A spread of traditional mezes photograph by Peden & Munk
“Meze, which is a selection of small dishes served to accompany alcoholic drinks as a course or as appetizers before a main dish. A big part of the dining experience in Eastern Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, and Arab countries. The word “meze” means “taste” and/or “snack.” The concept is very similar to the tapas of Spain,”
When hyung look at you, uh, my heart hurts so so much.
I said you just need to trust and follow hyung right?
Why don’t you know that ㅋㅋㅋ Be obedient ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Wanna gang up and fight off Suga-hyung? Deal?” - Jimin
What’s your next hair color?
I’m curious too.” - Suga
“V, speak to the point and precisely.” - J-hope
You’re the kind of kid that makes people love and hate at the same time.
You’re similar to me in many things but sometimes I can’t understand you… Be more obedient.
P.S. Am I weird too?” - Rap Monster
“Be a human.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk
I don’t mind you resting in my room when I’m not at the dorm but clean up after you go~ Let’s live cleanly at the dorm! You’re No.1 on my blacklist ㅋㅋ” - Manager
Hyung ㅋㅋㅋ I demand a duel with you and Suga-hyung ㅋㅋ Right now you guys think I’m cute but the day this table is turned will come soon. Wait a little bit more.” - Jimin
These days your variety sense is getting better.
But thanks to that it’s twice noisier too…” - Suga
You’re always hopeful and cheerful but I think you must go through hard times too. If you do, you can look for me and talk. I can listen to your stories. […]” - Jungkook
I heard you saved my contact as ‘Kim Seokjin-hyung’.
I saved yours as ‘Bighit Jung Hoseok’.” - Jin
“You pervert… ㅡ ㅡ
For example when I’m playing games, don’t turn off the outlet.” - V
Sometimes you’re earnest, sometimes you’re the laziest. Show the world more of your abilities.” - Rap Monster
“Chief Jung who always work hard and look after BTS. Wait, now that you’re promoted, you became team leader Jung right? ㅎ I believe there’s no doubt you’ll get good reward and result with how hard you’ve worked. Let’s get promoted to President Jung!” - Bang Shihyuk PD
“Team leader Jung who’s always very helpful! Thanks~” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk
“Hey Rapmon, shower cleanly.” - J-hope
“If you borrow something you have to return it back.” - V
These days you’re not snoring…
Thanks to that I’m sleeping peacefully.
Thank you…” - Suga
I don’t know if I adapted myself to your snoring or if your snoring got quieter, but I got used to it. It’s fine, it’s all good.” - Jin
You must be tired from going through a lot for the 6 of us right. I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you. I’ll work harder so you’ll have less hard times.” - Jungkook
You’ll stand by our side right?
You will right? I like you a lot but nah, I think you’ll betray us ㅋㅋㅋ I’ll leave you out. It’s a coup d'état!! Kakakaka.” - Jimin
“Go to the bathroom before we start practicing.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk
“Suga-hyungnim, thank you for thinking I’m cute ㅎㅎ I’ll fight you off some day. I’m gathering the team for it. Just wait. From the coolest guy in BTS.” - Jimin
Please be more obedient.
I know your childish inner self better than anyone else ^*^!” - Rap Monster
I like your lazinism. Really.
I feel at ease when I see you lying down.
Really.” - Jin
“You only need to show a little bit of your lethargy.” - V
You must be tired from working and composing until late at night. You don’t seem to gain any weight so please eat a lot. When […] I’ll buy it for you.” - Jungkook
“SUGA fighting!!” - J-hope
Rebel. Old soul. Genius artist? Thanks to you BTS can be BTS. I hope you can keep being that way and become a great artist!!
When will you write a title song? ㅋ” - Bang Shihyuk PD
“Take care of your health when you’re still young.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk
You’re doing great.
