this is what is means to be ruled by a selfish heart
Fuck your Hippocratic Oath, your sweet and cuddly characterizations. We are poisoned arrows and venom in our fangs.
As healers, we are not concerned looks and kind smiles. We are the ones dragging your bodies out of rubble, out of battlefields. We are the ones looking Death in the eye and saying, “fuck off,” as we take your soul and shove it back into your body.
If someone tries to stop us, we will not hesitate to strike them down. We pick who we want to live and choose who we want to kill. “Do no harm” can blow us.
We will heal you with single-minded determination regardless of consequences. Self-preservation doesn’t mean a thing if we can’t stand to live with ourselves.
Losing someone is a personal failure.
The blood on our hands is as red as the anger for ourselves. We are angry at not moving faster, angry at not preventing all this in the first place, angry at not knowing better ways to do this.
Later, we will demand better healers to be our mentors and lose ourselves in research and experiments.
They say it is our ambition, but we feel it as frustration of not being enough.
We do not care with gentleness and compassion.
We care with harsh words, fierce dedication, and sacrifice to ourselves.
We will laugh at our friends when their silly antics hurt themselves and wipe tears from our eyes as we mock them, but we will also make sure their injuries are properly treated and not neglected.
Hurt the people we care for, and you will understand why dying is a mercy.
Our poison will not be quick.
You will suffer where we can see you.
We are hearts, and the heart can be a terrible, wicked thing when it wants to be.
This is what it means to be ruled by a selfish heart.
And if we happen to cook or bake, you can bet it’ll be fucking delicious.
prompt request: do something where like they’ve been dating for a while and the reader gets sick and lin was supposed to have a day full of meetings and interviews but he cancels them all and shuts off his phone just to cuddle with her and make her soup and sing her songs all damn day.
a/n: i’m going to make lin your husband instead of your boyfriend aha whoops
You were not the kind of person who would fall ill very often.
Yes, you would have the occasional sore throat or headache, but you rarely would ever catch a serious cold or be the victim of a stomach virus or fever. So when you began to receive signs of a common cold, you thought nothing of it.
Surviving child sexual abuse can significantly affect adult survivors’ abilities to perform personal hygiene-related tasks. There is often a lot of unnecessary shame placed on us for this, as if we hadn’t already internalized an entire childhood’s worth of messages that we are filthy and our bodies are gross and bad!
This is a @gentle-reminder to those of us who struggle with hygiene that you are strong and brave for trying, for the times (however inconsistent or infrequent they may be!) when you take courageous steps to claiming your body back from abuse by practicing these really scary components of hygiene. Please know that if some tasks trigger you, it’s not weak, lazy, or immature. Trauma is stored in our bodies, and it’s completely valid that some of these muscle memories are activated when we engage in certain hygiene-related tasks. Just do the best you can and be gentle with yourself.
For those of us with DID, remember to be compassionate towards alters with varying abilities and comfort levels completing hygiene tasks that others may find easy. Shaming others in the system who are struggling doesn’t help anyone unlearn the patterns and messages imprinted by trauma. It may be difficult to explain these fluctuations in hygiene to people around you, but that doesn’t make it invalid or worthy of your guilt (besides, you don’t “owe” anyone your trauma and recovery story, anyway).
As a survivor, you’ve already been hurt enough- Don’t cause yourself additional pain beating yourself up for not being able to “just” brush your teeth, or whatever it may be. Because though it may seem simple from the outside, you’re fighting valiantly against invisible ghosts, and your honest experience in that is what matters. Respect that it is not easy for you, and be gentle with the wounds that cause this struggle. You are not gross or dirty for having difficulty maintaining hygiene due to your abuse. It is not your fault, nor an indication of your strength or worth.
Exhale and take safe, manageable steps. You are doing great and I am so proud of you for surviving.
Could you do an imagine for the first time LaSalle sees you totally naked?
Requested by Anon~
When Christopher had pulled off your shirt, it was hard not to cover yourself with your arms. Despite the look in his eyes upon seeing so much of your bare skin, there was a strong need to run and hide.
But Chris reached out, carefully wrapping his hands around your wrists. “Sweetheart, ya look absolutely gorgeous.” He breathed out, his eyes dropping to take another glance at your body before looking back up. “Don’t gotta hide from me.”
And then, he carefully started to pull your arms away from your body. And Christopher’s smile only widened, giving you a bit more confidence. If there was anybody you could trust with being so open like this, it was him.
