talk to the birds

The Fundamentals of Sciurine Linguistics

A Sam story for the Sam Wilson Birthday Bang @samwilsonbirthdaybang!

words: @whatthefoucault

art: @silentwalrus1

pairings: Sam Wilson/Doreen Green

fic rating: T

art rating: G

warnings: None

characters: Sam Wilson, Doreen Green, Steve Rogers, Nancy Whitehead, Tippy-Toe, Redwing, Original Characters

other tags: Blind Date, Past Riley/Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson Can Talk to Birds, Food, New York City, Briefly Mentioned Stucky

word count: 4426

summary: Sam Wilson was sure about three things: the words Captain America were enough to nab a table for two at the most popular noodle bar in the East Village on short notice, everyone loved a good noodle bar, and ramen was up there with corn on the cob and chicken wings as the worst possible food choice for a first date.


Skye is worried about presenting his findings to the Committee at work, so he takes Woody’s advice and practices his presentation in the mirror. The hardest thing is finding the least stutterable way to convey the information. Penny tells him about studies showing that teaching birds to talk is good for stuttering, so he tames a blackbird and determines to get to work on it.
“Now, you b-b-be a g-good k-kitty and d-don’t fr-frighten Mina! I’m c-counting on you!”

anonymous asked:

Does anyone have any Inara headcannons? I just unlocked her (im still kinda new to the game) and Inara is absolute bae, please give all your ideas lol


-Because Inara is so huge (I mean, stone giant goddess am I right?), she is able to easily reach some of the higher tree branches (higher for people of an average human size at least) without any effort, where squirrels, chipmunks, or small birds like to perch on. She likes talking to them and letting them climb onto her head and shoulders frequently. Sometimes certain birds makes nests on those branches, and Inara loves to watch them grow. If they fall out of it, she likes to gently pick them up and carry then back when she can. 

-She doesn’t technically need to eat or drink since she is made of stone, but she does occasionally at get-togethers with the other Paladins. She doesn’t actually have a sense of taste though, so she just says everything is good. She’s also immune to poisonous foods, at least when she ingests it, which scared everyone a little when she accidentally ate some highly toxic mushrooms once and came out fine. 

-Inara dislikes large bodies of water quite a bit. While she’s never in immediate danger while submerged, she always sinks straight to the bottom and her senses and abilities are dulled significantly with no direct contact with to Mother Earth (as the water is usually another spirit’s domain). Whenever they’re fighting on Frog Isle or Fish Market especially, anyone with a knockback ability has to make sure Inara isn’t sent flying off into the waters near the end of the match, lest she doesn’t make it to respawn and they have to send Makoa in to hull her heavy form back to land because she can’t navigate on her own down there. The worst incident was when Torvald sent her a little too far with his Ult and she almost wandered into a deep sea trench. 

-Out of all the Paladins, Inara is closest with Cassie, Makoa, and Grover. She loves Zigs, and sometimes likes to bring him special snacks from the forest, and would weave flower crowns with Cassie. Makoa is a familiar person to her, and the only one she knew personally before joining the Paladins (not counting her meeting with Cassie), and she finds comfort in quiet, relaxing days with him. Grover was born of nature, like Inara herself, so she feels a sense of kinship with him. 

-Ice Walker Inara was an actual thing at one point, and the result of a curse placed on Inara centuries ago. Inara doesn’t particularly like the memories of those times, as she had caused quite some destruction during that time. She actually retains some of her icy powers, but never uses it for fear of the curse returning. I wanted to write a bit of a darker HC for her. I might write the fic out if people are interested.

-Inara is often underestimated by unsuspecting enemies outside the Paladins due to her motherly nature. However, like Mother Nature herself, Inara is more than capable of unleashing powerful fissures and devastate anything and anyone who threatens the things she cares about. She isn’t the Stone Warden for nothing after all. She simply holds herself back a lot because there is no need to use all her power in matches. 

10 Things I love about Expiration Date


This face. 

Legend says it only happens within a millisecond, but once you see it, it’s chilling. Like if this screenshot doesn’t describe the personality of Medic idk what else would, guys. Dude is so ready to scare the entire shit outta Scout. You can see it in his cold blue eyes. That boogeyman smirk. His evil (yet groomed) eyebrows. Y’all, this man holds so much unadulterated glee at witnessing the pain and suffering of others, so much madne–

–aaaand he’s back. Everything’s cool. Hey doc what the hell is that?


k then


So originally I took this screenshot bc of Spy’s eyebrow and Heavy’s annoyed expression of being awoken from his slumber….

but then I proceeded to laugh my ass off bc I also happened to capture Sniper staring off into space while contemplating his existence in this universe.

