take him from me & i kill you

Spend time in nature? That sh*t can kill you.

I’m a Florida witch. We sometimes have a slightly more cautious take on our communing with nature. Not that we don’t like nature. It’s just that we respect nature because it can be very deadly.

So, the building where I work backs up to a bit of protected Florida wetland. Protected wetlands are very important, but working near one has some side effects. This little guy was slithering across the parking lot as I was walking in. That’s a cottonmouth. It can kill you. Or in this case - me - because you’re reading this on tumblr and I was about 5 feet from a cottonmouth before I saw him and went “oh, snake.” He continued on his way. Once he reached the landscaping, he was nearly impossible to see. 

Nature - it really doesn’t care if you die. After all, everything has to die.

I was cutting a man’s hair at work today and somehow we came to the topic of Columbine. He told me about how both of his children graduated from there about 3-4 years before the massacre. He said that when his daughter heard the news about Dave Sanders getting killed, she was devastated and had to take a few days off of work. She had him as a teacher and kept saying; “He was such a wonderful and kind man, how could anyone want to kill him?” She had a story about when she was one of his students, he told everyone on the first day; No one will fail my class. If anyone is struggling, I want you to come find me. I am here every day at 6am and I don’t leave until 5pm. We will get through this together.“

parallels in Hamilton that DESTROYED me when I realized them
  • “Eliza!” / “And her eyes are just/(helpless)/and I realize three fundamental truths at the exact same time.”
    • As Angelica’s thoughts shift from her own feelings to her sister’s, her words (“eyes,” “realize,” “I”) start to aurally evoke the name Eliza. How crazy is that?
    • cf. “…and my time’s up/wise up/eyes up…” “rise up/rise up/rise up/Eliza!” Just goes to show how similarly Alexander and Angelica think and process. Which leads me to my next point…
  • "He will never be satisfied. I will never be satisfied” / “That would be enough.”
    • It illustrates so clearly the dynamics of the Alexander/Angelica/Eliza triangle.
  • “I made every mistake.” / “You did everything just right.”
  • “There’s a lake I know/in a nearby park/you and I can go/when the night gets dark.” / “See them walking in the park/long after dark/taking in the sights of the city.”
    • THIS ONE KILLED ME. I only realized today. Eliza finally gets what she wanted, but in the worst possible way.
  • “Raise a glass to freedom.” (Laurens) / “Raise a glass to freedom.” (Hamilton)
    • GUYS????? WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT HAMILTON’S LAST WORDS ARE HIM QUOTING JOHN LAURENS FROM THEIR YOUNG, IDEALISTIC REVOLUTIONARY DAYS? LAURENS, WHO DIED 22 YEARS BEFORE? I’m not even a big Lams fan, but if that’s not a love story–

tl;dr: Lin-Manuel Miranda is a genius. Give him all the awards.

Originally posted by shawnhollenbach

EDITED TO INCLUDE LINK TO PART 2: [x]

Baby Driver

this movie is flawless and here are some reasons why:

  • the whole soundtrack
  • the entire beginning sequence
  • when Griff (Jon Bernthal) gets in the car during the first heist and points forward and Baby slams it backwards
  • sign language
  • Joe made me so happy?
  • also when he signed “who’s the girl?”
  • Ansel Elgort’s lips? blocked
  • you can hear his tinnitus (ringing sound) when he’s not listening to music
  • you can’t hear his tinnitus when he’s with Deborah
  • when he takes one ear bud out the music shifts to one side
  • Kevin Spacey. just overall. i love him
  • “what the fuck?”
  • when he goes to get coffee and he’s listening to Harlem Shuffle by Bob & Earl you can see the lyrics graffiti-ed on the walls and poles and stuff behind him as he’s walking
  • when Baby is ordering coffee and he goes “yeah yeah yeah” in time with the song
  • Baby reciting back the entire plan and then looking at Bats and going “questions?”
  • “That’s my Baby.” “Fuck yo’ Baby.”
  • the gunshots are perfectly in time with the music during every fight sequence
  • when Buddy cocks Darling’s gun for her
  • Darling’s outfits
  • she’s also rly pretty the fuck
  • Brighton Rock??? What the fuck???? so good I love Queen
  • “And you’re in a pink and sparkly mood?” “I am now.”
  • Every time Baby smirks I wanna punch him
  • the sunglasses scene
  • the scene where he’s running away from the cops is just as intense as the car chase scenes and the gun fights
  • Simon and Garfunkel’s Baby Driver is so catchy fuck
  • “Wait, I have to start the song over.”
  • When he goes into the diner and it starts playing When Something Is Wrong With My Baby
  • Baby singing along to Neat Neat Neat
  • “Now you know I hate taking candy from Baby…”
  • Jamie Foxx’s character was unpredictable, and a little unnerving. He wasn’t like terrifying but there definitely were moments where I wasn’t sure what he was gonna do and it made me nervous
  • side note my dad was peeing when Bats died and when he came back and I told him Baby killed Bats he went “ah, good.”
  • “You took something from me that I love, now you know I gotta do the same to you.” Oh yea for sure he’s gonna shoot Deb- FUCK
  • that part was honestly so good I spent like 5 minutes with my mouth hanging open like fuck you Buddy you can’t take that away from him :’( 
  • but it also shows that Buddy really understood Baby and remember that he kinda stood up for Baby and they were bonding a lil with music and stuff it just shows how unpredictable he was
  • I have legitimately been listening to the soundtrack for this movie since I saw it a week ago today
  • his name is Miles
  • if Edgar Wright and James Gunn made a movie together I would die immediately upon entering the theater

