talk brainy to me

I don’t know if I can wait a few weeks

I’m so sorry

But maybe I got help too late.

So what if death is permanent,

This feeling feels like that too.

Fake smiles, pretending

I don’t know if I can kill myself either

I know that it will get better

But WHEN!!!!!

I don’t know how long I can hear my brain scream

So loud, constantly

One two three four five

Count the screaming away

If I don’t, I might open my mouth

And let it all out.

But nobody wants that

No one wants my sobbing, screaming mind

I won’t have the strength to jump

But I do wish for an end button.

I know that this is not me talking, but my broken brain

I have never feared death,

But the fear of doing it myself

Cripples me.

Everyone holds me, loves me

But so does Depression.

I am sorry,

This is not my fault.

I don’t know if I can wait a few weeks.

If I can’t, then this is for you.

I love you, and it was not you.

If I can survive these few weeks,

Then this is for me.

Good job, hold on.

Please understand this though.

This was never your fault,

No matter the outcome.


Bertolt is the type of person whose hands are always warm, even on the coldest winter days. Reiner uses this as a good excuse to hold hands whenever they’re out together, because he never seems to have any gloves with him. Bert knows Reiner isn’t stupid, and is convinced that Reiner’s leaving them at home on purpose…