It was a sulk and soak day. Any time Frank and I argued it became one of those days, and today was particularly difficult. I didn’t even expect him to come over tonight so I was surprised when there was a tapping on the bathroom door. Surprised, but I stayed quiet. I heard him clear his throat and sigh before slowly opening the door, letting himself inside and closing the door behind him. He walked over to the toilet, closing the seat and sitting on top, looking over at me.
“One of these kinda days, hm?” I sighed and reclined further against the tub, not saying a word. “Wow. Silent treatment, too?” I sank further and closed my eyes. “Shit, I’m in the doghouse now-”
“-What do you want, Frank?”
“What, we can’t talk?
“Talk or more yelling at each other?”
“No more yellin’, I’m done yellin’. Too tired to yell.”
“Well that’s a relief. Unfortunately for you I’m tapped out. I don’t feel like talking, done beating the same dead horse we’ve been beating all damn day.”
“Fine. I talk, you listen-”
“-I’m done with that, too. We tried it earlier and that only led to more yelling.”
“I’m tryna make up for that.”
“By disturbing my soak?”
“By not lettin’ you stew in all your… pissed off juices. I’ve learned from past experiences that’s not the best thing to let you do.”
“I’m hearing everything but an apology, Frank.”
“I never said I was gonna apologize, I said I was gonna talk.”
“Well what the hell else is there left to say but an I’m sorry??”
“You think I’m sorry for what I did? I don’t make decisions I regret; I knew exactly what I was doin’ and I’d do it again.” At that point I decided to be done talking since I felt my annoyance rearing it’s head. At this rate we’d be at each others’ throats again and I just needed a break.
It didn’t matter, though. Before I knew it Frank was kicking off his boots and undressing to join me. My eyes shot open as his foot grazed my ankle. I was shocked by how quickly he undressed and now how he was intruding my bath. “Frank- C’mon!” I pulled my legs up to my chest to make whatever room I could although it was pointless. Frank’s large frame reduced me to about a quarter of the tub space; it felt more packed than a can of sardines in here. “You gotta be shittin’ me with this.”
“I most certainly am not.” He spread his legs on either side of me, long limbs bent at the knee as he leaned forward, draping his arms over his kneecaps. “You gonna talk to me now?”
“Now that you’re invading my space? Yes, that definitely makes me more eager to have this conversation.”
His face fell cool and I noticed his jaw flexing. I rolled my eyes and focused on the suds on the water’s surface as he spoke. “What was that, hm?”
“It was work.”
“Some asshole havin’ his hands all over you, that’s work?”
I sighed, shaking my head to myself. “This is why I never wanted you coming to the club-”
“-What, you think I wanted to see you in there like that-”
“-In there like what?! You act like I’m on stage dancing; I’m sellin’ bottles, Frank!”
“Oh- So you callin’ that work, that means that’s regular shit for you?”
“Yeah, it is!”
“And that’s supposed to make me feel nice, knowin’ that’s the environment my girl’s workin’ in? That it’s okay for some prick to have his hands all over you if it means payin’ your rent?”
“I think if I don’t have a problem with it, you definitely shouldn’t-”
“-Maybe I have a problem with you not havin’ a problem with it.”
“And this is how you solve the problem you have with my job?” I asked, grabbing his right hand and raising his bruised knuckles in the air. “Beating up patrons? I mean c’mon, you cause enough fights and I’ll get fired, right?”
“Aw, c’mon,” he scoffed with an eyeroll as he pulled his hand from mine. “Don’t gimme that-”
“-Am I wrong?!”
“You think I want you to get fired? Huh- Is that what you actually believe, Y/N?”
“I don’t know! I think you got uncomfortable seeing another man touch me the way that he did-”
“-Uncomfortable?” He chuckled to himself and shook his head before turning that to a nod. “Uncomfortable…”
“Well I didn’t wanna say jealous…”
His brows raised in surprise. “Jealous, hm? Lemme ask you this: you come and see me and there’s a girl grabbin’ at my johnson, grinnin’ from ear to ear, how would you like that?”
I shook my head. “That’s not the same-”
“-Like hell it ain’t!”
“I trust you! I’m not worried about other women and I never have because I know you would never dream of hurting me, especially like that. Cheating?? You think I’d do that to you?”
“No I don’t, but I know men and I know the scumbags in this city, you hear me? All it takes is one glimpse, one friendly smile from you, and they’re on you like flies on shit.”
“So what, you’re just gonna beat the shit outta every guy I’m friendly towards? What, you think I enjoyed watchin’ you act like that?”
He visibly relaxed but I could tell he was only doing it so I could continue talking to him. He was still seething, but if things escalated any further I’d be outta this tub in a second. “I’m sorry I had to be that way around you but I’m not sorry for what I did.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know if that’s good enough, Frank.”