Please show us the ✨eldest hyung✨ side of youㅡ
P.S. Thanks for your cooking! ^*^” - Rap Monster
“Jin-hyung, please shave.” - J-hope
“It’s too much if you know you’re handsome yourself.” - V
Must be tired doing all the assignments for college right…?
You just need to avoid getting academic probation…
I’ll always support you.” - Suga
Hyungnim T_T~ I’m going to fight off Syubsyubie-hyung and Hope-hyung but I need your help! If you’re there those people will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ㅋㅋㅋ So you have to help me!!!
The most handsome cook in BTS, Jin-hyung.” - Jimin
Thank you for making us many delicious dishes.” - Jungkook
You always stay behind quietly but I know you are their mediator and their shoulder to lean on.
Maybe the day when you’re called Korea’s best actor will come soon too?^^” - Bang Shihyuk PD
Thanks to your ability to cook tasty dishes from limited ingredients, I always get to eat deliciously~ Take care of me in the future too~” - Manager
“Hoot…” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk
Why do we stop growing so soon…” - Suga
You’re having a hard time these days because of me right.
I’ll be more obedient.
Let’s work out together 3 years later ㅋ” - Jungkook
You know I love you right?
It’s no joke~” - J-hope
“Don’t touch your thighs you pervert.” - V
Hardworker, in charge of charm, Jiminie!! ♡
From someone who joined BTS the latest, you have now become an irreplaceable part of the team! Keeping working hard in the future too!! […] the saying that heaven will help hardworkers.” - Bang Shihyuk PD
“Go to the bathroom early. Don’t go when we start.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk
Stop working out…
Let’s not work out with me…” - Suga
You listen to me well so you’re good.
Good. But refrain from working out…” - Jin
Jungkook, I’m not pressuring you!
I’m planning to kick out Suga-hyung and Hobi-hyung but I won’t pressure you to stand by my side.
But I’m treating you really well!!!
Right? Our kind and pretty Kookie…” - Jimin
“Jungkook, you’re so good even at practicing. I think I need to learn more because of you too. But be more obedient~” - V
Golden maknae!! Is there any word that can describe better than this? ㅎ
I believe that if you are not settled with your natural talents, not hate doing repeated things and work with passion, there’s no doubt one day you’ll become the best singer in Korea!
Hope you will never forget your passion and effort!!” - Bang Shihyuk PD
“My manager. Once a manager, forever a manager.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk
Wake up when I wake you in the morning! Sometimes I’m scared when no matter what I do, you still remain motionless like a stone stature. And sleep on your bed~! Don’t sleep in weird position on the floor too~!” - Manager
Summary: *REQUESTED* You find out that your boyfriend has been cheating on you and you leave him. Almost a year later, he realizes that he hasn’t quite gotten over you and he tries to get you back.
It’s snowing, you thought, as you walked to the restaurant to meet your boyfriend. The snow fell slowly, but surely, coating the sidewalks powdery white. A chill went down your spine. The snow had been unexpected and, this morning, in your haste, you’d forgotten to wear a hat. Drops of snow landed on your head, the cool moisture seeping through to your scalp.
• Coconut oil - ½ cup
• Light brown sugar - 1 ¼ cup
• Vanilla extract - 2 teaspoon
• Coconut milk ¼ cup
• Unsweetened applesauce - ¼ cup
• All-purpose flour (be sure not to pack your flour) 2 ¼ cups
• Baking powder - ¼ teaspoon
• Salt - 2teaspoon
• Vegan chocolate chips - 2 cup
1) Preheat oven to 375 degrees (F). Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper; set aside.
2) In a large bowl whisk together the coconut oil, brown sugar, and vanilla, beating until well combined. Add in the coconut milk and applesauce and whisk until well combined; set aside.
3) In a separate bowl combine the flour, baking soda, and salt; whisk well to combine.
4) Add the dry ingredients into the wet mixture and, using a wooden spoon or very sturdy spatula, stir until ingredients are combined. The batter will be very thick! Fold in 1 and ¾ cups of the chocolate chips.
