talking-over-women-or-for-women

I’m starting to get the feeling that radfems care less about actually fighting patriarchal violence and more about hoarding the ability to claim victimization under the patriarchy as a way to talk over trans women, sex workers, women of color, and any other women who for whatever reason don’t look exactly like their sorry-ass selves.

listen:

idk how to say this even simpler than it already is but if youre not asian don’t talk over actual asian people especially asian guys on our emasculated and desexualized male culture.

you shouldn’t really do this if it was any other situation either: like allowing men to talk over women’s opinions on women’s topics, or non-black people talking over black people on black topics, or non-natives speaking over actual native americans on native american topics.

it’s really rude, and it’s extremely transparent in showing your true bigoted colours no matter how much you defend it.

“It’s like they get the medal for a marathon after being driven the first 24 miles, and the people who actually ran the whole way and lost because they didn’t cheat are supposed to smile and applaud.”

For me, coming to peak trans has been a process. I tried to be a good ally for a long time. As part of my pro-choice ethics, I believe adults should be able to do what they want to their bodies as long as it hurts no one else. And, as a generally polite person, I’m perfectly willing to call someone by whatever name and pronouns they choose. I roll my eyes when it’s something like “Autymn Fayrie” – trans people have a way of choosing names like the adolescents they mentally are – but still. Not my name, not my choice. And I definitely don’t like the dudebro culture of calling trans people freaks, monsters, ugly, etc. You can always criticize someone’s choices without resorting to namecalling.

But things have been making less and less sense to me lately. I don’t like that women born as women are being bullied out of a feminism that centers their physical shared experiences around menstruation, contraception, pregnancy, etc. I’m sorry if trans women feel left out by “Night of a Hundred Vaginas,” but guess what? That is EXACTLY how cis women feel watching men be treated as humans and women be treated as other every. single. day. of our lives. Trans women are totally welcome to organize their own “night of a hundred girldicks” or whatever if they want to, but let us have this one thing. I’ve also seen entirely too many trans women talk over other women on the internet to see it as anything other than the expression of male privilege and, frankly, male dickishness, it so glaringly is.

It makes my blood boil when some middle-aged successful man – the Lana Wachowskis and Caitlyn Jenners of the world – decides to transition and we’re supposed to recognize them as “woman of the year” or the “highest-paid female CEO.” It’s like they get the medal for a marathon after being driven the first 24 miles, and the people who actually ran the whole way and lost because they didn’t cheat are supposed to smile and applaud. Also, I’ve seen feminists seriously say that men who transition later in life “never had male privilege” which is so absurd I can feel my blood pressure rise thinking about it. (News flash: If someone could legally marry a woman anywhere in the U.S. before last year, they had male privilege. I feel like everyone’s IQ has dropped 50 points that this is even a thing we need to discuss.)

And then there’s the whole trans children issue. I have kids of my own; I know how quickly their whims and desires can change, and how fuzzy their grasps on complex topics can be. The idea that a three-year-old should be put on a path that is entirely beyond their understanding and inevitably leads to medical sterilization and multiple surgeries because they want to play with the Barbie instead of the toy truck, or vice versa, strikes me as profoundly retrograde and rooted in the worst kind of gender stereotypes. I wish children were instead encouraged to play, dress, and behave as they wanted, without calling their healthy bodies “birth defects.”

It strikes me as suspicious that there’s this epidemic of trans children all of a sudden. It’s a fad, the equivalent of how everybody’s gluten intolerant right now – and unlike the gluten thing, it’s one that could hurt hundreds of children before it stops. (I also can’t help but notice how often these families have some kind of obvious dysfunction or trauma, often one related to the loss of a child of the gender the trans child is transitioning to.)

Similarly, it bothers me how many young women are “identifying” as bigender, genderqueer, agender, etc. I suspect it’s a combination of a culturally imposed hatred of being female and a desire to be ~cool~ and different, which is appropriately adolescent – but these women are getting and taking powerful hormones at ages where most physicians would be reluctant to even prescribe an IUD. It makes. no. sense.

And if you mention any of this in mainstream liberal circles, even in the most polite ways possible, you get called transphobic. It’s like the whole world took crazy pills and people like the ones in this community are the only ones opting out.

