talking about how this was his once in a lifetime chance

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MBTI Types as Pick-Up Lines
  • INFJ: Can I follow you? Because my mom told me to follow my dreams.
  • ISFJ: When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you
  • ENFJ: I write your name in the sky but the clouds blow it away. I write your name in the sand but the waves wash it away. I write your name in my heart and forever it will stay.
  • ESFJ: Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
  • INTP: Dang girl, are you an appendix because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
  • ISTP: Hey boy, are you sleep? Cause I don't get nearly enough of you and it's ruining my social, emotional, and over all mental health.
  • ENTP: I was recently diagnosed with a rare disease called cryoaudiovascularia. It prohibits proper blood flow to the ears, causing them to slowly freeze and fall off, slowly spreading to the inner ear and finally to the brain. There is no known cure, except one. My ears need to be constantly warmed, and the only known material soft enough is the inner thighs of a pretty girl. So I need you to sit on my face for medical reasons.
  • ESTP: I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching you. *kiss* Oh what a shame, it seems like I lost the bet.
  • INTJ: You look familiar, didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
  • ISTJ: Most people like to watch the Superbowl cuz it only happens once a year, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.
  • ENTJ: I'm an army recruiter, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place and "be all you can be."
  • ESTJ: You know how I got these guns? *points to biceps* Lifting children out of poverty.
  • INFP: I blog about you sometimes.
  • ISFP: Of all your beautiful curves, your smile is by far my favorite.
  • ENFP: Fascinating. I’ve been looking at your eyes all night long, ’cause I’ve never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
  • ESFP: Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
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I worked with him on Avengers “Assembled” which was one of those magical once in a lifetime career moments where you are standing next to a giant and a legend and sharing a frame with him and sharing your heart with him and sharing a precious moment with him.

We spent the entire day together running lines talking about the scene, talking about wanting to find something to do together in the future. Today that is no longer a possibility. These magical moments, the ones that whisper to you their importance as they are happening. The ones that jump out and tell you that you are in a rarefied space, that imprint deeper than other memories or experiences, that lock themselves in and become a part of the patch work of stories that ones calls a “Life”, they are such precious things. It’s easy to take for granted at the time how precious they are, one believes there will be another go at it, another chance to catch the light of a star in the palm of your hand in the span of an afternoon while working on a major motion picture, tucked off from the others, in a sacred cinematic space, where time is inconsequential and there is no camera, and their is no crew, and there are no words, there is only truth and listening and talking. That is what it was like with Harry. His humility, his commitment to acting, his generosity of spirit his kindly vulnerability were all exceptional. He was an exceptional man and I am honored to say that i got to share the screen with him albeit briefly. To date, it is still one of my favorite moments in film making. Today I treasure it even more. When we left each other that day we said, “See you again. I look forward to it.” That never came to pass, but he passed away I wish we had a chance to do it all again. So long Harry Dean, thank you for the gift of your films, your music and your being. God broke the mold on you. 

Rest In Peace. Poet.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie
99 and Marlowe

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jongin

Genre: Soulmates!AU (kWritersNet May Prompt) + Angst 

Prompt: “You can’t eat solids, only liquids until Thursday.”

Rating: PG-13 

Word Count: 4,158

Originally posted by princewangeun

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Dean is aging every day and Castiel can see it in the fine lines when he smiles, the way his eyes crinkle. Every day there’s another line forming and Castiel can see it. Every single one of them. He sees the first small gray hair that starts at the root of Dean’s hair. He doesn’t think Dean can see it, at first, but after a week Dean begins parting his hair differently. Castiel cannot see the single gray strand anymore, until there is a small bundle of them.

With each waking day, Dean’s hands begin to ache in the places that strains when he holds his gun. He pretends not to care, but Castiel knows. He can read Dean like a book he’s read a million times.

Castiel stays the same. Humanity caught up with his vessel in the short while he had no grace, yet now he seems to have stopped aging once again. He stays young while Dean’s knees ache. Small touches let Castiel ease the pain, and Dean catches on to what he is doing. He says thank you with his eyes, that still sparkle a beautiful sage color. The love Castiel has for Dean never dulls, but only deepens the more Dean let’s him heal.

It seems, eventually Dean wants to skip out on hunts. His bones throb too badly, or he’s catching yet another cold. Sam notices, too, but says nothing. It’s inevitable. Dean is much older than Sam is, and not as nimble anymore. Castiel always stays with Dean. Just in case.

Sometimes Dean will let Castiel sit with him while he watches the latest game on television. Usually Dean will fall asleep by halftime, never able to sleep well at night. His head always ends up on Castiel’s shoulder, beer slipping through his fingers that once held it tightly. Castiel puts the beer on the coffee table, and maneuvers to lean back enough for Dean’s head to rest comfortably on his chest. Castiel has no heartbeat for Dean to listen to, but placing a firm hand on Dean’s shoulder lets him pulse power through Dean’s veins, easing any ache or pain. Dean always sleeps better this way. It seems to give him a little bit more life that way.

Dean does not like it when Castiel heals him of his aches. “They let me know I’m still human, Cas. Just let me ache. That’s why they invented Advil.” Dean will say, giving Castiel a glare. But Dean always comes to Castiel at night, or comes to get him when the Advil won’t help his restless leg syndrome, or ease the throb of his nerves enough to get a few un-solid hours. Castiel is always more than willing to place that firm hand on Dean, watching him sleep peacefully like he deserves after a lifetime of restless nights.

“Let me heal you, Dean.” Castiel demands, watching the man he loves practically decay on the sofa. Dean had insisted on going to a hunt with Sam, and had sprained a few bones. They were not healing, and it had been over a week. “Please.” Castiel begs.

“No, Cas.” Dean repeats over and over. Castiel doesn’t care. Dean isn’t quick enough to dodge Castiel’s hand as if clamps around his ankle. It’s healed within seconds, and Dean is angry at him once more. “Damnit Cas!” Dean jerks his leg away, and glares red hot towards Castiel.

“I don’t understand, Dean!” Castiel barks back at him, “You can go on hunts all you want if you just let me heal you when you come back.”

“That’s not how life is supposed to work, Cas. I go on a hunt and I get hurt, if I die from it then that’s how it needs to be! No more loopholes, Cas. I’m gettin’ old, I know it, you know it, Sam knows it. Shit happens, and nature takes its course. It can’t do that if you keep interrupting it!”

“It sounds as though you want to die,” Castiel says dully, and blunt.

“Maybe I do.” Dean says quietly, hardly shocking Castiel. “I’ve lived a long life, saved a lot of people and then some. I’m alright with it.”

