take me to your house

Weird AU Prompts

- “Yeah, your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I’ve seen everything. Even that dance party for one” au

- “Sure, I’m an alien but I don’t know why you’d think I’d abduct people. But there’s a great eatery across the galaxy if you want to check it out” au

- “Listen, I am genetically modified and on the run and you will let me hide in your house” au

- “I was just taking a walk through the woods and I didn’t think Fae really existed, and I really don’t think I’ll accept any food from you” au

- “My dragon is acting sick and you specialize in dragon illnesses, please take a look at it. Wait, why are you laughing” au

- “Buddy, we are in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, I specialize in botany in unfavorable terrain and I just saw you make a sword out of PVC pipe and string; we’re definitely teaming up” au

- “As a wielder of dark magic I definitely plan on taking over the world once I trick you into releasing me from my prison, but crap, I think I might like you more than I meant to” au

- “Ok, so you panicked and kissed the human so he wouldn’t drown, but we can’t keep him and he can’t leave if he knows about us merpeople, so what are we going to do” au

- “Look, I honestly didn’t mean to run into any awkward werewolves on my hike and why would I tell anyone about it, what do you mean ‘take me to your leader’ are you serious. How cliché can you be” au

- “I’m a superhero and you’re the villain, but I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face” au

I want you to love me in your own unique way. I don’t want you be pressured by what society thinks love should be. You can give me handwritten letters or poems instead of buying high-priced gifts and flowers. You can take me to your mom’s house and enjoy dinner with them instead of going to places where lovers should be. You can talk to me about your plans and future endeavors while gazing up to the stars above. Or we can go on a road trip and just laugh about our childhood stories. I just want you to love me without giving up part of yourself. I love you too much that I don’t want you to lose yourself because of me.
—  (d.g)

The fact that so many people are misinformed about the Dakota Pipeline and then use that misinformation to act as victims is hilarious and scary at the same time.

“The pipeline will create 8,000 IMMEDIATE jobs, but you’re against anyone earning their own pay and just want social projects, you commie.”

Great just made an ass of yourself. It’s great that it would create 8,000 jobs immediately, but what happens to that job after it’s built? It goes away and leaves that person/family strapped even more than before which guess what? Will lead to them needing government assistance.

“The pipeline isn’t over sacred grounds it’s someone else’s property that has already been signed away.“ 

Yeah it’s signed away illegally from Natives who want their land back after the government took it away illegally and signed it over to people who would sign it over immediately back to them.

"But studies have shown there is no sacred land there.”
Ok, let me go into your house take your cross, menorah what ever you hold sacred masturbate with it and defile it and say “Sorry it’s not sacred to me so I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Donald Trump is not wrong for supporting this pipeline, he wants to boost the economy." 

NO he wants to boost his pocketbook and his paycheck. HE HAS SHARES IN IT WHICH MAKES IT A HUGE CONFLICT OF INTEREST IF HE ENACTS ANY LAWS OR OVERTURNS THE VERDICT OBAMA MADE FOR THE PIPELINE. You guys threw a huge fit when you found out about that Youtuber who was promoting a gambling site on his page without disclosing he owned it. Guess what? It’s the exact same thing here.

The fact that most of these people are justifying using UNCLEAN fuel sources in order to boost the economy for a short time is absolutely baffling. The fact that they say "Well, I’m the only one using unbiased media therefore I am right” and then use Fox News or whatever right funded media outlet and justify it. Of course, they are not going to out the bad implications because if Pipeline money goes so does the media outlets money. You were so upset that the left-funded media was doing this for Hillary, hiding the truth so that she would win, guess what? They’re hiding the truth so that you and your superiority complex would feel high and mighty for supporting something that the Democrats oppose. Contradicting yourself much, you hypocrite?

NEWS FLASH: If you are supporting a cause that has cost an innocent woman her hand, that sics attack dogs on peaceful protectors, that justifies raping the land for profit, THEN YOU ARE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY.

