talk about detail

Without hesitation, Hanzo grabs Jesse by the front of his blue and white gingham shirt, and he crashes their lips together. He fists the shirt and presses himself against Jesse’s body, suddenly desperate for contact. His cowboy tastes of the spices Ana used in her jerky and sweat from a long day’s ride in the sun.

– Chapter 19 “Constellations” of Petals on the River by bamfbugboy and @ijaat

This commission art was done by @Kazimo. Please check out their artwork and consider commissioning them! Kazimo captured this moment so wonderfully, and we are so touched by the thought and care that went into this piece! Thank you very much!!

Writing daily-life stuff in Japan: Food

Considering how much fanfiction gets written set in Japan. I thought I might just share some daily life details that may or may not be useful. 

This comes from my own experiences of living in a bicultural household and living in the country for about a month every year of my life. Admittedly, I’ve only lived in a deep rural area and visited cities, but some of the pointers will still be relevant.

The first thing that come to mind when you’re trying to describe another place is to get to grips with the food culture.You know the saying, ‘To know a people, know the food that they’d willingly consume’? So, for this post, I’m going to talk about food details.

1. Food that you might have in the fridge: Old rice if you made rice in bulk + various rice toppings. Think of rice as the bread, and the fridge being full of the spreads you could put on it. 

Pickles: Might not be so popular with the younger generation, but if they live with their parents, there will bound to be at least one kind of pickle in the fridge, because there are speciality pickles for almost every prefecture and you cannot escape them. In the same way as spreads, they usually taste very strong and its rare to eat them as they are, unless they’re just that tasty and you like pickles that much (think of somebody eating peanut butter with a spoon straight out of the jar). You would eat pickles with white rice. Here are three examples: Umeboshi - pickled plum, and it is sour and very salty! You can suck on stone for minutes afterwards, just savouring the salt taste. Usually one plum is sufficient for one bowl of rice. Takuwan - a smelly, giant horseradish pickle, which might look a bit yellow with age. When you see giant horseradishes drying in the sun around the back of the house, this is probably what they’re going to be made into. Rakkyo - little pickled onions. 

Other toppings: Shirasu - tiny little white fish, each fish is about two centimetres long, and you sprinkle (or heap them, if you really like them) over rice. Delicious. Again, may not be popular with the younger generations who have grown up accustomed to more Western flavours.  Gohandesuyo - seaweed paste in a jar. It’s salty like Marmite and like Marmite the name of the food is the name of the brand. You put a tablespoon or so on one bowl of rice. 

Spring onions. We are never out of spring onions. Ever. Chopped up fine.

Sauces: Soy sauce, mirin, su (rice wine vinegar), yakiniku sauce (sauce specifically for yakiniku), mayonnaise, yakisoba sauce, ketchup, mustard in a tube, wasabi in a tube.

A tub of miso: of which there are red and white variants, and there is constant family clash over which tastes better!

If the household eats bread, you’re more likely to get a vegetable oil spread than butter. I think a few years ago there was a butter shortage. It was just too expensive to buy or not on the shelves, but there were so many different brands of vegetable spread made from different flower seeds! 

Egg is a fridge staple. If you’re in doubt and you need a quick breakfast or lunch, you could crack an egg raw over hot rice, spritz a dash of soy sauce on top, shovel it down and go.

Natto - fermented beans, its sticky and when you pull it apart it stretches with sticky web-like strands just like melted cheese. It’s famously an acquired taste but I love it on rice, in curry and in miso soup. Sold in wee cups, with sachets of sauce and mustard.

Also in the pantry: Katsuobushi - tuna flakes, often used to make tuna stock; Stick dashi - powdered stock, usually seaweed or tuna; wakame - seaweed; ginger; taka no tsume - dried hot chilli peppers, prettily named ‘hawk talons’; sesame seeds; sesame oil. Furikake - literally, ‘sprinkles’ for rice, when you have no other option. Maybe tofu. Panko for frying things. Golden curry roux blocks. Cream stew insta-kits.

Instant foods: Cup ramen, cup noodles, instant ramen, instant yakisoba, freeze-dried instant soups, instant corn soup.