Castiel can’t cry, but if he could then he would be sobbing. He can feel it inside, how sad he is. “Dean, I’m not alright with it. My whole purpose of being is because of you. Every day before you, I simply waited for the day. And every day after, I was living for you and fighting for you. There was never a moment I was doing something that wasn’t for you in some way. If you’re gone, what am I supposed to live for?”

“Live for Sammy, Cas. He needs someone, too, you know.”

“Dean, as soon as you’re gone Sam is going to go back to a normal life. And you know that.”

Dean shakes his head, “I don’t want you to interfere anymore, Cas.”

Castiel nods a final nod, and says nothing the nights he still eases Dean’s pains when Dean calls for him. The days go by quickly, as do the seasons. He is worse in the winter, and soon he hardly moves from his worn spot on the sofa.

Castiel leaves Sam with him a single day, saying they need him briefly in Heaven. Dean smiles at him and says he’s happy Cas is off doing angelic things for once. Castiel smiles back and Sam nods. He knows Castiel’s plan.

Castiel comes back over a day later, and Dean is asleep in his bed. When Castiel enters, Dean stirs and reaches for him. He must be hurting again. Castiel gets down to his briefs and slides in bed with Dean, the single brush of skin easing all of Dean’s pains. He relaxes entirely against Castiel. Dean feels very hot, and clammy.

“Are you sick again?” Castiel asks worriedly.

“Yeah,” Dean grunts. “I went out for a drive and got caught in the rain. I think it’s the flu,” Dean grumbles. Castiel brushes a soft hand over his forehead and dulls the fever. “Thanks,” Dean says softly. Castiel is thrown off by the acceptance but says nothing. Dean begins talking. He’s somewhere between sleep, stuck in a limbo. “I am gettin’ scared, every day.” He admits in the quiet air of the bedroom. “Once my light goes out, that’s it. No more chances like I’m used to.”

Castiel interrupts softly. “I could give you another, Dean. We can age together, this next time. If you let me.” There’s a pleading tone in Castiel’s voice that Dean can recognize.

“No, Cas. I need to be a man about this.” Dean grumbles, head rolling to rest on Castiel’s pale chest. “I’m just scared of where I’m going. I always thought death would be easy, that I’d die out on a hunt. It’d be quick, maybe not painless, but I thought it would happen so fast the fear wouldn’t set in. But dying of old age? Slow like this? Every day, man. I can feel it. I’m gettin’ closer. Every time I’m sick it’s like death is just looming, beggin’ me to go to sleep so it can take me. It gives me time to think about it, and the fear gets bad. I hate bein’ scared. I’m scared I’m goin’ to hell, or purgatory again. Or get stuck in the void like Kevin did. I wanna go to Heaven, and be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo.” Castiel faintly realizes Dean is crying silently, tears pooling beneath Dean’s cheek.

“In Heaven,” Castiel begins. “I talked to some of my superiors.” Dean ‘mm-hmms’, quietly. “They would not take my grace, so my age would catch up. But I reserved you a spot, right where you want to be. And I will escort you myself. Not a reaper, or a demon. Me, and I will hide nothing from you. I will hold your hand the whole way.” The love Castiel has for this man is swelling hugely in his vacant chest, and if Castiel could cry he would cry for love.

Dean’s fingers skim past Castiel’s chest to grab his hand. The hold is limp, and weak. Castiel’s worry is at its highest, and he feels the desperate need to go yell for Sam.

Somehow, Sam senses Castiel’s desperation. He barges into the room, eyes wide with worry. Castiel and Sam’s eyes meet and the words don’t need to be spoken.

“Dean?” Sam asks, walking to his brother. Dean let’s out a small moan of acknowledgement, and faintly tells Sam he loves him. The grip on Castiel’s hand is slightly stronger when Dean finds the energy to kiss Castiel’s chest, the words unspoken but there. Castiel wraps fingers through Dean’s damp hair and holds him close.

Sam is crying silent tears and holds back a sob by biting his fist.

Dean goes quietly, in his sleep. Castiel slips from underneath him and makes sure to tuck him in as he goes to console Sam, who has aged as well, but is still young and healthy. Death won’t take him as quickly if he begins to settle down. Castiel makes sure to tell him this.

Castiel explains his plan to Sam over once more. He’s going to lead Dean to Heaven himself. He’s going to be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo. Just like he wanted. Castiel will be there, too, and he will be down whenever Sam prays to him. And if Sam wants, Castiel will walk him through the veil, too.

Castiel’s conversation is interrupted by Dean. A Dean Sam cannot see, but yet the same Dean he knows. Dean has a worried look in his eye, watching Sam cry silent tears. Castiel tells Sam it’s time, and gives him a large hug goodbye. He pleads for Sam to go find a woman, and settle down and have kids. Go back to Stanford. It’s possible. Sam promises he will try, and that he will pray often.

Castiel takes Dean’s hand and vanishes. The veil is shadows and daylight mixing together, like oil and water. Mixing but never becoming one. Dean holds Castiel’s hand tightly, fingers laced. Castiel steps through a very certain strand of daylight. Dean covers his eyes when it becomes too bright.

They’re at Bobby’s. It takes Dean a single moment to blink and look around. Ellen comes from the kitchen, stirring something in a pot.

“Heya, boys. Just in time for supper.”

That night, Castiel holds Dean close. Dean let’s him. After all, they’re stuck in a piece of Heaven where no one dies, aches, or bleeds. Despite Dean’s healthy bones, Castiel still caresses Dean’s body just like before.

Okay, so lets talk about Chidi, Eleanor, Simone and Tahani.

I don’t multiship a lot, usually I’m a one OTP per character sort of person. But once in a while a show happens where that’s impossible. And The Good Place is one of those shows.

It’s like… I love Eleanor and Chidi okay? They’re adorable and they really have earned a place in my heart. Plus the fact that Eleanor seems to have fallen in love with Chidi in every other one of Michael’s attempts is pretty significant.

But I enjoy this show’s commentary on the soulmate myth as being a flawed one. It’s not about being ‘meant for each other’ it’s about ‘finding something beautiful in each other’ and how that doesn’t have to be only with one person in our lifetime.

Eleanor and Chidi found something beautiful in each other and it was absolutely amazing.

But the premise of this show allows them to explore how the variations of chance and circumstances can give different results.

Which is why Tahani fell for Chidi in the first attempt and Jason in Attempt #803.

And then there’s the fact that I also ship Tahani and Eleanor. Quite a lot. I’ve loved their chemistry from the beginning and the fact that Eleanor has been pretty significantly attracted to Tahani has been kinda important to me. I love me my bisexual characters.

