take him he's mine

stop making bitty ride the amtrak to pvd…the boy works hard…he is tired…stop making him take 2+ hrs of public transit to get laid. let bitty use jack’s uber account like any good pro athlete’s booty call/love of their life

me: had a cute italian waiter at a pizza restaurant

me, after i left the restaurant: it is my destiny to learn italian. how did i ignore it all these years? i was young, ignorant, and stupid. italian is the language of pizza and love. i must learn it. italian is such a beautiful language, it makes my soul grow lighter, it-


Get that hair out of your face. Let me see. Christ! That is disgusting. No wonder you cover that up. Have you seen it? I mean, have you looked in the mirror? That is gross as hell. I can see your socket. I want to touch it. Oh, come on. Can I touch it? … All jokes aside, you look rad as hell. I wouldn’t cover that shit up. It may not be a hit with the ladies, but I swear to you, no one is gonna screw with you looking like that. No, sir.


Crippling insecurities and carelessness get the better of us all, even Kings


Apparently, Miss Cullen and Miss Hale have a presentation for us.


Who needs footwork when you’re Hercule Poirot? ;)