A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $6.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
“The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man, “same for me,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, “That will be $12.62."Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir.How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!"says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
The waitress asks, “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
Alright, so I go to an animal college in the UK. Its pretty respectable, most people act like.. Well like teenagers do, ands its all around okay. You meet other people who love animals, so its cool
Then i met these three people. two neon dyed hair, piercings and the lot. Now this is pretty normal at the college, the whole dyed hair and piercings thing. But these girls wore giant onesies and odd shirts. One was very tall chick with neon pink/blue hair and i think a leopard onesie, one was smaller girl, and a little bit plumper with black/white hair (think Curella devil) and a ferret onesie. and the last one was.. Trans i think. They had the typical short hair and referred to themselves as he.. He wore a shirt that said “Rats > Children" ANYWAY I’ll call them “Pink, Black and Brown” because that was their hair colours.
They were sat talking about Rodents (My specialty that i work with) So i figured “Eh they’ll be okay.” so i approached them and said “Hi! You like rodents too do you?”
“Brown :Oh yes I love Rats especially!” so i got excited, because rats are my main animal i study, so i was like
Me: Oh thats cool, I dont see many other people who love rodents as much as i do.“
Brown: Yeah, they are my kin animal!”
It was that moment i realised id fucked up.
me: “Oh uh… Yeah?”
Brown: “Yup! I eat nothing buts nuts, seeds and fruit. The same diet i give my rats!.”
Me: “… Rats are omnivores though”
Brown: “Actually they can live off of just that diet! I’ve had rats for three years, haha! i know my stuff. -w-”
Me: “… I’ve kept rodents for ten years, and yes while you can feed them that diet. They do need protein and-”
*Brown starts to get offended and decided shouting will make me go away, so i turn to the other two and gesture at them.*
Black: Actually Brown… She is right.
Brown: *stares angrily at black untill she looks away nervously* Whatever.
Me: Uhhh… So what about you guys? *turns to pink and black* Favorite animals? Lemme guess- Ferrets and Leopards?“
Pink: Well duh. They are our kin animals.
Me: Ohh… You’re all otherkins then?
Me: ... How did you find out you were kins anyway?
Pink: Brown told me I was kin. she taught me about tumblr and how kins and what they are. It explains why I steal too.
(I didnt know Leopards go around pickpocketing and stealing groceries, but ok)
Me: … Okay. And you?
Black: Uh… I have a lot in common with a ferret, they are cute, friendly, like eating meat and being wild and free. Plus Brown told me. I have tumblr too…
(For those who dont know. Ferrets dont live in the wild. + They arent friendly unless they are bred,)
Me: Ohh.. Okay. *pulls a face when i thought they werent looking*
Pink: Whats with that face? If you’re making fun of us i’ll beat the shit outta you. *twitches like a serial killer would*
Me: Charmed… Im gonna go okay? see you about.
Two weeks later i was at the college store, and the police arrived and arrested Pink (now blue) for shoplifting the day before. Howd they find her so easily? Well when you shoplift in a fucking leopard onesie you stand out like a sore thumb. She eventually got kicked out for attacking a teacher, trying to bite him screaming "Im a feral animal not a human!”
Brown and Black are still on campus… sometimes. Whenever they arent “triggered” by someone telling them Otherkins arent real or when they arent being suspended for telling the teachers theor “real diets” for their spirit animals or saying they know better then the proffesionals who worked with their animals for over 10 years. How they still have a place i do not know.
I’ve never been to Disneyland but apparently they have a petting zoo there and I imagine throwing in a magician isn’t too much of a stretch of the imagination. And of course, Malec AU.
So Magnus decides to take a break from being glittery and glamorous at his magic show (all the kids are freaking entranced by him and even the parents who thought it would just be some card tricks and maybe a few doves out of sleeves but it’s breathtaking and really brings the Disney magic to life for them too) and feels like taking a walk through the Animal Kingdom section for a while to explore or just get a change of scenery
Alec works at the petting zoo as an animal handler and feeder and the first time he sees Magnus, he thinks he’s just passing through (although really he starts comparing Magnus to the peacocks in his mind, all beautifully colorful and fabulous)
Magnus sees this absolute lamp-post of a man (especially compared to all the tiny children that are swarming all over the place) stepping into an enclosure and just a herd of rabbits immediately clustering around his feet. Magnus thinks he might have a heart attack when Alec scrunches down and starts making sure each bunny gets some of the food and maybe even murmuring/talking to them.
“You know, I pull those out of my hat all day.” Magnus doesn’t know why he’s leaning on the fence, but he wants to say something to the guy who looks like a modern day disney prince up to his elbows in floppy-eared bunnies.
“So that’s where they keep disappearing off to” and Alec doesn’t know why someone like Magnus is gracing the hay-and-fur-covered petting zoo with his presence and his shining eyes but he doesn’t want him to leave
After a while Magnus starts spending his breaks in the petting zoo talking to Alec and watching him take care of the animals (he’s starting to think he might have a weakness for tall men holding tiny chicks and even a baby lamb once, that one was a sight to remember)
On the other hand, Alec goes to some of Magnus’ shows to see him absolutely owning the stage during his performances and Alec’s jaw never fails to drop cause there’s always some new trick when it comes to Magnus’ acts
And Magnus would totally find a way to get Alec up there as a “volunteer” once he notices him in the audience, even though Alec never raises his hand. “You with the dashing green sweater” “How about tall, dark and handsome in front?” and of course it’s along the same line as Magnus’ usual flare of humor and teasing throughout the show, but Alec knows just what Magnus’ really doing and has to fight to keep his smile from getting too wide every time.
Once they get to the point of living together, they each end up (totally on accident) surprising each other with a Christmas gift of a kitten and just end up keeping them both because the more the merrier.
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Image wise…I’m varied. I kinda like a bunch of different people look-wise. I’m attractive to taller, intelligent/philosophical, confident people. People who are into a variety of music and open to trying new and adventurous things.
At face value I find myself attracted to tall pale dudes with dark hair or tall muscular chicks. So like…Tom Riddle and Breanne of Tarth
Everyone needs to watch Hap & Leonard on Netflix right now. It’s basically Justified meets Dukes of Hazzard, except they’re friends, not cousins, and one of them is gay and black. It’s got action, humor, crime, Texas, everything you could want in a show and one of the villains is a six foot tall punk chick who has a mohawk and dresses like she’s from Mad Max.