So seeing that a version of events is possible where Eleanor and Tahani fall in love with each other would be FORKING AMAZING. And I NEED IT.

And the setup this season is perfect for it.

Tahani was introduced to Eleanor in a way that immediately showcases how much of a mess Tahani is too so there’s no initial perfectness there for Eleanor to chafe under. There’s just a very tall, very very attractive woman who is just as much of a disaster person as her.

And Eleanor is introduced to Tahani as the first person EVER to not be more interested in her sister. And that was definitely very attractive to her.

And btw during that scene Chidi looked the same way that Eleanor looked when she saw him first talking to Simone (the only difference being that during this scene they didn’t make a huge deal about putting the camera on his face the way they had Eleanor’s) so I wouldn’t be surprised to see some matchmaking attempts from his side too.

And yes, Chidi has Simone this season but I actually don’t agree that this is one of the reasons Tahani/Eleanor is fair game… mostly because that’s kinda of a gross way to look at it.

Simone is AMAZING and in one episode they managed to really convey how perfect she is for Chidi. Not to say that Eleanor wasn’t perfect for Chidi too. But that’s exactly my (and I think their) point. There is no one single person that’s perfect for Chidi. There is no one single person that’s perfect for Eleanor. Or Tahani. Or Jason. Or Simone. Or Janet.

It’s about finding a person that fits them and then building a relationship with that person until they’re perfect for each other, until they become what we would consider ‘soulmates’. And in this show, where we get to see them grow again and again while they don’t remember the previous versions, it doesn’t have to be the same person every time.

So I really think that in this one it’s going to be Chidi’s relationship with Simone.

And I WANT this to also be the one where we see Eleanor’s always present crush on Tahani getting a chance to become something more. And that’s for multiple reasons. Because they’re cute and I ship them. Because I really want them to give us more queer representation than just funny throwaway lines about how hot Eleanor thinks Tahani is. Because I approve of the message it would send about how finding love once doesn’t mean you’ll never find it again. And because I just think it would make for a good story line.

Basically what I’m saying is:

‘YOU get an OTP tag. And YOU get an OTP tag. AND YOU TOO GET AN OTP TAG!!!’

anonymous asked:

Hi, I don't know if you're accepting any more prompts rn or what but I'm feeling super super super low and I hate my exams, I hate studying and I used to love it and I feel like I'm stuck and there's no way out and idk, I don't see myself getting out of my family's grasp and going anywhere and I was going through my tags and your works make me so happy, so if you could, drarry/linny but which boosts morale? And maybe makes me want to study I'd give anything for that. Thanks for reading my rant♥♥

I am always taking prompts (I can’t always get to them for awhile but I do my best).  I’m so sorry you’re struggling and I know sometimes when you’re in a tight space it can feel as if it will stay that way forever but I hope you’re feeling a little better now and I want you to know that one small thing can always change our lives in unexpected ways. Have hope and stay strong.  And I hope this can cheer you up even in the smallest of ways.


Harry fiddles with the book in his lap, unable to focus on studying with the sounds of exasperation and stress coming out of Malfoy’s mouth as he studies.  It has been on the tip of Harry’s tongue to ask if he is alright, or needs a break, for the last two hours but every time he thinks he’s made up to his mind and starts to make even the smallest noise Draco just looks up from his book and shoots Harry a death glare.

He knows Draco is nervous for the exams beginning tomorrow, knows he wants to do well.  And yet he can’t for the life of him fathom how Draco, because it was definitely Draco now, has changed so much in the last twenty four hours.  The softness, the openness, the biting humor and hints of kindness are gone.  Draco has been snapping at him all week but in the last day he’d become so tense Harry can’t even look at him without incurring his wrath.

“Draco-”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!”

“I don’t care, I don’t have time for this.  Just zip it I will hex you into next week.”  Harry snorts in disbelief earning himself a look that would send anyone else running from the room.

Making up his mind, Harry slams his book shut and patters across the room to sit on the edge of Draco’s bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight.  “I’m not scared of you.”

“Wonderful.  A lifetime of work thrown away all because of a few measly kisses.”

“Oh I don’t know if I would call them that, you weren’t that bad of a kisser.”

And that’s it, he’s done it, broken Draco’s trance as Draco looks up at him a look of annoyance on his face, but there’s something else there too even if Harry isn’t entirely sure what.  “I am a fucking superb kisser, Potter, and don’t you forget it.”

Harry drops his hand, unable to hide his own shock as he stares at the other boy.  “When would I get a chance to forget?”

Draco looks decidedly uncomfortable as he coughs, picking his book back up off the bed and refusing to look at Harry again.  “After…just after exams.  When we leave.”

“What are you talking about?”

Draco slams his book shut with much more force than necessary, the sound echoing loudly in the small room like the aftershocks of a curse.  “I. Heard. You.  Last week.  Telling Weasley about the job offers.  My god Potter half of England’s Quidditch teams want you to play for them and an open invitation to the Aurors….you’ve got your pick of the future you want.  Which by the way I’m clearly not a part of since you didn’t mention any of them to me.”

Harry swallows down his guilt at hiding the offers, not wanting to admit that talking about the future was exactly what Harry didn’t want to do but for entirely different reasons.  He doesn’t want to confess that the idea of leaving Hogwarts terrifies him, that he has no idea what he wants to do, that he doesn’t feel ready to be an adult.  After a lifetime of feeling responsible for the world Harry wants nothing more than to fuck away from all responsibility, not forever, but for a little while longer.

“That’s what I thought,” Draco mumbles, misinterpreting Harry’s silence.  His icy tone cuts through Harry’s thoughts like a knife.

“I didn’t tell you because I’m not taking them.”

“What do you mean you’re not taking them?  Which one?” 

Draco sounds as scandalized as Harry had expected.  He shrugs, as if turning down multiple career opportunities is nothing.  “None of them.”

“What the bloody fuck is wrong with you, Potter?”

Harry steels himself, summoning his courage and knowing this conversation will reveal far more than he was prepared, but knowing with a sort of certainty that he feels about nothing else that it is the right thing to do.

“Because…because I’m tired of it.  All of it.  I love flying, god I love flying, but I don’t want to be watched anymore.  I couldn’t stand all those people watching and cheering and hoping for a victory with my name on their lips.  And the Aurors can all go fuck themselves if they think I want to spend the rest of my life chasing down Dark Wizards.”  He pasues, unable to look at Draco’s face but taking courage in the cold hand that reaches out to hold his own.  “Fuck, Draco, I know you’re mad because you didn’t get any job offers and you should have because you’re brilliant and determined and you’ve worked hard to prove yourself and I’m sorry everyone else doesn’t see that yet, but one day they will…..but for now….I think just this once maybe the Wizarding World can just go fuck themselves.”

