WHICH LEAVES: Gay Thoughts: When did you really start to realize your sexual orientation?
WELL. I’m really glad you asked because I’m STILL struggling with this bullshit LET ME TELL YOU.
This is going to be long and PROBABLY way too much information. More information than anyone ever probably wanted to know about my history but. I’m working on this and it feels good to get thoughts and feels out here, on my fandom blog, where maybe only two people know my in real life and everyone else just knows I draw precious hockey boys.
So when I was in high school and a wee baby-bat mall goth, I realized I wanted to kiss my best friend so I was like “yo wanna go out with me” and she was like “sure” and we kissed and went out on and off again for like 4 years and I was terrible and for about ¾ of that time I was like “Boys are dumb I’m definitely a lesbian” and for the other ¼ I was like “wait I’m dumb. what if I’m a boy, I’m the one that’s dumb and I like both?” Which took me into college where I met one of my current partners and then I was like oh you’re a trans dude, I’m a trans dude, I must be more dude-leaning pansexual????, and oh you already got a bf okay I’m poly too i guess. So I managed with that for a couple years without thinking too much about it, slight breakup and get back together, then graduated college and trans-dude-partner was like “this ain’t me” transitioned back to she/her pronouns and I was like whelp okay does this change anything not really ok. Poly group added a fourth, I struggled, was like “maybe i’m monogamous and that’s why I’m having these feels, this is hard”. Got over that time in my life, chilled out a bit, all the while (like for the whole time, like almost ten years) with a recurring sexual/gender identity crisis like yo I like dudes but what kinda dude who likes dudes is ever gonna like me, a dude with a downstairs mixup and like 5 silicone (or w/e) penises but no flesh and blood dong? And recently it’s like how do I even do this I wanna put myself out there because I’m embracing the more open aspect of my poly fam but yikes I’ve never actually dated-dated anyone I always just kind of fell into relationships with friends (or in the case of current formerly trans partner, fell onto a futon a 2 weeks after having been in classes together) and how will I meet new people and know that we’re mutually interested in eachother? So after sitting with that for like 2 months and entertaining the thought of trying to date, I realized I have had a giant crush on one of my good friends from highschool and his bf and I was just gonna like…..let that go away because of previously mentioned insecurities but Idk I was getting???? vibes on New Years and so like recently like…put the whole “hey sooooooo” thing out there and got a NOT NEGATIVE response so NOW I’M LIKE. Okay. so I never get crushes on people why is this happening to me. and then I was like oh we’re good friends and i feel like his bf and I get eachother on some things and Now I’m like “Does this mean that all those times wondering if I’m Demi have been confirmed? Help, specifics are hard”
AND THAT IS WHY I GENERALLY JUST CALL MYSELF QUEER. Like I’m just so done trying to figure myself out, man.
Apologies for the lack of grammar, punctuation and capitalization. I had to hide my embarrassing words in a wall of text somehow.
Bailed on plans to go smash it in the gym today and instead opted to go for food with family. You know what tho, sometimes laughing and having good times with family is just as important as running that mile on the treadmill or lifting those heavy weights💕
Hey there! Second time submitting, still a little nervous because I’m still trying to figure out this whole gender identity thing. I’m Jo — sixteen, (questioning?) demigirl who is wild about reptiles and knits entire scarves when she’s stressed — guest starring Clementine the Leopard Gecko!
Haruhi: Now while I’m away, I need you to water the plants, pay the paperboy and take the garbage out on Tuesday nights. I’ve written it all down for you. Tamaki: Haruhi, you don’t have to treat me like a child. Haruhi: Of course not. Oh, please remember: don’t open the door to strangers. Tamaki: … Haruhi: Well, there is a precedent set. We lost our stereo that day. Tamaki: He looked friendly and needed to use the phone! Haruhi: It was three o'clock in the morning, darling. Tamaki: People have flats at three in the morning. Haruhi: He was wearing a ski mask.