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Day One Hundred and Twenty-Six

-A woman’s total came out to $6.32. She handed me $5.07 and waited patiently for her change. I let her know that there was $1.25 left, to which she let me know that this was the correct amount for her to receive back. Upon getting my point across, she handed me $1.00 more. Hesitantly, I pointed out the discrepancy, at which point she took the balance out of my hand and passed me a crisp ten.

-A bouncing baby with, what I suspected to be, a full diaper, showed me his talent of fitting his entire fist inside his mouth. Already, he has accomplished more in life than I could ever dream of achieving.

-When asked how she was today, a woman replied with only silence and a single thumb raised to the sky. This fleeting moment spoke volumes more than any mere words could.

-In one of the most tragic moments I have yet to witness, a jar of salsa slid out of a man’s cart and shattered into thousands of spicy shards, spraying all over his sandal-clad feet. This was not a tragedy for his loss of mild picante pleasure, nor did the sadness lie in the hot mess left for me to clean. The deeply troubling nature of the situation stemmed entirely from the squelches that accompanied each of his steps after.

-A man asked me not to bag any of his items, as he had, instead, brought along with him a large bucket.

-A five year-old girl approached my register, got up on her toes to rest her arm along the bar, and, holding up five of her little fingers, ordered as many stickers, to go. With a flick of my wrist and a wink of my eye, I served up this order, receiving only a blank expression in return. True artistes are never appreciated in their time, but I will never give up the Craft of Flair.

-I handed a child a sticker. His mother prompted him to thank me. When he did not, his mother revoked his sticker privilege and insisted that he say his thanks. Instead, he turned to me, looked directly into my eyes, and said, “Voodoo.” I deeply wish she had just let him keep the sticker. Another curse is the last thing I need right now.

-I saw a man in his eighties walk into the airlock at the store’s entrance, perch himself upon a motorized cart, and drift swiftly to sleep. I want this man to take me under his wing and teach me, as I could never achieve such sound slumber so speedily in such a trafficked place, but I know that I can never ask him as much. That would involve waking him up, and that simply will not do.

-I watched a young boy walk up to my lane, brandishing a pixelated sword from Minecraft and a Peter Quill mask from Guardians of the Galaxy. He asked me if I could ring up his aforementioned “Star Wars toys”, and after a brief pause, if I had heard of that new movie about the galaxy guards. When I told him that I had, he informed me that he was, in fact, the guy from that. Naturally, I was starstruck and asked him for more details. This rare celeb sighting was sadly cut short, as Star-Lord’s dad leaned over my counter, stole my hand sanitizer, and demanded to know what exactly was with these credit card chips he kept hearing about everywhere.

-A newborn child, scarcely two months-old, rolled through my lane and, in the moments that followed, changed my life. I smiled. She giggled. I waved my hand. She waved her foot. I stuck my tongue out. She waved both her feet. This is now, and will forever be, our secret handshake.

Nargles

I was in Target today and I walked by a family and the mother was complaining about the price of something and the little boy (who couldn’t have been older than 7) looked away with a faraway look in his eyes and said “I suspect it’s the nargles” and his family was really confused, as they were asking him what a nargles is he just kept shrugging and it was hard for me to keep a straight face

Day One Hundred and Fourteen

-For reasons unknown, a woman decided to hurl an insult at her daughter. The daughter crumbled before me, completely shattered by the words her mother chose. I never knew how powerful the phrase “nasty grape” could be until this moment.

-I have found that we are stocking prom-style dresses for young girls, so that when big sister is getting fancied up, they can join in the fun. Few concepts this pure have ever existed.

-I followed a trail of CDs through the store, ranging from G-Eazy in the boys section to Queen and Prince in girls. After this, the trail went cold. This being said, I will pursue this case until my dying day. I will not rest until I have my answers.

-I would like to personally and sincerely thank the parent who left a half-empty juice pouch strewn across a shelf of clothing. Were it not for you, mysterious caretaker, I would never have such a solid grasp on the extent of the evils of man. 

-As tends to happen, another shift in softlines has exposed me to the greatest clothing line ever composed: Dr. Seuss for toddlers. If anyone with the proper capabilities is reading this, I am fully prepared to give four feet of my height to make this my wardrobe.

-What I heard: stampeding zebras coming my way. What I saw: a mother-daughter pair in ill-fitting flip-flops. What I felt: disappointed.

-I found a shirt in the infants department sporting a solar system centered around a pup in a spaceship. To top it all off and cement it as a tangible vision of my soul, the entire thing was glow-in-the-dark. I am once again wishing to lose three-quarters of my height.

-A child discovered the magnificent wonders of paying with cash. Upon realizing that if you hand a cashier money, you will be given back your purchase AND more money, this youngster’s life has been irrevocably changed for the better.

-A man came through my lane, his arms full of joy and happiness. In one, a sweet newborn rested; upon the other, a tattoo reading “4:20.”