Sorry for the ramble; this has been building up for a long time.

source

anonymous asked:

what's up with you always putting men down. its weird how you bring up the future being feminine all the time. it's scary. men and women should both be equal. no superior sex. also your weird thing about how being straight is wrong is absolutely idiotic. again both straight and all LGBTQ are equal. BITCH SIT DOWN. BE HUMBLE

1. what’s up with men constantly talking over other women and i, disrespecting other women and i, and abusing and assaulting other women and i?
2. i’ve never said the future is “feminine” LMAO wtf
3. when have i ever said being straight is wrong? (you know who’s said being a certain sexuality is wrong? straight people, about same-sex attracted people.)
4. don’t call me misogynistic slurs, you misogynistic piece of shit

learn to check your facts before trying to validate your self-worth by attacking a girl on tumblr to assert your dominance and prove yourself. PS—you failed :^)

So, #NoHijabDay is a thing on twitter, apparently started by “feminists”. I have to say that im not surprised tbh - nobody talks over women and hates women making their own choices more than feminists.

As someone from an area with a large population of muslim people, I know a fair bit about some of the reasons women choose to wear the hijab. For many it empowers them and allows them to feel like if people judge them its going to be for their ideas and opinions not for how beautiful they may or may not appear. Personally I find hijabs to be another way for those who wear them to express themselves, whether its through wearing a brightly coloured hijab or one with delicate and ornate patterns or flowers.

When i was still in college, there was a girl in my biology class who wore a hijab, and she owned so many different scarves that i dont think i saw her wear the same pattern twice (admittedly i was only in college for three months but thats another matter) the materials were always beautiful (as was she) and she never expressed any desire to take it off - not even subconciously through body language.

To any woman who chooses to wear the hijab, dont let western feminism tell you its oppressing you, or that you shouldnt wear it. You wear what you are comfortable wearing - dont let anyone shame you for it.

anonymous asked:

@transmananon, dont need to thank me! trans men in this site need fucking understand than we are men and because we ARE MEN we shouldnt talk over women/nb aligned women because we are men our opinions are irrelevant, im so sorry than that person call you a terf, thats so fucking ugly, actually terf rethoric is tell than trans men can be lesbians", i hope u will be okay, hey trans men we act actually like men be talk over women/nb women so dont difference yourself because u are trans lol

im alright don’t worry! and even so i still appreciate the backup ❤

mousebaby-deactivated20170126  asked:

im confused about something. how do dfab trans people have privilege over dmab trans people? could you give examples?

Virtually all of the structures of transphobia orientate themselves around trans women as revolting piles of garbage that must be destroyed.

  • The idea of us as traps is only locked to trans women
  • The idea of us as decievers and liars specifically brings up trans women as the primary and only example
  • Autogynephilia was a created bullshit disorder designed to penalize and police trans female sexuality and there’s only recently been a trans male version created IN RESPONSE TO criticism of there not being one for trans men
  • All of the media jokes come back to trans women
  • Virtually all anti trans slurs are designed for trans women (trap, shemale, tranny, etc)
  • Trans women are raped more but we’re considered unrapeable. Even on a legal basis, you can literally judge a case as not rape simply because a trans woman was the victim. That is literally a thing you can do.
  • Trans men not only levy their male privilege in multiple spaces to talk over most women (esp trans women) they degender themselves purposefully to gain access to woman only resources
  • Dfab trans people do something similar in terms of degendering themselves to gain access to women only spaces, always at cost to trans women who are forced out. Even the dfab trans people who have womanhood in their identities still force trans women out.
  • Dfab trans people get access to things like genderqueer, where dmab trans people are either marked as gross trans women or cis men you don’t get anything else. Note how the markers for genderqueerness is a binder and masculine forms of androgyny. Hmmmm.

There’s fuck tons more but I don’t have the energy to list them

Literally the only reason why I’m not telling you to go fuck yourself for this question is because you’re a trans girl. You’re going to need to know this stuff so you know that you should apply the same distrust to dfab trans people in general that you should be applying to trans men, that you should be applying to cis women, that you should be applying to cis men in spades. Etc.