Sam took you
completely off guard the first time you were together. The sweet and caring Sam
was gone and a new passionate and dominate Sam took his place but you trusted
him so you had no trouble giving yourself over to him completely.
being in control so the positions he enjoys the most are taking you from behind
while he pull your back against his body and his tongue, lips and teeth roam
your neck, shoulders and back. Sometimes he would spin you around and press you
up against the wall or throw you down on the bed and fuck you into the mattress.
what he wanted from you but he also never left you unsatisfied. His needs never
once overshadowed yours and he takes pleasure in your pleasure as well as his
own and as soon as you are both done the caring gently man who know him to be
will return and he will kiss and rub every single mark he might have left on
your body in the heat of passion. He will look you into the eye and tell you
how much he loves you.
have a favourite position…. Yet! The thing is Cas didn’t have a lot of experience
before the two of you started dating. In fact the first time involved a bit of
instructions from you. Not that you minded that at all. I gave you some control
which you enjoyed.
Cas has been doing his research he has had Dean and Sam help him work out how
to use the internet and he came across a karma sutra website and he was amazed.
He had no idea there was so many ways to please a woman and he was determent to
try them in effort to figure out which ones you enjoyed the most. You love his
sense of adventure even though a few of the positions he suggested had you both
tumbling to the floor laughing. One thing you could count on was that sex with Cas
was always new and exciting and his favorite thing about it was it was an
adventure and that is was one he was on with you.
Dean is up
for just about anything. If you wanna try it he is game but if he had to be
honest he preferred to keep things simple. Sex to him is all about you. Dean
gets off on getting you off. It have been a very rare occasion where Dean has
allowed himself to get off before you or even at the same time as you if he
hadn’t brought you to a high at least once (preferably more) times before.
Dean is very
experienced and he certainly knows what he is doing with his hands as well as
his mouth. He told you more than once he could die a happy man as long as his
head was between your legs and his tongue was buried deep inside you. The weird
thing was you actually believed him. It wasn’t just a line.
mind one bit handing over control to you. He loves watching you rid him and
take whatever pleasure you need from him but if he had to choose one favorite
position it would be you both sitting on the bed with you straddling his lap.
That way you were both in control and more importantly there wasn’t one place
on your body his hands couldn’t find. If there was one thing Dean loved it was
feeling all of you and letting you do the same to him. He would never get
enough of the way you reacted to his touch or the way your hands felt against
❝ Jiyong is apprehensive about expressing his feelings for you because of your considerable age gap, however, you reassure him that none of that matters.
Being a trainee at YG Entertainment, you had the opportunity to see some of your favorite artists from time to time. You ran into the many idols under the label, including the BIGBANG oppas; more specifically, though, you’d ran into G-Dragon, or Jiyong as you’ve come to know him as, more often than the others.
You often stay late to practice after the rest of the trainees have left and that’s how you got to know Jiyong. After you guys had run into each other enough times, you two began to have short conversations, which later translated to Jiyong even helping you with your practices when you both become more comfortable with one another.
Tonight you stay late after the other trainees have left, as you usually do, when Jiyong comes into the practice room while you’re practicing. You stop briefly to smile at him and wave, as he probably wouldn’t be able to hear a “Hello” over the loud music. You get right back into the song, and you let your body take over. You no longer had to think about the steps anymore it just came so naturally after all the practice and help from Jiyong. Once the song finishes, you walk over to the stereo to stop the music. You take notice to Jiyong still staring at you, and you suddenly grow a little flustered.
You have grown to really like Jiyong, and you knew you had started to develop strong feelings for him over the many late nights you guys have spent together. Of course, you didn’t want to tell him though in fear that it might ruin the little friendship you guys have formed. So with him staring at you long after the music has gone off, you begin to feel extremely shy.
“What is it?” you ask, looking down at your feet.
At first, Jiyong doesn’t say anything, so you thought he hasn’t heard you. However, he then shakes his head as if to shake off some thoughts before he replies, “Nothing.”
You look at him skeptically not fully convinced with his response.
He starts to walk towards you. “It’s nothing,” he continues, smiling at you. “You just improved so much, and you really look great out there.”
You immediately begin to blush. You look down at your feet. “Thank you, but I still have so much room to improve and,” you start, only to be cut short when Jiyong suddenly moves closer to you, tilting your chin up to look at him.
He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, “See that’s why I like you. You’re so humble and hard-working.” Before you could ask him about his word choice, he leans in and softly kisses your lips.
Just as you’re about to kiss him back, he immediately pulls away and backs away. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he says.
Your heart immediately drops.
“Why? I like you too,” you try reassuring him, walking closer to him and grabbing hold of his hand.
He brings your intertwined hands up to his mouth and kisses the back of your hand before closing his eyes and letting out a sigh.
“But you’re so much younger, and I can only imagine what you’ll go through if people found out we had a thing going on.”
Your heart immediately warms at his words. “That’s what you’re worried about? I don’t care what others think, and I don’t care that you’re older. I like you, oppa.”
He pulls you into a hug before kissing you again. “Okay, let’s give this a try. We can take it slow.”
