Listen. I firmly believe the Falconers play “the floor is lava”
After every practice, Georgia groups everyone up for announcements, and at the end she says calmly: “the floor is lava” and twenty grown men are clamoring to the nearest climbable object, shoving each other and kicking.
In a small gas station during a long roadie, someone from somewhere in the store shouts “the floor is lava!” and ten seconds later there’s two shelves down and Jack is apologizing to a tired manager while sitting on the cashier counter, not touching the floor
During lunch in the dining area, Jack sits with Tater, Snowy, Marty, Thirdy, Guy, and Poots. They’re talking idly and quietly, guy says “so, you hear about the floor?” Jack and Marty groan, Tater grins, Poots braces for it. “it’s apparently lava” guy finishes.
There’s food knocked to the floor as Guy just continues eating his lunch like nothing.
They’ve broken two chairs, a coffee table, Jacks wrist, and a lamp.
As they turn the last corner, only a mile from home, Jack gasps out, “Actually, I hate running with you.”
Bittle looks up. Even after five miles his hair still flops perfectly over his forehead. He’s picked a technical shirt in a neutral color; his sweat stains barely show. Worst of all, he’s barely breathing hard, like he could accelerate away from Jack at any time.
“Really? But it’s such a nice day!”
It is not a nice day. It is greater than 25 degrees Celsius. “It’s hot,” Jack says.
Bittle snorts. “Honey.”
“Yes,” Jack says. “In Georgia, you ran uphill both ways, and in Georgia it’s the approximate temperature of the surface of the Sun.”
Jack hates conventions – the crowds, the noise, the forced socialization, but it’s a work thing that must be done. Enter Samwell Hockey Player, Eric Bittle, who attends the convention with a group of friends. Suddenly things begin to look up. Jack and Bitty meet at Falcs Fest. Flirting, shenanigans, and love ensue.
“Jack, I realize it’s not how you want to spend your weekend,” George said then paused to take a long sip of coffee. “But it is what it is, and everyone has to do it.” She smiled and added, “So suck it up, mister.”
Jack frowned, “Fine. Fine. Everyone else has to attend, too, right? Everyone?”
George leaned back in her chair and nodded, “Yes. Tater, Thirdy, Guy, Marty, Snowy, Poots – everyone. Misery loves company, after all.”
Jack huffed petulantly.
“I’m kidding!” George said with a laugh, “Come on. The Hawks are always bragging about their convention, so we have to make our inaugural one fantastic and have everyone there.”
Jack shrugged and took a pen from George’s desk, he twirled it absentmindedly in his fingers.
“Jack, it’ll be fine, and guess what? You might actually enjoy it. An entire weekend surrounded by adoring fans, eating anything you want, being handed people’s babies, dancing and whatnot?”
Jack got up and pushed his chair in. “Thanks, George.”
George smiled, then took her attention back to her computer, as Jack loomed in her office doorway.
“Yes, Jack?” She asked as she wrote something in an appointment book.
“Do we have to stay at the hotel, too?”
“Up to you, Jack. Do you feel like driving home back and forth early in the morning and late at night? Most of the guys are making a weekend of it and staying there. There’ll be team brunches every morning. We still have a couple rooms available in the block we reserved, so you can stay there if you want.”
Jack frowned again.
George paused and looked at him, “A little fun won’t kill you, Zimmermann.”
Jack nodded, attempted a meager smile and exited George’s office.
“Change your mind?” Alexei teases, only feeling a tiny bit worried. He doesn’t
think Kent will actually bail on him, now that they’re both in their suits and
the hall is surely packed with their families and teammates. Bittle would cry
if anything happened, Alexei thinks. And then skin both of them alive.
But then again, Alexei did see Runaway
Bride twice with Snowy, when he was first learning English and someone had
the brilliant idea that the best way to learn is to watch all the classic
romcoms. Snowy, it turns out, is a big fan of Richard Gere. Kent doesn’t look
like he’s ready to bolt, but he did seem skittish, and in the
movie, Julia Roberts had been very skittish.
“No, never,” Kent says, taking Alexei’s hands and rubbing his thumb over
Alexei’s palms. His hair is already a little mussed, the untamable cowlick
threatening to pop back up. “Not about you. I know I’m an ass about a lot of
things, but you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Good to know,” Alexei says, letting out a breath of relief. “You tell me now,
then what you say for vows?”
“Oh, God,” Kent laughs nervously. “Oh man. That’s—that’s the thing. The vows.
In front of a bunch of people. I could probably do it. Maybe. You wouldn’t
happen to be carrying Xanax on you?” He chuckles and scratches the back of his
neck, but his jaw drops when he sees Alexei rummage in his pockets. “Wait, I’m
just joking. I don’t actually—what the
hell is that?”
Established patater and zimbits. Kent is blind and epileptic due to congenital rubella syndrome. He’s an urban planner, Bitty owns a bakery, and Jack and Tater are still Falconers.
a) fandom needs more disability fic
b) I don’t normally read Patater. But this is QUALITY Patater, ok?
this series covers so many different topics (from stimming to caring for a loved one after a seizure) in such a thorough yet nuanced way. The characterizations are so good. It’s honestly a lovely series and I haven’t been this excited about stumbling upon a fic (let alone a series) in a very long time.
My favorite is probably Fuzzy (warning: seizures, postictal stage). However, I really REALLY love On the House because it explores Kent and Bitty’s tentative friendship (Kent still knew Jack in this universe. Epikegster still happened). And it’s just awesome because even though Kent’s blind, Bitty doesn’t hold him any less accountable. But he does admit to having his own flaws and hangups. The entire drabble is about how they’re both trying to make things work but its hard and they BOTH fuck up.
This series is amazing, and you can read it in any order you like.
THIS SERIES DOES NOT HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH COMMENTS. PLEASE CONSIDER READING IT AND SHOWING THIS AUTHOR SOME APPRECIATION.
- More sketches. Exploring some ideas/characters, though I’m not sure how much of this will even end up in the comic. But, I wanted share.
- I’ve never shown the front of Thirdy and Marty’s uniforms in the comics! They’ve been alternate captains this entire time, though. Marty got the A before Thirdy did, but Marty’s been on the Falcs slightly longer and is slightly older. Marty’s 35 and Thirdy’s 34. (Tater: haha old guys.)
- Every season, Marty says he’s going to start wearing a visor, but you know hockey players and their superstitions. (”It’s, uh, a bit of a point of contention between me and Gabby. I know, I know, safety safety. Ya know my grandpa played in a league where they didn’t even have to wear helmets?”) With Thirdy, however, long story short–he got married. His wife carefully curated several articles worth of convincing players safety research. Then, she presented them matter-of-factly. The tenuous excuses of “superstitions” and “I’ve never been hit before” and “well if ya get a stick to the eyeball were you even paying attention” really couldn’t hold up against the data.