With her dying words she said “And lo on the seventh day following the new moon a cat shall show up and ye shall ignore it at first but then out of pity ye shall feed it and say unto the cat that it’s just going to happen the once but the cat shall tarry and shall not pass from thy porch. And on the fourteenth day the cat shall sneak inside when thou comest in through the front door with thy arms full of bags of groceries, and the cat shall rub against thy legs like a harlot. And though thou shalt move at first to remove the cat from thy sight and from thy domicile, pity shall stay thy hand and the cat shall be allowed to remain within thy house because a cold storm breweth without. And the winter shall pass, and the cat shall tarry. And the spring and summer shall pass and the cat shall likewise tarry. And after a year has passed all shall resign themselves to the presence of the cat and thou shalt be heard to say "we’ve already fucking named it, we can’t take it to the shelter now or the kids will hate us”. And in this fashion a new cat shall become thine.