talking-lizard

Longisquama!

Since it’s April Fool’s Day, and Tumblr is sending images of lizards screaming across all our dashboards at hyper-light speeds, I thought it would be a good time to talk about a lizard who April Fooled the entire paleontological community, long before the Mop/Wretched Tooth divide threatened to send our sociopolitical infrastructure crumbling to the ground.

Is it a tenuous connection?  Yeah, but I was gonna make this post anyway, so live with it!

Longisquama lived during the Triassic Period, 235 million years ago, in modern-day Kyrgyzstan.  It might have been a lizard, as I asserted above, but its place within Reptilia is actually quite uncertain; the only thing known for certain is that Longisquama is a “diapsid reptile”, meaning it could be a squamate, a rhynchocephalian, a crocodilian, or a pre-dinosaur.

Longisquama is distinguished by the row of strange appendanges growing from its back.  The purpose of these appendages is uncertain, and has long been the subject of much paleontological debate.

The most iconic version of Longisquama depicts it with twin rows of appendages, rather than the single row preserved in the only known fossil specimen, and shows it using these twin wing-like structures to glide.  While this is almost certainly not the case, numerous supposedly serious paleontologists - including Dougal Dixon, speculative evolution writer and long-time peddler of insane made-up garbage - have espoused the theory that Longisquama is the true ancestor of birds.

This makes absolutely zero sense from an anatomical perspective, and was essentially nothing more than a very convenient way for a bunch of die-hard dinosaur traditionalists to deny that birds were the descendants of dinosaurs.  Even so, this debate raged on until the shockingly recent year of 2006.

At that time, new studies of the single Longisquama fossil found that the appendages weren’t part of the animal’s body at all.

It was fossilized in front of a plant.

Bill’s last words

So some of you may have seen this post which reveals that Bill’s last words were, in fact, a backwards message.

Most of it seems self-explanatory, but I was kind of confused about what the first bit meant. “AXOLOTL”

It sounded familiar to me, so I Googled it. Turns out an axolotl is a salamander. Which is weird, because why would Bill talk about a salamander in his presumably dying moments?

But there’s more. 

Get rid of the A, and we’re left with XOLOTL. This makes much more sense than a lizard.

Xolotl was an Aztec god often connected with death. He was also the god of 

Twins

Monsters

And deformities

teddy-the-yeti  asked:

uuuh. UHHHHH! Kitten shopping!! or at the pet store~ :D

[24 ficlets in 24 hours, #23]

Derek only meant to go in and buy a new UV lightbulb for Laura’s pet lizard, Jackson. He’s standing in the aisle of the pet store, frowning at the different versions and trying to remember how many Watts when he hears someone say, “No, poor Cylops,” in a miserable voice.

Derek looks up and sees a guy wearing a nametag that reads “STILES”, holding the most desolate (and somehow still cute) looking kitten Derek’s seen. The poor thing only has one eye and the saddest looking expression, and for some reason (it’s probably the combination of attractive guy and cute fuzzy animal) Derek is kind of awestruck. He watches Stiles talk to a harsh looking woman, whose nametag simply says “MANAGER”, pleading about the cat. 

“You know the rules, Stiles,” the manager says. “No adoptions within three weeks, animals go to the shelter. We get a new set of kittens and puppies tomorrow.”

“But Cyclops won’t last a day in the shelter,” Stiles says sadly. “You know they have a kill policy." 

"I’ll adopt the cat,” Derek finds himself saying. 

Keep reading

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Hey! Listen to me! Pay attention to me!

EDUCATION PIT by Tumbler Dad Marty!

Hiya kids, tweens, and tweeps, today I’ve put together a lil’ explainer on the most frequently used acronyms online, because so many exist out there on the crazy webs and sometimes it can be quite confusing! Especially if you’re not an internet exploring-man like me!

  • BRB = briefly returning back
  • LOL = lots of love
  • LMAO = livid, mad, angry, ornery
  • TTYL = talk to your lizard
  • LYLAS = love you like a salad
  • KIT = keep it tasty
  • BAE = bacon and eggs
  • POS = party on, sandwich
  • HMU = hand me utensils/ham me up
  • MOYF = milkshake on ya face
  • KPI = krabby patty influence
  • YAWH = you’re a wizard harry
  • DPL = dat pancake life
  • DSL = don’t steal leftovers
  • ASL = another silly list
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Odin stomping through a puddle!

Too many crickets.

I work at a small pet store, and we sell two things in abundance: dog food and crickets. As for crickets, we sell them at twenty for $1. Now, the store is almost always busy, so we don’t have time to actually count out twenty crickets. We usually eyeball it, keeping our guesstimations on the generous side. Customers dig it because they usually get a few more crickets than they asked for, and we get to save time and generate a little good will.

One day a customer comes in and asks for one hundred large crickets. Let’s call him Clyde. No problem, I tell him. As I’m gathering the crickets into the bag, I ask him about what he’s feeding them to, and we get to talking about lizards, tarantulas, and other cricket-eaters. Clyde seems alright at this point - I genuinely enjoy talking about animals with the customers.

I hand Clyde the bag of about one hundred crickets, and he takes a long look at it, turning it this way and that. He looks at me and skeptically asks if there’s really a hundred crickets there. “Looks like 70 or 80,” he says. Mind you, everyone at the store is very good at guesstimating how many crickets are in a bag; we all know what 20, 50, and 100 crickets look like, and in all the time I’ve worked there, I’ve never been questioned by a customer.

My immediate emotional response was somewhere between annoyance and wounded pride. So, I did the reasonable, logical thing: I took the bag back, and I told him I’d count every single cricket, ‘cause I’ll be damned if he doesn’t get exactly one hundred crickets.

So, I painstakingly count each cricket by dropping them one by one from the first bag into a new bag. He watches me the whole time, making comments here and there like “unnecessary” and “I’m sure it was a hundred.” But nay, I tell him. “I want to make absolutely sure that you get the crickets you paid for.”

As I count my hundredth cricket, I look at the remainder in the bag. Lo and behold, there are ten crickets leftover. A whole fifty cents! As I hand Clyde the new bag of exactly one hundred crickets and toss the rest back into the bin, I thank him for keeping me and the store honest, and assure him that I’ll count his crickets every time he comes in from now on.

Haven’t seen him since.

Petty Revenge: Internet`s best petty revenge stories are here. | source