At this Draco laughs, it starts out small as if Draco doesn’t even mean to but when Harry looks up at him, Draco’s lips are curled into his mouth as he bites on them trying to contain his laughter.  It makes Harry feel strong in a way he isn’t used too.  He squeezes Draco’s hand and continues.

“I was gonna wait…until after exams but I was thinking about, well about fucking off.  I don’t even know where to.  Gods we can go anywhere..America, France, I don’t care you can pick just please come with me.”

“Yes.”

Harry looks up, his mouth falling open in shock because he’d expected to have a lot more convincing to do.  But Draco is just smiling at him, and it makes something in Harry break because he wants to hold on to that memory forever.

“Really?  Yes?”

Draco rolls his eyes, but there is a fondness in them.  “Did you really think I’d say no to trotting around the globe with my ridiculously fit boyfriend living the life of leisure and having sex whenever I please?”

“Oh, well when you put it that way,” Harry whispers, moving to his knees and crawling across the bed until he’s straddling Draco’s lap, knocking his book to the floor in the process.  If Draco notices he doesn’t say anything.

“So this boyfriend of yours?  Do you think….do you think you love him?” Harry whispers, his fingers brushing across Draco’s cheek.

“The word is so quiet Harry almost misses it.  “Yes.”

This time its Harry who laughs, feeling a sort of delirious happiness bubbling up inside of him that makes him dizzy.   “S’good…because he loves you too.”

What are we waiting for?

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings/Contains: kinda phone sex, ben wa balls and kegel exercises, slight wanda x reader in a platonic but slightly gay way, general awkwardness, dirty talk, vaginal sex, stripping, i think that’s all?

Word Count: 3762

i never know what half the shit i write even means, but here it is, it’s here and it’s happening, think of it what you will #godbless

Originally posted by marvel-dirtbag

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rael74  asked:

You and Australet have made valiant efforts to reassure a disconcerted fandom after Running with Scissors. You've confronted some troubling prospects and rationalized them pretty well, at least in the context of a silly cartoon that shouldn't be taken TOO seriously. That said, I've not seen a response adressing one particular point that has bothered me: Marco's apparent thoughlessness and selfishness in abandoning his life to hunt down Heckapoo. (1/2)

You’ve characterized Marco’s decision to remain in Heckapoo’s dimension(s) as a step in his journey of maturation, as a way of gaining self-confidence. Yet I see it as incredibly thoughtless of him to leave his parents, possible gf, and best friend behind without any consideration for how they would deal with his absence. In 16 years, did he never feel a pang of guilt, wonder how Star had reacted to his abrupt exit from her life? All for a pair of scissors and feelings of self-confidence? (2/2)

Thank you! You should all read Australet’s post, here. Adam even answered to it on Twitter. Doesn’t mean that it’s canon, but it’s still something.

About the other part of your Ask, you’re absoluetely right: while the implications of Marco being older than he looks can actually be explained (and/or rationalized) rather well, as in the post above, his initial decision to spend 16 years in Hekapoo’s dimension is… hard to digest. Even more when he has experienced first hand the pain of having (very temporarily) lost Star in Mewberty

and when the segment paired with Running With Scissors, Baby, had the theme of “Star may have to go home”, featuring a concerned Marco.

How could Marco do something like that, leaving his loved one without saying anything? I have no explanation, and we might never have one. I can only offer some observations and ideas, to lessen the pain:

- Marco is a very determined person. This is a good quality. Hoewever, this also often stray to being stubborn, almost obsessed. We’ve seen a positive example of this in Red Belt, with Marco being ready to do anything to achieve his goal, and a negative one in Fetch, where Marco is focused for a day and a half on trying to pierce open a juice box.

In this episode, there are two layers to Marco’s unhealthy determination, getting back the scissors Star borrowed him, and proving his worth to Hekapoo -and himself.

As usual, it’s hard to tell if Adam’s tweets are just about his personal opinion, or about things Daron/the directors told him while explaining the script. But right now any official source is good to give us comfort.



- Marco refused to go home when Hekapoo offered him to. Maybe he didn’t get any other chances, after that. Maybe once the trial to earn the scissors starts, the only way out is to succeed, getting your own pair. In this case, Marco might have been at fault for refusing to give up, but after that, going on with his quest was the only way out.
Cue to Marco crying himself to sleep for months thinking about the life he lost before finally focusing all of himself on the mission.



- Hekapoo’s words make it sound like earning the scissors is no easy feat, something that can take “lifetimes”. This, plus the dimension unique timeline, that leaves no lasting effects once exited, could mean that spending years to get the scissors is standard fare around the Multiverse. Not really that comforting, but at least it’d mean that this is “normal”.



- As before, hard to tell how canon it is, but a couple of Adam’s tweets make it sound like… Marco didn’t notice the time passing. It… doesn’t make much sense. Maybe. I don’t know. Might have something to do with the dimension’s unique nature.

While not enough to ease our souls, this is kind of shown in the episode: as soon as Star gets there, Marco immediatly rushes to hug her, and to excitedly tell her about the incredible things he did. While the surface level of the episode obviously made anyone wonder WHAT THE FUCK went through Marco’s mind, I think that the impression we are supposed to take home is that Marco basically stayed away for “some time”, not for a lifetime. A vacation abroad, as an experience to reinvent himself, before being back to real life, ultimately valuing his loved ones over living a fantasy.



In conclusion, it’s normal and fair to talk about this, and it’s normal to see it as a stain on a greatly written character. But knowing that this is a cartoon that often uses over the top plot devices (even though this time it’s TOO over the top not to have an impact on us fans), we should’t give more importance to what happened off-screen over what happened on screen. Adult!Marco was ready, after barely a moment of hesitation, to leave the fantasy life he built for himself to go back to the less fulfilled, but potentially more fulfilling, real life with those he loves.

And it looks like it didn’t take him long at all to welcome it back as if he had never left.


Signed: Somone who is waaaay too emotionally invested in the characters in this show.

Valdemar holding a baby sounds catastrophic tbh I love Valdemar but why would you do that to your baby


Asra:

-He’s the happiest man alive. He cradles them and sings them little lullabies while his lover gets some rest. He even talks to the baby and tells them how wonderful they’re going to be and how he’ll protect them no matter what. If they start to stir or fuss, he’ll calm them down with a little magic or another lullaby.

-He probably tears up a little, but he keeps it together for his lover so he doesn’t worry them.