The primary oil used for cooking is so-called ‘salad oil’: I don’t actually know what it’s made of, but it’s a vegetable oil of some kind.

2. Where I might buy food: Supermarkets for the fruit, veg, meat and fish, but for the best read-made fare, drinks and snack foods (kashi pan, onigiri, yoghurt, and depending on where you go there might be salads and bentos), you would head to a 24/7 open convenience store (e.g. Seven-Eleven, Lawsons’), where they also might do hot steamed pork buns and, lately, really good coffee to go. If you want to buy somebody a nice cake or box of tea-time sweets as an omiyage you might go to the basement floor of a department store. 

Vending machines - there is a vending machine everywhere. I am not kidding. Even in the deep countryside, I found a couple of vending machines up a mountain which smelled as if they had been scent-marked by raccoon dogs and bears. And at these vending machines, you can not only buy cold juice, but several different kinds of hot and cold Japanese teas, a very sweet milk tea, several different brands of hot and cold coffees, corn soup, potato chowder, hot shiruko (a sweet azuki drink), hot chocolate, hot and cold lemon…You’d honestly never go thirsty.

For sushi, we’d call up a sushi restaurant. The same goes for ramen. Unless you’re using an instant ramen kit, making ramen broth is hard. The tonkotsu variant is pretty much impossible at home. Likewise, you just can’t make good sushi at home. It’s not really a family meal or something that can be casually made. Typically sushi is brought out for celebrations or special occasions as it can be quite pricey but conveyor belt sushi places are more accessible.  

3. Bread: You will find white bread (fluffy, gorgeous, pillowy white bread, that’s basically like cake) but it’s really difficult to find brown bread. In the rural supermarket, it was non-existent and for bread with a crust, you’d have to go to the little street-corner artisan bakeries.

On the topic of bread and kashipan, I’ve often seen references in fanfiction of characters baking kashipan for each other, or kashipan just like their grandmother made it (e.g. anpan, melonpan, creampan). As much I like the sentiment behind these scenes, I’m not saying they’re impossible, but in most cases they are a little jarring. 

Our grandmother’s generation were not bakers. Most of the houses that our grandmothers grew up in did not have ovens, since Japan doesn’t have a tradition of domestic baking, and even now, a lot of houses still don’t have ovens aside from a nifty little oven toaster, Cakes and kashipan were seen as Western and trendy luxuries to be eaten at cafes (a Western import in itself) or bought from specialist shops which had the equipment to make them. They weren’t ‘casual home-cooking’ so to speak, even if the history of the anpan and the castella date pretty far back into the past now. 

Even now, unless you are a massive kashipan fanatic and dessert-making enthusiast, you probably wouldn’t bake a tray of kashipan at home when you could buy them perfectly made from a nearby convenience store. 

Having said that, I have tried making anpan in an oven toaster. I made six, since that was all that could fit on the little toaster tray. They were each about 6cm in diameters, and my grandmother complained that it was a waste of perfectly good azuki. 

You can, if you’re really into dessert making, make lots of things in an oven toaster, but if you’re looking to make something sentimental just like your grandmother made them, mochi might be a better option (e.g. warabimochi or ohagi), or maybe since sweet things historically tended to be more often bought from a specialist than made at home, quote a favourite wagashi that grandmother might have enjoyed from a particular shop e.g. the anko dama and imo youkan from Funawa; the chestnut manju from the shop by the station.   

4. Omiyage: If you go away on a trip and you’re inconveniencing work colleagues with your absence (which you are), this is the souvenir that you buy to take back and share at your work place, often a food item, so boxes of sweets are often packaged in such a way that the sweets inside are individually wrapped for ease of splitting distribution. 

This is also the word used for the gifts you bring back for family, either when you’re visiting relatives and you know that you will be encroaching upon their hospitality, potentially inconveniencing them, or if you’re coming back to the family and, in a way, again, it’s to make up for any inconveniences that might have been caused by absence  -although largely for family, it’s also about the joy of giving to those you care about!

Likewise, students who go away on holiday on a trip might bring back omiyage for fellow members of their club, if they’re involved in club activities. If you think of club activities as training children up for work place social structure and customs, it makes some sense. 

