tags: bad id

holdin’ hands 

(the quality is mes……..s….ed up u can click on the pic 4 better…quality)

me @ my brain: stop being so fucking manipulative all the time

my brain: lol u wild, wyd tho

So. That’s a Tarot number. 

That’s the tarot number. Kaneki’s tarot number. 12. The Hanged Man. I’ve screencapped more than just Mutsuki’s eyes there because really, the rest of the dialogue on the page is explanation enough for what the tarot means here.

The hanged man, upright, is about resignation and letting go. It alludes, depending on the deck and the scholar, to Odin, suffering to gain wisdom, or Judus, hanging in atonement. It is about suffering or sacrificing in order to gain something. Judgement, epiphany, forgiveness, wisdom. The hanged man references someone who has voluntarily tied themselves or let themselves be tied up there for a reason, and it implies someone meant to or meaning to use this sacrifice, suffering, or suspension for something.

The tarot here is on Mutsuki’s eyes, which for the first time since the Quinx surgery are without a kakugan. If the ever present Kakugan was a symbol of something violent Mutsuki refused to see, or some truth Mutsuki insisted on hiding or hiding from, than it vanishing symbolizes realization or acceptance.

From a Jungain psychology perspective, the Hanged Man marks the start of a journey into the deeper self and the subconscious, a forced or voluntary abandoning of the tight reins of the ego and a surrender to the wildness of the subconscious - a necessary step in the process of true self understanding. As one Jungian psychologist puts it - “self-excavation.”

It is also, unquestionably, a parallel to Kaneki’s acceptance of himself as a ghoul after Yamori’s torture.

Neither are/were “okay.” But the body given to them - forced on them - by mad science - Kanou or the CCG - saved them. Torture left them with new truths about themselves and their past - about how they defined themselves. And left them “hanging.” Left them with a choice.

Kaneki comes out of Yamori’s chains a cold, more violent, broken, vengeful and suicidal person. His realization’s are that he is a ghoul, but also that he has to fight, to pluck, and protect.

Despite all of Tooru’s negative self talk following regaining his memory, I actually think that his acknowledgement to Akira that he is not okay, and his willingness to admit to himself how he feels is a step above where Kaneki was after his own torture. Because it took Kaneki years to realize.

And still, I think, Kaneki has a strained relationship with the violence he’s done and his capacity for it.

Tooru is in a precarious position now, hanging like that. But it is also potentially the start of a journey of true self realization and understanding.

One Kaneki, Mutsuki’s parallel here, keeps stumbling on and restarting. Kaneki has been the Hanged Man for years.

Hopefully Mutsuki’s ability to self reflect will give him a chance to move past it more successfully and to make better decisions for himself than his erstwhile mentor.

Hey! Sorry for being absent, but I’ve been a little sick and ughg. I’m feeling better now, and hopefully everything will be back to normal in a couple of days :) 

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Happy birthday, luckiedee!! Jurassic World Crisscolfer (kinda) uwu. Surprise!