Nadia:

-She’s fucking exhausted, but she’s overwhelmed by a kind of love she’s never felt before. She’s crying tears of joy and cooing at her child.

-She’s reluctant to let anyone hold them, but she finally hands them over to her lover once her sleepiness catches up to her.

-If her lover is the one having the baby, she stands by and allows them to have their moment. She’d be there with them, of course, but she wouldn’t want to impede on their first moments of bonding. When her lover is sleeping, she cradles their baby and rocks them gently to sleep while walking around the room and singing to them. Her maternal instincts kick in almost instantly.

Lucio:

-He’s stressed out the entire time. He’s worried about dropping them, or if he’s holding them too tightly. Maybe they’re too warm or cold? Should he be touching them this much? What if they don’t like him?

-He eventually simmers down when the baby grabs onto his finger, and his heart practically jumps out of his chest. He falls to pieces and he cries while smiling down at his child whom he loves more than himself, which is a lot.

Julian:

-He’s calm for the most part. He’s helped deliver a few babies in his lifetime, so this isn’t really something that stresses him out. When he’s given the chance to hold his child though, he buckles. He’s not sure if he’ll be a good father.

-When he does allow himself to cradle his child, he holds them to his chest and cries. He’s so overcome with so many different emotions that all he can do is cry.

Muriel:

-For the first time in ages, he’s actually smiling. He’d never been more proud of his lover or himself or anything in his whole life. He insists on watching the baby while you rest, but he never goes too far away from you in case you’d like to hold them too. 

-He doesn’t cry, but he does tear up and maybe a tear or two might spill over, but he doesn’t sob. He hasn’t felt so protective of someone since he met Asra.

Portia:

-She’s so excited! She can hardly wait to see what they’ll look like all grown up! She holds them in her arms and rambles about all the clothes she’ll dress them in and how she’ll style their hair and take them to meet the animals. She’s never been happier!

-She probably invites Julian to help with the delivery and lets him hold her baby too. She keeps squealing, “You’re an uncle!!”

Valdemar:

-They insist on allowing you to be the one to hold the baby. Frankly, they don’t like babies and they don’t know why they agreed to do this with you in the first place. But then you fall asleep and the baby starts to fuss and the noise distracts them from their work, so they’re forced to hold them and shoosh them.

-When you wake up, Valdemar is cradling the baby and giving them a tour of the lab, telling them about various kinds of medical equipment and medicines. If you aren’t mistaken, it looks like the baby is listening.

Mile high club.

Hello, Love bugs! 

Dan X Reader 

Warnings- smut and swears.

Just a little something I wrote on the plane.


You had done it together about a million times before. But this one was different. This one was the flight to end all flights in the sense of the amount of sheer time. Dan had surprised you with a birthday present of a lifetime. A flight to (your choice) it was going to be a two-week excursion of sunshine and relaxation. The only problem was just the thought of sitting on a plane for that long cramped, hot and most likely near some random dude made you want to go back home and just cuddle. You and Dan had tried all you could to get seats in the same row together but I wasn’t possible. So you would be across the walkway from Dan. Not even able to hold his hand or bug him. The worst would be the lack of ability he would have to distract you from the hours of travel. 

The two of you were sitting in the terminal eating some unhealthy snack before take off. You couldn’t help but want to cuddle into him. I mean the guy did buy you an experience of a lifetime. “Daniel.”

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Hangover

Summary: During a night of studying, it abruptly comes to an end when an unexpected stranger wakes up hungover on your couch. (College!AU)

Word Count: 1,795.

Prompt: “I don’t know you, so why the fuck are you hungover on my couch?”

A/N: First off, big thanks to @james-bionic-barnes for helping a sister out with some ideas. Much appreciated! Second, this is my entry for  @theassetseyeliner‘s writing challenge. Hope you guys enjoy!

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Jon Snow x Female!Reader

Prompt: Hey, i saw you have requests open, could you write a oneshot where the reader is a ward at winterfell and in love with Jon? Maybe they are reunited when Jon is king in the North? Thanks. X

Note: This is my first attempt at writing anything for Game of Thrones, so feel free to message me is there are any mistakes or if there is anything i should change. Hope you enjoy! Xx

______________________________________________________________

Jon/Reader

You supposed that one of the reasons for your closeness with Jon Snow was that you were both impostors in the Stark family, he was a Snow and a bastard, and you were a Greyjoy and a traitor. You didn’t quite fit in with the Stark’s perfect family.

Your brother Theon had it easier. He had a cock between his legs, and would be able to fight for Robb, or at least be a strong ally due to the salt that ran through his veins. He was a valuable piece in the game of thrones.

You on the other hand had less value to the Starks. You could of course be married off, but you had traitors blood, so any marriage would mostly likely be to a second son of a lowly bannerman, and of no benefit to the Starks. It was Ned Stark’s honor that kept you in fine clothes (albeit not as fine as Sansa’s) and kept a roof over your head; it was the same for Jon.

The pair of you had bonded over your outsider status within the walls of Winterfell. You had sat together on the servants table when the Lords of the North visited, drunk the servants bad but strong ale, and stumbled your way through the castles halls back to your respective quarters.

You had loved him in such a way that only the innocence of youth can grant.

Things were so much simpler them. You thought to yourself as you tightened your grip on the reins of your horse. Not much longer to Winterfell.

As you rode you thought back to the last time you saw Jon.

________________________________

It had been the day Jon left for the wall, and ever since he had told you he would be leaving with his uncle you had been dreading it. You prayed to the Gods that he would change his mind, but you knew deep down that his heart was set.

When you heard the faint knock at your door you knew your prayers had been left unanswered. He had come to say goodbye.

“Lady ‘Y/N’?”

“It’s open” You said with a sigh. You had always loved him as a friend, but it had never been your plan to fall in love with him.

You could feel Jon’s eyes on you, as you practiced your needle work; something you only ever did when you were avoiding something else. In this case, you were avoiding Jon.

You had always known about his dreams to see the wall, and had expected it to sting if he ever did go. What you hadn’t expected was the sense of betrayal that you currently felt.

You felt Ghosts nose nudge at your elbow, and you quickly buried your face into his soft fur. You were iron born, and despite having been raised in the North, you still refused to let Jon see that you had been crying.

“Y/N please… look at me.” You could hear the desperation in Jon’s voice, and that was what caused you to look up. You never could bear to think of him in pain.

“What do you want Jon? Shouldn’t you be leaving?”

You knew you were being cold, but you told yourself a prolonged goodbye would only make things worse.

Jon beckoned for Ghost, who acquiesced, returning to his Master. You let out a small whine at the loss of his soft fur.