Not omiyage but an example of gift-giving, but if you move into a new neighbourhood, it’s usually expected that you visit your neighbours and take round gifts, as a gesture of courtesy and goodwill. There is, again, an element of asking forgiveness for inconvenience, because moving into the new home would have made a lot of noise and possibly caused a disturbance. 

With omiyage in mind, each prefecture tends to advertise certain foods/sweets that are ‘unique’ to it that would make suitable omiyage. A famous example would be ‘Tokyo Banana’ and anything matcha from the Uji area in Kyoto. 

5. Food is seasonal: Japan is hyperconscious of its seasons, so the fridge will likely contain seasonal fruits and veg. In a lot of Japanese poems, it was traditional to include a ‘kigo’, a word that encodes a season to set the poem in without explicitly saying ‘It is winter’, and some fruits are kigo. The persimmon is a kigo for autumn, peaches and cherries and plums for spring, and more recently the watermelon is a definite kigo for summer! Seasonal fruits also make good gifts for visiting friends’ houses, especially if you’re bringing them back from the countryside after visiting relatives. 

Autumn’s a great time for food. Now is the time when all of the mushrooms are coming out - shiitake, matsutake, enoki, shimeji - and they’re dried and preserved for the year. People who cook might have dried shiitake in the pantry for rehydrating and eating or using in stock. 

Foreign brands, aware of the seasonal sensitivity of their Japanese, often produce Japan only seasonal limited products. My favourite example of this is the Haagen-Daaz flavours. One autumn there was a pumpkin and cinnamon, and I’m pretty sure I saw a cherry blossom latte at Starbucks.

6. Food you might see at festival stalls: Taiyaki - fish-shaped pastries made with a pancake-like batter and filled with custard or azuki. Yakisoba - fried noodles. Yakitori - chicken skewers. Takoyaki - octopus batter balls. Hot dogs…With a shout-out to very rare diversity my local festival had a Turkish kebab stall last year. Kakikoori for the summer festivals - sweet ice, with typical syrups being red, green and yellow (strawberry, melon and lemon flavours respectively).

 …..and that’s enough for now I think. (21/9/2016)

last time people posted spoilers for HLV into people’s inboxes and tags and BBC permanently deleted their blogs. this time people have been liveblogging it, making graphics, making gifs, talking about it in great detail explicitly, and as far as i can see none of y'all have been deleted so that’s all the confirmation i need that this is fake but real to people outside

Last night I dreamt that Lance was crying in front of Keith, as if it was happening in one of the next episodes of VLD. Hear me out.

The Red and Blue Paladin ran into each other during the night and started talking somewhere in the castle while everyone else was asleep, I can’t recall about what. 

At some point, Lance did his thing with the lips, bowed his head and started sobbing. Whatever the reason, he just couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m sorry, Keith. I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating.

It was so sudden and unexpected that Keith didn’t know what to do apart from instinctively murmuring his name out of concern, but felt the need to pull him closer to his chest. He wanted to protect him, to make him feel safe, and he knew that a hand on his shoulder wouldn’t be enough. That was not what Lance needed right then.

Keith just let him get it all out. He wasn’t even trying to shush him, just fiercely holding him in his arms; ‘cause they were rivals and they would spend most of the time pretending to hate each other, but the truth was oh so different.

The ending credits scrolled in complete silence except for Lance’s sobs in the background.


Let’s talk about details we notice after billionth rewatch of season 3 of Skam (we all do that, right?). So, episode 4:

Isak holding onto Even’s shoulder, when they stop by the pool-house, by that moment of their ride he got totally comfortable with being beside Even

during the kiss Even pulls Isak closer by grabbing his waist under the water (4th gif)

stormriser393  asked:

I'm a huge fan of your characters and art style so I wanted to all for advice. When drawing T'xeru, how do you get down the proportions for his arms? I've always had trouble drawing characters with four arms (especially cuz my styles more toonish)

honestly? my anatomy isnt PERFECT by any means, but since ive got like, a kind of ok understanding of how a body works

i just kinda

draw what i know, which is torsos with 2 arms

and then

…just kinda tack em on underneath LMFAOO

Yuri on Ice interview translation - Dengeki Girl’s Style 2016/12 (p44-45)

Here’s the interview with Toshiyuki Toyonaga & Kouki Uchiyama that was published on the Dec. 2016 issue of Dengeki Girl’s Style. Some parts are similar to other interviews with them, but actually there are quite a few tidbits that were not present in the others. (For example Toyonaga talking more in detail about how he relates to Yuuri)

I’m actually quite amazed that all the interviews with the two of them I read were different and interesting. Usually if you see various interviews with the same person about the same series in the same period they tend to all say the same stuff, but they managed to keep the variety… So yeah, you may think “another interview with those two??”, but I assure you it’s a nice read!

