take apart puzzles

1. I try to write poems
In a list sort of order
But the only one that’s ever turned out okay
Is the one about my ex-boyfriend
And that kind of sucks
So let’s try this again.

2. I still won’t know what this poem
is about even after I finish it
because my feelings are hidden behind metaphors
and finding treasure has never been one of my talents

3. I turned the girl I love into a metaphor.
Her smile is brighter than the sun
And her voice is so wonderful
That I can’t find a good metaphor to describe it.
And that sounds really cheesy
But so is this;
She is the song stuck repeating in my head
She, is someone I could find solace in
But I do not have the heart to tell her
Because I am too afraid
Of being rejected.

4. No one told me…
No one told me
That being young and naïve
Could get you so lost
Lost in another world
One where the underground rises
Where sewer rats of people
Run the businesses on the streets
Another world where darkness is obligatory
Where I will shoot the life into this hollow body of mine
Wrapping my problems in paper
And setting them alight
Pouring liquid courage down my throat
So hopefully I can tell this damn girl
That I love her as much as the bees
Because her smile is as sweet as honey
And maybe all the vices
Of this pit I call a body
Are helping me find my metaphors

5. My best friend was destroyed by her vices.
I watched her drink her body numb
Until the darkness she pushed away for so long
Finally caught up with her fragile bones.
I am afraid that I, too,
Will be caught up with someday.

6. I thought I had found my metaphors.
Thought that the only way to take apart
The puzzles I call poems
Was to destroy myself piece by piece
But doing so only made the picture
A little more muddy
A little more black
A little more…dark.

7. My vices have yet to catch up with me.
The anxiety has taken over
I no longer own my body
I traded it for a temporary solution
And it is coming back to haunt me.
My mother always told me I was naïve.
I guess that she was right.

8. The blank faces among the masses
Stare longingly at a casket
Standing underneath, a brother, a father, an uncle, a cousin.
My brother. My father. My uncle. My cousin.
I made too many left turns.
Burned too many problems
And blew away the ashes.
Drank too much liquid courage
And convinced myself that I could fly.
My vices were the end of me.
I never told the girl
With the smile as sweet as honey
That I loved her.
I just whispered it into the vast void we call space
While sipping on my lifeline.
I felt myself shatter into pieces.
The wind, blowing away my ashes.

I am 9

10. pro tip: tell that girl you love her
listen to your mother.
kiss the boy you’ve been thinking about for weeks.
shave your head.
sell your home.
buy a cat.
or a dog.
or a few.
become a vegan.
get a tattoo.
get in a fight club just because you want to know what getting your teeth kicked in feels like.
pro tip: it’s not fun.
buy a car.
become Buddhist.
come out.
the point is
life is the shortest and the longest thing we will ever experienceT
and do not waste it by caving into your vices
take risks
and be daring
or don’t
but be you and don’t let yourself hold you back
from doing so just because it’s not
“cool” or “in”
“lady like” or “manly”
fuck society, be yourself.

—  the angry list /// ryder irwin
First time I knew that I was in love was when I realized nothing made me happier than seeing you happy. It was the little moments added up that mattered. It was the way you picked me up from class and the way you walked me home, the way you made me feel better when I was down, and the way you talked me to sleep every night. It was when I found that watching u nap on FaceTime more entertaining than kdramas, when my fingers knew how to call you and how to message you without me having to look at my phone, when you teased me because I liked watching you laugh, and when I knew I was the most comfortable sharing everything with you. I knew I loved you when I put you before my friends and myself. I knew I loved you when everything felt easier with you there. I knew i loved you when I was able to tell you that you were my forever. The small moments that made me love you were easy. Falling out of love with you was the opposite. Falling out of love with you was having to untangle memories from reality. It was wondering what went wrong, wondering what we could’ve done to make it work, wondering why I didn’t do more when in reality I did, and regretting the times I took you for granted. Falling out of love was trying to protect the good memories from being tainted as hurtful things were said to one another. Falling out of love was slowly letting go, learning to forgive, and still loving you for what you meant to me in those 2 years. You fall in and out of love one step at a time. I loved you the way a child would put a jigsaw puzzle together and I stopped the way a child would slowly take the puzzle apart. You were the best thing that happened to me for 2 years. But now the best thing that happened to me was us not working out. We changed and we wanted different things and that is ok. You’ll still always be my friend that I no longer talk to as much. And I know you still always have my back when I need you. im thankful our love story ended because i know myself more now and these past few months reminded me that I’m more than enough and that I’m worthy of being treated better and that there are other people who love me for me. That it was never just you.
—  Ivy X, instagram.com/poisonivayy

anonymous asked:

Hi your tendou soulmate post was so beautifully written! I'd been saving this request for so long! Could you do a scenario for tendou having a crush on his school's idol who everyone sees as charming and happy but she struggles with depression and tendou finds her crying and comforts her and afterwards she develops feelings for him? I've been having a really hard time dealing with depression and how people perceive me lately. Thank you for your time even if you don't get around to this request!

《If you ever need anyone, I’m right here. My dms are open 24/7 and I literally do nothing with my life. I wish you the best ♡♡♡》

Perfection was nothing but deception. That’s what Tendou Satori thought, at least. Issues run fruitfully through the veins of anything to ever take a breath of air, and to Tendou, a flawless being is a being that doesn’t exist. That’s why he found __ __ to be so interesting.

She was definitely out of the ordinary but nothing extraordinary, either. Although, she did walk the halls of Shiratorizawa academy like she owned the place and truth be told, she probably did. She had the face of an angel, the generosity of a saint and the grades to get her a one way ticket straight to a PhD. If Tendou knew anything, though, it was that you can’t be nice, smart and pretty all at once, and if you are, you’re a fake. __ was a fake, and a convincing one at that. Convincing enough to trick Ushijima Wakatoshi into befriending her. When Tendou had gotten the news that Ushijima, the emotionally closed off, socially distant captain himself, spent a two hour study session in the library with her after practice, he was anything but baffled. He reckons that was when he started taking an interest in her, Shiratorizawa’s princess herself.

According to Semi, anyone who spends three seconds around __ will instantaneously fall in love with her charisma. It’s what she was infamous for, apparently, yet for some reason, Tendou could never find himself striking a conversation with her. He figured it would be utterly pathetic and not worth risking his dignity for. He imagined it would be a one way conversation of her asking him pointless, small talk questions and him red in the face, blubbering responses like like a toddler. That was the last situation Tendou would like to be caught in, especially during the most stressful time of the school year. He really didn’t mind not getting to talk to her, though. As a self proclaimed introvert, he much rather liked sitting by the sidelines and watching her interact with other people, except himself. This ‘hobby’, as Shirabu liked to call it, might get him deemed as a stalker, but Tendou disagreed. He was simply just dismantling her for now, taking the puzzle apart piece by piece until it was shattered on the floor. Only until then, would he make a move and piece it all back together.

Tendou really didn’t know much about her yet. He knew she liked music quite a bit. Earbuds always hug out of the pocket of her bookbag and the face of it was covered in band pins. She attended all their home games but never stayed to talk to anyone afterwards. He reckoned she had a knack for the fine arts since she always seemed to linger in that wing, which brought him to the conclusion that she was taking several fine arts courses to compensate for a void in her schedule, most likely lunch, since he never saw her in the cafeteria. The only time he’s ever seen her in casual clothes was in the library after hours. She wore a t-shirt with a funky octopus looking animal on the front which made him realize she wasn’t as cool as she wanted people to believe she was. He made an inference that she came from a rich family, because as smart as she was, grades alone couldn’t get you into Shiratorizawa, not without a prominent extracurricular activity, that is, and she did none. Although she was the poster child of the dance team, but the whole fine arts department was gravely outshined. With all the minimal information Tendou had stockpiled, he came to the conclusion that this tragic hero’s flaw was undeniably depression.