5) Scoop three tablespoon sized mounds of dough onto the prepared cookie sheet, leaving a few inches between each cookies for spreading. Bake for 9 to 10 minutes, or until the edges are golden and the centers have set. Press remaining chocolate chips on top of warm cookies, and sprinkle with sea salt, if using.
6) Cool cookies on the baking sheet for 15 minutes before transferring them to a cooling rack
• Cookies will not spread wide
• To ensure freshness place a slice of bread in your cookie tin
• The dough will be thick and hard to fold with a spoon. Kneeing dough with hands works best.
New Years Reunion - Part Five
Finn Wolfhard x Reader
Word Count: 1,936
Triggers: Some swearing
Gender of Reader: Fem.
*All the previous parts can be accessed via my masterlist*
Summary: Y/N gets a visit from her best friend and fellow IT co-star, Finn. Y/N thinks that her and Finn’s friendship’s purely platonic, but could all that change when they both stay at Wyatt’s house for New Years along with the fellow IT cast?
Writers Note: The hype of New Year isn’t really there anymore but I just can’t say goodbye to this series yet lol. Apologies for the wait, as I haven’ t managed to write an imagine in a while. I’ve been quite busy focussing on all the exams I have in a couple weeks, and I’ve also been busy writing my book.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy Part Five, remember to drop some notes if ya liked it :)
Beams of the warm morning sun welcomed you as your eyes began to flutter open. After gaining awareness of your surroundings, you realised you were once again lying on the couch in Wyatt’s living room, only this time you were alone.
You darted your eyes over to the clock on the wall, 12:47PM. Hadyou really slept for that long? Dazed, you rose from the couch and made your way out the living room.
The house was silent, no one was to be seen. All you could wonder was where Finn could be. You’d acclimatised being with him so often, that now without him, you felt empty.
“Y/N?” The familiar soft voice sent shivers descending down your spine, the melody of his words filled you with instant safety and relaxation.
You felt him come up from behind and wrap his arms around your waist. You weren’t lonely anymore.
You spun round to face him. Your eyes locked with his shadowed brown ones, and your smile copied the shape of his; creating a symmetrical painting of euphoria.
“I didn’t want to wake you, so I let you sleep.” His smile danced up to his ears, “Everyone went out on a food shop. Well, everyone apart from Wyatt, who’s headed out who knows where. Apparently he’s got a surprise planned for us all.”
“And you didn’t go with them?” You asked.
“Of course not, Y/N,” He pulled you closer, “I need to be around you at all times, it’s my job to annoy you as much as I can.”
“Well, you’ve succeeded this morning by not making me breakfast. They should give you a pay rise.” You joked along.
He laughed and reached for your hand, pulling you into the kitchen. As he lead you through the doorway, you noticed that he had put effort into making you breakfast. A stack of waffles sat on the breakfast bar, along with two awaiting plates.
He pulled out a stool and gestured for you to sit down, he then filled the seat next to you, still holding your hand.
The two of you sat and chatted for what felt like hours, there wasn’t ever a second of silence to spare.
After you’d both inhaled as many waffles as you could, Finn stood up and plugged his phone into the aux.
“Africa”, by Toto, came blasting through the speakers.
“May I have a dance with the beautiful girl sitting at the breakfast bar?” Finn laughed while holding out his hand for you and bowing.
You stood up and curtseyed, “Of course.”
His face lit up as you linked your hand with his. He pulled you onto the dance floor and spun you round in time to the music. You were both terrible dancers.
“Do you need specially designed shoes for your two left feet then, Y/L/N?” Finn smirked, you elbowed him playfully in response.
The song continued to play;
“It’s gonna take a lot to drive me a way from you,
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.”
Finn stared straight into your eyes and lifted his hand to your face. His eyes were examining every inch of you, the longer he stared the bigger his smile grew. His thumb stroked your cheek. He didn’t even need to say anything, he was already saying everything just in this one moment.