Quick note: in this interview they do not call them Yuuri/Yurio like in other magazines, they call them Yuuri/Yuri, so that extra “U” there is the only thing making the difference (it’s also the reason why I started using Yuuri instead of the official spelling Yuri when translating, so that the characters don’t get mixed up…).

***If you wish to share this translation please do it by reblogging or posting a link to it***
***Re-translating into other languages is ok but please mention that this post is the source***

Interview: “Yuri” Talk
Toshiyuki Toyonaga as Yuuri Katsuki & Kouki Uchiyama as Yuri Plisetsky
Yuuri and Yuri, whose names are pronounced the same, are portrayed with very different personalities in the anime. Let’s hear what their voice actors think about “Yuri on Ice”.

—How did you feel when you first got to know about “Yuri on Ice”?

Toyonaga: I heard about it for the first time when I was told about the audition. My agency told me that there was going to be an audition for an anime about figure skating. I’m just a newbie, but I happened to watch figure skating on TV, so I knew the names of the Japanese skaters and I thought an anime about it would be really intriguing. By the way, actually my manager loves figure skating much more than me. S/he told me “I absolutely want to do this, so do your best to get the role!” (LOL).
[translator’s note: I’m not sure about the gender of Toyonaga’s manager, though judging from the reaction I would think it’s a woman. To be safe I’m leaving it ambiguous]

Uchiyama: That’s some pressure (LOL).

T: It is. S/he was really excited. I know that sometimes whether you pass or fail an audition depends on the timing too, but I still did my best for it. As far as I know, this is the first anime created with the theme of realistic figure skating. Plus I like figure skating too, so I really wanted to get a part in it. At a later time I was actually told that Mitsurou Kubo-san said “only Toyonaga-san can play Yuuri Katsuki”… Of course I was happy, but I also felt a lot of pressure. When I was notified that I passed the audition my manager was so happy (LOL). I was happy too of course, but it was like when someone starts crying before you and you don’t feel like crying anymore (LOL). After some time the realization that I passed the audition finally sunk in.
In the audition I aimed for a flat acting style. It was a bet, because I tried to make the acting as realistic as possible, including the way he speaks. ……This is also why, when I passed the audition, I actually felt some pressure because I realized I had to keep playing Yuuri-kun in that flat style.

U: I thought it was a unique and nice project. I remember getting excited when I saw that big names like director Sayo Yamamoto and Mitsurou Kubo-san where involved, and I had the feeling this could become an amazing anime. I definitely wanted to take part in it, and that’s why I auditioned.

—Yuuri and Yuri. What did you think when you heard that there were two characters with the same name?

U: Sometimes it’s hard to understand who they’re referring to (LOL). During recording, if they give us instructions saying “the Yuri in this scene!” we both reply.

T: Yeah, we answer at the same time (LOL). At the beginning we used to ask “which Yuri do you mean?”.

U: In the end we decided to call my Yuri “Yurio” like the nickname he was given in the anime.

—Tell us about the highlights of this show.

T: Naohiko Fujino-san, who is doing the narration for the Grand Prix Series on TV Asahi, is part of the cast.

U: I laughed when I saw on the script “Naohiko Fujino, voice of Naohiko Fujino”. Also, announcer Morooka is voiced by TV Asahi announcer Taihei Katou-san (he actually does the coverage for the Grand Prix Series). Thanks to his voice it really sounds like the real thing! One of the highlights is that the staff is very careful about details that are indispensable when portraying figure skating.