It had to be, there was no way it couldn’t. It was a mischievous little devil that was easy to hide but quick to come out and just by staring at her, he saw its dead eyes in hers. The dark rings underneath the sockets, the glossiness, the agony. Tendou thought it was silly to judge a person based on their eyes, for all he knew she could just be tired all the time. Although, in this case, he knew she wasn’t just tired. There was so much more, a forest full of secrets and lies that she kept flourishing. Tendou couldn’t wait to chop all the trees down. His teammates would tell him he was being creepy, that his crush had become a full blown obsession, but he couldn’t disagree. At this point, he knew it was far too early to say that he was in love with her, but he was definitely intrigued with her. He was intrigued enough to spy on her, sometimes. Well, he wouldn’t call it spying, per say, more like uncomfortable one-sided observing. He found himself spending a lot more of his free time roaming the arts wing. He found out she was a marvelous dancer, a ballerina, much to his amusement, with movements that sent shivers down his spine. He reckoned that she had to have noticed him at this point, even for a second, at least. In the matter of three months he had become her biggest fan on the sidelines, and he kept mindlessly hoping that one day he’d get to talk to her.

And that day came.

But not like how he wanted.

Everyone imagines their first conversation with their crush to be something picturesque. A James Dean and Audrey Hepburn moment, if you were to get into specifics. Although, Tendou clearly wasn’t receiving that in this very moment. It was fourth period lunch and since he had nothing better to do than ramble with Semi, he found himself getting lost in the arts wing. Even if __ wasn’t down there, the school had some remarkable violinists he had never known about, if they were even violinists, that was. Although when he got there the hallway was barren, except for a dark, looming corner at the end of the hall. The lights were off somehow, but through the light of closed classrooms he could still make out the figure hunched over and bawling into the crevice of its sleeve. It was her.

Half of Tendou wanted to book right then and there. He was an incompetent emotional wreck himself and barely knew how to cope with his own cranial calamity. The other half wanted to approach her and comfort her in her most vulnerable state, knowing he’d never get a chance at this again. Although, all of him was absolutely thrilled. He had guessed right yet again. He stood there for a moment, frozen in his tracks, watching her with a blank face as she sat there and screamed. If Tendou had never seen this same situation played out in front of him before, he might’ve been horrified.

But he wasn’t horrified, and that was all the motivation he needed to approach her. She didn’t hear his footsteps, as boisterous as he tried to make them. She only noticed him after he was hovering above her for a solid three minutes, when he cleared his throat abruptly. She looked up at him, wide eyed, and screamed, making haste as she gave him an impromptu kick to the shins. He shot her a feared look, she shot him a feared look, and everything went dead silent until one of them dared to open their mouths.
“I uh… Are you okay?” Tendou ended up muttering, breaking the looming, dead silence.
“Do I look okay?”
“Well you kick okay, that’s for sure.” She shot Tendou another glare. He did nothing but shrug. “Do you want to talk about it? Instead of, you know, screaming your lungs out by yourself?”
“I’m sorry for kicking you,” Was her reply instead. “I get really anxious when people surprise me.”
“Nah, you’re alright. I can take a blow.” Tendou shrugged again, waiting for any positive reaction, or any reaction at all for him to sit down next to her against the wall. She sniffled, and he took that as his queue for him to slump up down in a ball at her side.
“Aren’t you on the volleyball team?” She inquired. She had reburied her head in between her knees, but Tendou knew she had stopped crying. The cracks in her voice had smoothed out, though the tremble of pain was still there.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Why do you care about me, then?”

Tendou really didn’t know why he cared about her.

“I don’t really know. I, uh, I see you around a lot though, I mean, everyone does but-” Tendou paused. He knew what he wanted to say but didn’t know if he should say it. He was already the weird kid who approached her in a dark hallway, he didn’t need another title. Her hands were gripping at the fabric at her knees. She had lifted her head up but refused to look at him, even when he was talking. He didn’t care, she was coming out of her shell. “-but I figured you must be hiding something the moment someone first mentioned your name. I hate to say it but…”
“But what?”
“But nobody’s flawless. Even people who think they can try to be flawless, people like you, they still have flaws. It’s like foundation for the mind, you know, you can use so much but the blemishes are still there.”
“I thought…” __ peeped, looking up at him, finally, for the first time that day without a menacing look in her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be the funny one on the team.”

