Alright, you know what? That’s it. You’ve had your chance.
  • Percy: Wha-what?
  • Nico: (out loud) Jason! Annabeth! Percy smoked pot in Jason's dorm!
  • Jason and Annabeth: What?!
  • Ross: (in a 5 year old’s tone) You are such a tattletale! Jason, Annabeth, you remember that-that time you walked in Jason's room and smelled marijuana?
  • Jason and Annabeth: Yes. (They look at him angrily.)
  • Percy: Well I told you it was Nico who was smoking the pot but it was me. I’m sorry.
  • Annabeth: It was you?
  • Nico: Yeah and Jason, I didn't melt your records. Percy did!
  • Jason: (to Percy) Is that true?
  • Nico: And Jason, y’know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your packages! Percy did!
  • [Jason and Annabeth stare at Percy. Percy looks at them with an afraid, shocked look.]
  • Percy: Yeah, well, Hurricane Sandy didn’t break the porch swing, Nico did!
  • [They glare at Nico.]
  • [Leo, Piper, and Reyna are sitting at the table, looking at the other like they’re weirdos.]
  • Nico: Percy hasn’t worked in a year!
  • [Jason and Annabeth glare at Percy.]
  • Percy: Nico and Jason are living together!
  • [Leo, Piper, and Reyna gasp]
  • [Nico and Jason both are shocked. Percy gives Nico a “take that!” look.]
  • Nico: Percy married Annabeth in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!!
  • [Percy and Annabeth glare at Nico.]
  • Piper: (joining in) I love Jason Bateman!
  • Reyna: (reading the recipe magazine, finally figuring out that...) I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle!
  • Leo: (pounding the table) I wanna gooooooo!