tattletales

Customer logic: The “it’s apparently not really stealing (even though it technically is)” edition

I was a cashier at Target, and let me say in preface that nine times out of ten whenever we had to suspend a transaction because a customer left their form of payment at home and were going home to get it, they never came back to get their shit.

Okay, fast forward to this woman and the 3 or 4 kids she had with her. All the kids had 20-oz bottles of Pepsi they had all cracked open and started drinking. After I had rung everything up, this woman realized she didn’t have her checkbook or whatever she was going to pay with, so I told her no problem, I can suspend the transaction and keep her stuff at the register until her husband showed up with her checkbook (or whatever).

Then I noticed that she wasn’t taking the sodas away from her kids, she was letting them head on into the Starbucks with them to wait. So I (politely!) asked her if she had any way to pay for the Pepsi’s since her kids were already drinking them, and … oh boy. At first she just kind of stares at me blankly and asks why she would want to do that; her husband is coming to pay! So I (again, politely, if a bit bewildered because, well, uh, technically you’re allowing your kids to steal, but whatever …) tell her that, well, I just thought since they already opened them and started drinking them, she might just want to go ahead and pay for them … (you know, because technically that’s stealing!)

And this chick loses her shit at me, but not in a yelling sort of way, more in a really quietly offended and victimized sort of way, if that makes sense. Starts going on about why does she need to pay for them, her husband is going to be here soon to pay and all that. So obviously I can tell she’s getting upset, so I back off and tell her, okay, never mind, it’s fine.

So she walks over to the Starbucks in the front of the store by the registers (her kids still drinking the Pepsi’s nobody’s paid for), sits there for like a minute, then comes over to my register and asks me to give her her bags so she can take them to Customer Service and have them hang on to them. Okay, fine. I make sure to watch her to make sure that’s really where she’s going with them (keep in mind this whole time I have a line and am trying to check through the women who were in line behind her), and when she comes back my way she stomps over to me and announces “I told them what happened!” in the tone of voice a five-year-old would use to tell you they just tattled on you and you’re gonna be in trouble! And I’m so shocked by this that I audibly and incredulously said “Told them what?!” Because, like, what? Told them that you’re teaching your shitty little kids that it’s a-okay to steal from stores? I mean, how do you think you’re in the right here?

Anyway, the ladies I was checking through when all this happened couldn’t believe the nerve of this woman, told me not to let this b*tch get to me, and then apparently went up to Customer Service themselves to defend me and tell them I’d done nothing wrong.

“He was lost, Cas. Our last hunt, he almost didn’t make it back and said he saw Billie.”

“He saw Billie?” Castiel parroted. They were both still in the war room in the bunker, the aftermath of recent events still fresh and new in their minds as Sam recounted what happened while Castiel had been “away.” 

“Yeah, and it wasn’t great.” Sam bit his lip. “Cas, When Mom disappeared…when you died. I think it broke him to a point where he couldn’t come back from it and deal with his grief. More than one night he’s had nightmares where I’d have to get him out and it’s always your name that’d he’d scream.”

“Grief is a complex emotion that is difficult to understand. The both of you have suffered with it greatly, but I have passed before.” Castiel paused, cognizant the statement should make no sense to anyone else except for the three of them. “He had been in grief then but had managed to find a way out. What made this time different?”

“I saw your wings, Cas.” A voice interrupted them from the threshold of the war room.

It clicked in Castiel’s head then. Understandable. "Dean.”

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so with the news about geoff taking a sabbatical, my brain did the “ridiculous headcanon” thing it does and imagined fake ah crew geoff getting burned out (”because organizing you assholes is like trying to herd a fucking swarm of hornets”) and deciding to go on vacation for a while to recharge

and geoff’s basically like “do not call me unless there is an emergency,” and for geoff an emergency consists of:

  • the actual, literal apocalypse
  • nothing else
  • do not call him

but geoff pretty quickly finds out that for the crew, an emergency can be:

  • “did you pack underwear” —jack
  • “i can’t find the remote” —gavin
  • “geoff please i can’t find it call me back” —gavin
  • “gavin and i are arguing about the probability of flipping three coins and the– geoff? hello? did you hang up on me?” —ryan
  • “ryan ended his murder break because of an argument with gavin and is trying to blow up everything in the tri-county area” —michael
  • “michael’s a fucking tattletale” —ryan
  • “i’m drunk and i wrote a rap about you here listen” —jeremy
  • “i’m drunk and jeremy wrote a rap about you and i beatboxed and it’s amazing please answer your phone” —lindsay
  • “i’m drunk and weepy and i miss you” —virtually everyone, on the same night
  • (“i’m sober and annoyed and please save me” —ray)

geoff bursts into the penthouse two weeks before he’s supposed to return and everybody’s basically like what the hell are you doing geoff you’re supposed to be relaxing and geoff has a conniption fit