If you can give me any other reason BESIDES PROFIT AND ECONOMY (two factors in a 10 factor decision) that is a good reason and was not debunked up here with links from A NON-REPUBLICAN FUNDED SITE, I will gladly eat my words

Daily Life in 4Kids Land

“See you in a bit, I’m off to Non-Specific Bookstore. Hopefully they won’t increase the prices given that they couldn’t afford a name.”

“That’s a good brand. They really made it their own by not having anyone know what it’s promoting. Very avant-garde.”

“Let’s go to That restaurant tonight. You know, That one. That one. You know the one. That one.”

“I wonder what my date of birth is.”

“I fucking love Fanta.”

“~Mr. President-senpai remembered my birthday!!!~”

“Ah yes, this takes me back to the good old Pakistan commercial days.”

“Surprise! Your house has been repossessed.”

Dating Oliver Wood would involve...

Originally posted by random-fandom-imagines98

Meeting through Quidditch

You’re the captain of another house’s team, so you two have a sort of friendly rivalry going on

The Weasley twins call it sexual tension but you tend to ignore them

Oliver can’t help but admire the way you play, and finds himself getting distracted by you during games

When he finally asks you out, he does it with a bet

“So, if Gryffindor wins the cup, I get to take you on a date.”

“And when (Your house) wins?”

“You get to take me on a date?”

Sometimes being on different Quidditch teams causes arguments between you two

At first the two teams tried to split you guys up (think the first High School Musical movie with Troy and Gabriella) because they thought you would both get distracted and it would impact the teams’ performances

It worked for a couple of weeks, but both teams saw how miserable you both were without each other

During the holidays, you two play one-on-one Quidditch

You always win

At Hogwarts, you both hang out in each other’s common rooms after classes

Oliver is a hopeless romantic

On your anniversary, he flew a broom up to outside your dormitory window to take you for a picnic at midnight

You almost fell out the window, but the thought was there

A/N: If you want to give feedback or request something, my ask is here!

Weird Ne Thoughts

For non-Ne users, a collection of thoughts that describe what it’s like inside a high Ne user’s brain. No, no, not ACTUALLY high… just… Ne is high in the function stack and - you know what, never mind. Ne is high.

  • *sees a picture of a polka dotted feather* “Birds wore the original polka dot bikinis.”
  • “Hummus is literally bean paste. Pasty beans. Tasty pasty beans. I hasten to tasten the pasten of beans.”
  • “Can you overdose on sugar? Like just straight sugar. How many pounds of sugar would you have to choke down before you died?”
  • “Is that flower looking at me? I’m pretty sure if it had eyes, it would be looking at me.”
  • “Hello. It’s the garbage can. You forgot to take me out and now your house smells like molding feet. Hello-o-oh-o, can you smell me? If you can’t you should probably get your nose checked cuz you probably have cancer and are going to die.”
  • “Balloons are a horrible idea. I feel bad for whoever first tried to market them as festive decorations. Like, ‘yeah, you see, you put special air in this piece of plastic and its, like, super fun!’”
  • *stubs toe on textbook* “Ah! So that’s where I put you, you sneaky lil snake!”
  • *immediately starts singing “No” by Meghan Trainor in my head every time I hear the word no*
  • “Blue is the best color. It makes me feel like a seaweed in the ocean.”
  • “You know what’s funny? The word school in a German accent. Shewl!”
  • *finds a shiny rock* “I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.”
  • *can’t remember the word plantain* “Pointy potato bananas?”
  • *sees a dandelion* “Lets play guess how many seeds it has on it for the next hour without ever actually finding out.”
  • “That plant looks like it’s plotting something evil… or maybe… POTTING something evil! Haahahahah…”
  • “What would help me concentrate? I know! Standing on one leg!”

Jon: the world benefit greatly from the cease of your insistent banter


oh man guys it’s so hot right now in southern california. Like no cloud in the sky, sun high and blazing, it’s barely 7 am and it’s already 80 degrees Fahrenheit, kind of heat. It’s beginning. 