don’t worry I’ll see this movie 8937459 more times so expect more of this

100 Dialogue Prompts
  1. “Where the hell did that baby come from, Marissa?!" 
  2. “Did you destroy the world AGAIN?”
  3. "What do you mean you’re a serial killer?”    
  4. “Listen, you can’t just keep shoving people off the sides of cliffs.”
  5. “Oh my god. I thought you were dead.”
  6. “That wasn’t there before”
  7. “So what now?” “I have no idea, I thought that would kill us”
  8. “I can’t believe you’re married to death, again!”
  9. “Assassination would seem to be a better career, with your skillset.”
  10. “It’s not my fault that the snails committed mutiny!”
  11. “It’s situations like this that make me question why I follow you anywhere.”
  12. “Where did this dog come from?”
  13. “Did you remember to take the skin off?”
  14. “I was going to ask what you’re doing, but at this point, I don’t think I want to know.”
  15. “Why is there a corpse in the bathtub?”
  16. “What in tarnation”
  17. “I love you, I’ll make you love me too”
  18. “This would be a lot easier if you sat still.”
  19. “You see, it all began when it spoke back.”
  20. “This is the pit where we keep the cube that screams.”
  21. “Why did you steal my door?”
  22. “Why didn’t you just listen to me…”
  23. “Hey, you finally made it!”
  24. “Wait, there were only three of them. Why are there now four?”
  25. “How do you ‘accidentally’ hit someone hard enough to rip a hole through time and space?”
  26. “Why is there bloodstains on the floor, honey?”
  27. “… Why are you… eating tacos at 3 AM?” “Why not?”
  28. “Why would you train your gerbil army to take over the world and enslave humanity?!”
  29. “Are toasters supposed to float?”
  30. “Honey, did you eat the dog”
  31. “Hey bro, where’s our sister?” “Um… we don’t have a sister.”
  32. “Wanna help me steal a giraffe?”
  33. “I told you that you would regret it, now we’ve ended up like this.”
  34. “Why are your clothes all wet? Why are you covered in glitter? Why does your sister have wings? Ah- get off the carpet! It’s getting all wet!”
  35. “You’re not actually sure, are you?”
  36. “What do you expect me to do? I’m a magician, not a wizard!”
  37. “Dad? What are you doing here? This is a spaceship.”
  38. “Mom says I can’t burn the city hall with you. She said that we’re going to my aunt that day.”
  39. “You….you just don’t understand..”
  40. “Okay, so. No more caffeine for you, that’s apparent.”
  41. “Where were you last night?”
  42. “Okay but have you seen what my hair does?! I kills people!”
  43. “I don’t think you understand the term 'dead or alive’, because I don’t know if this thing IS dead or alive”
  44. “What do you mean, ‘there wasn’t a murder weapon’?”
  45. “Time flies, but I can fly faster.”
  46. “You just crashed with MY podship into that wall and all you say is »It’s just a scratch«?”
  47. “Now sweetie, don’t get scared when you hear the gunshots, okay? Just don’t come to the house.”
  48. “and… why do you have a gorilla in your room again?”
  49. “Okay, last question: why is there an owl in the fridge?”
  50. “Well shit, you’re hotter than i was expecting.”
  51. “It turns out, space isn’t actually the final frontier”
  52. “If I had hands right now I would choke you.”
  53. “…why did you think it would be a good idea to set that on fire?”
  54. “Close your eyes, sweetie. They can’t get you then.”
  55. “That tiger, that tiger eats humans”
  56. “I swear, if ONE more person comes at me with their hot dog buns–”
  57. “If you would have just kissed them, we wouldn’t be in this mess! Now we’re tied up on traintracks about to be smushed like bugs!”
  58. “Do I want to know why your'e in my apartment wearing only sport shorts which are quite tight?”
  59. “What do you mean that woman wasn’t you?”
  60. “Why is there a dog on the couch?!”
  61. “Stop dude stop, you scared the dogs.”
  62. “What on earth made you think the banana was a good idea?
  63. "Do I want to know whats in the box”
  64. “Wait, no! Please don’t leave me here, it’s getting dark. Have you not heard the stories of the things in these woods?”
  65. “Those were shoes yesterday”
  66. “Can I at least put on my socks first?”
  67. “Why is the Devil in your living room?” “It’s Saturday, Tom. Date night.”
  68. “John, get your damn death ray off of my cat’s bed. You’ve given poor Fluffy radiation poisoning!”
  69. “I get it, you think I don’t care about you. You think I want nothing to do with you… And you’re right.”
  70. “No. Not after last time.”
  71. “What made you think you could survive this?”
  72. “No! I never said you could reenact General Sherman’s Total War tactic from the Civil War! We’re gonna get arrested!”
  73. “Why does our 8 y/o daughter think that THAT werewolf is her pet dog?! He’s been terrorizing our entire town!!”
  74. “Have you even bothered to consider your options before deciding to bungee jump into the Pacific?”
  75. “That is NOT how you bury a dead body, Jared!”
  76. “Do you know where the cat is? I haven’t seen it in two weeks…”
  77. “You did what?!” “It’s not that big of a deal” “You killed a man!”
  78. “But you love me, don’t you? So you’ll forgive me.”
  79. “I don’t care.”
  80. “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that, right?”
  81. “You’d be surprised how flexible a sloth can be.”
  82. “Oh great, the world exploded…. again”
  83. “I dressed up for THIS?”
  84. “Why? And how?”
  85. “Would it hurt you to tell me exactly where we’re going?”
  86. “You can’t take back those words anymore. Or everything else you did.”
  87. “he didn’t do anything I fucking told him to do!”
  88. “When they came, why didn’t you fight?”
  89. “What are you doing here?” “I was about to ask you the same thing…” “Well, it’s called the hanging tree for a reason.”
  90. “__, please come down from the tree, i’ll treat you to pizza.”
  91. “You can… seriously? Oh my gosh, teach me teach me teach me!!”
  92. “I wasn’t aware that 'monster’ was a term of endearment.”
  93. “Yes, I’m sure your flower pot really is trying to kill you, Debra.”
  94. “Why is our child on the roof?”
  95. “Do you want a hug? Will that help?”
  96. “How could you sign us up for this without reading the fine print?! It says right there that we have to give up everything!!!”
  97. “And it’s been stuck in there how long now?”
  98. “I learned I can’t trust you when the world was "fine”, now tell me one reason not to place a bullet between your eyes and listen to you.“
  99. “Why the hell are you naked in my room?”
  100. "Having criminals line up against their will and you killing them is not community service!”

100 prompts. Amazing. Thank you for sharing your ideas and contributing to our community.

Let’s make a new list right now! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”! I will use the first 100 prompts for the next list. One prompt per amigo please!

Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation…  Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy. 
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
—  Ranata Suzuki

Okay, I want to talk about something. I think about this a lot; ever since Captain America: Civil War came out. And anytime someone says Bucky is a villain.