“And I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/N. That it won’t happen again? I can’t guarantee that, I ain’t gonna promise you that.”
“Yeah, I know better than to even ask that…” I grabbed his hands and dipped them into the water, massaging his knuckles with my thumbs as I tried to think of a remedy and an end to this subject. “It’s never gotten outta hand or anything, you gotta believe me when I say that. And we have security there for a reason.”
“Where were they earlier then?”
“I didn’t need them to intervene, nothing was happening. I didn’t need you to intervene either, babe.”
“… I want it to stop.”
“Well, when I’m behind the bar serving drinks and not trying to sell bottles, there won’t be any more of that. I promise.”
“Hmm… And you still plan on being at the strip club?”
“Great tips. Better than I’ll get at one of the million Italian restaurants in Hell’s Kitchen.” He sighed and I smiled, tugging on his hands. “Hey. If it makes you feel better I keep a keychain size can of mace in my bra at all times.”
He huffed a small laugh and splashed some water at me with his fingers. “Yeah, that puts me at ease,” he responded dryly.
I smiled and reached for him, pulling him forward until he repositioned himself so his back was facing me, reclining to my chest to rest against me. “So we’re done with this argument?” I questioned as I gently ran my hands up and down his arms.
“For now. An’ you keep rubbin’ I might drop it entirely…”
i’ve been icky a lot. i got up at 9 a.m. bc my dad asked, “did your mom get stewie any more food?” and he heard his name, walked across my bed, and thus i got dressed and took him out
i did end up passing out again for like three or so hours. maybe more? idk but in the afternoon
my mom’s back in TO bc of this health food thingy she has to go to every year for work so anyways my dad and i went and got the food and got us some food watched a movie and then some s/v/u and i am most certainly not continuing to play the game of “i am not online and cannot see these messages, please wait for the beep”
i just. idk i’m just tired of going through the same motions with people. them asking for support. my giving them advice (usually comes around to ‘go see a professional’) or helping to explain that they’re not bad or what they go through isn’t their fault or whatever. idk why i’ve ended up being someone who does this like… all the time? half the friends i’ve made i’ve done so through trying to help them through some abu/sive situation or another.
it’s strange bc obvs i’m not all that great nor trained and half my city believes i am a horrible, lazy, Crazy abu/sive person and yet
tbf i’m also just avoiding bc the whole d/is./hb/orf shit took so much out of me i just detached completely. but on top of that like… i’m in no position to be caring for someone, to be their support system. i am tired, i’m a mess, i’m a piece of shit, everyone’s tired of hearing about it, and idk it’s worse when people ask for you to listen but ignore what you have to say
i reeeally hate being in that position. it’s gotten me into some bad areas bc i’ve been accused of making things worse than they sound. or i’d spend hours upon hours telling someone they’re worth life, going through and giving them names and numbers of local facilities, etc, and always being ignored. messages just straight up deleted. or they say what they’re going through and say “they do want he/lp and are trying” and yet don’t actually do anything.
and after going through it for like a year straight with three people at once, realizing that it’s technically hella bordering on emo/tion/al man/ipu/lation (intentional or not - if you respond to someone by saying “i should just k//ill myself then” then you’re fucking ma/nipul/ative, idc how sick you are mate) i just had to run away for over a month doing nothing but ga/ming until i felt like i could finally breathe again….
i don’t have the energy to bother. like yeah you need my help but i actually can’t scrounge up the energy to actually care overly much. don’t come looking for something i can’t give and get mad about it, or take what i can give and ignore it. like it doesn’t work that way.
my physical health has been a bit wonky lately and i just wanna sleep or daydream or read or watch something. i guess i’m in a spot where i don’t even feel like ga/ming. i’m not dep/ress/ed but i’m just… melancholy. sad. a lot. i suppose that means i should go get a life but a) i don’t care for the life offered up and expected, b) i don’t have the capability or skills to be independent or worthwhile in any capacity and c) the next breakdown is almost always around some corner. i think i’m cured and then i’m not. but i’m being pathetic anyways. idk.
i’m just tired and want to curl up under a blanket and watch something and cry over char/ac/ters i love so much who are better and stronger than me and who i wish i could talk to or hang out with bc it’d be nice to be w someone who gets it
but that’s me like…. idk i’m using day/dreams and the like to run away or be delusional or something and i know it’s “unrealistic” and “stupid” and “childish” but whatever it’s better than anything else so fuck it
BANGTAN reacting to their gf not liking complete silence.
BTS reaction to their girlfriend wanting to play soft music in the background because she doesn’t like complete silence
a/n: I’m sorry if it’s not that good, but I’m v v tired.
