Tamsin cheerily interrupts the Countess in her recollection of Mako’s
dance card. “Yes, yes, but that’s all old gossip, and what I care for is
the new. Two young men all but dueled over Mako’s honor in front of my
house, is that not more exciting?”
A million years ago it seems like, quigonejinn was batting around an idea for a regency AU, which has still not appeared. SOMEONE had to do something about that. Maleigh, mentioned Chako, gossip, all the tropes and a secret big enough to make the gossip rags implode.
OK GUYS YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS BUT PACIFIC RIM HAS SOME OF THE MOST AMAZING WOMEN EVER I DON’T JUST MEAN MAKO AND THE RUSSIAN LADY NO I’M TALKING ABOUT
LUNA FRACKING PENTECOST
YEAH SHE’S STACKER PENTECOST’S SISTER AND SHE DIVEBOMBED THE FIRST FUCKING KAIJU EVER SHE BASICALLY GAVE HER LIFE TO “SLAY THE DRAGON” OK SHE IS BADASS AND THEN
TAMSIN SEVIER OK TAMSIN WAS WITH LUNA WHEN SHE DIED AND SHE BECAME STACKER’S CO-PILOT. IN TOKYO WHEN THEY SAVE MAKO’S LIFE, TAMSIN PASSES OUT ‘CAUSE SHE’S GOT CANCER BUT BASICALLY SHE’S A BADASS SHE FIGHTS KAIJU TIL THE RADIATION GIVES HER CANCER AND SHE FIGHTS CANCER FOR MORE YEARS THAN THEY EXPECTED HER TO LIVE SHE’S A HERO OK
AND LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST IN FACT THE FIRST
CAITLIN LIGHTCAP AKA THE ONE WHO STARTED IT ALL
THE EUREKA GIRL
SHE’S THE ONE WHO FIGURED OUT THE JAEGERS NEEDED TWO PILOTS AND SHE WAS ONE OF THE MAJOR SCIENTISTS WHO DEVELOPED THE JAEGERS IN THE FIRST PLACE. SHE WAS ALSO THE FIRST EVER CO-PILOT OF THE FIRST FULLY FUNCTIONING JAEGER EVER AND SHE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO SAVE PEOPLE IN THE GIANT FUCKING ROBOT
AND SHE DID IT FOR LOVE
SHE DID IT 'CAUSE SHE LOVED THE ORIGINAL PILOT AND SAVED HIM FROM SEIZING UP DURING A TEST RUN
NOW SEE IF IT WASN’T FOR THESE BADASS LADIES THE WORLD WOULD’VE BEEN FUCKING DESTROYED BY KAIJU FIVE YEARS IN I’M SERIOUS THEY’RE SO AWESOME
May 15th, 2016: Category-2 Onibaba attacks Tokyo, Mako Mori is orphaned, Ranger Tamsin Sevier blacks out during combat, Sun God Stacker Pentecost fights the hurricane Ranger Pentecost pilots Mark-I Coyote Tango solo for three hours, Tokyo’s Daughter and Ranger Pentecost meet for the first time, Tamsin Sevier is diagnosed with cancer and stood down from active duty
Therefore, rather embarrassingly belatedly, I humbly offer the following for your consideration:
The Pride & Prejudice & Zombies AU, PacRim edition.
The neighborhood is delighted when Strikerfield has been let at last, by the charming widower MR. HANSEN and his… slightly less charming but very eligible son MR. CHUCK HANSEN, and they are accompanied by the elder Mr. Hansen’s “closest friend” MR. PENTECOST, and Mr. Pentecost’s adopted daughter (and heir to his massive fortune), MISS MAKO MORI.
THE FAMILY BECKET lives next door, and would like to also be delighted by the addition of livelier society than that to which they have been accustomed, but Strikerfield’s last dozen or so renters have all been eaten by Unmentionables, so, really, they’re not going to get their hopes up.
The newcomers make their debut at the Shatterdome Assembly, and to the misfortune of Mr. Raleigh Becket, he falls immediately, violently, and obviously in love with Miss Mori upon witnessing her tidy dispatching of an Unmentionable.
Some days later, Yancy is invited over to Strikerfield at the behest of Hansen the Elder for some recreational hunting/clearing off the grounds of fresh Unmentionables, but there’s an Incident on the way there and there’s nothing to be done but Raleigh has to go over to look after his brother while he recovers from losing a hand or something.
Mr. Chuck Hansen makes things as uncomfortable as possible for everyone, Miss Mori alternates between distance and glaring at both young gentlemen in alternating turns, Mr. Pentecost only smiles in Mr. Herc Hansen’s presence and Raleigh remains ruinously in love, but Yancy doesn’t get sepsis so not everything is completely terrible. Upon their return to Dangerbourne, it is announced that their distant cousin ALLISON, protegee of the legendary LADY TAMSIN SEVIER, shall be visiting in search of a spouse/hunting partner.