This particular scene hits me like a ton of bricks.

This part absolutely rips my heart to shreds. Bucky wanted to get away from everything. He was trying so hard to stay low and try to live in the dark; run away from his life with Hydra. A life he didn’t choose nor want; he was forced. 

Bucky Barnes is not a villain. It hurts me when I look into his eyes in this scene, and I couldn’t imagine him being a villain. All he knew was fighting. Whether he was fighting against someone Hydra ordered the Winter Soldier to, or Tony when he was James Buchanan Barnes. 

All he knows is fighting. All along, he was fighting against the Winter Soldier, fighting against his mind–doing anything he could to stop the Winter Soldier from taking over. 

His eyes are screaming “Help me.” 

“I’m sorry I fell off the train protecting you, help me.” 

“I’m sorry I took the lives of innocent people, help me.” 

“I’m sorry I almost killed my best friend, help me.” 

“I’m sorry I’m coming in between you and your other best friend, help me.” 

“I’m sorry I can’t understand why you think I’m worth it, help me.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Help me.”

Hamilton Characters as Different Social Media Platforms
  • Alexander: Tumblr. Shitposts regularly, goes on long rants about social justice issues, daddy kink, kinda rly Gay™,hates donald trump.
  • Laurens: Deviant Art. Really likes to do the Art Thing™,is really gay, quiet when u dont know him but sO FRICKIN LOUD OTHERWISE WOO!!
  • Lafayette: Vine. naive af,does not understand most jokes but tells them again anyways,talks way too fast.
  • Hercules: Twitter: Rants a lot, lowkey a fuckboy,does not have an indoor voice as he is ALWAYS HYPED!!!!
  • Madison: Snapchat. Stays at party for like 10 mins then leaves for some reason and does not come back, kinda basic but everyone still loves him,99% pure
  • Jefferson: 4chan. Is the first to know about new memes, kinda problematic,angered easily,ironically says "make america great again"
  • Washington: Facebook. Pronounces "memes" as "mey-meys",you either rly like him or rly hate him,finds out about trends months late, dad friend.
  • Burr: Google plus. Everyone knows him ut most dont rly like him , 100% salt, steals memes from Jefferson.
  • King George: Myspace. 'hahaha remember me?",really wants people to talk to him again,lonely, still thinks its 2006
  • Eliza: Pinterest. The Mom Friend™™ ,really likes DIY projects, & does everything better than you.
  • Peggy: Ifunny. Commonly overlooked,does everything """ironically""",likes memes.
  • Angelica: Instagram. #nofilter,rly passive agressive,takes pictures of her food, has an iphone.
  • Maria: Youtube. Everyone knows her name,has a bit of a bad rep but is cool af, likes cute animals.
3

Even if you could do all those things, but how could you be someone who could do that? The world would know that you were the one that betrayed every last one of our partners. Betray the memory of Charles Vane. 

Charles Vane is dead. I’d do it for us. It’s how it started. It’s how it’s going to end.

anonymous asked:

I'm not looking for Yuuri/Yuri but do you have a list of smol Yurio with a crush on Yuri but still Victuuri I just think love when Yurio ONLY likes Yuri instead of hating him

+4 more requests! Thank you all for these! All of these will be one-sided! I hope you enjoy! Please let me know if I missed any you think should be on here!


Yurio Has a Crush on Yuuri


it doesn’t take a scientist by alykapedia, Teen, 2.3k
In which Yuri Plisetsky has a crush, Mila Babicheva is a terrible listener, Otabek Altin is an equally terrible advice-giver, and the only possible solution to his predicament is to kill Viktor Nikiforov and marry Yuuri Katsuki himself. Love!

With a Little Help From My Yuri by youaremarvelous, Teen, 5.4k
5 times Yuuri helps Yurio out + the one time he (begrudgingly) returns the favor. THIS IS REALLY CUTE OMG

Songs About Your Boyfriend by cryingoverspilledvodka, 17k
Yuri is in love with Victor’s ambition, deeply in love with Victor’s skating- and stupidly in love with Victor’s fiancé. Thumbs up!

Where It Counts by Harlequinade13, 1.7k
Yuri Plisetsky goes out for a run in Barcelona. He doesn’t expect to meet Victor where he does. He doesn’t expect a lot of things. Nice one-shot!

Edit Sober by counterheist, Teen, 4.2k
Yuuri finds Yurio’s plisetsuki fanfiction. Viktor has a talk with Yurio, which consists mostly of a bottle of vodka and an I know, I know. RIP YURIO… teen crushes and fanfiction omg

salchow fury by winchilsea, Teen, 3.1k
When asked what it feels like to be both the youngest ranger in the PPDC and the legendary Viktor Nikiforov’s co-pilot, Yuri Plisetsky looks at the camera dead on and says, “Like walking in on your parents having sex. Continuously.” Definitely recommend!

Yuri Plisetsky is not in denial by thatoldeblackmagic, Gen, Not Rated, 1.4k
Sometimes Yuri can look at Katsudon and semi-honestly think, ‘You’re not that great’ because he really isn’t. Sometimes this works. Until Katsudon catches him staring and then turns his full attention towards Yuri complete with a small smile and a confused head tilt like he’s a goddamn puppy. Great one-shot!

In jokes and Pettiness by preciousbunnynoiz, Teen, 5k (WIP)
“It hurt to see Yurio’s reactions because Phichit understood very well what it was like to have a one-sided crush. Specifically, he knew what it was like to have a one-sided crush on Yuri. Yurio was going to suffer for three reasons:
one - because Yuri is as oblivious as he is charming and never notices flirting,
two - because he was only 16 and not at all a possible love interest for Yuri and
three – Yuri only had eyes for Victor.” Love this fic so much!

in wine we trust by fireblazie, Teen, 1.9k
Yuri peers into the expanse of the apartment and finds a single, flickering light in the kitchen. He stealthily tiptoes across the floor with the baseball bat clutched tightly in his fists, only to find that, what the hell, this bastard is actually fucking raiding his fridge. “That’s my pirozhki, asshat!” he snarls, ready to swing his bat when the intruder turns around.Shit, Yuri thinks. It’s Beautiful International Student Yuuri Katsuki. Awesome fic!

