Running from the Past: Chapter 10

Summary: Female!Reader is a mutant who was experimented on by HYDRA. Due to her unique powers, she escaped a year and a half ago without being seen when the Avengers attacked the Hydra compound she was kept in for 5 years of her life. Her mutations and Hydra experiments allow her to blend in with her surroundings (like a chameleon/cuttlefish/octopus) and change her appearance in minor ways (such as hair, skin, and eye color), though the changes are only temporary. She has decided to stay with the Avengers in the hopes they can help her retrieve lost memories.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Avengers x Reader (Platonic)

Word Count: 2,102

Warnings: Language, violence/fighting, traumatic past (mentions of torture/experimentation), angst, more angst, slow burn

A/N: Did someone say angst? I’m pretty sure I heard “angst.” It’s only going to get worse. Sorry not sorry.. Except about the delay. I am sorry about that.

Translations: sestra - sister

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Originally posted by jlstreck

The Past

You sighed softly when he kissed your neck before setting you down. “I hate it when you’re right,” you said, pecking him on the lips. “Please tell me you have a way out of here,” you said, glancing over the edge of the rooftop at the mayhem below.

“Of course, (Y/N). I’d never let my best girl get hurt,” he said, grinning at you.

You smiled sadly back at him. You both knew it was a promise he couldn’t keep.

The Present

Bucky’s POV

You were late. You always made breakfast at the same time every day. It was one of the few habits you’d developed in your time at the base. Bucky glanced at the digital clock on the wall. It flashed “9:32″ at him in bright neon blue letters. Thirty-two minutes late.

He’d been avoiding you but still kept a close eye on you. He would always worry about you, but his feelings for you were only growing and you had no idea what there had once been between you. He had to distance himself before he ruined your relationship by making a move on you while you were confused and vulnerable. He’d never take advantage of you like that.

A sense of dread wormed its way into his stomach. He got up from his spot at the dining room table and headed to the room you shared. He knocked on the door quietly. There was no response. He knocked a little louder. FRIDAY had said you had entered and not come out yet. Trying not to panic, he quickly entered the pass code.

She was probably showering. That had to be it. That’s why she didn’t respond. He thought to himself. He shoved the door open and let out a deep sigh of relief when he saw you sitting on the bed, cross-legged.

“Good, you’re alright. You could have answered the door, y’know,” he said, eyes adjusting to the low light.

“Bucky,” you said. Something in your voice made his stomach clench with dread.

“(Y/N)?” he asked tentatively, taking a step into the room. The door shut with a deep, foreboding clack.

Your POV

You held the tablet in your hands, staring down at it. Tears trailed down your cheeks in an unfaltering torrent. Instead of answering Bucky, who had been inching closer to the bed, you pressed the play button. The sound of Glenn Miller and his orchestra’s Moonlight Serenade filled the room with the romantic melody. Bucky froze as soon as the first chord of the song rang out.

Finally, you looked up at him. He was staring at you, pale, eyes widened in shock as he finally realized you were crying.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, voice cracking, hiccuping between choked sobs.

“You remember? Everything?” he asked.

Something inside of you snapped. “I don’t know, Bucky!” you screamed, standing on the bed. “But I know we were dancing on a rooftop! And I know how I felt about you. And I saw it in your eyes. You felt the same! You broke through the Hydra brainwashing! Because of me! For me!” you said, glaring down at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, unable to hide the hurt in your voice at way your heart was breaking.

“You wouldn’t’ve believed me,” he said quietly, voice strangled. His eyes searched yours. “And even if by some miracle you did, I still wouldn’t be with you,” he said, eyes flicking to the ground as he spoke.

Liar,” you hissed, heart shattering.

“Never, Doll. Not about this,” he said, refusing to look you in the eyes.

“Don’t call me that,” you spat. “I’m not your doll.” You tried to ignore the way your legs threatened to give out.

You clambered down off of the bed and stormed up to him. He stared determinedly at the ground.

“Last chance, Bucky. Tell me everything. Give me an explanation I can understand. Fix this now, or I’m never going to speak to you again,” you said, your tone deadly. It would hurt to much to be around you and not with you, You thought, chest constricting painfully.

He was a silent for a moment before he spoke. “I think that’s for the best,” he said, voice completely devoid of all emotion.

The tiny spark of hope you’d carried until then was smothered by his words. You raised a hand and pulled it back to slap him, but froze. No, you wouldn’t let this turn you into something you’re not.

Instead, you grab his shirt, the fabric balled in your fists. You tug hard on it, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “You’re a fucking liar, James Buchanan Barnes,” you rage, giving him a slight shove before you walked past him and out of the door to his room, slamming it behind you.

You made it ten feet out of the door before you started sobbing. You couldn’t even make it to Wanda’s room before your legs gave out. You dropped like a sack of potatoes and curled into a ball. There was more than just one rooftop dance. Something in your mind told you that, and you had to agree. A simple night of kissing wouldn’t hurt this badly. One of the most unfair parts about the entire situation was that you didn’t even know why it hurt so much. Sobs racked your body and you didn’t notice right away when a pair of arms lifted you up and held you bridal style.

Through your tears you managed to see Sam, looking at you worriedly.

“What happened, (Y/N)?” he asked, concern clear in his voice.

You shook your head violently and buried your head in his shoulder, muffling your sobs.

“Want me to take you to Wanda?” he asked quietly. You nodded, unable to speak.

