Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation… Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy.
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
As some of you may remember I spent two weeks in Cuba in March. Well, I finally managed it to edit some of the pictures I took there and decided to share a few with you because right now it’s snowing again and I really miss those warm and sunny days…
including the hit albums;
• a crush you can’t tour out
• petty. breakup.
• vices and please god ryan take me back
• too weird to retain its original members, too self-absorbed to break up the band
• death of a boyfriend (ryan this is your last chance i mean it this time)
“It has been quite the wild ride, this short while that I’ve been about, thank you, everyone, for making it so interesting.”
So there has been a lot of things happening recently, that have been keeping me away from these blogs. Back in December, when I first started this out, I really just wanted to have this be a bit of an exploratory blog into a different side of everyone’s favourite jackal.
Of course, that didn’t last that long, and I loved every moment that I spent talking with you all. Though it seemed to explode pretty massively, far, far more than I had anticipated. I had set this up as there was a lull in my actual work, but that has picked up again. On top of organising things to move house, it unfortunately left too much on my plate, which is why I have been mostly absent for the last month.
That’s changed now, I’ve moved house, and my work has settled again. While I won’t be around in the exact same capacity as I was before, I will have more time to devote to here.
Thank you, everyone. For both your attention, and your patience.