taste event

the netflix adaptation of a series of unfortunate events is really everything my childhood self could have asked for…my skin is clear, my crops watered, the 2 hours of my life spent watching that awful jim carrey movie Redeemed

Aristocrat!AU {Namjoon & Yoongi}

you guessed it this is based off of blood sweat tears, be warned: drinking, violence, and nsfw content is included in this post 

Namjoon

  • heir to a winery that’s been in his family for generations
  • their wine is the most expensive in the world and is mostly bought in bulk by the royal family and their officials 
  • comes of silent and menacing, but once he drinks it’s a whole other story. he’ll get up on the table and start dancing and his bodyguards always have to keep an eye out for him at parties 
  • likes to wear new designer brands and whenever he steps out in a suit to attend a company meeting or wine tasting event, the designer he’s wearing becomes instantly famous overnight and basically everyone wants to wear what namjoon is wearing
  • actually has zero to no alcohol tolerance and gets drunk so fast he can barely make it through a tasting event without passing out on a couch somewhere
  • your mother works in his families winery and she has since she was basically a teenager and so you grew up running through the vines and picking grapes with her 
  • every now and then on the weekends you go to help her out since she’s getting weaker with age and one day you hear her whisper for you to hide in between the vines because the owner and his son are coming this way
  • and you’re like oH o h frick and you like try your best to camouflage yourself behind the leaves 
  • and you can basically hear the talking between the owner and his son and when he walks by you hold your breath because any closer and the sons shoulder could brush up against you
  • but also you hold your breath because the son, namjoon, looks ……..stunning up close. Like his sharp eyes and handsome profile just …..make your heart flutter
  • and from the corner of his eye namjoon sees you and you notice and cover your mouth in fear but he just darts his eyes back onto his father and is like “we should check out the inside, everything in the fields looks normal.” 
  • and you swear he gives you a little nod as he steers his father away and your mom is like oblivious she’s like ThANK GOD the son took him away when he did I thought he was going to see you!!!! 
  • and you’re like uhuh because honestly you’re just in AWE of the heir,,,,,,,,and like,,,,,,why did he save you from being found???
  • but like you don’t question it, like why complain about his kindness you know?? So you continue helping your mom pick grapes when during lunch you and you’re mother are deep in the field and namjoon approaches from behind like “what are you two lovely workers having?” and your mom is like AH and you’re like hOLY
  • but namjoon just sits cross legged down beside you and pulls a bottle of wine from behind his back and is like “don’t worry mother, im just here to offer a drink for your hard work…….and of course yours as well.”
  • and he smiles kindly at you and you’re like feeling your face get red like ……this guy,,,what is he up to??
  • but your mother just sighs in relief and is like “I thought you were sent by your father to fire me!!” and namjoon laughs like no no 
  • and once again smiles in your direction and you kind of sheepishly keep nibbling on your sandwich 
  • and your mom takes the wine and pours three cups, but namjoon doesn’t drink much and you’re like that’s weird,,,,
  • and then out of nowhere he looks at your mom and is like “may I take them for a brief moment?” he’s ofc referring to you and the look of pure DELIGHT on your mothers face and you’re like oh no what is he planning 
  • and ofc your mom shoos you two off and you and namjoon are walking through the field and he’s got his cup of wine and finally downs it in one go and you’re like it’s to be expected of someone whose heir to a wine-