T: One of Yuuri’s main problems is that he is skilled but mentally weak, and this weak point of his tends to stand out, but it’s not like he’s nervous the whole time. As he and Victor lay bare their feelings and clash with each other, their hearts gradually get closer and Yuuri mentally grows up through that. I think that in the story Victor will eventually demolish the wall that Yuuri has built in his heart. And beside Yuuri’s frustration and growth, the way Victor changes too is something to check out.

U: The first half of the series is set in Japan, then from about midway through the Grand Prix Series starts and many new characters appear. With different settings and more characters, I think the show will also have a different “color” compared to the first part. That’s also something you should look forward to.

—What do you find interesting in Yuuri and Yuri?

T: The fact that he is skilled but mentally weak is very Japanese, in my opinion. Also the fact that he’s somewhat of a late bloomer, that he’s an ordinary person and gives importance to the spirit of cooperation is also quite Japanese.

—According to Toyonaga-san, Yuuri Katsuki is very Japanese. What about the Russian Yuri?

U: As his nickname “Russian yankee” says, he tends to be bad-tempered and is meant to be basically the opposite of the Japanese Yuuri. When he was still a junior he was considered a genius and left splendid results. Right now he is shifting to the upper level, the senior class, so it’s a time of change for him. He says many harsh things, but he’s still in his teens. Sometimes he shows behaviors and expressions that are fitting for his age, which is kind of a gap compared to his usual self, and that is something I pay attention to when voicing him.

—Which Yuri do you think is most similar to you?

T: I think I’m similar to Katsuki-kun, I mean, I can relate to him a lot.

U: Do you cry in the toilet?

T: I did that.

U: Did you!? (LOL)

T: Yup, that happened (LOL).
Figure skaters have a junior class too, which means most of them have been on the rink since they were little. I’ve also started acting when I was still a child, so in a way the fact that we have been in the world of expression since we were little is similar. I have the impression that figure skating is the sport where artistic expression skills are considered most important. Choosing the theme of the song they are going to use in their performance, expressing something with their body moving along the music… I feel in a way it’s similar to musicals.
At the beginning of episode 1 I could also sympathize a lot with the frustration of going back to your town after finishing in last place. I acted that part remembering all the regret and humiliation I felt when my monthly income was low because I wasn’t popular and had to rely on my family’s support. Since I can relate to his painful feelings, the more I think about Yuuri-kun the more I feel like crying (LOL).

—What about Uchiyama-san?

U: If I had to choose between the two I’d say Yuri. I’m not a yankee though (LOL).

—In what do you think you can relate to him the most?

U: I guess his mentality. When he shifts from junior to senior he has to face some issues like the fact that he has not enough stamina (the skating time of the free program is longer in the senior class and they also have more matches), but he isn’t discouraged. He has a strong willpower.

T: Uchiyama-kun never gets distressed. In that way I think they are similar. Yurio is also someone who no matter what trouble he has to face is always like “so what?”.

U: I guess I might have some kind of competitive spirit that helps me confront difficulties (LOL).

T: It’s not exactly like Yuri, who lashes out at people like a punk, but I have the impression that when you are facing an issue you also react like “uh, is that so?”, like you are not affected. I’ve almost never seen you unsettled.

—What character do you find interesting among the ones who appear?

T: I like Georgi Popovich. He’s really pitiful.

U: He’s amusing because he’s so serious…… His single-mindedness is kind of humorous.

T: It’s because he’s so single-minded that people watching him end up giggling.

U: He’s a nice character.

T: I also feel some pathos in him. And I like him even more because Watano Hataru-san plays him perfectly. I hope viewers will like him too.

—What about Uchiyama-san?

U: I like the Japanese skater Kenjiro Minami-kun. He looks up to Yuuri, and when he sees that Yuuri is ashamed of his past self he spurs him on because he can’t bear to see the person who is also his goal feel so miserable about himself. I was impressed by that part because I thought it was good drama.

—Is there a scene that impressed you during recording?

T: There are so many that if I started listing them all I’d never finish! I could just say “everything”. In episode 1 I was really impressed by the beauty of Kyushu and Hasetsu’s landscape. I was like, “so this is where Katsuki-kun grew up”. His house, which is a traditional inn, is also beautiful and realistic. On the other hand, some details like Yuuri’s dad and mom and the three Nishigoori sisters are completely deformed characters. There’s a perfect balance between reality and things that you could only see in anime.
In episode 2, when Victor shows up to become his coach and starts living in the Katsuki house, there’s a scene where Yuuri realizes why he’s so confused about that. He says to himself “I see, I’m nervous because I’m so happy”, and that left a strong impression on me. The scenes in episode 3 where Victor coaches Yuuri and Yuri, the start of episode 4… There are so many (LOL).

