Gotta Stay High
Okay so I started this story months ago and finally just finished it. It’s my longest one yet, so I will be putting it under a Read More break. The idea is probably silly and overdramatic and Nomura might be a little OOC… But I like it so oh well xD
Pairing: Nomura x MC (1st Person)
Title from Habits (Stay High) by Tove Lo. Random lyrics are also within the story.
This is my first angst piece and though it makes me sad and emotional, take that with a grain of salt xD I promise there is a happy ending!
You’re gone and I gotta stay high all the time, to keep you off my mind…
I stared sadly at the date on my phone.
A whole year.
It had been a year since he went missing. It was still so unreal to me, and it was unfathomable that this much time had really passed.
My eyes closed wretchedly as a few hot tears ran down my cheeks. I knew I needed to get up for work but I didn’t think I could. Not on today of all days. I sniffled a little and started dialing Kirisawa’s number. As the line rang I clutched at the hem of my shirt, tugging it a little as I anxiously waited for him to answer.
His voice was calm and gentle, and I took a deep breath before speaking quietly.
“Can I not come into work today…?”
I heard a long, soft exhale on the other end, no doubt from him taking a long drag from his cigarette.
“Can you unlock your apartment door or do I need to use a key? I’m outside your building.”
I felt more hot tears on my skin, and slowly got up to unlock the door. I stepped back from the door and watched somberly as the knob turned and Kirisawa stepped in.
He took one look at my wet face before giving me a sad smile and pulling me close. He squeezed me tighter as I clutched his jacket in my fists. He leaned back against the door, rubbing my back gently as I cried noiselessly into his chest. My entire body felt hollow, and Kirisawa held me tighter as my body trembled.
Kirisawa had become my rock after Nomura went missing. We both had to support each other, as we were both so close to him. He took care of me like a brother, and I probably would’ve wasted away without him.
His hands moved to my waist, and I saw him frown down at me a little.
“When did you eat last?”
I looked down to avoid his gaze, mumbling my reply.
“When you took me out to lunch..”
I felt his grip tighten a little in frustration, and his displeasure was evident in his tone.
“That was the day before yesterday.”
A few more tears fell, and I just sniffled in response. It was too hard to force myself to eat. The act of chewing was too much effort, and the thought of eating when I wasn’t hungry made me sick. It was just the worst thing I could do, forcing food into my body.
Kirisawa let out a quiet sigh, kicking his boots off before leading me towards the kitchen.
“I’m going to make you a big breakfast and I want you to eat at least half of it. And you’re coming to work because you’re going to eat lunch and dinner too.”
I stopped in my tracks, my fists clenched to the point where my nails dug hard into my palms.
“Hiroshi I really don’t think I can go to work today…” I looked up at him, my eyes pleading with him to agree.
“Please.. Can you take me there today? I still feel like we missed something…”
Kirisawa’s shoulders slumped a little, and I saw his eyes glaze over just the tiniest bit. He continued on to the kitchen, opening the window and lighting another cigarette. I stood still as I watched him, my anxiety kicking in at the prospect of facing everyone on a day like today.
He pulled out his cell phone and seemed to dial a number. He spoke between pulls of his cigarette.
“Hanai, I’ll be out on field work this morning, so don’t expect me in the building this morning.”
There was a slight pause.
“Yeah, and I’m taking her with me. I’ll keep you posted. Email me the case files please. I haven’t looked at them in a while.”
I let out the breath I had been holding, and felt my heart race start to slow a little.
“Thanks, Hanai. I’ll keep you posted.”
Kirisawa ended the call and put his cigarette out before turning to face me.
“I’ll take you and we’ll look together. But you have to eat ALL of the breakfast I make for you.”
I nodded and gave him a tiny smile and a bow.
“Thank you, Kirisawa.”
He nodded before waving me off. “Go get ready while I make breakfast. Do you have any requests?”
I bit my lip a little before speaking quietly.
“Chocolate chip pancakes..?”
He stared at me for a second before laughing cheerfully. He waved me off again, muttering “Sure, sure,” as he started pulling out what he would need.
I went to my closet, pulling out jeans, leggings, and a heavy sweater. It was early January and it was definitely cold. There was snow on the ground too. I took a quick shower, blow-drying my hair and putting it up in a quick bun. I threw on the tiniest bit of makeup, not because I wanted to, but because it had become a habit to cover up just how bad I had gotten.