Secret Language by preciousbunnynoiz, Teen, 1.7k
A story where it turns out Yuuri secretly speaks perfect Russian and Yuri finds out and it helps further their friendship. HAHA I LOVE THIS

A Foreign Warmth by sugarsubstitute, Teen, 3.1k
Big surprise, Victor has abandoned him. Not in Russia, not on the ice rink but in an onsen with his rival. Despite his predicament, he puts up with it. After all, dinner with the person he currently hated the most in the world wasn’t really going to change much, right? Nice one-shot!

So a demon is possessing the body of my rogue’s adoptive-brother. She obviously doesn’t want to hurt him, but she doesn’t want him to hurt the rest of the party.

Rogue: Well that leaves one person. I stab myself in the stomach.
Everyone else: WHAT THE FUCK.

The DM laughs a bit, making some rolls as I get yelled at for stabbing myself.
Fighter: “The fuck is that going to accomplish-”
DM: The demon seems frazzled for a moment before rushing over to [rogue’s] side and using a cure spell on her.
Demon: “The fuck was that?! How did you do that?!”
Rogue: “You’re possessing my older brother. Unless you got rid of him completely, I doubt he’s suddenly going to become passive rather than fussing and obsessing over me when I’m injured.”
Demon: “Well-”
Rogue: “Try your luck at killing me. See how that does over in my brother’s body.”
Demon: “Bullshit! I’ll deal with you and your gross sibling love later-”
Rogue: I stab myself again.
DM: *More rolls* He returns and heals you again.
Rogue: “Thanks for the healing.”
Demon: “Quit it, can’t you see I’m trying to kill people!”
Rogue: I stab myself again.
Demon: “STOP THAT YOU FUCK!”
Rogue: “NEVER. TEENAGE REBELLION!”

My confused party takes this as permission to attack him, knocking him out pretty quickly while he’s distracted with me.

Fighter: “…what just happened?”
Wizard: “Familial bonding.”

TL;DR: Rogue beats demon possessing her brother by distracting him and tricking him into healing her from brotherly instinct.

(Note: anything in quotations is in character, if not, it’s ooc)

Lance would probably be the type of boyfriend that would compliment the heck out of Keith at any given chance, call him ‘babe’ and ‘love’ and yell ‘looking fine sweetheart!’ across the deck during training sessions

and then Keith would struggle, wanting to return the sentiment before turning to him one night and saying ‘If I ever had the chance to trade you with the mothman, i wouldn’t.’

Imagine - Zach breaks up with you

Originally posted by pitterpratter

@thrtreasons Request: “pls zach x reader where they dated for a long time and they were super goals but then they broke up idk why and he’s still in love with her and you know he’s not doing well after the tapes and she notices and helps him?? i mean he tells her everything and thinks she’ll hate him etc anyway thank you💫”

It has been exactly one month since you and Zach have broken up, and it was over something extremely stupid. It was over an argument that the two of you had. An argument over the fact that you and Bryce were “too friendly with each other”. Clearly Zach had gone mad. Because you would never cheat on him, and certainly not with Bryce Walker. That guy was a complete asshole and a pervert. If anything, he was always flirting with you, even though you were dating one of his best friends. But you had no intention what so ever to cheat on Zach with Bryce. You loved Zach, you truly did. And he loved you, but clearly not as much as you though because he couldn’t see how it was not you being “too friendly” with Bryce but the other way around.

It has been a painful month for you after the break up. You and Zach were perfect for each other, in your eyes and in the eyes of most of the students at Liberty high. You two were the “IT” couple. Always the talk of the school on how cute the two of you were together and how others wished that they had what you and Zach had. Why did things have to end between the two of you. You remember the night where everything went downhill, like it was yesterday…

“I’m not ‘all over Bryce’ Zach! That’s ridiculous!” You yell.

You and Zach were sitting in your living. Your parents were gone for the weekend on some business trip and Zach had promise to keep you company in the time being. So he had come over to your house so the two of you could cuddle and watch some movies. But things turned south pretty quickly…

“Sure you’re not.” Zach scoffs “You two are always flirting with each other! And right in front of me too!” He booms out.

“You know I’m really surprised that you haven’t left me for him yet, slut…” He breathes out the last word that you nearly missed what he said.

But it’s too late. You heard it. And you have never been more humiliated and furious in your life.

You look at him straight in the eyes, seething, and slap him. Hard. Right across his face.

“You know what!? Fuck you Zachary!” You spit out. “I fucking hate you! Get out!”

Zach scoffs and then says with malice, “Sure, I’ll leave, but know this, we’re fucking done (Y/N). I don’t even know why I went out with such a slut like you in the first place.” Then Zach walks out your door.

Keep reading

{PART 27} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; As death enters the room to claim a soul; so does life. Who shall live and who shall die - as you begin to wonder…is this really the end?

“And as he looked upon her face amidst the madness, he saw everything he held close depart his world; while she slipped into the next”

|| Warning: This chapter contains mentions of blood and some scenes that readers may find upsetting ||

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time)

{Part 1} // {Part 26} {Part 27} {Part 28}

Keep reading

BTS reaction to their drunk girlfriend telling them she has a boyfriend.

Request: the s/o is drunk and they picked her up and bring her home and he’s about to remove her clothes to change into pajamas but then the s/o suddenly said that she has a boyfriend.

A/N: I really don’t know how i feel about this but I hope you enjoy it.


SEOKJIN
Jin would scold you as soon as he saw how drunk you were. He would prepare a bath so you could get out of the sleepy state. He would place his arm around your waist and walk you to the bathroom. Once you were there, he would look at you and place his hands on the hem of your dress. Sensing what he was going to do, you would scold slapping his hands. He would frown at you “I have a boyfriend you pervert shit” He would roll his eyes and shake his head “Can I take it off, please? I’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t mind. Plus I know him, he would kill me if I didn’t take care of you” You would nod your head and place your hands on his cheeks “Trust me, he would” You would giggle while slurring your words.