Tendou snorted, and without thinking burst, out laughing. She kept giving him an odd look, but didn’t move. “Did I say something funny?”

“No.” He replied, shaking his head in the midst of giggles. “But see here, everybody has a reputation they’ve built up. Mine, I guess, is the funny guy on the volleyball team, or whatever. You, you’re the schools idol. The chick everyone’s parents are like, ‘Why aren’t you more like that __ girl! She gets good grades and dances!’ No matter who you are, everybody faces the same demons sometimes. If you really want my opinion, which I’m guessing you don’t, Look, look at your face. Do you know what kind of face you’re making at me right now? You look like you want my blood.”
At this, she cracked a smile. Something inside of Tendou had burst.

“But __, I think you’re going to be just fine. Whatevers going on right now in your life, it’ll pass. You got decades ahead of you, and you’ll find your paradise along the way. If anyone can do it, it’s you”
“I really don’t know what to say. I’m a bit shaken right now, to be honest? But, um, thank you, thank you so much. You must’ve gone through a lot too, I’m guessing?”
“Yeah, but that’s for a different time.” Tendou shrugged, faking a smile down at her. He sighed and got back up on his feet, helping her up with him with a little bounce in his step.

“Listen to me now, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you look like you just hopped straight out of a horror movie scene. Go wash your face and get back to class. School’ll be over in three hours, and don’t try to push yourself to be lively. That’s not who you are today, and that’s okay. If you need me to beat anyone up, I gotchu. Tendou’s the name, okay?”
“Tendou…” she bowed, eyes pointed at her feet. “For someone with such an odd reputation, you’re quite the character, you know that?”
“Well, I’ve been told. It depends, do ya mean character in a good way or in a bad way?”
“Good, good for sure. Um, will we ever talk again?”
“Depends, do you wanna talk again?“
“Definitely. Maybe next time we don’t have to talk about my crippling mental state?”
“Sounds like a deal.”

Mira does this thing that all babies do. You stack blocks in front of them and they adamantly knock them over. We both get a kick out of it. I build. Mira destroys. I love it. We also love me filling buckets and them dumping and kicking everything away.

It’s called destructive play and it’s important. Babies like to dump out containers, knock over towers, take apart constructions, take apart puzzles, and drop & chuck toys. They learn motor skills and cause and effect, I think, among other things, like object permanence and spatial awareness. You can actually see it happening.

Mira’s recognition grows by the day. Their sense of space is expanding. How things are revealed to them is engaging. Observation is always rewarded because Mira produces the best stunned, shocked, learning, engrossed faces.

Pros of having lake side apartment: Gorgeous view to brag to your friends about.

Cons of having lake side apartment: All the geese and their poop.

Fanwork:   The Hand that Holds the Leash by  Only_1_Truth

Rating:  Explicit

Word count: 140746

Summary:   Silva never went rogue, and is one of the top agents of MI6 - along with Bond, who may not be as good with computers, but is arguably the better shot. The two get along (even if Silva is an egomaniac), and MI6 is running smoothly. The only drama they have outside of missions is the fact that Silva wants to be Quartermaster, and is willing to bully anyone to get the job. Unfortunately, he’s smart enough to get it, being a computer genius with few morals.

But then the unthinkable happens: a hacker appears, a hacker who can take apart MI6 like a child taking apart a puzzle. The hacker is fast, erratic, and more ingenius than even the outraged Silva.

And Bond is intrigued, and amazed despite himself.

Recced by: anon

Do you have a fanwork you want to rec? Let us know!

anonymous asked:

Your Evan/Ellinore stories are the best! I don't know if are taking prompts, but can you write something with Evan and Alexis?

Sorry this took me so long, nonny! I hope you enjoy it anyway! 

And just so everyone knows, I will always accept prompts! So if there’s something you’d like to see, feel free to pop by and let me know!

Evan is sitting on the couch next to Kate as she feeds Avery when the door to the loft opens and Alexis steps inside.

“Hello?” She calls from the entryway as she shuts the door.