U: I like the scene in episode 3 where Victor speaks to Yuri after he finishes skating. Victor comments that “it’s the best I’ve seen so far”. When I was practicing my lines I actually didn’t think too much about that comment. However, during the recording, the sound director said “in this scene, Victor is not giving Yuri unreserved praise”. It can be interpreted as “it’s the best I’ve seen so far from you”, “but whether you can win against Yuuri with this is another thing”. That made me sad. He went to Japan because he wanted Victor to become his coach, but in the end his wish wasn’t fulfilled, and that really moved me.

—Please leave a message for the readers.

T: We’ve already gotten to episode 6, halfway through. It’s a nicely paced series where every single episode is brimming with contents. Every skater has a short and free program, you’ll be able to enjoy them soon. I think that if you have seen up to episode 6 you already know why the name of Yuuri’s program became “Yuri on ICE”. In his free program Yuuri is going to perform “Yuri on ICE”, which represents his life, and that’s something worth checking out closely. I think one of the interesting things about figure skating is that even if the program is the same they will perform it differently based on their physical and mental conditions on that day. I hope you will enjoy this dramatic side too. Cheer on this anime, as well as the real Grand Prix Series!

U: It’s really a generous anime. We who are part of the cast are very excited to work in it too, also because since it’s a completely original anime we don’t know what will happen next either. I think one of the highlights is also finding out who will advance to the Grand Prix Final. Please enjoy the anime until the end.


francis: there are such things as ghosts. people everywhere have always known that. and we believe in them every bit as much as homer did. only now, we call them by different names. memory. the unconscious.
camilla: do you mind if we change the subject? please?

Did anyone else notice this?