Originally posted by sugaa

YOONGI
He would be complaining since he got the call from your friend but once he saw your clingy state he would smile. He would take care of you, he would make you drink lots of water and once you looked better he would take you to your bed. He would get you comfy clothes. When he started taking off your shirt you would yawn looking at him “I have a boyfriend you know” Yoongi would laugh and peck your nose once he was done. “I see you’re staying loyal, you let people undress you but you let them know you have a boyfriend”. Next morning you would wake up to him kissing your neck while wrapping his arms around you “missing your boyfriend?”

Originally posted by jeonbase

HOSEOK
This sunshine here would make sure everything is okay and how you need it. When your friend called him to tell him how drunk you were he would complain to her and get mad because they let you drink when they should be taking care of you. Once you were in his arms, he would treat you with love and make sure you were okay all the time. When you pulled away when he was trying to undress you he would look at you hurt and frown, thinking he had done something wrong. When you told him that you had the best boyfriend ever and you weren’t planning on changing him or cheating on him, he would laugh and let you sleep.

Originally posted by jaayhope

NAMJOON
When he opened the door and saw you drunk, resting your head on your friend’s shoulder, he would shake his head and take you by your hand. Inside, he would open the fridge and put you in front of it. “I read somewhere that cold helps so you’re going to stand here until you freeze” He would move his hands to your dress to get rid of it when you grabbed his hands “My boyfriend has a cool nickname, it’s monster so you better be afraid” He would ignore you pulling his away and he would try to undress you again “I don’t know if you’re dumb but I said I have a boyfriend” You would frown. “I heard you but i’m ignoring you” You would pinch his hand away “Fine fine, I’m just trying to help. You never complain when I undress you for other things”

Originally posted by sugaa


JIMIN
He would carry you to your shared room and put you down while rolling his eyes fondly. He would place his hands on your jacket to take it off before you pulled away turning around.
“Stop right there. I have a boyfriend” you squinted your eyes
“your boyfriend must be sexy” Jimin said smiling
“Oh he is and he is smol and cute I just wanna squish his cheeks” you made grabby hands as if you were imagining your boyfriend’s cheeks.
“Baby you’re so drunk, let me take care of you” he would smile moving closer and place your hands on his cheeks “mochi will take care of you”
“Mochiiiii, you’re here” you smiled and wrapped your arms around him pulling him down on top of you.

Originally posted by itschiminie

TAEHYUNG
Taehyung being as clingy he is, would pout and frown while helping you because you didn’t count on him. He would try to take your clothes off but you would pull away shaking your head “I have a boyfriend, I’m loyal, don’t try anything” He would pout looking at you “So first you drink without me, your drinking buddy. Your friends wake me up in the middle of the night because she didn’t take care of you and now you don’t even recognize me, your boyfriend. This hurts y/n” You would throw your head back groaning “just go back to undressing me, at least you didn’t talk that much, just don’t say anything to Taehyung”

Originally posted by toughchim

JUNGKOOK
He would use it against you the next morning and probably the next six years but now, seeing you so drunk and looking around confused he would take you into his arms and to your room. You would squint your eyes at him “I have a boyfriend, he is strong. He will beat your ass if you try anything” Jungkook would smirk “He must be strong if he is willing to fight me. Look at this arms” He would smirk pointing his own arms “He loves me so much” You would nod while sitting on the bed “He would do anything for me” You would smile looking down at your hands. Jungkook would take this as an opportunity “What about you? Do you love him?” He would look at you, waiting for your answer “So so so so much. This much” You would open your arms like a small kid to show him how much and he would take that moment to hug you and squeeze you saying how cute you were.

Originally posted by jeonwilds

Ink and Kisses

Anon said to moi:

“Omg i want a tattoo artist jungkook!!!!!! 😭😩 smut/fluff/and honestly anything!!!! I just love tattoos artists jungkook but there aren’t alot of those fanfic…. can u help a poor girl out ??💖”

FIRst time trying a Tattoo artist AU. I had to do some reading before this, and JK is sO sexy i s2g. Still weird that I don’t really ever feel like doing the do with him. HOPE YOU ENJOY <3 1,400 Words

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Tattooist au!

Part 1 | Part 2 (FINAL)

Originally posted by nnochu

No one would have ever imagined that hardcore badass Jeon Jungkook, the most well-known tattoo artist in the town, the guy who dropped out to follow his passion, was best friends with beautiful, sweet, top-scoring university student, Y/N. 

Physically, they seemed to be polar opposites. He had dragons inked onto his skin, three piercings on his left ear and two on his right, and always wore black; whilst you were a bright, clean slate – but you knew that was what he loved about you.