You were stuck between the fridge and Peter’s body. Both of you looking each other in the eyes. You couldn’t believe what just happened, he just kissed you and you liked it. Your mind came to senses and you pulled away from his gaze. “I have to go..” You said to him trying to get yourself out of between the fridge and his body. He takes a step back letting you make your way towards the door. “Y/n?” He says before you reach the door. You looked back at him. “Don’t see this as a mistake.” You looked away and walked out of the room.
You took a few deep breaths before you entered the room were Derek and Scott were. “Hej guys..” both looked at you, “I think I’m going home. I’m pretty tired.” “Great help you are,” Scott said immediately. Derek hits Scott softly on his chest and looks towards you. “It’s fine. Do you want me to bring you home?” “I don’t want to be any trouble” you gave him a smile. You didn’t want him around at the moment. You were afraid he would be angry at you because of the shared kiss with Peter. You were nothing going to tell him but well Derek was Derek and in someway he would know sooner or later. “plus Scott may need your help.” “I can take her.” a voice behind you said. Derek’s face expression changed. You looked back towards the voice and you saw Peter walk towards the three of you. You heartbeat raised. You looked back at Derek and you saw him watching you carefully. Watching every movement you made. You tried to calm yourself, hoping your heartbeat would drop and he would forget about it. “You can stay with Scott I will bring her home,” Derek said firmly. Peter nod towards Derek and gave you a wink.
The car ride was quiet and Derek looked at you from time to time. You kept your heart quite as possible trying to hide the nervous from Derek but well it didn’t help.
“Y/n is everything okay?” You looked towards him. “Yes, why do you ask?” You tried to sound as casual as possible. “Well, your heartbeat is raised.” You looked at him and gave him a fake smile. “You had been quite the hold trip.” He pulled over to your house. “and you smell like Peter.” Your heart stopped. “Did he hurt you?” “No, he..” You took a deep breath.”We..” You looked towards him and you knew you had to tell him. You couldn’t think of anything else. “When I was getting a drink, he… well, he pinned me up between the fridge and him….” Before you could continue you sentence. Derek got out of the car. He walked behind the car, stopped behind the car and he stayed there for a few seconds you watch his body stretch and you heard a grow. His body got to normal again and he walked to your side of the car. He opened the door and you were staring him in the eyes. “I’m staying with you tonight it’s full moon and if he already pinned you to the wall he may make his way here.” His voice was bossy and angry. You were a little bit afraid of him at the moment. You nod your head and got out of the car and you walked directly to the front door. You didn’t look back at him of waited for him. You got into the house and you left the door open for Derek to get in.
You were making tea in the kitchen. Derek was sitting at the table staring at you. You couldn’t take it anymore he would have to know that Peter didn’t hurt You. The look in his eyes said enough, he would kill him you didn’t want that. You dropped hot water into the teacups. You sat one of the cups in front of Derek and you sat in front of him. “Derek, Peter didn’t hurt me.” He looks at you confused. “You didn’t let me finish my sentence outside. He… well, we kissed.” He was looking at you his face had no expression. “Derek..” He didn’t respond. He was making you afraid of him. “Derek..” You stand up from the chair and walked towards him. You touched his shoulders and his gaze met yours immediately. He stands up from his chair. You took a step back. He looked at you still with no expression on his face. He walked towards the door and exited the house without saying anything.
You’re going to do
you’re going to kiss
with that mouth.
And I will not forgive you,
because I will not know
how to forget
that my skin is mine
but mostly it’s yours.
We were charting
another Atlantis together
on the map of my body,
And I’m taking it back now.
my gasps when you touch me
there, and there,
how these new worlds were
So you’ll kiss another mouth,
and maybe you’ll enjoy it,
maybe it’ll taste like new summer
or wild berries
or something you’ve never
had on your tongue before
but when you come back for me
with your hands wide open
I will not come,
I will not look for you,
and I will not forgive you.”
— AZRA.T., “ANOTHER MOUTH
You're dancing at a club. Nevada keeping close watch on you from a side table. He makes his way over to you. You start grinding against him. You bend over and back your ass up against his crotch. He pulls you up and wraps his arm around you. Sliding his hands over your body. He takes you into a back room and shoves you against a wall. Yanking your skirt up. Sliding his fingers in to find you dripping. "This belongs to me! Me entiendes? Only me!" Oh how you enjoyed being queen of the heights
“You’re going to do something terrible, you’re going to kiss someone else with that mouth. And I will not forgive you, because I will not know how to forget that my skin is mine but mostly it’s yours. We were charting another Atlantis together on the map of my body, And I’m taking it back now. Your knowledge, my secrets, my gasps when you touch me there, and there, how these new worlds were for you. So you’ll kiss another mouth, and maybe you’ll enjoy it, maybe it’ll taste like new summer or wild berries or something you’ve never had on your tongue before but when you come back for me with your hands wide open I will not come, I will not look for you, and I will not forgive you.” — AZRA.T., “ANOTHER MOUTH”
okay so I just read save a life (which was REALLY good) but I just started wondering if you donate blood yourself? and if you get money for it?