Jon sat down next to you on the foot of your bed and wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“Come on love, you’ll be okay” He said giving you a small squeeze. Gods I’m going to miss this.

“Besides, I’ll have to visit Winterfell. It’s hardly as if this is goodbye forever.”

You pulled away. He didn’t understand.

“Bloody Hell Snow you really do know nothing!” You softened your voice when you continued, “You’ll be back in a year maybe two if you’re lucky. I’m of an age Jon I might not have that long until they find me a husband.”

Jon’s face sunk at the realization; this could be it. His grey eyes were clouded over, and you wondered if he was going to cry. Instead he did something else, something less expected.

Jon stood up, taking your hand in his. He said nothing, but his cool grey eyes were locked with yours. Stark eyes. You thought to yourself, as he raised his free hand to your cheek. His touch was warm, and you leaned into it.

He looked into your Y/E/C eyes, and for a moment you feared that he was going to back away. Instead he pressed his lips against yours.

You melted into the kiss, quickly wrapping your arms around his waist. You pulled him closer to you, trying to keep as little space between your two bodies as physically possible. You felt his hands roam down your body, tracing the curve of your breasts and hips coming to rest on your hips.  

You heard a voice call out for Jon, and he quickly pulled away. “It’s Uncle Benjen. I’m sorry Y/N… I have to go.”

Jon turned towards the door, and Ghost was quick to follow him. You remained stood in the spot where Jon had left you. You wanted to call out, to tell him that you loved him, that he couldn’t leave you. Instead you watched him leave.

The Brunette lingered in the door way for a moment, and gave you a sad smile “Goodbye Y/N”

The door clicked shut, and he was gone.

________________________________

You could feel yourself slipping in the saddle of your horse, and your eyes lids were heavy. Your bones ached with tiredness, but you carried on, spurred on by the twinkling lights of Winterfell, and the thought of Jon.

After the Red wedding, you had fled. You rode for days, to the docks; and there took the first ship to the free cities. Your ship landed in Braavos, and after days penned up in a cabin you were glad to be on dry land. Your time with the Starks had left you a Greyjoy unable to sail. You let out a bitter laugh.

In the docks of Braavos you heard stories of Dragon queens, dwarfs riding pigs and fierce horse lords. You had been happy for a while, until you heard a tale of a Lord commander from the Wall being raised from the dead and claiming his father’s halls.

When you heard the tattooed Westrosi sailors share the story, you thought you might be sick. It was Jon, he was home – and in danger.

It had been a week since that day, and you were so close to your destination. You couldn’t succumb to the tiredness now, not when you were so close to home.

As you approached the gates, you saw a man on horseback riding to greet you, he seemed familiar, but you couldn’t place where it was that you knew him from, as you slipped into sleep.

When you awoke, it was not on horseback, but in a soft bed, with a jolt you realised that you were in your childhood bedroom. Winterfell. You quickly got out of the bed, hurriedly lacing up the back of a deep blue gown that had been left at the foot of your bed.

You were about to begin your descent down to the hall when you heard a soft knock at the door. You hadn’t had a chance to reply before Jon Snow walked into your room. Immediately he pulled you into a tight hug. For the first time in years, you allowed yourself to cry.

You pulled away from the hug, taking an opportunity to study Jon. He was still as beautiful as he was the day he had left, but he looked older. His Jaw was harder, and his cheeks were stubbed, but his eyes had changed the most. They were still the sad deep grey eyes you knew, but harder now. His eyes had seen a lifetime of pain. You wondered how you had changed.

“You don’t know how good it is to see your face” Jon whispered, pulling you into another embrace, and placing a kiss against your forehead.

“Back at you Stark.” You said grinning up at him.

________________________________

It had been two weeks since your return to Winterfell, and the change was heavy in the air. Winter was coming, and you could feel it in your bones. Jon had been proclaimed the King on the night you arrived, two days before you woke up.

Jon spent most of his days in meetings with Sansa and his Bannermen, while you had spent this time with your brother and the books Jon had bought for you. Despite the years separated from one another he still knew you inside out.

The evenings you spent together, once you retired to bed he would bring you a glass of mulled wine and you would sit by the fire, talking. You hadn’t felt so young in years.

It was an especially cold night, and you were curled around Jon, both muttering weak excuses about the need to stay warm.

“I’m sorry I left you Y/N” Jon said suddenly, breaking the air of companionable silence.

You stiffened slightly, but regained composure with a shrug “I’m sorry too Jon, but at least I have you now.” You snuggled up closer to him.

“I learnt a lot on the Wall,” Jon said solemnly. You looked up at him questioningly, urging him with your eyes to continue. “but I think the most important lesson of all was how miserable I am without you.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest. So, had he loved you all of these years? What would happen now? Your thoughts were interrupted when he spoke again.

“My father’s men have made me king Y/N, and I there’s no one else I would rather have as my Queen.”

You didn’t say anything at first, and instead pulled him down into a long overdue kiss.

Lovers | Full Circle

Summary: (College!AU) In which your relationship with Steve comes full circle when you go from being strangers to friends to lovers and back to strangers again.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 1,603

A/N: For @viollettes. The Shawn to my Gus.

Friends

Originally posted by forassgard

“Can I tell you a secret?”

You murmur a soft ‘yes’, keeping your head right over Steve’s heart. It picks up speed as you trace the outline of his well-defined upper body. He’s all hard lines and smooth milky skin and you’re half-convinced someone sculpted him out of marble. It’s the only way to explain how perfect it is. How perfect he is.

“You remember that day we met in the bookstore?”