“Lex!” Evan cries as he slips down from the couch and goes running headlong at her. “Lex Lex Lex!”

Alexis laughs as she bends down to greet her little brother. “Hey, Evan.” She lifts him into the air and kisses his cheeks.

“We go have fun, Lex?”

Alexis settles Evan on her hip and nods as she moves into the rest of the loft. “We’ll leave in a few minutes, Evan.”

Kate looks up as they enter the living room again. “Hey, Alexis. I’d give you a hug, but…” Kate trails off as she looks down to where Avery is still nursing.

Alexis laughs and shakes her head. “Kate, don’t worry about it. I’ll be back to drop Evan off and pilfer some dinner, you can give me a hug then.”

Kate nods. “Thank you, Alexis.”

Alexis sets Evan down on the floor with a whisper to put his shoes on. Once he runs off, Alexis settles on the couch next to her step mother.

“You don’t have to thank me, Kate. I love spending time with Evan, and you know that.”

Kate smiles. “I know you do. But I can still thank you. Today is not one of his better days jealousy wise, so I’m thankful you’re willing to take him out of the loft and do something just for the two of you.”

Before Alexis can reply, Evan is running back and calling her name. “You can tie mine shoes please?”

Alexis helps Evan onto the couch and ties his shoes for him, smiling as he catches a strand of her hair and starts playing with it.

“Alright, Evan. Are you ready to head out? Is Ellinore coming with us?”

“She busy. She not come wif us. Where we go, Lex?”

“We’re going to the children’s museum. And maybe ice cream when we’re done?” Alexis looks to Kate for confirmation, and Evan must be giving his mother his sad eyes because Kate starts laughing before giving Alexis a nod. 

“Go crazy, guys.”

“Lex, I Bob!” Evan calls.

Alexis smiles as her brother comes toddling over to her in a dress up suit, a smile on his face. “I Bob, Lex.”

“Bob?” She asks.

“Daddy friend Bob!” Evan reminds her.

Alexis laughs. “Of course. I see you picked the Mayor outfit.”

Evan nods. “I may-er.”

“Well then, Mr. Mayor. Let’s take a picture for Mama and Daddy, huh?”

Evan nods excitedly and poses in his best attempt at a serious stance, but the smile cracking his face in half ruins the full affect of the seriousness.

“I go be someone else, Lex.” Evan says once she’s sent the picture. “You guess who I be.”

“Alright, Ev. Go pick a new outfit.”

Evan scurries off and begins digging through the costumes. When one of the attendants kneels next to him to help him button his vest, Evan gives the lady a shy smile before turning and running back for his sister.

“Who I, Lex?”

“Umm. Are you a traffic cop?”

“No! I builder!”

“Are you gonna build something?”

Evan looks around. “No. I bored here. We go?”

Alexis laughs and stands. “Of course. But first you gotta take your outfit off.”

Once he’s removed the vest and helmet, Evan takes Alexis’ hand and leads her into the next room, where he giggles at the tongue slide. 

“I do that.” Evan announces as he points to it. 

“You can do what you want, Evan. Let me know if you need help though, ok?”

“I big boy.” Evan says as he toddles off. “I not need helps.”

Alexis smothers a laugh as she watches her brother climb the steps and plunk down on his bottom at the top of the tongue. Evan looks at her to make sure she’s watching, and he pushes himself down the slide.

“He spitted me, Lex!” Evan says through his laughter. “He spitted me!”

Alexis laughs with him, and watches as he sets off to explore this room. 

It seems silly now that Kate had been nervous to tell Alexis that she was pregnant with Evan. Her stepmother had done her best to cover up her nerves, but Alexis had caught on soon enough and Alexis had done her best to show Kate that she wasn’t mad or jealous, or any of the ridiculous things Kate seemed to think she would be. Truthfully, Alexis had always wanted a sibling, and even though she didn’t get to spend as much time with her brother–and now her sister–as she would like, she really couldn’t imagine her life without them, and she was excited for all the adventures the three of them were sure to have.

“Lex!” Evan calls, and Alexis shakes herself out of her thoughts. “Lex, I not reach.”