Thank you so much! :’)
I used to donate blood, yes. Now I donate something called plasma, which is in your blood. So like they pump your blood out, take the plasma from the blood and pump your blood back into your body. In Denmark, they would rather have people donating plasma than blood right now, so they asked me if I wanted to do that and I said yes.
And no, I don’t get paid to do it. In Denmark, it’s voluntarily and the only thing you get out of it, is helping people who desperately needs it. I have the strong belief that if you can donate blood, you should do it, because it might be you or someone you love, who’s going to need it one day.
Summary: Jimin’s unfinished goodbyes and your unrealistic memories
Type: slight angst/smut
Length: 1,965 words
A/N: ?? i wrote this @ 1 am on my period and em otional im sorry lol
He was already packed, his only belongings being his few pieces of clothing strung across the floor, it was already over with, words already uttered and screamed and decisions already made. But this last decision, it was impossible to decide who made it.
“Take off your shirt.” He groaned, pushing your body back onto the bed, you fell willingly, your shoulders almost stinging from where his nails had been digging into for a few seconds. The covers felt nice beneath you, and they still smelled like him, they probably would for a while.
He wasn’t looking at you, not directly, his eyes wandered up your body though, as you looked back up at him. Your arms swung beneath you, hooking the edges of your shirt as you tried to slick it off in one smooth move, but it caught along your breasts, and you heard another annoyed groan bumble out from his mouth.
“She’s gonna be here soon.” Jimin mumbled, his arms coming and enveloping your body as he ripped off your shirt for you, propped up against him as he began to undo you bra. Your tongue scrapped against your teeth as he held you up, she was coming soon, you felt yourself heating up, and not from his hasty touches on your back, and with no restraint, you bit down on his shoulder.
He moaned lightly, and dropped you back down, you tasted his skin on your teeth and wanted to bite him harder, but his hands were already pulling down your shorts before you could even give him permission.
Your nipples were pointed from the cool air and the slight sensations of his rugged fingernails raking against your skin as he shimmied your jeans down, your eyes draping over his body as his stomach muscles tensed and untensed not at his own will. You wanted to trace the lines like you used to.
“No time.” Jimin mumbled again, like he was reading your thoughts, a dim alarm for how little time there was now. Your underwear was still on you, but Jimin didn’t even bother pulling your shorts all the way off of you, trapping your ankles in a bundle of cloth.
Tough hands that grappled at your skin too hard began to snake their way all over your body, moving over your breasts in a conquering way, not like he used to explore your body, and you quivered underneath him from the memory. He smirked, and you thought he was silly to think you were getting pleasure from this that could compare to the last time he was on top of you, but you stayed quiet as he leaned down again, your hands positioned above your head like a warning, as his mouth began to lap at your neck. You felt the familiar warming sensation, his tented member swiping against your bunched up panties as he mouthed harsher against you.
His skin on yours felt dry, there was no slick motion as his chest lightly stimulated your breasts, his mouth still tasting your skin in a half hearted attempt for foreplay, and you grimaced, but Jimin couldn’t see, he was too busy with his tongue, leaving spit trails that you’d retrace later on, later on after he left.
Jimin groaned again, and your body mustered up another moan, the sunlight that was retreating spurring on your anxiety, your body telling him to go slow, but your mind wanting him to speed things up.
“Shh, I know.”
You wanted to tell him he didn’t know, he didn’t know anything, but Jimin always took his own cues. He moved his hands that had been resting dormant on your hips for some time and gripped you harsher, pulling up your hips as he moved his lips back up, grinding into you and sticking his tongue into your mouth in a motion that made you scrunch up your eyebrows.
His skin was still on your teeth, and as his tongue swiped around, he removed it, fitting for the occasion as he instead filled your mouth with his breath, and rubbed your scent, your wetness that had still been seeping out onto his clothed member.
He continued like this, warm, dry body atop yours as he moved in the way he thought he remembered you liking, as you played along and wondered how he could’ve forgotten so quickly.
His mouth was suffocating you, almost as if he knew what you had to say and wanted to suck it right from your lungs. His hands felt too hard and you were trying to wiggle out the painful grip, but he only mistook it for more friction and ground harder into you, and suddenly you moaned and it intermixed with a car door sounding outside.
His head snapped up, like you knew it would, and his grip loosened. You could hear yourself panting and almost became angry with your own reaction, but before you could voice anything, he came back down again.
“That’s not her.” He mumbled, his head weaving through blinds a few moments earlier as you felt him replace his mouth on yours again, and you didn’t know how to feel knowing you kind of wanted it to be her.
Hooking his rough, padded fingertips, he jacked your underwear to the side, his tongue tickling your gums as you alternated between closing and opening your eyes, your hands losing some feeling from being pinned down all this time.
