YOU GUYS I KILLED SO MANY BANANAS
I took Scout (my ESA dog) to target today because I needed some things. So here I am just rolling my dog around in the cart and talking to him the WHOLE time, as if we were having a conversation, “Oh Scout, wouldn’t this dress look great on me? Wait, did I say we needed chocolate chips? Did mom say we needed shampoo?” literally like a crazy woman. SO was I am getting ready to check out, I passed this HUGE banana stand and all the bananas are on sale. Great, right? I imagined some banana nice cream with the chocolate chips I just got. SO, I said, “Oh boy, Scout! Let’s get some bananas!” and I made the “BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!” sound as I backed my cart up, as if everyone wasn’t already staring at the woman who was still in her pjs in target at 10 am and who wouldn’t stop talking to her dog. So what happened you asked? WELL I BACKED UP TOO FAR AND KNOCKED THE WOLE BANANA STAND OVER. THE WHOLE DAMN THING. It was horrifying. It teetered back and forth and then it just went over. It was like a banana massacre. RIP my banana friends. I am so sorry you went to waste. Please know your life was not a waste, you brought smiles to many small children’s faces. <3
So… if you think you did something embarrassing today, just read this and you will feel better.