take that ayn rand

Video game adaptations tend to be utter garbage for one simple reason: It’s hard to turn a plot like “portly Italian steps on hundreds of turtles” into a coherent screenplay. If there’s one game that could break the curse, though, it’s BioShock. Why? Because it already has a more cogent story than most movies.

The game’s critically acclaimed storyline (centered on a utopic underwater city created by a combination of Walt Disney and Ayn Rand) is ripe for the taking – and there’s one director willing to do it. Gore Verbinski of Pirates Of The Caribbean fame is a big fan of BioShock’s “cinematic potential” and “strong narrative,” and we’ve already talked about why he would actually be perfect for this adaptation (assuming he doesn’t succumb to the Burton Syndrome and casts Johnny Depp for every part).

Verbinski was all set to shoot a BioShock movie in 2009, and fittingly for someone named “Gore,” he wasn’t planning to shy away from the game’s violence and general fucked-up-ness. In his own words, he “just really, really wanted to make it a movie where, four days later, you’re still shivering and going, ‘Jesus Christ!’” The movie’s concept art confirms that, at the very least, this thing would have been visually amazing.

But then, only eight weeks before shooting started, Universal Studios pulled the plug. What happened? Apparently, Watchmen did.

How Potentially Great Movies Got Derailed By Offscreen BS

Types of English Majors
  • the "what am I doing here?": basically just declared their major as English because they have no idea what else to do, get frightened when anyone mentions post-university life.
  • the hoe for Oscar Wilde: gets wine drunk and talks about aesthetics, takes a lot of Art History electives, probably very gay.
  • the communist: likes to interpret everything as a symbol of oppression, will fight you if you say animal farm was an allegory for communism and not specifically the soviet union, possibly double majoring in poli sci or history.
  • the future librarian: nicest person ever, you have no idea how they find time to read as many books as you do, always carries chapstick around
  • the romantic: writes love poetry on the index of their readings, owns every Jane Austen book in existence, taking spanish just so they can read untranslated Neruda
  • the edgelord: quotes Ayn Rand, talks big but is actually not that smart, read Lolita at face value, fights with the communist constantly
  • the feminist: baby bangs and/or dyed hair, asks the prof why there aren't more women on the syllabus, keep a copy of Sylvia Plath's Ariel next to their nightstand.
Why do they always teach us that it’s easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It’s the hardest thing in the world–to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want
—  Ayn Rand

If every trans woman in the world has to take the blame for every dumb thing Caitlyn Jenner says, then all cis women have to take responsibility for Margaret Thatcher, Ayn Rand and Sarah Palin

Ayn Rand

Ayn Rand goes up to the counter and allows her tall, handsome, brooding companion to order her espresso macchiato for her. “This establishment is the very epitome of capitalism, and for that we must recognize and applaud it,” he says. “The free market is victorious every time someone orders a coffee. Big business is the cornerstone on which America was destined to thrive.” They take their coffee to go, because they need to catch a train.

Why do they always teach us that it’s easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It’s the hardest thing in the world–to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want.
—  Ayn Rand

Rand Paul selfishly plays both sides of the vaccination debate. He wants to please the wacko libertarian anti-vaxxers, AND cover his own ass by getting his shots.

Just like Ayn Rand shredding her lifelong ideology and taking social security, the conservative says one thing and personally does another. Self-interest rules Rand Paul.
Why do they always teach us that it’s easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It’s the hardest thing in the world–to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want.
—  ― Ayn Rand
Why do they always teach us that it’s easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It’s the hardest thing in the world–to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want.
—  Ayn Rand
Why do they always teach us that it’s easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It’s the hardest thing in the world–to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want.
—  Ayn Rand
Ayn Rand's Alice in Wonderland

“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. 

“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an offended tone, “so i can’t take more.”

“You mean you can’t take LESS,” said the Hatter. “It’s very easy to take MORE than nothing.”

“We who live by values – not by LOOT – are traders both in matter and in spirit,” Alice replied in scorn. “A trader is a man who earns what he gets and does not give or take the undeserved. I will take no tea; I will take only that which I have earned by the value of my own spirit." 

"Try the cucumber sandwich,” the Hatter said airily. “It’s wonderful. It doesn’t exist.”

“You are a parasite,” Alice said. 

“I once saw a pair o’ sights,” the Dormouse murmured from inside the milk-jug. “I shall sing a song about it now,” he said, then promptly fell asleep. 

Productiveness is your acceptance of morality, your recognition of the fact that you choose to live–that productive work is the process by which man’s consciousness controls his existence, a constant process of acquiring knowledge and shaping matter to fit one’s purpose, of translating an idea into physical form, of remaking the earth in the image of one’s values–that all work is creative work if done by a thinking mind, and no work is creative if done by a blank who repeats in uncritical stupor a routine he has learned from others–that your work is yours to choose, and the choice is as wide as your mind, that nothing more is possible to you and nothing less is human–that to cheat your way into a job bigger than your mind can handle is to become a fear-corroded ape on borrowed motions and borrowed time, and to settle down into a job that requires less than your mind’s full capacity is to cut your motor and sentence yourself to another kind of motion: decay–that your work is the process of achieving your values, and to lose your ambition for values is to lose your ambition to live–that your body is a machine, but your mind is its driver, and you must drive as far as your mind will take you, with achievement as the goal of your road–that the man who has no purpose is a machine that coasts downhill at the mercy of any boulder to crash in the first chance ditch, that the man who stifles his mind is a stalled machine slowly going to rust, that the man who lets a leader prescribe his course is a wreck being towed to the scrap heap, and the man who makes another man his goal is a hitchhiker no driver should ever pick up–that your work is the purpose of your life, and you must speed past any killer who assumes the right to stop you, that any value you might find outside your work, any other loyalty or love, can be only travelers you choose to share your journey and must be travelers going on their own power in the same direction.
—  Ayn Rand