He pulled away again, he never liked kissing you when he entered you. His lips were red and you had thought you had drawn some blood out but couldn’t tell, his hair was frayed all across his face and the retreating sun casted a round ringlet of dust around his head that was more proof to you that the ugliest things sometimes came in the prettiest packages.
His cock was out, angry and strained and diving inside of you without a second thought. Your mouth dropped open in surprise, his curvature hitting a nerve in you that made the tips of your toes go cold and small tingles to shoot through your legs.
Another smirk was painted on his face along with his oddly dark red cheeks as he began to thrust harsher into you, his eyes completely focused and hazed like the dust floating around as he watched your body bounce against him, pleasure cutting through you like the shafts of sunlight as you gritted your teeth.
“Y-y/n, moan for me, make this count.” He commented on your lack of reactions, and you wanted to ask if he wanted you to put on a show since it was the final act, but you just opened your mouth and started in a variety of tones every time his member popped against the spot in the back of your stomach.
And then it was just the creaking of the bed, the honks from the horns outside, and the forced noises between you both as Jimin sheathed himself in and out of you in a fast, deep, motion that was slowly but surely becoming too much. His motions weren’t loving, they were demanding and angry and it was almost making the water in your eyes drip down in the slightest way.
“You feel so good, baby.” Jimin complimented, and you screwed shut your eyes and tried to cum as he fucked into you with the old memories where Jimin would call you sweet names with meaning, not just a regurgitated phrase that already belonged to another girl.
You remembered when he would fuck you until dawn, his nature keeping you both awake and asleep as the sun came up and his arms would be around you even if you were both slicked up with sweat and hot under the covers, when he would trace your veins and remind you that you were all these things you knew you weren’t, but let him say to you anyways, and soon enough, you were clenching around him and the slickness from your pussy almost caused him to slide out as he moaned again. You didn’t pay attention to what he said when you came, because you couldn’t hear him, and soon after he was following. You wondered if he came with the memories like you did, or if this short, unnecessary fuck did it for him, but you didn’t contemplate for long, because he pulled out of you, his groan mixing in with the ringing you heard in your ears, and you weren’t even done coming down from your high, unsure if the room was spinning or your eyes were rolling back.
A honk that was closer than the other ones it was harmonizing with took Jimin’s attention away, if any was still with you, and he sprung off the bed, his arms and muscles flexing as you laid on the covers and tried to focus on the way his arms threw his shirt on, buttoned his jeans, as you breathed quietly behind him, like if you breathe too loudly he’d leave sooner.
He turned around after bit, fumbling and hasty as he ransacked the room for his hat, a twinge of bitterness washing over your mind that was still reeling slightly, and he examined your fucked out body on the bed, his feet dragging him towards you as you felt his rough hands connect with your shorts as he began to pull them up, and you lifted your ass to help him button you down. His release still painting your stomach as you swayed, helpless as you let him, an odd draping of shame hitting your body making you crumple up once you reconnected with the bed.
As he pulled away, you knew it was the last touch you’d get from him, a last gesture in lieu of any goodbyes that should be said, as he quickly removed himself from your body and went to the corner of the room to grab at his bag that had been sitting there, and the rest of Jimin was now well on its way out. You didn’t move on the bed, only bringing your arms down to restore some circulation and stare at the indents as you heard him shuffle and the unwelcome buzz of another car down below. Your exposed chest going soft now as the heat faded.
“I-I’ll see you then, y/n.”
His voice didn’t sound shameful or strained, his movements didn’t falter as he stepped outside your door and locked it, you listened and his pace never lessened as he walked out, his last words to you an obvious empty promise that only made you angry because you wanted to believe him like you always did.
A car door slamming again, and the smooth whirl of an engine as he left with her was the only sound you could hear. Your vision going hazy with liquid that you tried to blink away, your body still on the bed, as you listened to him drive off.
He used to leave you with kisses on the cheeks, promises of the day coming, he used to smile at you and dread the day he had to leave you even for a second. But now, all you’re left with is a bitter taste of his skin on your tongue, and your darkening apartment, that begun to feel more like a strangers home stained with the only thing that still connected Jimin to you, his deep cognac cologne, infused with the sheets, the sheets glued against you, as you closed your eyes and inhaled, the whir of the car completely gone, just like the traces of Jimin would after you washed your sheets the next morning, after you’d convince yourself he was all, a dream.
“Bell, I’m so sorry..” Octavia whispered and put her hand over her mouth. He just looked down at you, the gun still in his hand as a tear escaped his left eye.
“Bellamy, I did the best I could but..” Clarke spoke as she put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly. The silence was broken by his loud sniffling.
“She’s gone..” Bellamy whispered. “Y/N is gone.” He dropped down on his knees as he pulled your body closer to him. He rested you in his arms as the sniffles became loud sobs.
