tater guy

Listen. I firmly believe the Falconers play “the floor is lava”

After every practice, Georgia groups everyone up for announcements, and at the end she says calmly: “the floor is lava” and twenty grown men are clamoring to the nearest climbable object, shoving each other and kicking.

In a small gas station during a long roadie, someone from somewhere in the store shouts “the floor is lava!” and ten seconds later there’s two shelves down and Jack is apologizing to a tired manager while sitting on the cashier counter, not touching the floor

During lunch in the dining area, Jack sits with Tater, Snowy, Marty, Thirdy, Guy, and Poots. They’re talking idly and quietly, guy says “so, you hear about the floor?” Jack and Marty groan, Tater grins, Poots braces for it. “it’s apparently lava” guy finishes.

There’s food knocked to the floor as Guy just continues eating his lunch like nothing.

They’ve broken two chairs, a coffee table, Jacks wrist, and a lamp.

food truck au 2/??


Jack had one blissful week of texting Eric in peace before his teammates caught on.

“ZIMMBONI,” Tater shouted across the dressing room at the end of practice that day. “Who you texting that make you smile so big?”

In a scary sort of tandem, Ransom and Holster whipped around to look at him.

“Yeah, Zimmboni,” Holster parroted. “Who ya texting?”

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As they turn the last corner, only a mile from home, Jack gasps out, “Actually, I hate running with you.”

Bittle looks up. Even after five miles his hair still flops perfectly over his forehead. He’s picked a technical shirt in a neutral color; his sweat stains barely show. Worst of all, he’s barely breathing hard, like he could accelerate away from Jack at any time.

“Really? But it’s such a nice day!”

It is not a nice day. It is greater than 25 degrees Celsius. “It’s hot,” Jack says.

Bittle snorts. “Honey.”

“Yes,” Jack says. “In Georgia, you ran uphill both ways, and in Georgia it’s the approximate temperature of the surface of the Sun.”

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Summary:   Jack hates conventions – the crowds, the noise, the forced socialization, but it’s a work thing that must be done. Enter Samwell Hockey Player, Eric Bittle, who attends the convention with a group of friends. Suddenly things begin to look up. Jack and Bitty meet at Falcs Fest. Flirting, shenanigans, and love ensue. 

“Jack, I realize it’s not how you want to spend your weekend,” George said then paused to take a long sip of coffee. “But it is what it is, and everyone has to do it.” She smiled and added, “So suck it up, mister.”

Jack frowned, “Fine. Fine. Everyone else has to attend, too, right? Everyone?”

George leaned back in her chair and nodded, “Yes. Tater, Thirdy, Guy, Marty, Snowy, Poots – everyone. Misery loves company, after all.”

Jack huffed petulantly.

“I’m kidding!” George said with a laugh, “Come on. The Hawks are always bragging about their convention, so we have to make our inaugural one fantastic and have everyone there.”

Jack shrugged and took a pen from George’s desk, he twirled it absentmindedly in his fingers.

“Jack, it’ll be fine, and guess what? You might actually enjoy it. An entire weekend surrounded by adoring fans, eating anything you want, being handed people’s babies, dancing and whatnot?”

Jack got up and pushed his chair in. “Thanks, George.”

George smiled, then took her attention back to her computer, as Jack loomed in her office doorway.

“Yes, Jack?” She asked as she wrote something in an appointment book.

“Do we have to stay at the hotel, too?”

“Up to you, Jack. Do you feel like driving home back and forth early in the morning and late at night? Most of the guys are making a weekend of it and staying there. There’ll be team brunches every morning. We still have a couple rooms available in the block we reserved, so you can stay there if you want.”

Jack frowned again.

George paused and looked at him, “A little fun won’t kill you, Zimmermann.”

Jack nodded, attempted a meager smile and exited George’s office.

“Oh, and Jack?”


"Can I have my pen back?”

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Patater Week - Day 2

Feb. 7- Proposal/Wedding Day/Wedding Night (1.5K)

“I’m nervous,” Kent says.

“Change your mind?” Alexei teases, only feeling a tiny bit worried. He doesn’t think Kent will actually bail on him, now that they’re both in their suits and the hall is surely packed with their families and teammates. Bittle would cry if anything happened, Alexei thinks. And then skin both of them alive.

But then again, Alexei did see Runaway Bride twice with Snowy, when he was first learning English and someone had the brilliant idea that the best way to learn is to watch all the classic romcoms. Snowy, it turns out, is a big fan of Richard Gere. Kent doesn’t look like he’s ready to bolt, but he did seem skittish, and in the movie, Julia Roberts had been very skittish.

“No, never,” Kent says, taking Alexei’s hands and rubbing his thumb over Alexei’s palms. His hair is already a little mussed, the untamable cowlick threatening to pop back up. “Not about you. I know I’m an ass about a lot of things, but you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Good to know,” Alexei says, letting out a breath of relief. “You tell me now, then what you say for vows?”

“Oh, God,” Kent laughs nervously. “Oh man. That’s—that’s the thing. The vows. In front of a bunch of people. I could probably do it. Maybe. You wouldn’t happen to be carrying Xanax on you?” He chuckles and scratches the back of his neck, but his jaw drops when he sees Alexei rummage in his pockets. “Wait, I’m just joking. I don’t actually—what the hell is that?”