Mental breakdown tag lol

do I use this script or not

also vedj - still going, but will probably miss some days and that’s OKAY
I’m worried for this video, because rather than generalising mental illness as important, and needs to be talked about, I go into detail about the specifics of what I’m feeling. And it’s not pretty. If you can’t relate, and I hope you don’t, I’m going to seem very very strange. But mental illness isn’t simple, it’s not all let’s blow on thumbs together to stop these darn panic attacks, or this cute cartoon girl crying in a corner. It’s so much bigger and uglier and more complex.
I haven’t been making videos because I didn’t know how to when my head has been consumed and overtaken by what I’m about to talk about. But I think I’ve figured it out.
so here’s the thing
you may have seen on twitter
i mentioned that i haven’t really felt like i’m here since i was 17 in a vid recently
and then within the last week that sort of upped as a problem by like, 80%
i went to wales for some shoots, felt crazy the whole weekend, then came back and got very panicky about the fact that I was going mad
I had slept fine, and I kept expecting to wake up better, but I just didn’t
I’ll explain what this all actually is and how it feels in a bit, plz hold
so I got back, and knew that I felt messed up, so tried registering to the doctors
walked there, in my weird dream state, took a proof of address cause I knew I needed that, handed it in, and then they said that I needed proof of address within the last two months
i was teetering on the edge of tears and also feeling really weird so I think they must have thought I was actually insane
I forgot how to say thanks and bye so I think I just left, dunno
walked home, in this strange, bright dream world
tried finding proof of address, forgot how to talk to my housemate, scared she was going to notice that I was drunk, except i wasn’t drunk
and then my mum called and said dodie
are you okay
and I just sort of
i was sobbing, rummaging through bin bags to try to find some sort of proof of address, on the phone to mum, and I decided to visit home home for some sort of familiarity, cause I used to feel so normal and alive in that house, when I was younger
so I went home home, crying on the train, panicking about the fact that I was going mad and all my friends were like dodie wtf
that was when I tweeted saying I needed a break
then I saw mum and started crying about the fact that I left my old bedroom bed in dovan flat, cause I just wanted my normal bed in my normal room so I could feel normal
and I came home but of course I wasn’t magically cured because going to that house is not the same as time travel
i’m not taking a trip to 2012 when I go home, as much as I want to, i’m a broken dodie visiting a broken house and a broken ish family
I even visited my old primary school which shut down, like, years ago, and I wandered around with hedy
I don’t think that helped, cause it felt like it had just, grown leaves and aged in like 20 seconds
it just made me feel even weirder
so what am I feeling? Okay. let me explain. Or try to.
here are a bunch of messages I have sent to friends of mine, to try and explain wtf this is
“i’m so tired
I’m just so tired I feel like I’ve been awake for 4 days And I don’t feel like I’m here I feel like I’m drunk Like I’ve had three wines and shots and beer and I’m tired and ready to go home and I can’t talk to anyone because I’ve forgotten how I usually talk
I don’t even look like me
Everything is so wrong and weird and scary
I honestly think I’m going mad
I can’t stop crying
I’ve got such a bad headache” to lucy
And I’ve just constantly felt like Drunk and blind You know when you’re hammered
And everything’s really bright and you can’t remember how to talk properly and you’re not really taking anything in cause you feel really weird and you can touch things and see things and talk to people but you’re not really There
I genuinely genuinely think I’ve gone mad
And I don’t know if I’m ever going to see things like normal again” to sammy
“Here’s the thing
I’m alive
I can breathe
I can eat and talk and sleep and see and feel
So I should be okay
And objectively, I am fine
So why am I not
It’s one of those things that I keep thinking about over and over to the point where my head is like is this really happening and then I’m like is WHAT really happening
I used to not understand mental illnesses at all
I was like
Just think of cats and rainbows
But now I get it
It’s so much deeper in your brain than cats and rainbows
I used to say if I ever got dementia or something id fight it
But how can you fight it when the it is the thing you’re using to fight with
Dodie has gone full blown mad” to jon
now, thanks to the last vid, and to google, I’ve found out what this probably is
and I’m trying my best to register and see a doctor and get therapy and sort this out and also
I know what you’re thinking
if you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you’ve never had anything even close to this, if you are mentally dandy
you’re thinking dodie
you sound mental
just shut up,
turn it off
you’re fine
you’re obsessing over nothing, you’re attention seeking, just stop thinking about it
firstly, I am so happy and thankful that you feel normal and happy and go and enjoy your life because you can
and secondly, I would do anything to turn this off and feel normal again, literally anything. But I can’t. not right now. I don’t know how.
so. here’s my plan.
I’m going to act fucking normal.
I can still sing. I am still alive, on this planet, even though I don’t feel like it. I still find things funny, I still can taste food, I can make jokes, and write songs and hang out with friends, even though I literally feel like I’m hiding something from everyone and I keep looking at everyone as if I’m a robot.
but I’m going to sort this out, somehow. I’m going to sleep before midnight and wake up before 9, I’m going to give myself weekends, I’m going to do mindfullness meditation at 11am, and Im going to go running at least twice a week and eat healthy and drink water and not drink too much alcohol and treat myself when I’ve done well and not overwhelm myself. And I’m going to go to a doctor, and then therapy, and deal with this. But this will not consume me.
Yeah I feel fucking weird. Bring it. I’m so done with the constant buzz in my head - why do I feel like this why do i feel like this why do i feel like this
I just do. And I can’t change it right now. It’s not going to turn off. and I can’t just stop the world until I feel normal again, because I’ll get to my 70s and be like well shit, I missed it all.
So I’m going to do the best I can. I’m going to make the videos that make me happy. And I’m going to laugh about the fact that I’m a bit mental. Cause what else can you do.

Whilst I type this I’m on the phone to my bank to get a statement sent to prove my address to go BACK to the doctors to prove I live here then get an appointment to get referred to therapists. The NHS may be free but it’s not bloomin easy lol.

gotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.




Min Yoongi tripped and fell in his apartment on the 20th, injuring his ear on a door. He was taken to a plastic surgeon who said he will not be able to participate in any activities for the rest of the year while he is recovering.

Please send Yoongi your full support as he is recovering from this accident!

briefest YOI episode 5 review: i looked up the site on yurio’s phone browser and got redirected to, of all places, a russian anime streaming site