“Y/N..” His voice cracked as he choked up. “Come back, come back to me please.” Everyone in the room was silence as they watched the heartbreaking scene.
“Please, Y/N, come back. I can’t take this anymore. Please, come back.” Bellamy whispered before hugging your lifeless body and cried. He softened his grip to look at you. Another tear rolled down his cheek before he kissed your forehead.
Request: Hey! Love
your blog. So here is my first request. Dean has a friend that is being abused
by her boyfriend. One night he happens to find her beat up but wouldnt leave
her hunter boyfriend. A hunt goes wrong and her boyfriend starts to beat her. Dean
and Sam hears it and rushes in. Cant wait to see what you do with it!
Characters: Dean x
Warning: There is
abuse by the reader’s boyfriend in this.
A/N: Thank you so
much for the request! I got excited that I finally got a request and went a
little overbroad and now it’s super long. But please enjoy!!
You clapped your hands and threw your head back in silent
laughter allowing it to take over your body.
“That’s not fair!” You exclaimed pointing your finger at
“Not fair? You nearly shot the damn thing.” He managed to
choke out between fits of laughter.
“It wouldn’t stop following me!” You said trying to defend
“Come on Y/N it was just a little kitten.” Sam said also
erupting with laughter.
“Doesn’t mean it had to attach itself to my leg.” You said
crossing your arm and pouting feigning annoyance. However, this didn’t last
long and soon you were once again doubled over in laughter.
You looked back up at Dean only to see that he was already
looking at you. Your eyes made contact and he looked away, you thought you
could detect a slight blush but dismissed it as wishful thinking and instead
looked around the bar.
You heard the familiar chime of the bell over the door and
looked to see Jeremy, your boyfriend, enter the bar. A huge grin erupted across
your face but it soon fell as you saw that he looked pissed.
He stormed over to you and you looked down at the table
willing yourself to disappear. Luck, however, was not on your side and he came
up right next to you greeting both Sam and Dean.
“Y/N, I thought you were going to meet me at home once the
hunt was done.” He said as sweetly as possible.
You shrunk further down into your seat before mumbling “Oh
yeah the guys and I just wanted to get a drink to celebrate.”
You felt his hand come into contact with your back and
involuntarily tensed up “While we better get home, you have to rest up for
You simply nodded and smiled back at Sam and Dean trying
desperately to hide the fear that now coursed through your every vain vein.
“You’re right I almost forgot,” You said giggly slightly
willing yourself not to choke on your own words “bye Sam, bye Dean.”
Jeremy grabbed your hands and practically dragged you out of
the bar throwing you into his car, slamming the door behind you.
You put all of your focus into
your breathing and tried not to think of what was to happen next.
Once you arrived home he hopped out of the car and you
reluctantly followed. He, however, decided that you were taking too long pulled
you inside by your hair.
He unlocked the door and threw you against the wall, pinning
“You think you can just blow me off? Huh Y/N?” HE asked
spitting in your face, you could smell the booze on his breath and it disguised
You didn’t answer him knowing that that would be a huge
mistake so he punched the wall next to your head. You felt the tears pool in
your eyes but forced them to keep from spilling over knowing that that would
only fuel his anger.
“ANSWER ME?” he screamed punching you in the stomach. You
doubled over in pain and collapsed on the ground.
He laughed at your helpless state before kicking you in the
gut. “DON’T THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING.”
He leaned down and brought your face up to his with a firm
grip on your neck “You’re screwing him aren’t you.”
You shook your head only causing him to laugh harder. He
slammed your head against the ground before bringing your face back to his.
“You lying slut! You’re probably screwing both of them!” He
screamed punching you in the face.
Tears freely slid down your face
as he slammed your head against the floor repeatedly before blacking out.
You woke up on the floor to find yourself wrapped in
someone’s arms causing you to jump in surprise. You looked up to see Jeremy
looking back down at you, tears in his eyes.
“Oh my God Y/N, what did I do to you?” He asked his voice
You sat up and kissed him on the forehead. “Hey it’s ok you
were drunk and I make a mistake, you didn’t mean it.”
He looked at you before kissing you softly on the lips “Of
course I didn’t mean it, I love you so much and I don’t know what I did to
You laughed and kissed him back on the lips. “I love you
“Well I’m going to go, some friends of mine need help on a
hunt. What are you going to do all day?”
“I think I’ll find a hunt, for just you and me.” You said
poking him in the torso.
“Sounds good.” He said poking you back in the torso. It took
all the strength you had not to curl up and cry from the pain.
You kissed him once more before watching him walk out and drive
You slowly got to your feet groaning at the pain caused by
such a simple task when you heard the doorbell go off.
You began to panic, not having inspected the damage yet.
“Just a minute.” You called before limping over to your room as fast as possible.
You quickly threw on an oversized sweatshirt and thought of
a lie that explained the giant purple bruise on your face.