I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know that dfab trans people and trans guys could exert heavy social power of me as a trans woman. And I paid for it. I paid hard in trauma and damage done to me, parts of my life ruined for it.

Our crew is full of bad-ass women behind the scenes who are really fearless and committed and amazing to work for. I love working for women… It’s so important that we step into our power as women, because it’s awesome to work for women and with women and men who appreciate and celebrate women… In front of the camera, it’s the same way. I know there are a lot of stereotypes about the competitive nature of women in the business and I know that we can get caught up in those images of competition, but I love this idea of the power of “us” because that’s what we have in our cast as well. Not in this group are we competitive in any way. We’re all so different, and yet, what we share is an absolute commitment to celebrate each other and support each other and encourage each other on this crazy roller coaster life experience that we’re on. The women in the cast, Katie and Darby and Bellamy and myself, we have formed a sisterhood of women, each vastly different from one another, but we’ve all made this unspoken and sometimes spoken commitment to love one another and be there for one another and do whatever we can to help each other fulfill our calling and our destiny as artists and as women. That really has made us stronger as individuals and as a show. I find this to be one of the greatest gifts about having this opportunity. It’s awesome to wear the Burberry and the Prada, but its even more spectacular to really be a part of a community of supportive women.
— 

Kerry Washington, Massachusetts Conference for Women

when feminists say we don’t want men calling themselves feminists, it’s not just about what word they use, it’s the fact that men are not feminists, so they shouldn’t be calling themselves feminists. men calling themselves “feminist allies” isn’t any better when they’re still invading women’s spaces, talking over women, or talking to women rather than to men about misogyny. it isn’t just about a word.

benevolentdisinterest-deactivat  asked:

I don't have problem with male feminists. I do have problem with men like Charles Clymer talking over women on women's issues, among other totally awful things he does. I do have a problem with men who twistedly use feminism and sex positivity as new means of coersion. I do have a problem with men that don't respect women who explictly do not want men in their feminist spaces.

anonymous asked:

Dear Claudia, sorry to bother you but what does 'a feminist ally' mean? Doesn't supporting feminism automatically make you a feminist? You said that simply agreeing with feminists isn't enough to be an ally, but then what is? If you recognize your privilege and use it to speak up against inequality, aren't you already a feminist? Or is the word feminist only for women? Because I'm not comfortable with such exclusivity, even though I'm a woman myself. Could you plese help me with that? Thank you

There’s debate as to whether men ought to call themselves feminists or feminist allies if they support the movement. To be honest I don’t mind men being called feminists, but I can understand the other side of the argument. I think people are (rightfully) wary that a man can label himself Feminist, get a load of praise for it, feel super progressive, maybe wear a t-shirt with a feminist slogan (made by underpaid women somewhere), start correcting women/talking over women/looking down on certain women/judging women in the name of Feminism, be given a greater platform than women, and then actually continue to be misogynistic in many ways without learning, changing, and listening to the people he claims to want to help. 

I prefer the term feminist ally just because it shows great sensitivity to the issue and an awareness of male privilege in feminist spaces. 

Men who acknowledge their privilege and use it to fight oppression and inequality and amplify the voices of women are feminists, in my opinion. But I think it’s a title you have to earn and can’t just give yourself. Although many give themselves it in an act of solidarity so I’m not furiously opposed to it, just wary. 

Actions speak louder than words when it comes to male feminists/feminist allies. Unfortunately for the lovely ones (of which there are many) there are also a great deal of awful ones that are huge misgonynists that just want a pat on the back and an excuse to bully women that have absorbed internalised misogyny. 

It’s a difficult situation really. But as I say, I don’t mind men calling themselves feminists as long as their actions back them up. The concern is when they get the title but don’t do the work or challenge their own privilege. 

The only thing I would say with regard to the whole title thing, is that if a man threatens to withdraw his support for feminism just because he is told by some feminists that he cannot take the title of Feminist, then he should not be trusted and is clearly not really here for gender equality and liberation.  

xxx

dear fellow white women:

remember to shut up and listen when Black women are talking. it actually doesn’t matter the context–you know how white men like to talk over us? well we talk over women of color–especially Black women–just like that. it happens in feminist circles, it happens in social circles; it happens all the time in so many contexts.

they must be allowed to speak without interruption. but more than that, we have to listen to what they say.