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18; “I’m kicking major ass in this stupid tournament and all you are worried about is what is under my jacket? Geesh. *facepalm*

All jokes aside, LMAo I’m pretty sure she had at least a sports bra under that, I mean to just wear nothing would be…uncomfortable to say the least ^_^’

y’all need to read this series

Love is Blind (and so is Kenny) 

Established patater and zimbits. Kent is blind and epileptic due to congenital rubella syndrome. He’s an urban planner, Bitty owns a bakery, and Jack and Tater are still Falconers.


a) fandom needs more disability fic 

b) I don’t normally read Patater. But this is QUALITY Patater, ok? 

this series covers so many different topics (from stimming to caring for a loved one after a seizure) in such a thorough yet nuanced way. The characterizations are so good. It’s honestly a lovely series and I haven’t been this excited about stumbling upon a fic (let alone a series) in a very long time. 

My favorite is probably Fuzzy (warning: seizures, postictal stage). However, I really REALLY love On the House because it explores Kent and Bitty’s tentative friendship (Kent still knew Jack in this universe. Epikegster still happened). And it’s just awesome because even though Kent’s blind, Bitty doesn’t hold him any less accountable. But he does admit to having his own flaws and hangups. The entire drabble is about how they’re both trying to make things work but its hard and they BOTH fuck up.

This series is amazing, and you can read it in any order you like. 


thank you for your time  💕 💕 💕


- More sketches. Exploring some ideas/characters, though I’m not sure how much of this will even end up in the comic. But, I wanted share. 

- I’ve never shown the front of Thirdy and Marty’s uniforms in the comics! They’ve been alternate captains this entire time, though. Marty got the A before Thirdy did, but Marty’s been on the Falcs slightly longer and is slightly older. Marty’s 35 and Thirdy’s 34. (Tater: haha old guys.)

Every season, Marty says he’s going to start wearing a visor, but you know hockey players and their superstitions. (”It’s, uh, a bit of a point of contention between me and Gabby. I know, I know, safety safety. Ya know my grandpa played in a league where they didn’t even have to wear helmets?”) With Thirdy, however, long story short–he got married. His wife carefully curated several articles worth of convincing players safety research. Then, she presented them matter-of-factly. The tenuous excuses of “superstitions” and “I’ve never been hit before” and “well if ya get a stick to the eyeball were you even paying attention” really couldn’t hold up against the data.

This is all Rachel/@dexondefense fault. Without further ado I present SNATER (snowy/tater)

-Tater’s first day on the team is tough. He doesn’t speak English too well and it’s a struggle to answer all the press questions about how he likes Providence and the new team.

-When he (finally) gets back to the locker room, everyone else has cleared out, their interviews much shorter

-Except one guy. The goalie? Tater doesn’t know his name but this guy’s still in there

-Goalie? is like “Hey dude welcome to the team! We’re happy to have you here!” and he’s? so pretty? 

-Tater goes over and hugs him because that’s easier than finding the words. 

-Snowy is surprised by this but. It’s nice. It’s really really nice. He wants to hug the new guy more often. 

-This leads to after-practice hugs becoming a Thing. “For good luck!” they say. “He’s really cute!” they think. So they add in before-practice hugs for even more luck. 

-Snowy takes it on himself to be Tater’s Official Tour Guide and shows him around the city. But he’d rather watch Tater watching the things. It’s so cheesy and adorable.

-One of the Aces rushes the goal during a game and Snowy gets hurt. Next period, Tater punches the guy so hard & so much he gets himself ejected from the game.

-Snow’s like “wtf? why would you do that?” and Tater’s like “I thought it was obvious. I like you.”

-aaaaaaa these two are cute

No Doubt

“Hey, Jack! Bitty is here,” Snowy called out as Bitty entered the Falconers’ lounge.

“Hi, Snowy. Uh… actually, I’m here for Tater.”

“B!” a booming voice called out from behind them. “Are you ready?”

Bitty smiled broadly, “Sure ‘nough. Do you have everything I told you to pack?”

“Yes, sunscreen, snacks for drive, water, clothes…”

Jack appeared behind them both, “So you two all set?”

Tater nodded with excitement, “Is going to be ‘swawesome. You sure you not coming with us, Zimmboni?”

Jack laughed and shook his head, “No, I’m fine. That’s really not my thing, but I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

Bitty leaned in to kiss Jack and said, “All right, mister. We’ll text you!”

“I’m sure you will,” Jack said.

“Bye guys,” Tater said as he flung his backpack over his shoulder and left the lounge with his arm around Bitty’s shoulder.

“And try to stay out of trouble!” Jack called out behind them.

“No promises,” they replied simultaneously as Jack laughed and shook his head.

Snowy stood next to Jack and said, “That looks like trouble waiting to happen.”

“Definitely,” Jack replied.

“So what’s that all about? Where are they off to?”

“Six Flags. Tater’s never been on a rollercoaster.”

“Just the two of them, running around Massachusetts causing trouble?”

“Just the two of them.”

“Yeah, I’d make sure your phone was on and the ringer set to max volume.”

Jack nodded, “Oh, no doubt.”