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Wicked Lyric Meme
  • "Isn't it nice to know that good will conquer evil?"
  • "No one mourns the wicked."
  • "The good man scorns the wicked."
  • "Goodness knows, the wickeds lives are only."
  • "Goodness knows, the wicked die alone."
  • "Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?"
  • "Have another drink, my dark eyed beauty."
  • "Woe to those who spurn what goodness they are shown."
  • "Many years I have waited for a gift like yours to appear."
  • "My future is unlimited."
  • "What is this feeling so sudden and new?"
  • "Let's just say, I loathe it all."
  • "Every little trait, however small, makes my very flesh begin to crawl."
  • "There's a strange exhilaration in such total detestation."
  • "I will be loathing you my whole life long."
  • "These things are sent to try us."
  • "The trouble with school is they always try to teach the wrong lesson."
  • "Life's more painless for the brainless."
  • "It's just life, so keep dancing through."
  • "Life is fraughtless for the thoughtless."
  • "Those who don't try never look foolish."
  • "I hope you'll save at least one dance for me. I'll be right there. Waiting. All night."
  • "It's clear we deserve each other."
  • "Finally for this one night, I'm about to have a fun night."
  • "Black is this year's pink."
  • "I've got something to confess. A reason, well, why I asked you here tonight."
  • "We deserve each other. Don't we?"
  • "I've decided to make you my new project."
  • "When someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over."
  • "You're gonna be popular!"
  • "I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce."
  • "I'll help you be popular!"
  • "Don't be offended by my frank analysis, think of it as personality dialysis."
  • "Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh!"
  • "It's not about aptitude, its the way you're viewed."
  • "He could be that boy, but I'm not that girl."
  • "Don't dream too far."
  • "Don't lose sight of who you are."
  • "Wishing only wounds the heart."
  • "One short day full of so much to do."
  • "I think we've found the place where we belong."
  • "One short day to have a lifetime of fun."
  • "I am a sentimental man who's always longed to be a father."
  • "I think everyone deserves the chance to fly."
  • "Why couldn't you have stayed calm for once instead of flying off the handle!"
  • "I hope you're happy how you hurt your cause forever."
  • "I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission to feed your own ambition."
  • "I don't want it- no- I can't want it anymore."
  • "Something has changed within me. Something is not the same."
  • "I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game."
  • "It's time to try defying gravity."
  • "Can't I make you understand youre having delusions of grandeur?"
  • "I'm through accepting limits cuz someone says they're so."
  • "Some things I cannot change but til I try, I'll never know."
  • "If that's love it comes at much too high a cost."
  • "I really hope you get it and you don't live to regret it."
  • "If in flying solo, at least I'm flying free."
  • "Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true."
  • "People are so empty headed, they'll believe anything."
  • "I can't harbor a fugitive. I'm an elected official."
  • "There isn't a spell for everything."
  • "Finally from these powers, something good."
  • "Surely now I'll matter less to you. You won't mind my leaving here tonight."
  • "I've got to go appeal to her. Express the way I feel for her."
  • "You're going to lose your heart to me, I tell you."
  • "I never asked for this or planned it in advance."
  • "If you insist I will be wonderful."
  • "Where I'm from we believe all sorts of things that aren't true. We call it history."
  • "A rich man's a thief or a philanthropist."
  • "Is one a crusader or a ruthless invader?"
  • "It's all in which label is able to persist."
  • "I need help believing you're with me tonight."
  • "My wildest dreamings could not foresee lying beside you with you wanting me."
  • "I'll make every last moment last as long as you're mine."
  • "Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise, but you've got me seeing through different eyes."
  • "Somehow I've fallen under your spell."
  • "Say there's no future for us as a pair."
  • "Know I'll be here holding you as long as you're mine."
  • "It's just...for the first time, I feel wicked."
  • "Let his flesh not be torn."
  • "Let his blood leave no stain."
  • "Let him never die."
  • "You're the latest victim of my greatest achievment in a long career of distress."
  • "No good deed goes unpunished. That's my new creed."
  • "Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention?"
  • "No good deed will I do again!"
  • "Wickedness must be punished. Evil effectively eliminated."
  • "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn."
  • "We are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them."
  • "I know I'm wrong am today because I knew you."
  • "Who can say if I've been changed for the better."
  • "Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
  • "So much of me is made of what I learned from you."
  • "I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for."

At some point a few years ago, I fell out of love with music. On tour, I’d stay in the darkness of my bunk all day until soundcheck, struggle to hold a conversation during meet & greets, then barely make it through the shows without counting down the minutes until they were over. At home, it wasn’t much different. I was apathetic toward the album we were making and toward my abilities as a songwriter, so I slept all day, drank all night, and distracted myself with new people who weren’t really even my friends. I lost the ability to care, and I lost the ability to feel anything. I didn’t love me, so why should you? It was the darkest period of my life. I planned a solo trip to Alaska with the intention of never making music again when I returned.

Thanks to fate intervening, the day before I left for Alaska I had a chance encounter with my longtime friend Matt Beckley. As the story goes, I ran into Matt at a cafe in Los Angeles, and he asked me to join him back at his new house to check out his studio and maybe write some music. (I’d like to think Matt’s extraordinary intuition knew I was in the darkest before the dawn phase). We went back to the house, opened a bottle of Stranahan’s, and didn’t write a single fucking note. Instead, we just sat around and talked about what we loved about music in the first place. Bruce Springsteen, Bryan Adams, The Gin Blossoms, Tom Petty, you know the rest. We talked about where we’d love to see music GO. We both wanted to move the needle and we both wanted to chase great in a world full of just good. As I was leaving that night, Matt said to me, “Go to Alaska and stop thinking about what you’re gonna do when you fail. Think about all the things you’re going to do when you win.’

That was the moment that DALES was born.

Over the next 2 years, Matt and I began writings songs together. A lot of songs. The best songs I’d ever written in my life. I was alive again. Writing with no destination, no business plan, and absolutely no fear. For the first time in a long time, I was making music simply because I loved it.

After a while, I decided that these songs were a different chapter of my life, a new story, and I put them away while The Summer Set finished Stories For Monday. Then that record came out and we went on tour. Then, unfortunately the darkness came back. I lost that fire in my soul I had finally just found again. So, I spent every minute I had when we weren’t on tour, locked in the studio at Matt’s house trying to feed the flame that gave me my love for music back.

Here we are now.

At this time, I have carefully decided that I don’t want to lose that spark anymore. It is in my best interest to follow my heart and dive head first into this new adventure. I want to finish these songs, play them live, and give the world the DALES record I think it needs to hear. The record I NEED to hear. I’m an all or nothing kinda guy and a terrible multi-tasker, so if I’m finally gonna do something…I want to give it everything I’ve got.

With that being said, unfortunately that means The Summer Set will not be making any records or touring plans indefinitely.

To John, Stephen, Jess, And Josh:
I have loved this journey every single step of the way. On my best days and on my worst days. From The Modified Arts to The Macy’s Day Parade. We put more miles on that old van than dollars we may ever have in our bank accounts. (I still can’t believe we sold that van to a church.) This has been, and may always be my greatest ride.

John and Stephen- It is no secret you guys are well on your way to becoming two of the best music producers I know. If you blink, you’ll realize you’re already there. I can’t wait to see what you guys do next, and I can only hope one day we find our way into the studio (or at least the makeshift one we made in your shared bedroom in North Hollywood) someday again.

Jess- Your drumming and your friendship are among the most sturdy and reliable things I may ever find in this lifetime. You’re my sister. We fight a lot (Literally, you once beat the hell out of me in a Taco Bell parking lot in the middle of Texas), but I love you. You already have more drum gigs lined up than you know what to do with, and I will be your biggest fan along side everything you do.