All of a sudden his face turned serious, he lowered his head and positioned his other hand on the back of your neck. Your heart was pounding in motion with the music. He edged his body closer and leaned in, synching his lips with yours. Your head felt light, every feeling inside you felt so strong. Emotions of compassion were flooding through you, painting landscapes of yellow.
“Knock-knock, can I get you kids anything? A snack? Actually judging by the looks of things, I think you’ve both already found yourself some tasty dishes .” You both looked up at the doorway to see a rather smug Jack.
“Grazer!” Finn retorted, “Every single fucking time!” He tried to hide his laugh as he walked over to the door and shut it in Jacks face, to which Jack replied with a faint scream.
Later in the day, Wyatt announced for you all to pack your bags. You were all meant to be staying for a few more days, but times change when you don’t “respect the materials”. As confused as everyone was, they followed his instructions. It was impossible for all seven of you to leave early anyway due to planned travel arrangements.
The eight of you were now sitting around the fireplace as Wyatt had called a group meeting. No one was really in the mood, as everyone had discovered that their New Years reunion was drawing to a close.
“Guys why are you all so down?” Wyatt asked, “You haven’t even heard the surprise yet.”
“Oh yeah the surprise will probably be that you’ve already found flights home for us.” Sophia replied flatly, everyone else murmured in agreement.
“You know what Wyatt, sometimes your such a mom.” Jaeden replied, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah,” Chosen began, “This has been one of the best weeks of my life so far and now you’ve just called it short.”
“I just don’t want to have to say goodbye to everyone so soon.” Jeremy added in, glumly.
“See Wyatt! You’ve even brought Jeremy down.” Jack said.
You and Finn kept exchanging each other “the look”.
“But guys,” Wyatt began smiling to himself, “I never told you that you were leaving.”
“Go on then Wy, please clarify for us that we’re leaving.” Sophia replied in a satirical tone.
“No guys, it was mean to be a surprise,” Wyatt sighed, “I made you pack your bags because we’re going on a road trip to our family’s secluded lake house.”
The room erupted.
“Holy shit! Holy shit! I LOVE YOU WYATT OLEFF YOU BEAUTFUL THING!” Jack started jumping up and down.
Jaeden was screaming with Sophia, Jeremy was excitedly asking Wyatt questions, Chosen was high fiving Jack, and Finn was lifting you up and spinning you round.
“When do we leave?” Jaeden asked excitedly.
“Tomorrow morning, we’ll be there for a few days.” Wyatt replied, “And we’re leaving pretty early so we should all probably get to bed now.”
Everyone agreed with this idea, and began to get ready for bed.
You’d been lying on the couch for hours trying to sleep. You could feel Finn heavily breathing on your neck, everyone had fallen asleep hours ago. Your mind was too active, racing with thoughts.
You needed to get up, you couldn’t sit here any longer.
Quietly, while dodging all the sleeping bags on the floor, you made your way out of the living room. Needing some fresh air, you opened the patio door into the garden. You sat down on one of the logs ouside around the - unlit - fire pit.
Your head wouldn’t stop aching with thoughts, they were louder in silence.
The patio doors began to open again, you didn’t need to look up to see who it was. He came over to where you were sitting and ignited the fire pit in front of you. A sense of home elated through you.
Without saying a word, Finn sat down next to you and wrapped a blanket around you both. You rested your head on his shoulder, he began to play with your hair.
The silence was comfy, but your bristling thoughts still remained vocal.
After a couple minutes had passed Finn broke the silence, addressing exactly what was on your mind.
“I want to tell everyone,” He rested his hand on your thigh, “I want to tell everyone who has ears and I want to show everyone who has eyes. I want the world to know how lucky I am to call Y/N my girlfriend. Never will I ever take for granted how beautiful you are, just how perfect you are for me. I can’t hold it in any longer, I need to tell everyone.”