Keep reading

The Last Unicorn (1982) starters.
  • ❛  I dislike the feel of these woods.  ❜
  • ❛  Unicorns? I thought they only existed in fairytales.  ❜
  • ❛  This is a forest like any other. Isn’t it ?  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s turn around. Hunt somewhere else.  ❜
  • ❛  This is no world for you.  ❜
  • ❛  Good luck to you, for you are the last.  ❜
  • ❛  What do men know ?  ❜
  • ❛  We are as old as the sky, old as the moon.  ❜
  • ❛  We can be hunted, we can be trapped, we can even be killed but we do not vanish !  ❜
  • ❛  Have you traveled very far ?  ❜
  • ❛  Be a little respectful, do you know who I am ?  ❜
  • ❛  Your name is a golden bell, hung in my heart.  ❜
  • ❛  I would break my body to pieces to call you once by your name.  ❜
  • ❛  In all your wanderings, have you seen others like me ?  ❜
  • ❛  Have you seen the others? Where have they gone? Tell me which way I must go to find them.  ❜
  • ❛  No, no, listen ! Don’t listen to me, listen !  ❜
  • ❛  You can find the others if you are brave.  ❜
  • ❛  What if they’re waiting for me ? In need of my help ?  ❜
  • ❛  Well hello there little one !  ❜
  • ❛  And just who might you belong to ? a pretty little thing like you ?  ❜
  • ❛  In my heart I carry such a heavy load.  ❜
  • ❛  And here I thought I’d seen the last of them !  ❜
  • ❛  I know you. If I were blind I would know what you are.  ❜
  • ❛  You wouldn’t have heard of me.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s not much of a job for a real magician, but I’ve had worse.  ❜
  • ❛  You’re mine. If you kill me, you’re still mine.  ❜
  • ❛  Your death sits in that cage and she hears you.  ❜
  • ❛  She’ll kill me one day or another, but she will remember forever that I caught her, that I held her prisoner. So there’s my immortality.  ❜
  • ❛  You were out on the road hunting for your own death !  ❜
  • ❛  He’ll not have you ! You belong to me.  ❜
  • ❛  We are two sides of the same magic.  ❜
  • ❛  You are safer here. You should thank me for protecting you.  ❜
  • ❛  There has never been a spell on me before.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is.  ❜
  • ❛  Will you help me ?  ❜
  • ❛  You’re my last chance.  ❜
  • ❛  Can you truly set me free ?  ❜
  • ❛  I asked him a riddle and it always takes that lout all night to solve riddles.  ❜
  • ❛  the spell was wrong but there was true magic in it ! try again.  ❜
  • ❛  My dear you deserve the services of a great wizard but I’m afraid you’ll have to be glad of the aide of a second rate pickpocket.  ❜
  • ❛  Okay, (name), I give up. Why is a raven like a writing desk ?  ❜
  • ❛  She’ll kill you if you set her free !  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t look back, and don’t run.  ❜
  • ❛  You must never run from anything immortal, it attracts their attention.  ❜
  • ❛  She chose her death long ago. It was the fate she wanted.  ❜
  • ❛  You have no regrets as I do ?  ❜
  • ❛  I’ve never seen anyone like you. Not while I was awake, anyway.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m going where they are, to learn whatever they know.  ❜
  • ❛  Take me with you ! for luck, for laughs, for the unknown.  ❜
  • ❛  You could never have granted my true wish.  ❜
  • ❛  I cannot turn you into something you are not.  ❜
  • ❛  Hide yourself ! We’ll find each other later.  ❜
  • ❛  Mind your heads now, it’s raining ninnies !  ❜
  • ❛  Put me down you fool !  ❜
  • ❛  I don’t like the look of him.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s only (name)’s way, but she has a good heart.  ❜
  • ❛  This is not happening.  ❜
  • ❛  We’ll both be gentlemen of leisure in a months time.  ❜
  • ❛  Oh, I love you.  ❜
  • ❛  She shall never have you !  ❜
  • ❛  We will perish together.  ❜
  • ❛  Did you see me ? Were you watching ?  ❜
  • ❛  Did you see what I made ?  ❜
  • ❛  It’s gone now, but I had it !  ❜
  • ❛  Where have you been ? Where have you been ! ?  ❜
  • ❛  Where were you when I was new ?  ❜
  • ❛  How dare you come to me now when I am this !  ❜
  • ❛  It’s alright, I forgive you.  ❜
  • ❛  You can’t come with us ! we’re on a quest !  ❜
  • ❛  Well, you’re going the wrong way.  ❜
  • ❛  You have all the power you need if you dare to look for it.  ❜
  • ❛  What have you done ! ?  ❜
  • ❛  The power will come to me whenever I need it, and one day! One day it will come to me when I call !  ❜
  • ❛  You are an idiot !  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t ! Don’t you hurt yourself !  ❜
  • ❛  I can feel this body dying all around me !  ❜
  • ❛  You are losing my interest, and that is very dangerous.  ❜
  • ❛  I will keep nothing near me that does not make me happy.  ❜
  • ❛  How would you know ?  ❜
  • ❛  Well, just look at you !  ❜
  • ❛  Come on, I’ll write you a reference.  ❜
  • ❛  You have let your doom in by the front door !  ❜
  • ❛  What are you looking at ?  ❜
  • ❛  What is the matter with your eyes ?  ❜
  • ❛  You may come and go as you please.  ❜
  • ❛  My secrets guard themselves, may yours do the same.  ❜
  • ❛  Please, let me help you. What can I do for you ?  ❜
  • ❛  And then she looked at me and I was sorry I had killed the thing.  ❜
  • ❛  For her sake I’ve become a hero but my great deeds mean nothing to her !  ❜
  • ❛  I wish to be whatever she has most need of.  ❜
  • ❛  You are cruel to him.  ❜
  • ❛  He only wishes you to think of him.  ❜
  • ❛  Who am I ? Why am I here ?  ❜
  • ❛  I knew a moment ago, but I have forgotten.  ❜
  • ❛  I was innocent and wise and full of pain.  ❜
  • ❛  Now that I’m a woman, everything has changed.  ❜
  • ❛  Why won’t you help me ? Why must you always speak in riddles ?  ❜
  • ❛  I would tell you what you want to know if I could.  ❜
  • ❛  I am always dreaming, even when I am awake. It is never finished.  ❜
  • ❛  I would court you with more grace if I knew how.  ❜
  • ❛  Drown out my dreams. Keep me from remembering whatever wants me to remember it.  ❜
  • ❛  Words are always getting in my way.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s all I have to tell you. That’s all I’ve got to say.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m not a man of poetry. Music isn’t one with me.  ❜
  • ❛  As if I didn’t have enough troubles.  ❜
  • ❛  Well of course you’re of noble birth, anyone could see that.  ❜
  • ❛  Love is slowing you down, my lady.  ❜
  • ❛  It was pleasant enough at first, but it died quickly.  ❜
  • ❛  There is nothing of yours that I desire.  ❜
  • ❛  There is no movement of yours that has not betrayed you.  ❜
  • ❛  I like to watch them. They fill me with joy.  ❜
  • ❛  The first time I felt it, I thought I was going to die.  ❜
  • ❛  Do you dare still pretend to be human ?  ❜
  • ❛  It makes no difference. The end will be the same. I can wait.  ❜
  • ❛  Shut up you pretentious kneecap !  ❜
  • ❛  How would you like a punch in the eye ?  ❜
  • ❛  It’s so nice to have someone to play with.  ❜
  • ❛  Try me tomorrow. Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow.  ❜
  • ❛  Give it to me if you don’t want it but don’t throw it away !  ❜
  • ❛  Give me the wine !  ❜
  • ❛  You would have gone without me ?  ❜
  • ❛  No name you could give her would surprise or frighten me.  ❜
  • ❛  I love whom I love.  ❜
  • ❛  I will go no further.  ❜
  • ❛  Everything dies. I want to die when you die.  ❜
  • ❛  Yes, that is my wish.  ❜
  • ❛  I am a hero, and heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen.  ❜
  • ❛  A quest may not simply be abandoned.  ❜
  • ❛  A happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.  ❜
  • ❛  What if there isn’t a happy ending at all ?  ❜
  • ❛  There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.  ❜
  • ❛  Do something ! You have the power ! I will kill you if you don’t do something !  ❜
  • ❛  That’s what heroes are for.  ❜
  • ❛  I’ve never had any friends before.  ❜
  • ❛  Men don’t always know when they’re happy.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m sorry. I have done you evil and I cannot undo it.  ❜
  • ❛  No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy.  ❜