And tomorrow we’re hitting triple digits *cries*

I hate summer.  What does this heat benefit? you can’t do anything comfortable outside unless you wanna burn, your garden plants get cooked, your poor pets get overheated, traffic becomes more hellish than regular. *sigh*

At least it “cools” down somewhat around 5pm ( the breeze starts kicking in and thankfully not a too hot one). I should enjoy this before real summer heat hits.

At least i have good heat tolerance, but i still hate it.

primma-dona  asked:

14-28-52 from the parenting prompt. Me and my bodyguard baby boys👶🏻👶🏼👶🏽pleaselol

Yess! Haha, I chose to do this one with Ben cause I can see him ending up with three boys. Hope you enjoy it hun!

Smuggler Ben Solo +  “Go ask your Dad/Mom.” +  “…They just grow up so fast.” +  “I had to have boys, you three are eating me out of house and home.”

Taking a pot off of your stove you suddenly heard the rumbling of hurried footsteps coming towards you. Arching your brow you turned around to see your three boys all rushing towards you. Setting down the dish you nearly shouted as they all came barrelling forward, almost crashing into the counter befoer them.

“Hey, hey settle down!”

One of the boys looked up to you, his eyes resembling so much of his father it took you by surprise every time. 

“Sorry mom.”

All of them carefully slid out stools from the counter as they sat down before you, eagerly watching you stir together the things you had been cooking. No matter what the occassion it always seemed as though anything made by you was enough to bring them out of their rooms and rushing to get up. With a sigh you gave them each a plate and set the food before them. Almost instantly they started dishing up their own plates, taking massive spoon fulls.

“Stars, do you really need that much? Save some for me and your father.”

The one in the middle smirked, “We’re still growing mom.”

You shook your head with a smile, “With how tall you’ve all gotten I think you’ve grown plenty.”

They all flashed you that familiar smirk before digging into their food. You couldn’t help but to arch a brow once again as you watched them nearly scarf the food down, acting as if they hadn’t seen food in ages.

“I had to have boys, you three are eating me out of house and home.”

The one on the left smiled widely at you, “It’s great mom.”

“Wonderful. What’s the hurry?”

The one in the middle perked up again, out of the three boys he resembled your husband the most. So much so you wondered if your genes had any influence in his genetic makeup.

“We’re trying to go to the pod races with uncle Poe tonight.”

The one on the right nodded eagerly, “They’re supposed to be the best on this side of the galaxy. He’s got great seats, cause of his reputation here.”

“There’s hardly any rules and racers from all different systems.”

“Ahh, I see.”

“Can we go?”

You crossed your arms under your chest, “Go ask your dad.”

They all groaned faintly. Surprisingly, Ben had ended up being the far more strict parent than you were. Compared to your lax approach, Ben seemed to become more of a hardliner once your boys were old enough to be disciplined. It certainly surprised you when you saw it, expecting the smuggler you knew to be as lax and playful as he usually was. 

“Can’t we just ask you?”

You shook your head, “Nope, you know the rules. If he needs you for work, you need to go with him.”

They all groaned again, slumping over their dishes. Just as they returned to eating you suddenly saw Ben emerge from one of the side blast doors, adjusting his vest over his shoulders. Smiling at the sight of him you watched as he approached, returning a genuine smile to you.

“Speaking of which, here he is.”

Ben’s brows furrowed, “What?”

All of the boys turned towards him, the one on the right instantly blurting out the words, “Can we go to the pod races with Poe?”

“Please? We can help with work when we get back.”

“Poe’s responsible.”

Ben snorted faintly as he made his way to the kitchen, instantly wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Sure he is.”

He turned to you with a smile, joining his lips to yours before turning back to the boys.

“Did you ask your mother?”

“She said to ask you.”

Ben looked to you again as you raised your brows. Though you would have loved to have an afternoon where they weren’t rough housing inside of your quarters or eating all of your food, you knew Ben had the last say of where they would spend their time. He sighed as he ran his free hand through his hair.