(I’m sure this is a common occurrence with him. He’s probably the type of dude that wonders if pigeons have feelings.)


Still in the same room, only this time Spy has been gravely insulted by the Scoot.

But look at the others. They don’t seem too exasperated with Scout and his doodles of Spy. Maybe it’s because they also think this meeting is dumb, maybe it’s because they actually knew Scout was going to pull this prank, or maybe it’s because they too think The Eiffel Tower Having Sexual Congress With Spy is a hilarious joke.

Either way, it’s nice to see the other mercs genuinely smiling at Scout and his shenanigans. It’s better than the common fandom theme where Scout is The Worst and Everybody Hates Him.

No, the other old dudes know how to kid around too (even though it’s still at the Spy’s expense, oops)

Of course, whether the Pyro is smiling at him too is something we’ll never know. Personally I think he’s just eyeing up that bucket. Imagine how different this whole video would have gone if Pyro took the bucket instead of Soldier. 

Probably not so different actually.


This goes to show that Medic is not just a sadistic doctor. He’s a sadistic doctor that cares about his friends and smiles at them when he passes by.

It’s like when you’re walking down the hallway to class and you see your friend going to their class and you smile and nod to acknowledge their existence. It’s such a nice thing, and of all ppl Medic was the one who did that.



If there was a looping video of just Demoman and Sniper playing their instruments of choice I would pay to watch it forever. Also, how did they get there? Did Spy just yell “hey assholes who wants to help me create a romantic dinner mood so I can teach Scout how to talk to a girl” and Demo and Snipes were like “ok m8 no problem B)”

I know we’re already used to the fact that these boys are mad talented, but I still love the fact that their instruments aren’t what you would stereotype them to play based on their personality. 

The dude that’s paid to blow shit up can probably play Beethoven, and the Loner Guy that lives in a camper van probably knows the tune of Careless Whisper by heart. 

I love that.


Once again I take a screenshot in order to capture the character in the middle, only to lose my shit at the person standing at the far left.

Look at Medic’s face. Yes, I get it, in context this is a ridiculous situation. I mean the last line said before that was “I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days”. This is almost Saturday cartoon material here.

But still, look at his fucking face. I just…



Speaking of horrified reactions. 

Thank goodness I know what the context is in this clip because otherwise I would have assumed someone died, or Armageddon had arrived, or something else completely unimaginable happened and there’s nothing that can be done at all, ever.

But no, it’s just a mutant tentacle monster. And this is right before Heavy asks Medic to ubercharge him, because he’s metal af.

All jokes aside, though, the reason why I am putting so much emphasis on these little miliseconds of expression is because these characters are 3D animated, and a team of people sat in front of a computer rigging these facial features to move this way. Even though these moments happen for only a second, they are still very telling when you look at them up close.

Besides, Heavy doesn’t make this face very often (as far as we’ve seen) and it’s something worth remembering (amirite, Comic #6??)


Ok, lemme tell you guys a thing:

If I was fighting a giant-tentacle-whole-wheat-bread-monster and it hoisted my ass several feet into the air, only to fling me back to mother earth with all of it’s strength, I would stay on my fucking back for like five minutes trying to get breath back into my lungs and wondering why tf I even bothered to fight anyway.

THIS DUDE get’s knocked on his ass, arms and legs akimbo and everything, get’s back up mid-fucking-tumble while reaching for his blade, and charges back into the fight like nothing ever happened. 

Seriously, it’s one swift motion, like a damn nature show. You could watch the video again but you’d have to make sure not to blink because it happens so fast.

 And the amazing thing is that all the mercs (and Pauling too) have this insane ability of getting fucked, getting even more fucked, getting back up, and then getting back into the shitstorm with no hesitation. 

Then again, what’s what the Gravel Wars basically are right?

Shit, Administrator was right, these dudes are straight up Plutonium.


“Good news! We’re not dying! We are going to live FOREVER!”

Oh that Soldier, always giving a laugh. Honestly, though, the reason why I saved this was because I didn’t realize for a long time that the reason why he was able to jump in on the conversation was because he was eaten by the bread monster.

It makes sense, because last time we saw him he was being dragged while screaming something about teleporting bread. He was probably just laying there in the monster’s throat, getting ready to use a grenade, when suddenly boom went the bomb and he received visitors. All this time I never put two and two together that he was stuck inside the bread monster before Pauling and Scout made it cool. Shame on me. That’s definitely a Soldier thing to do.

(Also, you wanna know what a bread monster and Soldier have in common? They both have a talent of cockblocking Scout.)


And the final one.

There’s nothing like a family portrait. If the video froze at this point with credits I would have expected to hear a 90′s family sitcom jingle.

What a video.