  • buT THEN HE LIterALLY WOBBLES his next two steps and WHAM falls straight to the floor again and you’re like ????!!!!!!!!!
  • crouching down you like shake his shoulders and you’re like “sir namjoon???? sir namjoon???”
  • and he comes to only when you’re about to stand up and run for help and he’s like “wooo, sorry my tolerance…..is quite…….low……woo everything is spinning,,,,,,”
  • and you know he’s a rich aristocrat but you can’t help being like “isn’t that stupid then, why did you down everything in one shot?”
  • and he kinds of flashes a wonky smile and he’s like “i didn’t think i’d have confidence,,,”
  • and you’re like confidence for what??? and he’s like 
  • mind you he’s still laying in the dirt in a suit that  cost more than you + your mothers life savings
  • he’s like “the confidence,,,,,,to,,,,,,,,,talk,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to……you”
  • and you’re like looking down at him and like
  • “you? confidence? me? but im….im a commoner you can speak down to me-”
  • and he finally like sit up but wobbles again and instinctively you put your hands out to steady him and apologize when you realize you held his arm but namjoon just shakes his head and he’s like
  • “commoner or not, it’s hard to talk with someone……….so …..beautiful.”
  • and you’re like looking at him and you’re like beautiful,,,,,,,,,me,,,,,,
  • and he’s like “when i saw you through the vines, i could only see the highlights of your face. a flash of your eyes, your lips parted……the shape of your face,,,,,,and i ,,,,,had it not been for my father being there i would have pulled the vines away to see you more closely…..”
  • and you’re like oh my god and before you even know it you’re blushing, playing with your fingers unable to look him in the eyes again
  • and you want to be like me too, because when you saw him through those vines you were just in visual shock. how could someone look so,,,,perfect??
  • but you can barely think of something to say until namjoon leans over and he’s like
  • “if it’s ok? may i?”
  • and you’re like “may you-” but he brushes his lips against yours and the smell of wine surrounds you and you’re just like !!!!!!
  • and namjoon turns thirty shades of red and is like “oh god, i definitely wouldn’t have been able to do that if it were not for the wine……..” and you’re like
  • “are you sure you don’t find me attractive just because you’re a bit tipsy?”
  • and namjoon shakes his head and he’s like “no. no i just need to be a bit tipsy to kiss beautiful strangers. oh my god i just said that.”
  • and you giggle into your hand and you’re like “let me help you up, you’re going to get the suit all dirty.”
  • and he’s like standing up and you hold his hand to help him and it’s cute once you guys are stable he just adjusts his shirt and you dust some dirt off his shoulder
  • and namjoon’s like “will i be able to see you again?”
  • and you’re like UM i dont work here often,,,but,,,, 
  • and namjoon’s like “ill visit you in town!” and you’re like aklflsfriesoh sir namjoon you don’t have to and he’s like please drop the sir it makes me feel old LOL
  • and it’s cute you like tell him you’ll be back helping your mom next week and he says he’ll be awaiting your return
  • and when you two go back your mother is just grinning at you two like (—–: what did you talk about? the weather? the econmoy? prospects of marriage
  • and you and namjoon are like whAT
  • and your mom’s like (————-: prospects of marriage????
  • you: mom you’ve had too much wine
  • namjoon: *is the color of a tomato* 
  • nsfw extras: fuck namjoon in the vineyard at night on a silken picnic blanket, get cute and wear some vines in your hair and feed him grapes while you’re on top // instead of getting awoken by his bodyguards when he passes out from drinking wake him up by going down on him