OKAY SO REASONS WHY EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE KEN:

  • Feels comfortable mouthing off to a heavily-armed employer in his very first scene
  • Seems to have better cardio than Bart
  • Seems to have better music taste than Bart
  • Asks a strange biker to call him a cab
  • Drives a motorbike literally one episode later
  • Seems to have a shady criminal past
  • “I knew I’d die in some weird way eventually”
  • Attempts to fight Farah despite having no combat experience at all
  • Hits Bart up for money for lunch
  • Can see Bart in her underwear and doesn’t make it weird
  • Sits protectively outside Bart’s shower and doesn’t make it weird
  • Will sing Backstreeet Boys on command
  • Figures out that “the universe is broken” because, for the first time, Bart misread what the universe was telling her regarding Dirk Gently
  • He and Bart are wearing matching colours in the last episode
  • Shrugs at Todd in quiet Normal Dude™ understanding
  • Played by actual cinnamon roll Mpho Koaho
  • He and Bart stole a corgi from the body-swapping cultists
  • Fixes the time machine/soul swapper/unlimited energy device that closes the time loop once and for all
  • It takes him literally less than a week to go from she’s going to kill me and I’m petrified to she’s going to kill everyone else and I’m fully supportive of her life choices

We had just finished our first quest, where none of us really were experienced DnD player, and I did some feeble attempts at solid DM'ing. The goal of the quest had been to find an antidote for a farmer’s son who had gone into a magical coma.

(ps: due to an inside joke, Winnie the Pooh is in the party like, just there. Christopher Robin is the farmers son who fell ill. The party coloured winnie the pooh neon pink. I don’t know why.)

DM: You reach the farm. You don’t have to roll shit to figure out these peeps are poor. They have a cow and a goat in a small pen that don’t look too hot. Oh, and there’s a donkey tied by the door to their shedlike home.

Elf Ranger: guys i think these peeps are super poor.

Half-Elf Cleric (only good aligned partymember): oh my god really????

DM: just as you say that, the door creaks open, and a thin, a bit aged man peeks out, and when he sees you, his eyes go wide and he steps fully outside, and he says “Are you the ones my daughter sent to- have you found it? Did you find the antidote for my son?”

Half-Elf Cleric: Hello we are here to speak to you about Jesus Christ- I mean, Njord. That’s my deity, right?

Elf Ranger: Yeah, the word of Njord.

Dward Fighter (whose alignment is sorta fuzzy): Yeah we got some antidote dude but uhh time cough up some gold pieces, aight

DM: So- these news fills him with both glee and fear. He sinks down on his feet-

Half-Elf Cleric: What was he on before

DM: -His knees. He sinks down on his knees, and he brings his hands together in your typical prayer like- he’s begging you. “Please, we have… nothing.”

Tiefling Warlock (Chaotic Neutral): sad trombone

DM: “Please, I- I have but one son, he and my daughter are- we won’t be able to do the amount of work- we need him!”

Tiefling Warlock: “Shall we move on, my fellows?”

DM: As you guys speak about this, Winnie the Pooh slides down from /Half-Elf Cleric/’s shoulders, where he’s been perched, and sort of waddles forward, past the begging father, and into the house, to join Christopher Robin.

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWWWWW

Dwarf Fighter: Ey he didn’t swipe the antidote from us, did he?

DM: No- no, you still got that.

Tiefling Warlock: I would’ve Eldritch Blasted his ass if he had.

Half-Elf Cleric: I think we should just give them the antidote.

DM: Like- just to clarify: the antidote is not like- a valuable thing. It’s just this one specific conconction for this particular- you won’t get more cash out of this anywhere else, nobody is gonna run up to you and go “oh, my father is in a magical coma and needs an antidote that-!” like. It’s literally worthless except for these people.

Tiefling Warlock: But we won't have to help someone pro bono.

Half-Elf Cleric: *annoyed sigh* I don’t give a damn about money.

Everyone except her: *horrified gasps*

Dwarf Fighter: … well, you guys do got a nice ass-

Everyone: WHAT

Dwarf Fighter: the donkey. You got a nice donkey.

DM: You… want the donkey.

Half-Elf Cleric: IS IT EEYORE

Everyone: YES we want the donkey.

DM: … The man looks at the donkey and then at you, and he goes “I- If it is a trade between the life of my son and my donkey, it’s- then it’s yours.” And- and Eeyore looks up at you all-

Everyone: YES IT’S EEYORE

DM: -and he goes “I figured I was going to get sold anyway…”

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWW

DM: and the farmer goes “AAA” cus he didn’t know he had a talking donkey

Dwarf Fighter: eyy hasn’t he seen Shrek talking donkeys means cash

DM: yeah well that doesn’t matter now cus he’s giving him to you guys

Dwarf Fighter: right you are

DM: and the man unties Eeyore and he sighs deeply and he goes “this surely won’t make things easier for us… but in exchange for my son… *sigh*”

Tiefling and Dwarf: oh stop moping around jesus hell

Half-Elf Cleric: EYY if I have a ‘set of commoners clothes’ can i give them to them cus they look poor right

DM: I guess

Half-Elf Cleric: EYYYYYYYYYYYY

DM: but then you’d be naked

Half-Elf Cleric: NÄÄÄIJ in that case fuck it you don’t get shit i’m sorry i tried

DM: -and you just start taking of your clothes to give them to the man, but you realise halfway through what you’re doing and you get dressed again

Tiefling: cover yourself, woman

DM: so- let me get this straight. You guys literally have a box on wheels that you pull along with you, and it is filled… with the golden heads of a pair of statues AND YOU WANNA TAKE THIS POOR FAMILYS DONKEY.