Josh- There are no words to describe how valuable you are to this band, and to me personally. That became abundantly clear when you actually left the band. We tried to make Stories For Monday without you, failed, threw in the towel, asked for your opinion on the new songs, you told us it was our best work yet, told us we HAD to put the album out, and we told you we couldn’t do it WITHOUT YOU. So you jumped back in, without hesitation. You are our rock. You are there when we need you. You are there when I need you. You’re there when ANYONE needs you. There’s a reason you’re the first person anyone calls when they need advice or they’re in trouble. I hope life in Nashville is everything you want it to be, where I am sure you will figure out how to balance being a hit songwriter AND a future mayor at the same time.

To The Fans: All I can say is thank you. I never in my wildest dreams thought this would last 10 years. You were there for me on my worst of days, and I’m sorry I wasn’t always there for you in return. You guys stood by our side during the awkward teenage years, through the terrible haircuts (which thankfully, you can still google!) through growing up, and most importantly…through the blood, sweat, and tears of four albums and more tours than I can count. I’ve seen places around the world I never thought I’d see, all because of you. There is no home quite like a room full of you guys screaming back the songs we made together. Make no mistake, that will live forever and never die.

As for me, I’m on a lifelong journey searching for the right and the real. To learn how to feel everything again. To learn how to love and be loved in return.
To fall back in love with music. I was born to write songs and be on stage and I can’t believe I almost gave that up. It’s my greatest magic trick.

Bruce Springsteen once said, “Everything dies baby, that’s a fact, but maybe everything that dies…someday comes back.“

See you soon,

Brian Dales

Angel

Pairing: Park Jinyoung x Reader 

Word Count: about 2k

Rating: Fluff and a tiny bit of angst :)

You and Jinyoung have been attached at the hip for years but suddenly his feelings for you change. 


You were inseparable.

You met in high school during your first year, the second week of school, in a math class the both of you hated.

He was the “it” boy at school, of course, exceptionally smart and incredibly popular though he tried to act oblivious to it all.

You didn’t really talk to anyone in class. Cliques were vital at school but you didn’t find any you fit into or more importantly, you didn’t find any cliques you were truly comfortable being part of. Neither did Jinyoung.

One day, your math teacher was rambling on about how perfectly he could draw a circle on a quadratic plane and you muttered some insult under your breathe because the man literally does anything but teach and in response you hear a chuckle from the boy sitting next to you. You looked over at him as he turned his attention from the teacher to you, still chuckling and hiding his smile with one of his hands.

Eye crinkles, how cute.

“Jinyoung. Nice to meet you.” He says with his hand now outstretched towards you. He was still smiling.

“Y/N, nice to meet you too.” You said, reaching for his hand and shaking it, giving him a slight nod and returning a grin.

“You know, he’s going to be like this all year, there’s no actual point in paying attention to any of the mundane things he says.” He shrugged his shoulders and smirked. And you laughed.

Ever since then, you were inseparable.


You knocked on the door of the apartment fervently.

“If you don’t open this door Park Jinyoung, I’ll actually kill you. It’s cold out here you jerk!” You shout, rubbing your unoccupied hand over your arms and trying to ignore the shivers running through your body. Soon the door opened and you run in before even looking up at the person who opened it.

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Taehyung Scenario: We Remain.

Request: I was wondering if I could request an angst/fluff scenario with Taehyung where him and y/n get into a fight and y/n drives away to cool down. However, he thinks that she left him for good and breaks down. When she comes back a few hours later, she finds him outside their house sobbing and she goes to apologize and take care of him.             

Genre: Fluff / Drama


Mornings at your home were always special and unique, mostly because Taehyung made it all bright no matter the hour with his light demeanor and humor, so much that you, a self declared no morning person, started to anticipate what was he waking you up that day with, what kind of silliness he’d come up to at breakfast, which kind of morning you’d have. This time though, you couldn’t have imagined a morning so dull and tense, happening in the same kitchen where you’d shared a thousand laughs, you couldn’t have expected your house with Tae to feel so suddenly asphyxiating and unsure.

-Y/N, baby… you haven’t looked at me since we woke up…- Taehyung’s voice was soft, coming to you from the other side of the kitchen.

You were standing next to the coffee maker, certainly avoiding his eyes. Your heart was unease, your head was throbbing and you hadn’t looked at him because you were trying to stay calm, to stay in your right mind and knew that with just a look at the man you loved, you could just lose it because you were hurt and mad, which wasn’t a good combination to start the day at all. Silence hovered over you two once again, the house seemed ready to shatter at any moment if you spoke.

-Y/N, I’m talking to you - Taehyung approached you from behind and you nodded.

-I heard you, you should have talked to me yesterday too before you took that decision, don’t you think Taehyung? - you snapped, hating the recrimination on his tone for your silence. Turning around to face him you found Taehyung’s eyes fixed on the ground, his hands clenched into fists.

-This opportunity can change our lives for good…. not just mine, I just thought…- Taehyung took a deep breath. -I didn’t want to risk losing it Y/N-

-But you didn’t think about me, this is only for you Taehyung! - you raised your voice so it was quite noticeable when it broke. -If you’d thought about me then you’d have waited to talk to me before accepting a job offer in a complete different city, seven hours away from here, did you mind about all the changes we have to do with that deal? -

-I was thinking about us, a better life for us don’t you see it? I’ll be less hours away from home and we can live better, I thought you trusted my judgement enough, I thought you trusted me! - Taehyung’s voice hardened with the last phrase and he groaned frustrated.

-We had to talk about this beforehand! it’s not something you can decide on your own- you felt the tears stinging in your eyes while you faced him. -I just got promoted Taehyung, you know how hard I worked for that, you know it…- it felt hard to feel left out in such a way for him, this was an important decision, it meant you moving, leaving your house, your city, your families and friends and you’d tried to explain it to him but it felt as if he wasn’t quite ready to understand how big of a change this was, how many things you would have to give up. The tension was swallowing you two since last night when he dropped the bomb of this new job, how he so willingly offered himself for it without consulting it with you and now you were against the wall. -This is our life, we’re two Taehyung, it’s not fair to leave me out of something like this-

-I was thinking about a better life for us Y/N! you wouldn’t have to work so much, I thought you wanted me to spend more time at home and now that I can find a way to do it you react this way? I can’t understand you- he huffed and you hated the annoyed expression on his face.

-It’s not about your chance to be more at home, this is about you being an egoist! - the words blurted out of your lips and the tears soaked your cheeks.

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