“Well you know what Finn,” You said, now relaxing, “I need that too.”
He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly. The colours in your mind changed from black skies to glistening blue ones that were highlighted yellow with the sun.
“Can we just do it right now?” He laughed.
“The sooner the better.” Your smile copied his.
He reached into his pocket and brought out his phone, opening up Instagram. Within seconds, he was on top live.
“Hey guys! I know no one will really be watching this because we’re doing this at three in the morning here, but hopefully we’ll find some time zones out there.”
The number of viewers reached three thousand.
“Now, you might want to start screen recording about now so you can make all your Y/S/N edits.” He laughed. The comments were going crazy;
[yourshipname]fan11: Y/N’S GOT HER HEAD ON FINNS SHOULDER ARE YOU SEEING THIS CUTE ASS SHIT
strangerfan8162: omgomgomg they’re so a couple omg nonono ASDFGHYUIKM
mikethirdwheeler: LOOK AT THE WAY FINN’S STARING INTO Y/N’S EYES HE WANTS HER SO BAD
wyattoleff: Okay sweetie this is adorable and all, but next time you go out to the garden at three in the morning be quieter because now we’re all awake and watching your live BUT FFFF DID ANYONE SEE HOW CUTE THAT WAS
“Wow,” You laughed, “We finally broke Wyatt.”
“Funny how every moment we have in the relationship is shared in front of all our friends.” Finn replied, not realising quite what he’d just told the whole live.
thatclownthatlikeskids: NO FUCKING WAY. NO I CAN’T
jaedenwesley: Y/S/N is real!!!!!!! IT IS REAL
“Shit,” Finn turned to face you, “I didn’t want to say that yet, I wanted a couple more minutes of suspense.”
You stared into his eyes for a second, before opening your mouth to whisper.
“Well I can’t wait any longer.” You leant in and kissed him. It was short, since there were three thousand strangers watching you, but it still gave you the same bliss feeling.
The comments on the live were now going insane, but Finn couldn’t tear his eyes off of you to read them.
He reached down and picked something up from the ground. He’d brought out his polaroid camera. He turned the camera round so that you were both in the frame, while you held up his phone so the livestream was visible in the shot.
After blinding you both from the bright flash he turned to look at you seriously.
“We have so far to go, so many milestones to reach, so many moments to capture. We’re going to need another photo book.” You both started laughing as he pulled you in for a hug again.
uncle_jezzy: As your mom, I can now allow you to share a couch but only if there’s a third person in the room. Just joking though kids, this is adorable and I’m so glad I’m awake to see it :)
Finn read the comment out loud.
“I fucking love you, Joe. Honestly.”
The next thing you knew, all six of your friends all came running out to the garden to hug you both, everyone was screaming excitedly.
That night consisted of all eight of you sitting around the fire pit, having deep conversations and sharing conspiracies about life. No one got their early nights sleep, but no one wanted it either.
It was a perfect night, filled with laughter, friendship, and the boy you were slowly falling in love with.
This road trip to Wyatt’s lake house was going to be everything. Finn was right, you would need another photo book.
Writers Note: I hope this was okay, the story will pick up once they get to the lake house. Tysm for reading, I love you all and have a fun, safe day :)
So I saw @honeyuuri ‘s post about Viktor’s moms and then discussed some headcanons with @liloloveyou024 and here are my headcanons about them and Viktor
So Viktor’s moms are Russian and Vietnamse
They met when his Vietnamese mom went to Russia to train for theatrical acting around late 70s
His Russian mom was a choreographer and they HIT IT
They were 18/20 around that time
They helped each other with the other’s respective language
Viktor’s Vietnamese mom’s name is Hương
His Russian mom’s name is Veronikia
They were apart for 5 years from 1980-1985 because bác Hương ( Mrs Hương) had to go back to Vietnam to serve for propaganda purposes
They wrote the cheesiest letters in a mix of Russian and Vietnamese
After 5 years bác Hương and Madame Veronika reunited and they got married right away, both in Vietnam and Russia
It was a small and intimate wedding in Vietnam, yet it got all the customs and traditions: vu quy(proposal), ăn hỏi (engagement) and lễ cưới (wedding and reception). The reception only had some local sweets and fruits, as Vietnam was very poor.