Tiefling: survival of the fittest, honey *grabs rope with Eeyore on the other end*

-they go inside and give Christopher Robin the antidote-

Christopher Robin: what the fuck

DM: And the family all rejoice at the awakening of their son, and they turn and thank you, and they’re in the middle of hugging you all when the farmer murmurs “They… they took the donkey.” and the whole family just. Goes quiet-

Dwarf Fighter: fucking tattletale?

DM: - and the mother sort of sinks down on her chair and she whisperes “How will we surviv-”

Tiefling: Oh for fucks- “look, woman, if you don’t shut up I’ll Eldritch Blast your ass-”

Half-Elf Cleric: “HEY WHAT”

DM: The woman gasps loudly and pales-

Dwarf Fighter: “Yo what’s the problem don’t you want a talking donkey”

Half-Elf Cleric: “I meant the whole threatening to KILL HER actually”

Tiefling: “I wasn’t threatening her, I was just stating a fact”

DM: That if she wouldn’t shut up you’d kill her?

Tiefling: It’s a very known fact.

DM: Winnie the Pooh is looking at Christopher Robin with such glee; it’s really indescribable how happy he’s looking, and he’s hopping around happily and he’s climbing up on the bed to give him a big old hug, and Christopher Robin, he goes- “What the- could you guys like take the bear away from me.”

Everyone: “WHAT”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Isn’t he like with you?”

Christopher Robin: “Wh- no? I just went into the woods and he just came up to me, and I found this ruin and he just followed me? And then I got stung by something and that’s all I remember? Could you like take him away he’s a bit creepy. And why is he pink?”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Well uhh he’s yours now. You don’t have a donkey anymore, so-”

DM: And this sorta comes as news to him cus when the father told the fam he had just woken up so he was a bit disoriented so now he goes “Wh-Why is-? What happened to our donkey?” And the father, he goes “Well, son, it was their demand to give you the antidote… and-”

Tiefling: “By the way… can we get this transaction on paper?”

DM: - and the boy turns to you incredulously, and he goes “But-! You can’t! We need that donkey, without it we’ll die!”

Dwarf: “You’re young and strong, boy, time to saddle up.”

Tiefling: “You got a bear now.”

DM: - And Christopher Robin starts to cry too, and he goes “You might’ve saved our lives, but you’ve killed our family-”

Dwarf: “Anywho, gots to go.”

DM: So, you go to leave the shedlike home, and the athmostphere is next to devastated-

Dwarf: “Okay, okay, I ain’t okay with this. We go here and save your life, and you guys are devastated? Really?”

Tiefling: “I agree entirely. Ungrateful runt.”

Cleric: “I-”

DM: “And Chrisopher Robin slams the door in your face.”

Cleric: “No, I was- I was gonna whisper to him “I didn’t want this, I wanted to let you have it for free-”

DM: -Okay, so you whisper that, and he just stares you down, and he shakes his head, and tears are falling down, and he just spits out “You’re just as bad as them for letting it happen anyway,” and he throws the door shut in front of your face after doing that.

Cleric: “GODDAMNIT”

DM: okay so like just to state- like, you guys are super welcome to just. give them something on your own accord, like, out of your own pocket, you picked up som gold in that temple, so if you want to-

Cleric: I WANNA GIVE THEM 100 GP

Tiefling: WHAT “NO, NO, DON’T” ok so I try to pursuade /cleric/ not to do it.

DM: You- you can’t roll to make another player do stuff they don’t wanna do.

Tiefling: Okay, uh “Hey, /cleric/. Don’t do it.” There, you’re pursuaded.

Cleric: … yeah, nah. I give them the gold.

DM: So- you hammer on the door and you shout “I GOT GOLD FOR YOU” or something like that, and Christopher Robin opens the door, and once he sees the gold you’re extending, he- he is so happy. He takes the gold and he goes to hug you, and the entire family comes out and does the same, they can buy like 3 donkeys now i dunno how GP works in dnd yet uhhh so-

Tiefling: Fuck this, I eldritch blast Christopher Robin.

Cleric: NO YOU DON’T i stand in the way.

DM: -Fine? Uh, roll an attack roll.

Tiefling: Twelve.

DM: You miss. You hit the ground.

Tiefling: … don’t I hit the house at least?

DM: NO YOU- WHY DO YOU WANT TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

 Cleric: WHY WOULD YOU STILL ROLL WHEN I WAS STANING IN THE WAY- YOU TRIED TO KILL ME

Ranger: All of this for a donkey

DM: Nah, dude, you got the donkey. This is because /Cleric/ gave them 100 GP

Ranger: Oh okay

Dwarf: Yeah, but they’re super ungrateful. Bastards.

Cleric: Yeah but we can’t KILL THEM for that??

DM: so the family, they- after the attempted murder, they run back into the house. 

Dwarf: Did they take the gold?

DM: Yeah.

Dwarf: Rat bastards.

DM: Does /Tiefling/ want to keep his spree of ‘teaching people some manners’ going or?

Tiefling: Nahhh. But he does cast sleep on /Cleric/ cus he’s pissed.

Cleric: haHA i’m a half elf and I can’t be magically put to sleep!

Tiefling: Nvm then I’m tired.

DM: So- you guys walk away from the house, and just for a moment you hear the door opening and then quickly closing-

Ranger: No

DM: -and you turn, and- Winnie the Pooh has been tossed out of the house.

Dwarf: THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT when Njord taketh a donkey he giveth thee an illuminescent bear, and they just TOSS HIM OUT

DM: - and Winne the Pooh sits on the ground very- very sadly. Had he had tear ducts, he would cry a single tear. He is on the ground-

Ranger: Still pink?

DM: Still pink.

Cleric: :’(

Ranger: ugh FINE let’s take him with us.

DM: You go and pick him up, and he is so happy. So, so happy.

Dwarf: what are we, collecting Winnie the Pooh characters?

DM: He’s on /clerics/ shoulder again-

Tiefling: Can’t we put him on Eeyores back?

Dwarf: Can’t we put EEYORE on WINNIE THE POOH’s back?

DM: You put Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh back, and you now have a donkey on top of a bear on the ground. They are not moving.

Cleric: Oh dear.

DM: And Eeyore sighs and goes “I knew I’d be too heavy”

Everyone: “AWWWWWW”