You opened the door to find Sam and Dean on the other side
“Holy shit Y/N what happened?” Dean said gingerly bringing a
hand up to your face.
“Oh I feel down the stairs last night. I guess I drank too
much.” You said chuckling.
Sam and Dean shared a look before looking back at you
“Right…um….we we’re wondering if you wanted any help
researching?” Dean said still eyeing you suspiciously.
“Actually I promised Jeremy that this next hunt would be
just the two of us.” You said trying to get them to leave.
“Then we’ll just help you research, it will be our little
secret.” He said winking at you before inviting himself in.
You sighed and walked over to the table they had both seated
themselves at doing your best to hide your limp.
Dean stood up and met you half way. “Are you sure you’re ok
Y/N?” He asked before placing a hand on your shoulder causing you to yelp involuntarily.
He looked at you with
wide eyes before ripping the sweatshirt off your body, exposing all of your
You felt your lip quiver as both the boys’ eyes raked your
body taking in every ugly purple bruise you had.
You saw Dean clench his jaw in anger “Did he do this to
You simply looked at him as you tried to keep the tears out
of your eyes.
That was all the answer he needed. “I’m going to kill that
son-of-a-bitch.” He yelled standing up.
“No Dean please.” You pleaded letting the tears spill down
“Y/N what the hell are you still doing with him?” He asked
you, he looked absolutely disgusted and it only caused you to cry harder.
“He loves me Dean he really does.”
“No, Y/N this isn’t love.”
“He only does it when he’s drunk.” You mumbled looking down
at the floor.
“Son-of-a-bitch he’s done this before!”
“He doesn’t mean it.” You exclaimed.
“Y/N listen to me, you need to leave him.” Dean said putting
both of his hands on your shoulders.
“No Dean I don’t. I’ve finally found someone who really
loves me. Why are you trying to take that away?”
“Y/N this isn’t love, this is abuse!”
“Would you quit yelling at me! I’m a grown woman you can’t
make my decisions for me!
“Well obviously you can’t if you choose to stay with that
“You know what Dean, if you can’t except that I’m happy with
Jeremy, like any real friend would be, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.” You
said calmly pointing towards the door. Dean looked at you in shock before
storming out of the door.
Sam stood up and opened his mouth to say something but
decided otherwise after seeing the look you were shooting at him.
Once they were gone you
collapsed onto the ground in sobs. You had just lost the two people who matter
most to you, except for Jeremy of course, what were you going to do?
Dean’s Point Of View
I looked at her in shock before storming out of the house
before I could say something that I would regret later. How could she stay with
that asshole?! I mean after all he has done to her how could she stand there and
claim that he loved her when he treated her like a punching bag.
I paced for several minutes allowing my anger to subside
slightly before walking towards the door determined to knock some sense into
her even if I had to kidnap her. However, I was stopped by Sam wrapping both
his arms around me.
“What the hell are you doing? I have to stop her!” I
“If you go in there she will only hate you more.” He said
“But at least that asshole won’t get to see her again.” I
yelled. Sam’s grip, however didn’t soften.
“We will stay out here and watch and if he tries
anything…we’ll kill him.” He said
I looked up at Sam before
nodding reluctantly and storming off into the impala.
We sat in the impala for hours just watching her. It was
really boring considering all she did was sit at the table looking for hunts on
her laptop. However, even then I couldn’t help but admire her beauty. Her hair
fell around her face perfectly and the soft glow of the laptop illuminated her
However, everything changed when Jeremy arrived. As his car
pulled up I reached for the door handle ready to kill the bastard but was
stopped by Sam’s hand on my shoulder.
“You can’t kill him yet. Just watch, if he tries anything
then we will.” He assured me.
I scowled but turned my gaze
back to the binoculars watching Jeremy’s movements intently. He looked over her
shoulder, nodded in agreement, and then began packing for the hunt. I shifted
the car into drive prepared to follow them.
Normal Point Of View
You and Jeremy arrived at the warehouse you knew the vamps
to be staying at and started to get ready, loading up on dead man’s blood and
machetes. You did your best to ignore the pain that radiated through your
entire body as the pain meds started to ware off.
Once you were ready Jeremy took the front entrance and you
took the back one storm in at once.
You burst through the door and immediately began chopping
off as many heads as you could. Too soon, however, the pain in your arms became
unbearable and you were forced to rely on your momentum to carry your machete
through a vamps head versus brute strength.
However, this soon proved to be a mistake as you narrowly
missed a vamps head nearly chopping off Jeremy’s instead. Your eyes widened in
shock as Jeremy shot you a look that sent daggers into your skull.
He spun around and finished off the last few vamps before
turning back towards you raising his machete to your throat.
“You little bitch!” He exclaimed as tears ran down your
face. “Was this some big plan of yours? To kill me and blame it on a hunt?” He
ran the machete down your arms, slicing them in the process causing you to cry
out in pain.