And then they moved back to St. Petersburg
After 3 years they decided to adopt
AND VIKTOR WAS THE MOST PRECIOUS BABY THEY HAD EVER LAID THEIR EYES ON
VIKTOR WAS A THEATRE KID YOU HEARD IT FAM
His moms trained acting and dancing with him since he was a wee baby
Viktor also showed fascination with story telling, which bác Hương was very excited about
However they moved back to Vietnam in 1990 as Soviet Union was about to corrupt
Viktor LIVED IN VIETNAM UNTIL HE WAS 8
They lived in Mui Ne, a Southern City, which has THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SEASIDES AND WHITEST SANDS
VIKTOR LOVED THE SEA
Living in Vietnam for a few years is such a treasured memory to Viktor. He can speak Vietnamese fluently, with an adorable Souther accent. He can eat a lot of abnormal stuffs since Vietnam is full of tasty but really weird dishes (trứng vịt lộn- it is rather advisable not to google image search it, tiết canh- like duck blood, etc).
Viktor has Ao dai (Vietnamese traditional clothes), and he wears it during Tet holiday (Lunar New Year)
When he turned into 8 he came back to Russia to train. His moms wanted to go with him but Madame Veronika got bad bronchitis and staying in Mui Ne was better for her health
Ever since Viktor visits his moms 4 times a year
His moms visit him even more
Viktor calls bác Hương “mẹ", as she is Northern, despite living in Mui Ne, where everyone uses the word “má"
HIS MOMS ARE SPONTANEOUS GENIUSES AND ARE VERY POPULAR IN MUI NE AS THEY HAVE THE BIGGEST POMERANIAN
Sometimes Viktor wishes he had long hair so his moms can argue over who gets to braid his hair as they used to argue
When Yuuri moves to St.Petersburg they make it a thing that weekends are cultural days. They try Russian, Japanese and Vietnamese recipes
Yuuri is obsessed with nem (springrolls)
When Viktor’s moms hear of Yuuri they immediately send him a set of Ao dai
When they visit them their family crew becomes very popular for having TWO ENORMOUS DOGS
Viktor teaching Yuuri Vietnamese omg.
Yuuri ends up having a Quảng Bình accent (it is very hard to listen okay even Vietnameses sometimes cant understand what people from Quảng Bình speak)
Hey Tumblr, it’s been a while. For the past few years I’ve taken a much needed sabbatical from my hyper-active social media lifestyle, going so far as to unplug from my computer completely with a lack of video games and instead many real-media projects like cosplay and miniature painting.
This was in addition to a copious amount of soul searching and transitioning and living as a trans woman. During it all, I’ve kept Tumblr blocked from my social media habits for a good while, but I return to use this platform for showcasing my art.
A while ago I had an idea of a Trans fairy tale that slowly brewed as a passing thought in 2010 until it became Trolley Bones and Octavia Saturday circa 2014. But focusing on my children’s book Pudding Bat and a plethora of personal issues kept me away. I’ve been unsure what I wanted to say in these intimate projects. And honestly, I felt a lack of experience that putting the project on the shelf has only helped with.
I’ve stirred the pot a lot for you guys in the past. I am problematic. I am a bigot. But getting to the root of those problems was something I had to learn myself. Having it yelled at me by the internet just didn’t work. And my frustration and obsession with trying to explain myself to people with differing opinions just consumed me and created an ongoing spiral that was hard to break out of. I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you with my actions or writings. What I wish I could say to you is that it came from a good place; And I truly believe it did. But it was so terribly wrong. And so terribly unhealthy.