“I thought you were a big boy and didn’t need help, Evan.” Alexis teases as she makes her way over to her brother. 

“Lex.” Evan whines. “Help. Pease.”

Alexis lifts her brother so he can reach the box he’s after and then sets him back on his feet. She watches him walk over to a table and over turn the box to set the puzzle pieces free. 

When he’s meticulously turned over all ten of the pieces, Evan climbs into her lap and carefully begins putting the large pieces together.

“Do you know where that is?” Alexis asks once he’s completed the puzzle.

Evan shakes his head and looks at his sister. “Where?”

“It’s central park. By the zoo.”

“Zoo! I love the zoo! Ell-nore family live there!”

Alexis laughs. “I know you do. Maybe on our next adventure we’ll go to the zoo, ok?”

“Yeah!” Evan takes apart the puzzle and puts the pieces back in the box before handing it to Alexis to put away. “Ice cream now?”

“Yeah, Bud. Ice cream and then home.”

“Whoa.” Evan whispers as Alexis sets him on her hip so he can see all the flavors available. “So many ice creams.”

“Mama said to go crazy, so I think that means you can pick two flavors.”

Evan gives her a look of surprise before turning back to the ice cream case and peering inside. 

“Can I help you?” The young lady behind the counter asks. 

“I’ll have a scoop of cookies and cream and a scoop of mint, please.” Alexis says while Evan continues to ponder his options.

Once Alexis’ ice cream has been scooped and served, Evan looks to Alexis as if to check that he’s still allowed to have ice cream. When Alexis smiles in return, Evan turns a shy smile to the girl working. 

“I can have choc-late and strawbry please?” He asks. When he receives a smile in return, Evan ducks his head and smiles shyly in response while laying his head on Alexis’ shoulder.

Evan receives his ice cream and cradles it to his chest while Alexis pays, and then she carries him over to a table and settles into a chair, happy to keep her brother in her arms as long as he’s content to remain there.

“Fanks, Lex.” Evan says around his spoon. “I like ice cream.”

“It’s a Castle thing, Evan. You have to like ice cream.”

“I a Castle!” Evan exclaims, and Alexis laughs at the chocolate and strawberry stained around his mouth.

“Yeah you are, Evan.” Alexis replies as she does her best to wipe his face. She probably should have brought some wipes with her, but they’re going back to the loft after this and she can get him cleaned up then.

“Lex?” Evan asks after a moment of peaceful eating.

“Yeah, Ev?”

“You loves me?”

“Of course I do, Evan.”


“Always. To the moon and back, Evan. Why?”

Evan shrugs his shoulders and looks at his lap. “Don’t fink I loves Avey always.”

“Huh?” Alexis asks, surprised by her brother’s comments. “What do you mean, Evan?”

“She loud. And smelly. And she a hogger.” Evan sighs. “I not fink I love her always. Only sontines.”

Alexis tries her best to stifle a laugh, but when Evan looks sharply up at her, she knows she’s failed. “Sorry, Evan.”

“You laughin’.” Evan whines.

“I am.” Alexis admits. “But only because you’re being silly.”

“Nu-uh.” Evan replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Evan, you do love Avery.”


“Evan, listen.” Alexis says, a little firmer than she had been speaking before. She waits until her brother looks up at her before she continues. “You love your sister, I know you do. You just don’t always like her.”

Evan’s eyes widen and his mouth pops open. “Oh.”

Alexis nods and kisses her brother’s forehead. “Don’t worry, Buddy. You’re always gonna love Avery. Even if you don’t like her.”

“’Kay.” Evan replies before he turns back to his ice cream and shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

Alexis kisses her brother’s head before she turns back to her own, slightly melted, ice cream.

On Jemma Simmons’ reactions in episode 3.04

So I originally wrote this as a response on a reblog but I’m seeing a lot of posts that are worrying me by demonizing her behaviour, so I decided to repost the thing as it’s own meta text-post. 

In my opinion, Jemma’s behaviours throughout this episode, while different from 3.03, were completely in character and 100% in context with her current issues. I think her reactions were generally fear-based reaction to feeling unsafe. In fact, I think her reactions in the episode were completely logical given her PTSD.