“Please dad. They only come here every 5 years.”

“Fine, you can go. You owe us an afternoon though.”

They all instantly beamed before you, practically dropping their plates on the counter as they all stood from their stools. 


Before you could even see what they were doing they all rushed around the counter to your side. Walking up to you each of them placed a kiss to the top of your head, a smile beaming on each of their handsome faces.

“Thanks mom!”

“Yeah thanks mom.”

“Love you mom.”

You sighed with content as you watched them all rush away instantly after embracing you. It seemed like only yesterday they only came up to your knees with doe brown eyes all looking up to you like you were the center of the universe. 

“Stay out of trouble boys!”

They all nodded as they rushed to the blast doors, slinging their bags over their shoulders.

“We will!”

With that they instantly hit the control to close the door behind them, your quarters becoming almost hauntingly quiet. You sighed again as you rested your head against Ben.

“You alright?”

“…They just grow up so fast.”

Ben smiled as he leaned down and gave you a peck to the cheek, rubbing your upper arm in an attempt to soothe you.

“I know. …I know.”

“I wish they’d stop.”

Ben chuckled as he wrapped you in his embrace, “I know how you feel. I miss them being as small as they were. …We did alright though.”

You sighed, “Yeah, I guess we did,”

Ben smirked deviously as he leaned closer to your ear, “You know, the faster they grow, the more time we have to ourselves.”

You rolled your eyes with a chuckle, “At least I know you’ll never change.”

Ben chuckled faintly as he gave you another kiss, holding you in his embrace.

anonymous asked:

I have a neighbor in my dorm that i have only seen about 9 times so far the whole school year compared to my other neighbors who I see like everyday. He's so elusive, every time I spot him I'm like "Cryptid spotted."

Pff I wonder if any of my neighbors think like this of me. I never leave the house. Next time take a picture of your neighbor, make it blurry, and post it on a conspiracy site. See what theories people can make up about your cryptid.

another friggen tfln meme

Text: Are you saying I’m your favorite hot mess?
Text: Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Text: He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk… because spoilers. They’re the perfect couple.
Text: I don’t care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Text: If he doesn’t get here soon I’m taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Text: Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Text: I’m trying to be all porn star and he’s making it all The Notebook
Text: Fuck whipped cream. I’d eat vegetables off those abs
Text: I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow …should have married you…
Text: Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Text: guys with girlfriends don’t have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Text: I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Text: Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Text: Life isn’t about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It’s who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Text: i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…
Text: First off: I’m drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren’t a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Text: awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
Text: Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Text: Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Text: I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt.
Text: Just once I’d like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Text: we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you’re too straight for a threesome?
Text: Maybe I’m not hungover. Maybe I’m actually dying.
Text: I’m having leftover pizza for breakfast. I’m clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Text: I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Text: You don’t usually get feedback after a one night stand, but you hit it out of the park. I’m proud to call you a friend.
Text: Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Text: My phone autocorrected “shhhhh” to “AHHHHHHHHH” and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Text: Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Text: Dude, I’m thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that’s how I’m feeling
Text: So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I’m hovering somewhere around trainwreck.

  • *the Great Hall*
  • Sherlock: *playing with his food*
  • John: *reading, sniggering* Molly, oh, Molly, you make my heart feel jolly. Please answer my call, wanna go to the Yule Ball? *laughing hysterically*
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: Where did you get that?
  • John: *wiping tears* A really confused house-elf. Apparently, some students have been secretly sending out anonymous invites to test out their 'game'. I almost feel sorry for this poor sod *waves the paper*
  • Sherlock: *scowls* 'Mary, Mary, yellow canary-'
  • John: *blushes* Alright, alright *hands him the paper* Who do you reckon it is?
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* Moriarty. He's fond of her.
  • John: *nods* Maybe. Doesn't explain the drafts I found in our dormitory, though *smug*
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: *blushes* Shut up, she said yes *gets up and walks away*
  • John: *smirks*