/white woman talking about racism

This is (not) what a feminist looks like

There seems to be a rise recently in the number of men who are labeling themselves as feminists. This sounds like a good thing–after all, why wouldn’t we want men to support women and women’s issues? And yet, I’ve come to believe that there are actually some significant issues in the way this tends to play out.

For instance, once a man has proclaimed himself a feminist, I expect him to act in feminist ways. And yet! Over and over, we see that the men who say loudest that they are feminists continue to engage in problematic behavior. And yes–we are all imperfect. But when they are called out for it, we also see these same men defend their choices, engage in shaming and tone policing their female critics, and ultimately try to shut down the women saying they’ve messed up.

This is not feminist behavior.

If, for instance, Benedict Cumberbatch wants to proclaim that he is what a feminist looks like, he should maybe not portray Julian Assange  in a hagiographical biopic. Or Doctor Strange in a whitewashed & racist role. Or Khan in Star Trek: Into Darkness. (I’m using Cumberbatch as an example precisely because he will never see this post or care.)

And I’m thinking of several male authors who are self-labeled feminists, who also have repeatedly talked over women, talked down to women, told them that they shouldn’t be so angry, so hurtful, so mean. I’m not naming names, because this is not about them, and I’m not interested in hearing defenses from their fans, but trust me: look for the pattern. It is there. In addition, the men who get the most praise for being feminists also tend to be, non-coincidentally, white, cis, able-bodied, comfortably well off.

There is also a weird reaction to men declaring themselves feminists. We expect that women might be feminists, but we praise men who say they are. What they are–or rather, should be–saying is that they intend to treat women as people and with respect. This is basic decency, not something praiseworthy.

And contrast how people react to male feminists versus women who are feminists. Women can expect argument, harassment, even threats. Men, even those who are considered the enemy by anti-feminists, are still less threatened. They get the rewards without the risks, and often without doing the work.

Perhaps most of all, there’s a centering of male voices on issues where women should be allowed to be the loudest. If you are a man and you are truly a feminist, sometimes you should realize that you just need to shut up. That is, in fact, the most revolutionary act: to realize that  if you’re a guy who genuinely wants to support women, and if you have power, if you have space–physical, online, cultural, whatever–you learn to hand that space over. But it does mean giving up your airspace, your right to opine on every issue, and this seems to be where even well intentioned men tend to fall short.

Feminism does not need male opinion to be valid. If you think it does, even unconsciously, then you’re not there yet.

Perhaps most fundamentally, feminism is something you enact, not something you identify with. This is true for all of us, but when it come to men it is even more true. You are working from a deficit. You have to earn trust. You are not handed a medal for walking in the door.

In fact, some of the most truly feminist men I know–the ones who respect women, who listen to them, who support them and their dreams–are exactly the men who would never label themselves feminists. To me, they are models of how men who truly want to help should act. Be less concerned with your wittiness and your blog posts and your follower count. Act behind the scenes and prove to the women in your life that you are truly someone they can trust. There was a good thread on Captain Awkward awhile back about a male manager who was genuinely trying to figure out how to help support the women he was in charge of and one of the suggestions was to introduce them to older women who could mentor them and then get out of the way.

(A lot of this also applies to women who are white, able-bodied, and otherwise privileged. We also have to learn to de-center ourselves.)

In the end, I’m not trying to argue that men shouldn’t be feminists, or even that they shouldn’t identify as feminists. I am always going to argue that men concerned with feminism have to do more than put on a name badge: that they have to step back and support. In a wider political sense, it requires listening to women on all issues, and boosting women’s work at all levels. But it also involves a more personal work and sacrifice of what society teaches men they are owed. But after all, that’s what feminism actually means.

redriyo  asked:

since other people are giving their thoughts i will too. i have no problem with men identifying as feminists; i encourage it even. problems arise only when men try to talk over women or enter women-only spaces/conversations. feminism, to me, is not an identity, it's more like a political affiliation or something. anyone can be a part of it and advocate for it because it is an activism movement.