JIN: Jin wont mind but he didn’t want you to put it louder when he’s cooking because he needs to concentrate ya know. But he’ll actually request some songs, and dance silly in front of you.
SUGA: you and Yoongi would be like laying on the couch or something and then after you’d put on some music he’ll slowly fall asleep on your chest and when he woke up the music was still playing but you were gone to take a shower.
JHOPE: that boy would get so hyper and sugar high without gotten any sugar, suddenly he’d dance in front of the tv where you had the MV playing on. Would be so exited and pull you in, put some happy songs in the playlist and dance with you.
RAP MONSTER: would tap on the beat with his fingers, he’d sit down beside you on the couch and you’ll lay your head in his lap. He’d be holding his phone with one head and stroking your hair with the other one.
JIMIN: Jimin would lightly sing along with the music, but when a nice song would come on he’d dance for you because he knows you love that so much. But can sometimes act like Hobi, when he’s very excited.
V: would dance silly, and when you were resting your body between his legs he’d hum along with the music and sing quietly, while stroking your hair. But when his song came on he jumped in the air and started dancing and singing/yelling.
JUNGKOOK: I think he would be very calmly and would pat his fingers and feet on the beat like Namjoon and you two just talk about your day eventually, with his head laying on your lap.
Okay, guys. So my lights are off and I’m in bed mobile blogging and my leg is hanging off my bed. I did not hear my dog walk in and HIS NOSE JUST RUBBED AGAINST MY FOOT AND I AM NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY I JUMP SO BAD THAT I KICKED HIM IN THE FACE. It is 3:30 in the morning. HE COULD HAVE BEEN A MONSTER UNDER MY BED OR SOMETHING. I’m going to sleep. This is what happens when I stay up past my bed time.
1. Don’t be a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner, not even other whiners. 2. Walking out the door is often the toughest part of a run. 3. Don’t make running your life. Make it part of your life. 4. During group training runs, don’t let anyone run alone. 5. Keep promises, especially ones made to yourself. 6. When doing group runs, start on time no matter who’s missing. 7. The faster you are the less you should talk about your times. 8. Keep a quarter in your pocket. One day you’ll need to call for a ride. 9. Don’t compare yourself to other runners. 10. All runners are equal, some are just faster than others. 11. Keep in mind that the later in the day it gets, the more likely it is that you won’t run. 12. For a change of pace, get driven out and then run back. 13. If it was easy, everybody would be a runner. 14. When standing in starting lines, remind yourself how fortunate you are to be there. 15. Getting out of shape is much easier than getting into shape. 16. A bad day of running still beats a good day at work. 17. Talk like a runner. “Singlets” are worn on warm days. “Tank tops” are worn to the beach. 18. Don’t talk about your running injuries. People don’t want to hear about your sore knee or black toe. 19. Don’t always run alone. 20. Don’t always run with people. 21. Approach running as if the quality of your life depended on it. 22. No matter how slow you run it is still faster than someone sitting on a couch. 23. Keep in mind that the harder you run during training, the luckier you’ll get during racing. 24. Races aren’t just for those who can run fast. 25. There are no shortcuts to running excellence. 26. The best runs sometimes come on days when you didn’t feel like running. 27. Be modest after a race, especially if you have reason to brag. 28. If you say, “Let’s run this race together,” then you must stay with that person no matter how slow. 29. Think twice before agreeing to run with someone during a race. 30. There is nothing boring about running. There are, however, boring people who run. 31. Look at hills as opportunities to pass people. 32. Distance running is like cod liver oil. At first it makes you feel awful, then it makes you feel better. 33. Never throw away the instructions to your running watch. 34. Don’t try to outrun dogs. 35. Don’t trust runners who show up at races claiming to be tired, out of share, or not feeling well. 36. Don’t wait for perfect weather. If you do, you won’t run very often. 37. When tempted to stop being a runner, make a list of the reasons you started. 38. Never run alongside very old or very young racers. They get all of the applause. 39. Without goals, training has no purpose. 40. During training runs, let the slowest runner in the group set the pace. 41. The first year in a new age group offers the best opportunity for trophies. 42. Go for broke, but be prepared to be broken. 43. Spend more time running on the roads than sitting on the couch. 44. Make progress in your training, but progress at your own rate. 45. “Winning” means different things to different people. 46. Unless you make your living as a runner, don’t take running too seriously. 47. Runners who never fail are runners who never try anything great. 48. Never tell a runner that he or she doesn’t look good in tights. 49. Never confuse the Ben-Gay tube with the toothpaste tube. 50. Never apologize for doing the best you can. 51. Preventing running injuries is easier than curing them. 52. Running is simple. Don’t make it complicated. 53. Running is always enjoyable. Sometimes, though, the joy doesn’t come until the end of the run.