tanith!

Who to fight - Skulduggery Pleasant edition

Skul: He literally came back from the dead because he was so pissed at a guy who wronged him. Wouldn’t risk it.

Val: She’d win. Except in the beginning, but who would fight a sassy 12 year old emo horse girl (tumblr’s words, not mine)? Seriously, if you do, I will come and end you.

Ghastly: You don’t really stand a chance. Unless you pretend to be his friend, gain his trust for 200+ years and then unexpectedly stab him. That might work.

Tanith: Ahem. There is literally no way you could win that.

China: She’d beat your ass and you’d thank her.

Fletcher: You could probably win, if you can keep him from teleporting. Aim for the hair.

Billy-Ray: Uhm yeah, you’re gonna die. Especially if your name is Jethro. The only way to be permanently safe from Billy-Ray Sanguine is to be Tanith Low.

Vincent Foe: He’d throw you into a wood chipper or (on wednesdays) just blow up the entire world to get rid of you. 

Scapegrace: Careful, he has a zombie army and a very protective boyfriend. 

Clarabelle: What the fuck, why would you ever hurt this precious weird little flower petal??

Dexter: Please don’t hurt him he’s a national treasure. He’d grill you anyway.

Saracen: Don’t, unless you have magical eyebrows to hypnotize him with.

Caelan: Just attack during the day or near a body of water and you can’t really lose.

Donegan: Don’t be fooled by his British Gentleman attire. This man wreaked enough havoc by publishing books.

Gracious: You could probably win if you manage to baffle him with extreme nerdiness or embarrassing memories.

Darquesse: hoe don’t do it.

Lord Vile: oh my god.

Derek: He will throw some carefully chosen words at you that will stab you right in the feels and you will die and he will laugh. Do not mess with the Golden God.

  • looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you: Tanith Low
  • looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll: Ghastly Bespoke
  • looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll: Fletcher Renn
  • looks like they could kill you and would actually kill you: Valkyrie Cain
  • the sinnamon roll: Skulduggery Pleasant

Endless List of Favourite Books Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy

“Her parents wanted her to find her own way in life. That’s what they’d said countless times in the past. Of course, they’d been referring to school subjects and college applications and job prospects. Presumably, at no stage did they factor living skeletons and magic underworlds into their considerations. If they had, their advice would probably have been very different.”

BLACK WIDOW FANS READ THIS SRSLY

If you’re kinda feeling a gap in your soul that needs to be filled with Romanoff-esque characters, I implore you to read the Skulduggery Pleasant series. There is a character almost exactly like her named Tanith Low, a 93 year old woman from London who looks like 23, is essentially a ninja, and has an incredibly similar backstory. (And unlike Nat, Tanith gets her own spin off book and it’s fantastic)

Other amazing characters are; 

Valkyrie Cain; a 12 year old girl who gets thrown into a magical world and solves mysteries with the titular character (a talking skeleton who can control the elements)

China Sorrows; A badass collecter of information who has some enchantment that causes you to fall in love with her the moment you see her

Vaurien Scapegrace; The self proclaimed “killer supreme, who turns murder into an art form” despite never having actually succeeded at killing someone

Billy-Ray Sanguine; A texan man who can travel through solid objects and is just hilarious


SERIOUSLY GUYS THESE BOOKS ARE AMAZING AND DARK BUT ALSO HILARIOUSLY WITTY AND YOU WILL LOVE EVERY CHARACTER AND IT’S SO GOOD OH MY GOD

  • Tanith: From now on, we'll be using codenames. You will address me as "Eagle 1."
  • Tanith: Sanguine. Codename: "Been There, Done There."
  • Tanith: Ghastly is "Currently Doing That."
  • Tanith: Dexter is "It Happened Once In A Dream."
  • Tanith: Valkyrie. Codename: "If I Had To Pick A Chick."
  • Tanith: Skulduggery is "Eagle 2".
  • Skulduggery: Oh, thank God.