Allison arrives and finds Yancy too wounded, Raleigh too besotted, and Jazmine too female for her preferences, but their good family friend MR. TENDO CHOI proves ideal. A few months later, Raleigh goes to visit Tendo at Tango Park, and who should happen to be there also visiting but Mr. Pentecost and Miss Mori.
Mr. Pentecost is there to pay his respects to his sister LUNA PENTECOST and her ennobled paramour, but Miss Mori keeps apparently inventing reasons to pay visits to Raleigh, which mostly results in awkward conversation, punctuated by agonized longing silences, until the day she visits and makes a Proposal of Marriage!
However! Raleigh, having been that very day informed that Miss Mori was up until very recently courted by Mr. Chuck Hansen, and that she refused his proposal because the only force that moved her heart was the desire for Vengeance against the Unmentionables, sits through this proposal of marriage in abject agony. He gathers that her statement of affection is not completely disingenuous, because now all those awkward occasions where she was staring at him make a kind of sense, but there’s still the hideous lecture on the unsuitability of the match and his lackluster fighting skills, and Raleigh realizes, suddenly, that Miss Mori does not see him as an equal. He’s not in her league for wits but he understands that she absolutely expects he would be lenient in a way Mr. Pentecost has not been, and that she could overrule his wishes for her and die gloriously avenging her family as she has always wanted.
Soooooooooooo he. refuses.
But, this being a polite Regency take on the narrative we all love so well, a conveniently-timed attack of Unmentionables several months later, while Raleigh and (*pulls names out of a hat*) THE KAIDANOVSKIES are visiting Coyote Hall, brings our wayward pining lovers together again to defend Miss Mori’s friends THE WEI BROTHERS. There, surrounded by the gore of battle and Coyote Hall’s scenic environs, Mako comes to realize that in Mr. Becket she has a distressingly well-suited partner, and that he has clearly taken to heart her previous assessment of his fighting skills.
O, THE WELL-MANNERED PINING! THE LONGING LOOKS!
Mr. Chuck Hansen, also visiting Coyote Hall at that time, makes a number of particular snide comments which draw Mr. Pentecost’s attention to the situation.
Raleigh returns home to Dangerbourne, as per established narrative structure, and from there proceeds to have a number of increasingly strange social engagements. The Hansens reestablish residency at Strikerfield, and Mr. Chuck Hansen makes a neighborly call for the explicit purpose of needling Raleigh. Raleigh, being quite Done With That Shit, beats the unholy hell out of Chuck, utilizing several moves he learned in observation of Miss Mori, and sends him home sulking.
Shortly thereafter, Dangerbourne is invaded again, this time by Lady Tamsin and Luna Pentecost, who demand satisfaction: WHY IS THEIR DARLING MISS MORI SO PUT OUT, SHE HAS BEEN ALLOWING HITS IN THE SPARRING RING SHE COULD USUALLY FEND OFF WHILE BLINDFOLDED AND DRUGGED, WHAT THE DAMN HELL MR. BECKET???
Being love-addled and impetuous (and just informed that Mr. Pentecost and Miss Mori are also in residence at Strikerfield again), Raleigh takes off for Strikerfield to declare himself to Mako and happens across an unfortunately large crowd of fresh Unmentionables. Happily, Mako arrives just in time to save him, and beats the rotting brains out of the Unmentionable that came perilously close to eating her beloved with its own severed arm.
There, amidst scattered zombie corpses and in the presence of Mako’s ancestral sword, they plight their troth with the Forehead Bump of Eternal Love.
Everyone lives, happily and murderously ever after.
Please God someone tell me Coyote Tango’s decal is the terrible, terrible tramp stamp Luna got tattooed over her butt that time she and Tamsin got drunk and rowdy before they were properly together, when Tamsin dared Luna to get a tattoo, and Luna - being Luna, and never one to back away from a challenge because you can take the girl out of Tottenham but you can’t take Tottenham out of the girl - agreed
and because Luna lost the bet, Tamsin got to pick the design and she fully expected Luna to back down when she saw the stupid thing but Luna didn’t (because she’s Luna bloody Pentecost) so they staggered out of the parlour tipsy at five in the afternoon with wadding taped over Luna’s back and more over the two cheesy blue swallows on Tamsin’s ankle she got as a sign of solidarity,
and if that stinging blood-spotted moment they stood in the street weighing up the ouches against the walk back to base wasn’t the moment Tamsin fell 100% no-backsies no-bullshit in love with Luna–
It’s a running joke, that tattoo. It means you sign up for something, and you go through with it. No matter how much it’s going to hurt.
(Also it’s a trashy-as-all-get-out tramp stamp and no one can convince me for a second that Luna Pentecost didn’t have a wild phase that made her brother cringe, or that far too many Glory Days drinking night stories didn’t centre around Luna, Tamsin and Stacker’s shenanigans.)
Travis Beacham could notice me descend from the heavens himself to tell me otherwise, but you will never convince me that Tamsin didn’t have a rockin’ undercut at some point during her tenure as Coyote Tango’s pilot.