I’m going to go into detail here simply because I’ve been seeing similar responses pop up that I feel should be discussed, because I think they’re missing a very large part of the context of Jemma’s condition.

Jemma is trying to move on. She’s trying to convince everyone that she’s okay when she’s not, because if she can convince everyone else then maybe she can convince herself, too, and maybe that’s all it’ll take for her to actually be okay again.

She’s constantly deflecting, constantly minimizing, constantly hiding the symptoms of her condition and trying to get to ‘okay’ on her own.

The problem with that is that she’s not okay - she’s suffering PTSD, and she’s at the early stages, which is extremely difficult because she does not feel safe, she is not functioning in the manner that she’s used to, she’s trying to adjust her expectations, but everything in her is evaluating everything outside of her based on it’s level of threat, so the last thing - the ABSOLUTE LAST THING SHE WANTS OR CAN CONCEIVE OF DOING IS TO SHOW A WEAKNESS OR A VULNERABILITY. Because that’s then that weakness becomes the target for the threats - whatever amorphous thing they end up being - because anything could be considered a weapon to her right now.

Right now, Jemma’s mindset feels trapped - she’s still trapped by what happened to her. She can’t escape the other side, she’s still there in her head, even if in body, she’s back at the playground. She’s trying to escape it as best she can, and I think, regardless of whatever ‘official reason’ she needs to go back (to save someone, to get something, to save herself, etc.), the biggest reason for Jemma to have these notes and to have begun this research and to try to understand the monolith is because if she can understand what happened to her and how it works/fix it/go back, she is in some way unlocking the door to the cage that still has her trapped after so many months.

Jemma is a scientist, but she’s also human. She’s also a very wounded, very traumatized person who is just trying to find a way to heal herself and to make herself better and to not hurt or burden her loved ones. The way she seeks to fix herself is to take apart the puzzle and to understand the pieces, so she can see how they fit together to create the whole.

And Garner and Coulson are right - she does put up a good front. A scary-goodfront. She is exceptional at controlling her emotions, so given the way she snapped, can you understand the sense of extreme panic and fear that she must have had in that moment? That Fitz of all people should know what she was trying to do? That he might think her ungrateful? That he might realize how deep her wounds go? That he might realize just how much fucking work is ahead of her and think that she wasn’t worth it? That she was too far gone? That he put in all this effort and she can’t even move on a little bit to be the person he remembers? That he might realize that nothing feels or tastes or smells or sounds *right* to her any more, and that he might think that includeshim, somehow? Can you understand the sheer dread and terror and fear and shame she must have felt to snap and lose control of herself to such a degree that she lost control of her hands (knocking the binder and papers to the floor), her emotions, and her mouth?

Fitz is literally the only one she trusts enough to show her emotions to.

Bobbi knew her secret because she caught her, so Jemma was forced to trust her. But no, in my opinion, Jemma’s reaction was *not* out of character. It was not a switch.

You can take comfort in someone you love without feeling safe telling them your darkest secrets.

You can cry with someone without feeling safe exposing yourself.

It takes so much time and work and trust to get to that point, please understand - the fact that she was able to seek comfort and to let herself cry with him is a HUGE DEAL. The fact that she is not isolating herself is in and of itself, an enormous step in self-healing.

That being said, you can expose yourself without feeling safe, too. In fact, most of the time you do expose yourself and reveal what happened to you or what you had to do, in my experience, you won’t feel safe. You will have that doubt.

You will probably always to some degree be afraid that your best friend, that the people you love, that your family, that whomever, will learn what happened and will see that you are too much or too hard or too little or too weak and that they will realize they’re better off without you. But the fact that at the end of the episode, she chose to speak to him, she chose to tell him the truth, and that she did so with a steady voice and glassy eyes - that speaks to her fearlessness and her courage in a way I think can be so hard to explain.

So please, before you judge Jemma Simmons on her behaviours, please have some compassion and realize what you’re seeing is the very tip of the ice-berg of what she’s actually dealing with.

That’s basically all I want to say.