You immediately sprinted towards the door but Jeremy saw
this coming and threw a dagger at you, hitting you right in the thigh.
“Jeremy please listen to my voice, this isn’t you!” You
exclaimed trying to calm him down.
He laughed at you manically before stopping abruptly “Oh my
god, you actually fell for that. For all the apologies. You actually thought I
loved you.” You looked up at him in shock grasping your throbbing thigh.
“Who.Could.Possibly.Love.You?” He asked kicking you roughly
in the stomach between each word.
“You see you were simply a sex toy that I was also able to
use to get my anger out. You. Are. Nothing.” He now stood over you with a knife
in his hands.
“This ones for almost killing me you bitch.” He said raising
the knife above his head before a bullet to the head stopped him.
You screamed in shock and felt two arms wrap around you. You
began to thrash violently before you heard the familiar voice of Dean
Winchester in your ear whispering softly “Hey it’s ok, you’re safe now.”
And that was all you needed for
you let unconsciousness overtake your body.
When you woke up you felt an extremely sharp pain all over
your body. You looked down to see that the dagger in your leg had been removed
and the hole stitched up. The cuts on your arms had also been stitched up.
“I’m so sorry.” You heard a shaky voice from behind you.
You spun around and saw Dean looking at you tear stains evident
on his face. You opened your mouth to say something but were overcome with ugly
sobs that raked your body.
Dean got up and sat on the bed next to you, wrapping his
arms around you.
“He’s right. Who could love me I’m such a screw up” You said
in between sobs.
Dean pulled back and kept you at arms length “No Y/N he
could not be more wrong, who could not love you. Your strong, smart, a total
badass, and not to mention sexy as hell.” He said winking at you.
You laughed at that a reached up to wipe the tears off your
cheeks but Dean beat you too it wiping them off with his thumbs.
“Besides you don’t need anyone to love you.” You shot him a
questioning look “Because I love you.” He finished looking into your eyes.
You stared at him for a moment before bringing your lips to
meet his. He immediately responded kissing you back. You melted into the kiss
only pulling back when the need for air became dire.
“I’m guessing that means you like me too?” He asked
You laughed and answered “Yes, Dean Winchester I love you
He grinned and pulled you into another soft kiss as you wondered
how you had gotten so lucky.
I will not love you comfortably, I will take you out of your safe places and into a Wild heaven that you have not even touched with your dreams.
My love will most likely be inconvenient, and show up when you think you are not ready for me.
I will arouse your Spirit, not just your body or heart. I will take you back to where we first met, all those deserts and skies ago, but you will not realise it until later. My love will disturb your routines, your laziness, your escape mechanisms, the comfortable sink into habit and predictability.
I will stir your distant soul memory, so deeply and with such swiftness and lightning-bolt clarity that you will feel you have been arrested by some Mystery you cannot name.
My love will take you into such reveries, dreams and fantasies for sensual, sacred and creative adventures that you will sometimes wonder if you are still living in the normal world. You may suddenly find yourself waking up at 3am, yearning for a Wild Life that had eclipsed itself from your consciousness.
I will flood your mind, body and soul with energy that seems to be from a Radiant New World, but is simultaneously exquisitely Ancient and Lost. My love may make you want to walk away from everything mediocre, average and normal that you have ever known in exchange for the Wildest of nights, the starriest of kisses, the most enduring of conversations and the most mystical of gazes.
I will not be easy to love in the conventional sense, because I have arrived to show you your own Divine magnificence. I will spark the fires of transformation. I will wrap my unconditionally-loving heart around yours until you cannot do anything else but grow in Love.
My love will require you to walk the hot coals, move through the dark forests of the Soul, take off your heavy garments and ride naked through the Stars. You will need to confront all the ways in which you resist and harden yourself to Love, to Purpose, to Power and Passionate Living. I will always show you the mirror. I will not fit into your schedule, your daily planner, or your carefully thought-out strategies for security. I will show up one day, unannounced, lay my glorious, sweeping curves upon your desk and demand that you worship yourself into ecstatic oblivion with me. I will remind you that you are not in control of this Universal Magic-Carpet Ride, and that you need to let go…..Now.
My love will feel to you like refreshing dewdrops of starlight, after the plunging dark of an endless, star-less night. My love will feel to you like incomprehensible, heart-stopping warmth, penetrating the soul of your cold bones with a patience and devotion that causes your eyes to suddenly prick with tears. My love will always be here for you, even when you don’t want it, because it is confronting you with the silent, midnight truth of just how achingly precious and sacred you are to me. My love is your salvation, because your Soul asked for me, Wildly. My love is your truth, because your Body cried for me, Ecstatically. My love is your destiny, because your Eyes have always been searching for me, Blindly. My love is finally Here, because You are ready for me - and the Wild Ways of my Fiery, Wandering Heart.