Yoongi

  • the youngest war general in the history of the nation
  • but also one of the toughest as in he’s really picky when it comes to how his soldiers conduct themselves. he lives by manners and discipline and so a lot of the people under his command don’t like him but tbh yoongi gives less of a shit than anyone else in the world
  • like if he can get a head shot blindfolded on horseback and also remember to say grace before a meal than so can all of his soldiers
  • once publicly cut off a rapists arm after his soldiers found him harassing a young women in the streets
  • no mercy basically 
  • and like people make up rumors about his past as to explain why he’s so like “cruel” but in reality he isn’t cruel, he’s just strict and doesn’t want people to slack off or go unpunished 
  • and that’s what made him so successful 
  • like you know him because you’re a nurse in the armies medical ward and every time a solider is wheeled in bleeding half to death yoongi is marching beside him and shouting orders
  • and like the nurses are all like he’s so annoying like we know how to do our job but you can see that he’s doing it out of concern for his men
  • and one day it isn’t a solider that is wheeled into the ward, it’s yoongi
  • and his coat is torn up, all the way so that it reveals his chest where there’s this big gaping wound
  • and like he’s got blood trickling out of his mouth and he’s a mess and 
  • like he coughs up blood so all the nurses are cautious about going near him but you 
  • you just put on a mask and go over fearlessly and you like give yoongi a bottle and you’re like “drink this i need to stitch your wound and it’s going to hurt.”
  • and he’s like “i don’t need it, go ahead.” and you’re like suit yourself and even with your gloves soaked in blood and yoongi spitting out blood every five minutes you get a needle and thread and with a careful hand get to sewing
  • and yoongi, who usually refuses to curse because it’s unmannerly, is just like fuck shit motherfucker fUCK as you pierce the needle through his skin
  • and you’re like holding his chest down with one hand to keep it steady and you’re like “general. do not squirm or else you’ll pop the thread and ill have to start over.”
  • and you look at yoongi sternly and for the first time in his life yoongi lets someone command him 
  • and as you’re finishing you’re like “someone get me scissors.” but no one wants to go near bloody you and yoongi so you’re like FINE
  • and lean down and bite the remaining thread off with your teeth
  • and you’re like “all done. dont move suddenly because you’ll pop this thing right open.”
  • and you help yoongi sit up slowly and like you tell him to open his mouth so you can clean up the blood from his teeth
  • and somehow this is weirdly ,,,,,, intimate
  • like you’re standing there and he’s shirtless with a wound you just sewed up with your bare hands and now you’re like dabbing at his teeth and then the corner of his lips
  • and all the other nurses are watching the two of you
  • and when you look up yoongi’s staring down at you 
  • and you’re just like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what?
  • and he looks to the side like nothing. im fine now, so ill go. and he like picks up the scraps of his coat and you’re like that was sudden i just saved his life and not even a thanks WOW
  • but you’re also like i need to wash this blood off my uniform
  • and honestly like you think that’s the end of that bUT then you’re cleaning up and shutting the ward down later that night
  • when suddenly you hear a noise and you’re like ??? and you turn around and see general yoongi there in a fresh coat holding his hat under his arm and you’re like “??? general???”
  • and he’s like “ive come to apologize. i was rude to you.”
  • and he looks at you from under his black bangs and you’re like,,,,,,maybe part of the reason i respect him so much is the fact that he’s drop dead gorgeous and he doesn’t even notice LMAO not the point moving on
  • and you’re like “oh, that’s true a thank you would have been nice.”
  • and he steps forward and you’re like maYBE i shouldnt get fresh with him but then you see a smile pull up at his lips and you’re like
  • ive never seen him smile before holy hell
  • and yoongi clears his throat and he’s like “thank you. for getting me patched up. if you don’t mind, id like to take you to dinner sometime.”
  • and you’re like “i dont think i could eat after seeing all that blood pour from your mouth-” and yoongi is like “oh well then fine. i was going to take you out for some expensive steak but since-” and you, a poor nurse, upon hearing the word steak you’re likE “i mEAN I aCCEPT, graciously.”
  • and yoongi grins again and you really like that expression on him and he like outstretches his hand like a true gentleman and you’re like oH are we going now
  • and he’s like “i don’t think there’s any reason to wait, right?”
  • and you’re like well you did almost die today but i did save you SOOO
  • and you take his hand and tbh everyone is shocked to see the general out on a date but ,,,,,, esp since he’s in his uniform and you’re in yours too but it’s cute
  • nsfw extras: you visit yoongi’s office and he lifts you up onto the desk and lays you down against the map he was supposed to be planning an attack on bUT you know he’s got better things to do (get ontop of you what i didn’t say that) // yoongi comes into the ward and asks you to get him some rolled up bandages and he follows you into the storage closet and gets on his knees and you’re like OH and when you come out no one asks why your uniform is bunched up and yoongi’s hair looks like it’s been pulled 

everyone always assumes draco knows so much about wine but in reality he knows shit but everyone at the fancy wizarding events always goes to him for his opinion on the wines and I NEED SOMEONE to draw draco a la april ludgate at the wine tasting event just bullshitting his way through “I’m getting notes of dried hippogriff blood, old dirty doxy eggs, and just a hint of a crup’s bath water” it’s how he keeps harry entertained at events bc he knows harry hates going to them

one of my friends KNOWS i don’t like alcohol but she keeps inviting me to do Alcohol Things anyway so like :///

“Being misgendered when you’re a cisgender woman vs when you’re a transgender man.” Because I hear things like “I don’t understand why trans people get so upset when they get misgendered, I get it all the time, it’s not that bad” so often…

Also, note the agism pattern going on with trans men.

Posting early for the followers in Europe! I’ll be on your continent in October/November, and I still have some free time on my schedule to drop by your school or organization for a talk/book-signing/donut-tasting event! Feel free to send me a message!

Oct 2016         "Whole Lotta Brews"  beer tasting event in Folsom and it was an evening of beer and wine samplings from around the region along with gourmet food tastings from local restaurants and caterers. This raised funds to support the mission of Folsom. This year we were drenched but it was still a lot of fun.