Before you say “Bunny don’t throw yourself to the haters,” hear me out. Yes, there are people who are on the extreme of emotions concerning me and or the band, but it is a flavor of passion I’m familiar with because indignation is a fatty tasty dish we all feel sometime. It’s just not something I want to keep swallowing the rest of my life.
The learning curve of a healthy lifestyle while being an internet persona was steep for me. I’ve had to cut back and learn to take it all in moderation. I still catch myself falling into old traps like seeking love from strangers in the form of validation, or bristling my quills and writing myself into an angry blog post when being provoked…but things like internet timers that boot me off social media sites after a few minutes, and a habit of writing long venting diary entries and then deleting them entirely has saved me much energy these recent years. I treated myself like a child I couldn’t trust, and it really worked.
Unplugging in this manner has let me feel less indignation and more love for myself. Failed relationships, emotional crisis, and learning to love Isabella has helped immensely.
It is not something I’ve mastered, but everyday I “date” myself and work to treat Isabella right. It started with unplugging and it went so much further…like getting the help I needed mentally, which then brought positive people into my life. That help came often in harsh realities and tears, but self loathing slowly has started to give way to a warmth inside me that naturally attracts like-minded hearts.
I once asked a friend why they were always so nice to everyone. They told me it was their way of reconstructing the world one tiny positive action at a time: A smile here, a hello to a stranger, a friendly joke. Simple little acts of warmth. And when you warm people up, it comes back to you. Treating people how you wish to be treated, helps your entire being.
I didn’t understand it until recently, but happiness can be a choice. There are things that will always stand in the way, but we have the ability to not be one of them. You have to love yourself first. You have to take care of yourself. You have to admit you have much to learn and be okay with that.
So I’m on medication, it helps with my PTSD. It helps with anxiety and depression and lets me feel at peace. And with no monster blocking my path, old habits start dying. My heart doesn’t race at silly times and make me do stupid things. Getting used to that feeling was odd, but what emerged surprised me. With all that peace and freedom from my demons, I started being the person I wanted to be. I started treating the world how I wanted to be treated.
I’ve discovered I’m not the anti-social girl I thought I was. I love meeting new people. I love making connections and sharing. I’ve discovered I love to smile and make the people around me happy. Yes, on stage…but also just on the street.
I have my bad days. I have my limits on what I can offer people. I have nights eating a whole pizza by myself and watching crappy CW shows with my cat. I still lash out at my loved ones sometimes and act crazy. But those old habits no longer define me. They are like a wound never fully healed that occasionally get rubbed the wrong way. I bristle up. I snap. But I calm down and remember to give it time.
Change isn’t easy, but if you love yourself you’re more apt to be successful. That’s the essence of what I’ve always hoped to achieve but never knew how. Change. And love for myself.
Hate and anger are a part of us, but we need not brew them up needlessly. Yes, the hurt you feel is truth. The pain that manifests is okay. But the hard part is finding and admitting the source. When you’re happy, it’s very hard to be bitter and angry.
I still have so many things I can improve about myself. I need to stop being so defensive and scared. I need to get better at managing bills, I need to clean my house more and put away my laundry. But that’s okay. I’m not perfect and nobody is.
I feel the need to write all this because it is the essence of Trolleybones and Octavia Saturday. The focus is the stories of transgender individuals, but the heart has to be change and loving yourself. I really couldn’t write about that until I experienced it myself.
Some things will never change, and long-winded blog posts die hard.
I will keep this Tumblr as a place for my art and the Trolleybones comic, but nothing immediately Steam Powered Giraffe. And if I find it too much for me being here, I’ll close up shop until I feel ready again.
But in the meantime it would be my pleasure to share with you this little adventure that is pseudo-autobiography in nature and sort of a narcissistic warping of my experiences and the people I’ve met.