“Alright, Cuttlefish. Let’s go,” he said. He carried you down the hallway to Wanda’s room. When you arrived, she was already at the door. She looked from you to Sam and back in alarm.

“What happened? Was it another memory? Where’s Bucky?” she asked, opening the door so Sam could carry you into her room. You whimpered at the sound of his name.

Sam placed you gently on the bed and shrugged helplessly to Wanda. “I’ve got no idea. I was on my way back to my room when I found her crying in the hallway. You know about as much as I do,” he said, sharing a worried look with Wanda.

“Thanks for bringing her to me. I’ve got it from here… I hope,” she said, giving Sam a bracing smile. He didn’t look entirely convinced, but exited the room anyway, shutting the door behind him.

“What happened, sestra?” Wanda asked as she sat down next to you on her bed. She grabbed blankets and pillows and half buried you under them. You welcomed them. They made you feel just a tiny bit safer.

“Duh wah tahk bou ih“ you said between gasping breaths, voice muffled blankets.

“… If you’d prefer, I could look into your mind, instead? You look a mess… Something horrible must have happened. I’d like to help you, if I can,” she said, giving you a small, warm smile.

You thought about it for a moment, hiccuping quietly. “-Kay,” you croaked, nodding your head. She placed her hands gently on your head and you took a deep, shaky breath, preparing yourself as best you could.

A second later, she invaded your thoughts. You thought you were used to her doing it by now, but this was some sort of personal hell. You only caught glimpses of it, but she was looking at your memories of being The Infiltrator with The Soldier. She watched your most recently acquired memory: the murder of the Senator and the events afterwords, including your fight with Bucky after regaining consciousness. Reliving it all sent you into sobs all over again. You’d finally remembered what you’d seen when you’d passed out the first time. You didn’t think remembering would be this painful.

Suddenly, her hands left, along with her presence in your mind. Then she was hugging you, crushing you to her chest. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I thought it was the memories, but- If you want, I can kill him. Or maim him. Or give him horrific visions. It’s up to you, really,” she said as she rubbed circles on your back.

The thought manages to lift your spirits a little and the corners of your mouth turn up slightly as a fresh wave of tears ran down your cheeks. You shook your head against her shoulder and blew some of her hair out of your face.

“Not worth it,” you said, hugging her back. “’Preciate it, though.” You said, giving her a gentle pat on the back. You tried to wrangle in your emotions. It sort of worked. You were crying a little less now.

“Do you want ice cream?” she asked, leaning back enough to peer at your face.

You thought about it, wiping your tears away with your sleeve. “Can I hit things, first? Then ice cream after?” you croak, voice hoarse from crying.

She beams at you. “I like that idea. Let’s do that.”

Turned out hitting things and eating ice cream made you feel a little better. While you were out with Wanda, Sam and Steve had moved most of your things into your brand new room. It had been ready for a day or two now, but you’d put moving off. Until now, you hadn’t wanted to move out of Bucky’s room.

The last step was moving all of your books into your room. You and Wanda joined Steve in moving them, but you’d asked Sam to go grab drinks for the group. You didn’t want to risk him seeing your collection. You could imagine all of the jokes he’d make until you were all old and wrinkly and suppressed a shudder of horror.

You set your final box down and flopped backwards onto your huge new bed, exhausted, and stared at the ceiling. Wanda joined you a moment later, hitting the mattress just as hard as you had and joined you in your tired staring contest with the ceiling. Something huge flies past you and you yelp in shock as your mattress flies a few inches in the air. Steve had taken a running leap and launched himself onto the bed next to you. He’d caused enough force for the bed to convulse under you.

You turned your head to look at him. He smiled at you sheepishly. “Sorry, the bed looked perfect for that. It was,” he said, giving you a thumbs up.

You snorted, and on your other side you heard Wanda giggling.

“The Falcon’s coming in for a landing!” was all the warning you got from Sam before he ran at the bed.

“Sam, no!” Steve said.

“Don’t you da-” you began.

“No no no no no n-!” Wanda exclaimed.

But Sam had already jumped, landing on top of the three of you. You sat up and glared at him as he laid across your knees. Steve and Wanda weren’t as lucky. Sam was laying across Wanda’s stomach, and Steve’s head was in Sam’s armpit. Sam made a valiant attempt to keep the Super Soldier in the prone position, but Steve shoved him off, then gasped for air.

“I brought drinks,” Sam said, grabbing the bottles off of the bed. “Threw ‘em before I jumped. For dramatic effect, of course,” he said, handing all of you your orders.

“Sam, get up,” Wanda said, wheezing under his weight.

“What’s the magic word?” Sam said tauntingly.

“Whatever I want it to be,” she said dangerously. Her eyes began to glow.

“Shit,” was all Sam was able to get out before Wanda launched him across the room. He landed in your dirty laundry basket, ass first. You all broke into laughter at his predicament.

“Haha, yes. Very funny. Now please help me. I think I’m stuck,” he said, trying and failing to wiggle his way out of the basket.

“Did you hear something, Steve?” You asked him.

“No. Did you, Wanda?” Steve asked her.

“Nope, not a thing,” she said, smirking.

“Oh, that’s cold,” Sam said, causing you all to begin laughing again.

Eventually, Steve went over and helped him out. But not before you all took verbal potshots at him, getting revenge for his unannounced dive bomb earlier.

You were having so much fun with your friends that you were almost able to ignore the gaping hole Bucky left in your heart.

Chapter 11

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